Not all potatoes can swim
I dyed my hair again, yay! It's now a very dark brown with blonde streaks. I love it. Naturally my mum doesn't really approve, but because I am an obnoxious little bitch I don't really care :-)
I went shopping in Leeds yesterday; bought 2 new cds which I really didn't have the money for and spent ages looking for a nice top before realising that shops must positively HATE self-harmers. Took me 2 and a half hours to find one with sleeves. Luckily it's pretty decent and it fits, so I bought it. I hate getting dressed up, but I have to go to this bloody dinner, and my current warderobe isn't really... well, appropriate :D
I have my interview at Liverpool tomorrow. It actually only hit me today how important it is; if I get it, I'll go off to uni and be a vet. If I don't, I'll take a GAP year and probably apply for Zoology with Philosophy instead. Or just go totally insane.
I don't even know which one I want.
My life is ending too fast. Seconds ticking away at my dreams and aspirations which aren't achievable because I cannot define them anymore. There is a great emptiness which needs to be filled. I'm just hoping that something, anything, will satiate this hunger.
If I don't get in, I'll actually have to rethink my whole life.
It is too much.
Fuck, I hate this.
I need to get in so bad. I can pretend that it'd be okay if I didn't; just take a gap year, reapply, ya know, no probs, right? It's bullshit.
I fucking need this.
My grandparents just rung to wish me luck. I need to cry. I can't bear to disappoint everybody anymore. I don't know how much longer I can pretend that it's okay for me to be a failure. I just hurt people. I hate being so selfish. Maybe I should give it up for lent, being selfish. But it would mean giving up everything. And I'm just too damn self-centred to do that.
I went shopping in Leeds yesterday; bought 2 new cds which I really didn't have the money for and spent ages looking for a nice top before realising that shops must positively HATE self-harmers. Took me 2 and a half hours to find one with sleeves. Luckily it's pretty decent and it fits, so I bought it. I hate getting dressed up, but I have to go to this bloody dinner, and my current warderobe isn't really... well, appropriate :D
I have my interview at Liverpool tomorrow. It actually only hit me today how important it is; if I get it, I'll go off to uni and be a vet. If I don't, I'll take a GAP year and probably apply for Zoology with Philosophy instead. Or just go totally insane.
I don't even know which one I want.
My life is ending too fast. Seconds ticking away at my dreams and aspirations which aren't achievable because I cannot define them anymore. There is a great emptiness which needs to be filled. I'm just hoping that something, anything, will satiate this hunger.
If I don't get in, I'll actually have to rethink my whole life.
It is too much.
Fuck, I hate this.
I need to get in so bad. I can pretend that it'd be okay if I didn't; just take a gap year, reapply, ya know, no probs, right? It's bullshit.
I fucking need this.
My grandparents just rung to wish me luck. I need to cry. I can't bear to disappoint everybody anymore. I don't know how much longer I can pretend that it's okay for me to be a failure. I just hurt people. I hate being so selfish. Maybe I should give it up for lent, being selfish. But it would mean giving up everything. And I'm just too damn self-centred to do that.