What the hell is going on. No, seriously dude.
Note: I'm just gunna ramble about a bunch of shit...if you understand, you do and I guess if you don't, you just dont. If you care, then care...and if you don't...then don't.
My life has been turned upside down since school started in August. It really hasn't been that fun - don't get me wrong, i'm having some fun...but with everything going on in my life right now i'm super stressed and just ultimately not happy.
My grades, are...okay. College is different, i'm still trying to get used to it. I guess it's just taking a little time to get used to. Thats definitely not one of the bigger problems though.
People here at school. They're nice, I don't have any problems with them. I stick to myself because yea, i'll admit it, I enjoy peace and quiet and some time to myself once in a while. I've met some great people, they're awesome friends. I'm becoming closer friends with others. And I still have everyone from back home. So what's the problem with that..? Well here let me break it down for you: A lot of people have been coming to me about problems lately. I love you guys for that, I thank you guys for that...that means that I can be trusted and you guys look to me for advice (that has all worked mind you). Well the problem with that is not too many people around here know what's going on in my life right now. Most of the problems people have confronted me about have to do with relationships...and my advice has worked. It sucks, because what's going on in my life...just is so different from what everyone around me is going through. THUS - I haven't been wanting to talk to people, I haven't been wanting to hang out with people, and i've kept to myself more than usual. To those who are noticing this - I do not intend to do this, but I guess you just have to realize that i've got my own issues that I need to sort through. I need to focus on my own happiness before I can help all of you - and I haven't been doing that in the proper order. So i'm sorry - that's why i've been to myself. ...If you only knew...
It's also times like this, were I just don't wanna be around people that have already fulfilled their goals ands dreams involving an opposite sex. Do you have any idea how hard that is for someone like me (at this VERY moment of my life) to deal with? If you were me, would you wanna be around it? Would you wanna hear about it? How would you feel? Again, that's why i've kept to myself. So thank you, for coming to me and being able to confide in me - i'll never turn away from helping others....but now I want to ask for something: to some extent give me time to myself, but don't seclude me. How would you feel?
Another issue is who I can trust, who I can confide in around here. Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking to certain individuals. I don't know how to explain it, I guess I just want to talk to someone different. It certinaly doesn't mean that I can't confide in those who I normally do...it just means that i'm looking to talk to someone different. So i've been going to two certain individuals that i've wanted to share my issues with..and who have been willing to listen. I guess now though, I feel like they are annoyed with me...for asking them to listen to me all the time...I know I would be. And that sucks, because then I just feel like I've got no one to turn to...no one thats willing to listen...no one willing to help a friend.
I'm just fucking rambling right now and I feel like this is making absolutely no sense...but welcome to the cobwebs of my mind right now.
I'm two hours away from home. The drive isn't bad at all, but i'm finding out through this whole experience i'm definitely a home-body person. I love being around those so dear to me (not to say those of you here are not). For this, i've been home wayyy too much since school started. I feel like being here, i'm away from so much stuff that is important to me...my family, my job, my closest friends at home...it's just so hard for me right now. I guess right now I just really wish the location of Fredonia was Brockport...or Geneseo. Something a little bit closer....but I LOVE Fredonia - I LOVE the school. It sucks, it really does.
Another issue - you're just the wrong person. To this person in particular because I know you read this religously....I've moved on. I don't feel the same way you do. I'm sorry if it's breaking your heart, but there's nothing I can do about it. Don't take your anger out on me though...I don't deserve it...I didn't do anything wrong. Is it really right to take your anger out on me just simply because you Still have feelings for me? As I said before...how would you feel...ESPECIALLY if you had any clue about my life right now.
Sometimes, I wish I was older...I wish I was already out of college, had a degree under my belt...already finished furthering my education to my satisfaction. So much would be different.
With all of this said...I just haven't been happy lately and it sucks. I don't know what to do - i'm trying to deal with things the best I can right now. I guess the only real thing keeping me going right now is my favorite lyric...from my favorite band:
"Tomorrow's a brand new day."
Short and simple...but means SO much. Because of that, i'm keeping my head up high...i'm dealing with everything as positively as I can...and trying to be so optimistic.
