Repair Cost: Anger, Sadness, A Missed Party
Yesterday, while walking home from work, I lost it.
I'm not sure how I got there, but I became so overwhelmed with where I am with my mom and my finances that I just started crying.
I feel like a douche, because I hadn't gotten myself together when Jessica called to say that they actually made additional plans that day for their friend's second birthday party over the weekend and I just couldn't hold myself together. I couldn't take the disappointment, because working on <3 has really been this giant source of hope and distraction for me, and I just...started crying. I didn't mean to, I meant to just tell her to go have fun and all of that, but I didn't. So...they came over yesterday. I'm eternally grateful for that, because it gave me the strength to sit down and email my mom.
I think we're on the right road now. Maybe we can start to heal. I never understood how traditional my family was and how nontraditional I am. The thought of my folks paying for the wedding is somewhat repulsive to me...it's /our/ wedding. If we can't figure it out, than we're doing something wrong. I'm not the one that asks for money for anything, it's just not my style, no matter tradition. The only thing I'd ever intended to ask my folks for was maybe up-dos for the girls, and I don't think Mom would have a problem with that.
I'm just...blah. There's been a lot on my mind and not being able to talk it out with my mom sort of made it build up hardcore, and because of that, I've sort of heavily relied on Mia and Chambers lately, as well as Shawn. Shawn's been a pillar of strength, but when he's at work, I tend to slip off into the land of loneliness. I used to be much better at doing solitude, but with all those thoughts floating without a home, I didn't really know what to do with myself.
I feel better now. There's just a few more things to do for everything to be right. *shrug*
I'm not sure how I got there, but I became so overwhelmed with where I am with my mom and my finances that I just started crying.
I feel like a douche, because I hadn't gotten myself together when Jessica called to say that they actually made additional plans that day for their friend's second birthday party over the weekend and I just couldn't hold myself together. I couldn't take the disappointment, because working on <3 has really been this giant source of hope and distraction for me, and I just...started crying. I didn't mean to, I meant to just tell her to go have fun and all of that, but I didn't. So...they came over yesterday. I'm eternally grateful for that, because it gave me the strength to sit down and email my mom.
I think we're on the right road now. Maybe we can start to heal. I never understood how traditional my family was and how nontraditional I am. The thought of my folks paying for the wedding is somewhat repulsive to me...it's /our/ wedding. If we can't figure it out, than we're doing something wrong. I'm not the one that asks for money for anything, it's just not my style, no matter tradition. The only thing I'd ever intended to ask my folks for was maybe up-dos for the girls, and I don't think Mom would have a problem with that.
I'm just...blah. There's been a lot on my mind and not being able to talk it out with my mom sort of made it build up hardcore, and because of that, I've sort of heavily relied on Mia and Chambers lately, as well as Shawn. Shawn's been a pillar of strength, but when he's at work, I tend to slip off into the land of loneliness. I used to be much better at doing solitude, but with all those thoughts floating without a home, I didn't really know what to do with myself.
I feel better now. There's just a few more things to do for everything to be right. *shrug*