27 Questions Raised by Fall Out Boy’s Young Blood Chronicles
by Cassie Whitt
We are nearing the halfway mark of AP 303 cover stars Fall Out Boy’s Young Blood Chronicles-a series featuring a video for each of the songs on Save Rock And Roll.
So far, we’ve witnessed a lot of plot-building that has raised endless questions. On more than one occasion, those questions have begun with “what” and ended with an expletive. I’ve become so invested in these videos that I quite literally find myself yelling at my computer every time a new one comes out.
So, I’m putting the first five segments of the Chronicles in storyline order and highlighting some of the massive double-you tee effs they better answer soon.
“THE PHOENIX”
WHAT’S IN THAT BRIEFCASE?
This is the crucial question that likely holds the key to all the other “WTF?”s we’ve had along the way, and when you take the series and put it in chronological order, it’s the first thing you see, so it’s also super-easy to forget you ever saw it in the first place. Here’s a refresher: All of their woes begin when FOB acquire this glowy suitcase that makes them all giddy, nervous and mischievous head-nod-y when they open it. They promptly chain it to Patrick’s wrist, and they’re off…
WHY WOULD YOU WALK WITH THAT?
Ugh. It’s like yelling at the imbecile who goes in the basement in a horror movie when you see P. Stump with this obviously valuable briefcase chained to himself strutting the streets in broad daylight. Really? We already know you’re doomed. Bye, Patrick. Unless you’re baiting them. Are you baiting “them?"
WHO ARE THEY ANYWAY?
This organization employs beautiful henchwomen and children, and they’re all out to get this one specific band. Why kind of sick operation sends children to deliver severed hands to people in grocery bags, anyway?
WHY IS PETE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THAT SEVERED HAND ON HIS DOORSTEP?
Chalk it up to bad acting or what-have-you, but Pete. Dude. That is a severed hand on your doorstep. Moreover, it’s a severed hand you recognize because your band’s logo is on it. Does this happen to you frequently?
WHY THE TORTURE?
Okay, crazy ladies. You have the briefcase. Why are you going Hostel on Patrick? Is that necessary?
IS THAT A MESSENGER FALCON?
In the time you were out summoning your avian super-companion, you could have called up your dudes and warned them what was afoot, like, 30 times. Hey, young blood. I don’t know if you know this, but your time definitely is running out.
AND IS A MESSENGER FALCON REALLY THAT DISTRACTING?
Come on, Andy and Joe: You really didn’t notice that van approaching and those scary ladies creeping up behind you? You were really that focused on the damn bird? So, distracted, in fact, that it makes one wonder if you’re even familiar with the bird anyway or if the distraction was Pete’s goal all along. Between that and the calm reaction to that hand…
WHY IS THIS EVOKING CONSPIRACY THEORIES?
What rhymes with “hug me?” If your answer is “That bitch just drugged Pete,” you are correct. The bird distracted him, too (we suspect the messenger falcon was working for the enemy, not our fearless bassist.)
“YOUNG VOLCANOES”
HOW IS PATRICK STILL ALIVE?
We are led to believe that the evil henchwomen have very slowly and with rudimentary tools, harvested many of his organs, but Pat’s still kicking-or snapping, rather, the fingers of his remaining hand. How?
WHAT’S IN THAT I.V. DRIP?
At first glance, one might think it’s morphine or another everyday analgesic, but things have already proven themselves crazy enough. Why would that be simple? And would any mere muscle relaxer really make these guys forget they were just kidnapped, and oh, what’s this now?
CANNIBALISM, REALLY?!
Oh, boy, Charlie. They took your frickin’ kidney, and it looks like you’re not getting it back, because it’s in your bandmates’ mouths.
ARE BREASTS REALLY THAT DISTRACTING?
I get it. You’re all hopped up on some mystery I.V.-administered medication and colorful booger sugar at this point, and there’s a nice half-naked body in front of you, but really? That horrifying bloody pig mask doesn’t scream “RUN!” to you. On any level?
"Alone Together"
IS COURTNEY LOVE THE LEADER OF THIS PACK?
Some mysterious HBIC makes off with our mystery briefcase in a car with a license plate reading “RATATAT,” the title of the song in which Courtney Love makes a guest appearance. Hmm… Could she be the evil mastermind behind this whole thing?
WHAT IS THIS WEIRD EXPERIMENTATION?
Okay, we know from “Young Volcanoes” that Patrick seemingly couldn’t help himself from singing along to the music. In “Alone Together,” when the track begins to play, all the members of FOB start singing along-painfully it seems. (It appears they may be suffering repeated electric shocks from various machines.) Have the guys been reprogrammed/brainwashed to react to music automatically?
