A Little Bit of Happiness for Everyone
Yesterday was utterly terrible, and yet I ended the night in an amazing mood.
The bad: automata: 85%. Programming languages: worst test ever. The only reason I'll pass the thing is Martin gives partial credit up the ass. I had no clue what anything was. It was horrible.
The mediocre: Third day straight of work after a long time of having gaps as long between work. Working freight is fun though, as it has a proper end. Also, in general, I prefer it to everything else I do at the store. That and like...setting planograms. Zoning isn't bad though, and I have a penchant for deep recovering aisles if there are NO customers. Aka I like being a sales associate.
Yet, despite all of that, I ended the night in heights so high, the only reason I wasn't flying is because somebody still lives 80 miles away and somebodies else all live further.
Planning for this weekend was at times rather...edgy. Civil was the best some were doing...not the best sign. Braden and Philip were amusing one another, at least. *snort* BUT. It kept me online long enough to talk to Erin. And she is happy.
Do you know how hard it was for me to wipe the grin off my mouth when I found out my ERIN, /MY/ lovely was really, truly happy and had found someone that enjoys snuggling and all of that and is good to her? I don't have room in my life to be jealous that it wasn't me (that now, maybe it won't ever need to be.) and there was only room for relief that someone is going to be able to be there for my lovey.
We're both so lucky right now. I need to meet her boy to determine if this is proper of course, because, you know, I'm Tia and I have no sway in Erin's decisions, but it makes me feel useful to pretend my approval will seal the deal proper. It's funny. The timelines are similar. Some of the conditions are similar. And the CUDDLY!!! is there. Touching ftw.
I fall more for this boy every day. And I'm letting myself get used to the fact that I am being loved for who I actually am this time, not for the pretend-Tia. I don't have to bend until I break to make it work. I'm just me. And we're just honest.
Ohgod how I love real honesty...Shawn's honesty was always of the 'do something and tell me about six months later when asked about it' sort. I don't worry about that with Braden. Fuck. I can't. I tried. It's a meaningless exercise. I hate doing these little comparisons because they're inappropriate, but I'm human so meh. But for fuck's sake. Honesty. It's so beautiful. It's so there. There's never any doubt about reality, and for once, it's reciprocated honesty. There's nothing left to hide.
The bad: automata: 85%. Programming languages: worst test ever. The only reason I'll pass the thing is Martin gives partial credit up the ass. I had no clue what anything was. It was horrible.
The mediocre: Third day straight of work after a long time of having gaps as long between work. Working freight is fun though, as it has a proper end. Also, in general, I prefer it to everything else I do at the store. That and like...setting planograms. Zoning isn't bad though, and I have a penchant for deep recovering aisles if there are NO customers. Aka I like being a sales associate.
Yet, despite all of that, I ended the night in heights so high, the only reason I wasn't flying is because somebody still lives 80 miles away and somebodies else all live further.
Planning for this weekend was at times rather...edgy. Civil was the best some were doing...not the best sign. Braden and Philip were amusing one another, at least. *snort* BUT. It kept me online long enough to talk to Erin. And she is happy.
Do you know how hard it was for me to wipe the grin off my mouth when I found out my ERIN, /MY/ lovely was really, truly happy and had found someone that enjoys snuggling and all of that and is good to her? I don't have room in my life to be jealous that it wasn't me (that now, maybe it won't ever need to be.) and there was only room for relief that someone is going to be able to be there for my lovey.
We're both so lucky right now. I need to meet her boy to determine if this is proper of course, because, you know, I'm Tia and I have no sway in Erin's decisions, but it makes me feel useful to pretend my approval will seal the deal proper. It's funny. The timelines are similar. Some of the conditions are similar. And the CUDDLY!!! is there. Touching ftw.
I fall more for this boy every day. And I'm letting myself get used to the fact that I am being loved for who I actually am this time, not for the pretend-Tia. I don't have to bend until I break to make it work. I'm just me. And we're just honest.
Ohgod how I love real honesty...Shawn's honesty was always of the 'do something and tell me about six months later when asked about it' sort. I don't worry about that with Braden. Fuck. I can't. I tried. It's a meaningless exercise. I hate doing these little comparisons because they're inappropriate, but I'm human so meh. But for fuck's sake. Honesty. It's so beautiful. It's so there. There's never any doubt about reality, and for once, it's reciprocated honesty. There's nothing left to hide.