We'll see where this leads me down the road.
My life has been turned upside down since school started in August. It really hasn't been that fun - don't get me wrong, i'm having some fun...but with everything going on in my life right now i'm super stressed and just ultimately not happy.
My grades, are...okay. College is different, i'm still trying to get used to it. I guess it's just taking a little time to get used to. Thats definitely not one of the bigger problems though.
People here at school. They're nice, I don't have any problems with them. I stick to myself because yea, i'll admit it, I enjoy peace and quiet and some time to myself once in a while. I've met some great people, they're awesome friends. I'm becoming closer friends with others. And I still have everyone from back home. So what's the problem with that..? Well here let me break it down for you: A lot of people have been coming to me about problems lately. I love you guys for that, I thank you guys for that...that means that I can be trusted and you guys look to me for advice (that has all worked mind you). Well the problem with that is not too many people around here know what's going on in my life right now. Most of the problems people have confronted me about have to do with relationships...and my advice has worked. It sucks, because what's going on in my life...just is so different from what everyone around me is going through. THUS - I haven't been wanting to talk to people, I haven't been wanting to hang out with people, and i've kept to myself more than usual. To those who are noticing this - I do not intend to do this, but I guess you just have to realize that i've got my own issues that I need to sort through. I need to focus on my own happiness before I can help all of you - and I haven't been doing that in the proper order. So i'm sorry - that's why i've been to myself. ...If you only knew...
It's also times like this, were I just don't wanna be around people that have already fulfilled their goals ands dreams involving an opposite sex. Do you have any idea how hard that is for someone like me (at this VERY moment of my life) to deal with? If you were me, would you wanna be around it? Would you wanna hear about it? How would you feel? Again, that's why i've kept to myself. So thank you, for coming to me and being able to confide in me - i'll never turn away from helping others....but now I want to ask for something: to some extent give me time to myself, but don't seclude me. How would you feel?
Another issue is who I can trust, who I can confide in around here. Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking to certain individuals. I don't know how to explain it, I guess I just want to talk to someone different. It certinaly doesn't mean that I can't confide in those who I normally do...it just means that i'm looking to talk to someone different. So i've been going to two certain individuals that i've wanted to share my issues with..and who have been willing to listen. I guess now though, I feel like they are annoyed with me...for asking them to listen to me all the time...I know I would be. And that sucks, because then I just feel like I've got no one to turn to...no one thats willing to listen...no one willing to help a friend.
I'm just fucking rambling right now and I feel like this is making absolutely no sense...but welcome to the cobwebs of my mind right now.
I'm two hours away from home. The drive isn't bad at all, but i'm finding out through this whole experience i'm definitely a home-body person. I love being around those so dear to me (not to say those of you here are not). For this, i've been home wayyy too much since school started. I feel like being here, i'm away from so much stuff that is important to me...my family, my job, my closest friends at home...it's just so hard for me right now. I guess right now I just really wish the location of Fredonia was Brockport...or Geneseo. Something a little bit closer....but I LOVE Fredonia - I LOVE the school. It sucks, it really does.
Another issue - you're just the wrong person. To this person in particular because I know you read this religously....I've moved on. I don't feel the same way you do. I'm sorry if it's breaking your heart, but there's nothing I can do about it. Don't take your anger out on me though...I don't deserve it...I didn't do anything wrong. Is it really right to take your anger out on me just simply because you Still have feelings for me? As I said before...how would you feel...ESPECIALLY if you had any clue about my life right now.
Sometimes, I wish I was older...I wish I was already out of college, had a degree under my belt...already finished furthering my education to my satisfaction. So much would be different.
With all of this said...I just haven't been happy lately and it sucks. I don't know what to do - i'm trying to deal with things the best I can right now. I guess the only real thing keeping me going right now is my favorite lyric...from my favorite band:
"Tomorrow's a brand new day."
Short and simple...but means SO much. Because of that, i'm keeping my head up high...i'm dealing with everything as positively as I can...and trying to be so optimistic.
We'll see where this leads me down the road.