Rant #1: Choices and Introspection
Looking out at the wide open space of New Mexico allows time for introspection. A lot of introspection. Sitting in the back of a van with nothing else to do but read, listen to music, and watch the road stretch out to the horizon lets a mind wander back on one's life, accomplishments and failures.
My life; short compared to some, long to others; full compared to one person and empty compared to many. Including myself. I don't believe that I have done much with this life that has been given to me. Looking back, I could have done so much more; gone out when I stayed in, did nothing when I could and should have done something. Watching the miles roll by, the grass zipping along, your mind wanders. Contemplation is the word.
You wonder what the other drivers are thinking, where they are going, where they have come from. You sit in the seat, half asleep, half awake. You can actually sit there and not notice anything; no thought graces your mind, no one disturbs your personal space. Anything but the road and the plain, stretching out to eternity. The sound of the wind and air rushing by the van, putting me into a kind of hypnosis where your thoughts drift by the conscious part of your thinking, allowing complete, analytical introspection on your past. You don't get angry, sad, happy, or even somber; you just watch the past go by. It's like you are a bystander watching another person's life.
I think of what I have done, or what I haven't done, and I do have regrets. But I also think of what will come in the future. I think of what I can do later. What I can do and how it will make me into a different person or how it will keep me the same. This introspection can be called strange by some, good for the soul by others; but whatever anyone says it really does not matter. They can look at me differently or not. But they can't change what I do. It is completely irrelevant whether they believe or don't believe what my introspection does to me. Whether you write it down or not; whether you show it to others or keep it secret; they have no say in what happens because of this introspection. No matter if it hurts or is a joyful experience, everyone should have at least one time to look back at their past, successes and failures both, and then decide. Are you happy, angry, indifferent to how you have turned out and should you change yourself.
People say that a person can or can't change, but what they say is nothing. If you want to change, change. If you don't, then keep on doing what you are doing. Anyone can change. It is a matter of whether you are willing to do what is necessary to make the change. While others can guide you, show you a path, the decision lies within yourself; heart, mind, and soul. The guiding other people give you may only be half of what you need; the path shown is one of many, and most paths are undiscovered.
As I am traveling along, the day slowly gives way to night. The cars and trucks fade away to mere specks of light flashing by. Introspection becomes questions. What will happen to my life; what will other people think? How people see you will always be in the eye of the beholder; different people see the same person differently. A person's views are always skewed by their own past. And no matter how someone sees you, they can't change the core being of you without your consent. If they could, free will is nothing but a cheap myth. As to what will happen to your life that will be decided on what you choose. On how you want to live your life. How you turn out can be found when you have another introspection.
I have looked back on my life and made some decisions. I will make some changes and I will keep some things the same. How that makes me look in your eyes matters little to me. All that matters is that I like what I have and will become. As I near my destination, I think on my past. Your past is your best friend and your worst enemy; a light to your path and a boulder blocking your way. It is both and neither. You can choose to leave your past behind; but that has consequences. You have to start from scratch. You have to make all your decisions once again. But your past is just that; the past. It has relevance but not control; a vote but not a majority. I think of all of this as the solitude surrounds me, as I travel along.
I close now with this last statement. Your life may be short to some, long to others; full compared to one, empty compared to another. But you can always do something about your life, no matter if you have one hour left or one century left. If you want to change, do so. But this is just me; my take on things. Your life is your own. Go and life it as you wish.
-James York
My life; short compared to some, long to others; full compared to one person and empty compared to many. Including myself. I don't believe that I have done much with this life that has been given to me. Looking back, I could have done so much more; gone out when I stayed in, did nothing when I could and should have done something. Watching the miles roll by, the grass zipping along, your mind wanders. Contemplation is the word.
You wonder what the other drivers are thinking, where they are going, where they have come from. You sit in the seat, half asleep, half awake. You can actually sit there and not notice anything; no thought graces your mind, no one disturbs your personal space. Anything but the road and the plain, stretching out to eternity. The sound of the wind and air rushing by the van, putting me into a kind of hypnosis where your thoughts drift by the conscious part of your thinking, allowing complete, analytical introspection on your past. You don't get angry, sad, happy, or even somber; you just watch the past go by. It's like you are a bystander watching another person's life.
I think of what I have done, or what I haven't done, and I do have regrets. But I also think of what will come in the future. I think of what I can do later. What I can do and how it will make me into a different person or how it will keep me the same. This introspection can be called strange by some, good for the soul by others; but whatever anyone says it really does not matter. They can look at me differently or not. But they can't change what I do. It is completely irrelevant whether they believe or don't believe what my introspection does to me. Whether you write it down or not; whether you show it to others or keep it secret; they have no say in what happens because of this introspection. No matter if it hurts or is a joyful experience, everyone should have at least one time to look back at their past, successes and failures both, and then decide. Are you happy, angry, indifferent to how you have turned out and should you change yourself.
People say that a person can or can't change, but what they say is nothing. If you want to change, change. If you don't, then keep on doing what you are doing. Anyone can change. It is a matter of whether you are willing to do what is necessary to make the change. While others can guide you, show you a path, the decision lies within yourself; heart, mind, and soul. The guiding other people give you may only be half of what you need; the path shown is one of many, and most paths are undiscovered.
As I am traveling along, the day slowly gives way to night. The cars and trucks fade away to mere specks of light flashing by. Introspection becomes questions. What will happen to my life; what will other people think? How people see you will always be in the eye of the beholder; different people see the same person differently. A person's views are always skewed by their own past. And no matter how someone sees you, they can't change the core being of you without your consent. If they could, free will is nothing but a cheap myth. As to what will happen to your life that will be decided on what you choose. On how you want to live your life. How you turn out can be found when you have another introspection.
I have looked back on my life and made some decisions. I will make some changes and I will keep some things the same. How that makes me look in your eyes matters little to me. All that matters is that I like what I have and will become. As I near my destination, I think on my past. Your past is your best friend and your worst enemy; a light to your path and a boulder blocking your way. It is both and neither. You can choose to leave your past behind; but that has consequences. You have to start from scratch. You have to make all your decisions once again. But your past is just that; the past. It has relevance but not control; a vote but not a majority. I think of all of this as the solitude surrounds me, as I travel along.
I close now with this last statement. Your life may be short to some, long to others; full compared to one, empty compared to another. But you can always do something about your life, no matter if you have one hour left or one century left. If you want to change, do so. But this is just me; my take on things. Your life is your own. Go and life it as you wish.
-James York