(no subject)
I went Tuesday to see mike in the hospital. We had our "American Idol" party between the breathing treatments and nurses. We talked about so much stuff. He told me that the doctor told him he had a 50/50 chance of dying. This doesn't even seem real. I really have not been able to comprehend the whole thing. I can not sleep, all I can think about is him being in the hospital and something happening while here I am going to work and school like it is no big deal. This is a big deal though, this is someone that has changed my life dramatically...someone that means the world to me. I refuse to lose him.
I have realized lately, that there are not many people I fully trust myself to. After the whole Dewayne thing I learned that no matter how secure you think a friendship is, that nothing is in stone...you can lose something when you least expect it. I thought that Joe Mack and I were good friends...he told me once that "You have a forever friend here, and I know the same goes for your end", call me corney but I believed it. I don't know what happened, aside from him not paying rent on time...and I should be pissed at him for that but everyone makes mistakes and I don't see why it should be a reason to lose a friendship over...but apparently the friendship was lost somewhere. Liam ran his mouth about things he did not need to, whether it were true or not so there is no trust there...when there are so many things I could get him in trouble for...credit theft and such, but I won't stoop to that level.
What I am getting at is that there have been more people in my life that had me eating out of their hands and doing anything and everything for them and then I end up getting screwed by them. Mike has never once lied to me, never turned his back on me but instead opened his house to me when I needed it, he has treated me like an equal...like a best friend is supposed to. I can talk to him about anything and he will have an honest opinion or good advice to give. I have learned so much from him and have so much respect for him for being the genuine friend that he has been. I owe my life to this person who is in danger of losing his own.
He told me yesterday he was trying to figure out who was going to be his co-signer on his bank account and where is cat was going to go and that he has enough money for his creamation. I am not trying to hear that!!
I just don't understand these odds when he looks better and feels better than he has in 3 months.
I feel so guilty for dragging his ass out in 27 degree weather and making him go to extreme makeover, because that is when he starting getting sick...granted it is his fault for not going to the doctor sooner but still. This is ripping my heart apart. I have lost friends, as everyone has...but I have never lost someone that was such a big part of my life. Even my family, I love him of course, but they were not part of my everyday life since they lived so far away.
I am going to hope for the best because that is all you can do. I wish I could just understand what is going on. Everything happens for a reason but I am just not seeing one in this.
I have realized lately, that there are not many people I fully trust myself to. After the whole Dewayne thing I learned that no matter how secure you think a friendship is, that nothing is in stone...you can lose something when you least expect it. I thought that Joe Mack and I were good friends...he told me once that "You have a forever friend here, and I know the same goes for your end", call me corney but I believed it. I don't know what happened, aside from him not paying rent on time...and I should be pissed at him for that but everyone makes mistakes and I don't see why it should be a reason to lose a friendship over...but apparently the friendship was lost somewhere. Liam ran his mouth about things he did not need to, whether it were true or not so there is no trust there...when there are so many things I could get him in trouble for...credit theft and such, but I won't stoop to that level.
What I am getting at is that there have been more people in my life that had me eating out of their hands and doing anything and everything for them and then I end up getting screwed by them. Mike has never once lied to me, never turned his back on me but instead opened his house to me when I needed it, he has treated me like an equal...like a best friend is supposed to. I can talk to him about anything and he will have an honest opinion or good advice to give. I have learned so much from him and have so much respect for him for being the genuine friend that he has been. I owe my life to this person who is in danger of losing his own.
He told me yesterday he was trying to figure out who was going to be his co-signer on his bank account and where is cat was going to go and that he has enough money for his creamation. I am not trying to hear that!!
I just don't understand these odds when he looks better and feels better than he has in 3 months.
I feel so guilty for dragging his ass out in 27 degree weather and making him go to extreme makeover, because that is when he starting getting sick...granted it is his fault for not going to the doctor sooner but still. This is ripping my heart apart. I have lost friends, as everyone has...but I have never lost someone that was such a big part of my life. Even my family, I love him of course, but they were not part of my everyday life since they lived so far away.
I am going to hope for the best because that is all you can do. I wish I could just understand what is going on. Everything happens for a reason but I am just not seeing one in this.