hello again

[icefish]

found some things today im not happy about, but im going to live with it.
school started yesterday so it makes sence that bad things begin happening. or comming out because they were happening i guess and i was being lied to. which i was suspicious of for a long time and i find out that when im suspicous i should ask

idk what im feeling right now.

im a little lost
but mostly found because
for once i was the one being an angel
i was the one being a good little girl and i get the run around

whats the point anymore?
whats the point

i got a job
im making money
im being honest
im looking out for the good, the right, i thought i wasnt alone

coni's been baking with me
i love it
i love that shes comming out of her room
and spending time with me
i love that she cares about me when i cry
that shes one person that doesnt yell at me when i cant handle my life
that shes fucking honest with me
and that never hurts, even when it feels like it should.
thankyou

i love the kids, and i hate this mess im in and i love this mess im in
because it makes me feel better about me
like, theres so many things i just couldnt get right
but now that im trying
im not the one causing pain
but it still sucks to hurt

my life feels pathetic, and beautiful at the same time
im moving forward faster than ever, and im stuck
stuck in this web
created by them\
and im slowly breaking them down
or,
i thought i was
but you cant change what refuses to change, you cant hide what you wont keep safe
and what you have and i need something

something
to escape
but i dont want to escape either
and i sound like im going in circles but welcome to my ideas
my mind
it does go in circles
in confusion
and idk
where to go
from here