Anxiety! Being me! Rosie's Rosieness!
So I've been mulling about thoughts, and I've been trying to figure stuff out for both me and other!peeps! Like, the whole anxiety thing that a few folks I know share, though I think I probably have significantly less severe anxiety than most folks. (And for a while there, I was converting it straight into RAGE and making Braden sad, which I've knocked off, but was NotAGoodResponse to it either.) I've been thinking about what really works for us.
Asking Braden, he figured out the big difference was when he realized if he just sort of...pretended that I wasn't behaving differently, I could get myself back. Like, the act of being acknowledged as acting upset/out-of-sorts almost always pushes me from barely sniffling to hyperventilating to THE UNIVERSE HATES ME AND WHY IS IT SO DAMNIT!?! in like, three seconds flat. He mentioned that it sort of pains him to do this, and I mentioned that as a coping mechanism, me always just ignoring my emotions too is probably not the bestest of ideas, but it works for us in a our-day-to-day-isn't-bad kinda way. Actually, it's pretty good.
I feel me-like again, insomuch as I have ups and downs over each day in my normal patterns. I actually made myself work for several consecutive hours today, which I hadn't been able to do previously. I still have passing thoughts that make me sad, and I know some part of me is still expecting...something different. But I'm better, if not 100%.
I am amused that Rosie has decided not to respond to my three-day late response whose tardiness made her think I didn't like her. Oh Rosie: she is the most Rosie person I know.
As for things actually happening? I was sick, I got better, Braden got me sick again, the douchebag, and now I'm mostly better again, except I still sound like a dog barking.
Asking Braden, he figured out the big difference was when he realized if he just sort of...pretended that I wasn't behaving differently, I could get myself back. Like, the act of being acknowledged as acting upset/out-of-sorts almost always pushes me from barely sniffling to hyperventilating to THE UNIVERSE HATES ME AND WHY IS IT SO DAMNIT!?! in like, three seconds flat. He mentioned that it sort of pains him to do this, and I mentioned that as a coping mechanism, me always just ignoring my emotions too is probably not the bestest of ideas, but it works for us in a our-day-to-day-isn't-bad kinda way. Actually, it's pretty good.
I feel me-like again, insomuch as I have ups and downs over each day in my normal patterns. I actually made myself work for several consecutive hours today, which I hadn't been able to do previously. I still have passing thoughts that make me sad, and I know some part of me is still expecting...something different. But I'm better, if not 100%.
I am amused that Rosie has decided not to respond to my three-day late response whose tardiness made her think I didn't like her. Oh Rosie: she is the most Rosie person I know.
As for things actually happening? I was sick, I got better, Braden got me sick again, the douchebag, and now I'm mostly better again, except I still sound like a dog barking.