this day, and everyday

[icefish]

melting
blending
bleeding into
one another
from the beginning'
of time
you were mine
and i lost
you
somewhere
and this is how it felt
to loose me
the stages
of a successful
life
in the fucked up
relationships
fucked up
families
free in tomorrow
spoiled little
manipulative
bitch
mind fucking my kids
makes me angry
but i am not
supposed to get
upset.

baby
grows every
day
moment
think
about, size of
peanut
about the size of
a dot
or a raisin
or a keyboard key
and has a heart
beating
its dual to me
can almost feel
two in me
and waiting to see
Dr. Preeti
and mom is
so happy
to be
grandma.

and that makes me think
about my grandma
and what she will say
to me,
scared.