WHAT?!
Okay, now is not the time, master of seduction. Can’t you see she’s one swipe away from hook-handing your throat out? Oh. Right. Good move, then.
The ol’ hook-hand reverse and smash. Well done.
WHAT THE-?
Okay, Patrick McNoHand, let’s… just relax, okay?
WHAT’S AN EVIL-METER?
Oh, so they’re not administering electric shocks, they’re administering... evil? This could answer several questions. (Why continue the torture? How is Patrick still alive?) Are they erasing their former identities and forcing FOB to join their ranks through an evil-izing process? Maybe, maybe.
"My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark"
WHY IS 2 CHAINZ SO ANGRY AT FALL OUT BOY?
Quick. Count his chains. Is one missing and draped around the neck of Andy Hurley? If not, I don’t see any other way FOB could have wronged this guy. So, we have a rap artist burning the music of our heroes who have come to “save rock and roll,” while they are held at bay, out of sight and silenced. It’s all very symbolic, but has 2 Chainz listened to Save Rock And Roll? I think he could find their R&B-infused method of rock-saving to his liking…
WHY NOT DONATE TO CHARITY OR GIVE THAT TO A FAN?
Oh, that’s right. We’re dealing with a flock of raging psychopaths. Moving on...
DOES LIGHTING FIRE ON FIRE DO ANYTHING?
Does it? I don’t know.
"The Mighty Fall"
SHOULDN’T YOU BE IN SCHOOL?
Evil bike-riding children minions of doom everywhere. Where are their parents? And I know it’s night, but shouldn’t they be in school? Where do we hide the children when they’re not in school? Shouldn’t they be there, at least?
WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?
And why does it take them so long to think about it? There is a gang of murderous, sociopathic children waving weapons at you. Now is not the time to have the internal “Is it okay to hit a kid?” debate. Yes, hit those kids. Or at least run. Hell.
WHAT IS THIS MAGIC BOOMBOX?
These guys sprinted away faster from this wee boombox than from the weapons in the hands of the kid-gang. What’s up with that?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS PATRICK STUMP?
Part nod to "Thriller," part just plain scary. After nomming his own innards, our sweet Patrick appears to have gone slightly monster and the only thing that soothes his soul (punk) is turning off that damn boombox.
WILL ELTON JOHN MAKE AN APPEARANCE IN THE CHRONICLES?
I mean, Big Sean did, after all. It didn’t turn out very well for him, though. Are you allowed to cinematically kill off someone who has been knighted? Seems wrong. Maybe he’ll show up and save everyone. Maybe Elton John is the glowy thing in the briefcase. Yeah, that’s definitely it.
WHAT NOW?
There’s no discernable release pattern for these videos to predict when we will find out if the guys ever reunite or if they die in the woods or if the messenger falcon is super-evil or if Elton John is in the briefcase.So, now… I guess, we wait.
And, last but not least... Why?!
Source
We are nearing the halfway mark of AP 303 cover stars Fall Out Boy’s Young Blood Chronicles-a series featuring a video for each of the songs on Save Rock And Roll.
So far, we’ve witnessed a lot of plot-building that has raised endless questions. On more than one occasion, those questions have begun with “what” and ended with an expletive. I’ve become so invested in these videos that I quite literally find myself yelling at my computer every time a new one comes out.
So, I’m putting the first five segments of the Chronicles in storyline order and highlighting some of the massive double-you tee effs they better answer soon.
“THE PHOENIX”
WHAT’S IN THAT BRIEFCASE?
This is the crucial question that likely holds the key to all the other “WTF?”s we’ve had along the way, and when you take the series and put it in chronological order, it’s the first thing you see, so it’s also super-easy to forget you ever saw it in the first place. Here’s a refresher: All of their woes begin when FOB acquire this glowy suitcase that makes them all giddy, nervous and mischievous head-nod-y when they open it. They promptly chain it to Patrick’s wrist, and they’re off…
WHY WOULD YOU WALK WITH THAT?
Ugh. It’s like yelling at the imbecile who goes in the basement in a horror movie when you see P. Stump with this obviously valuable briefcase chained to himself strutting the streets in broad daylight. Really? We already know you’re doomed. Bye, Patrick. Unless you’re baiting them. Are you baiting “them?"
WHO ARE THEY ANYWAY?
This organization employs beautiful henchwomen and children, and they’re all out to get this one specific band. Why kind of sick operation sends children to deliver severed hands to people in grocery bags, anyway?
WHY IS PETE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THAT SEVERED HAND ON HIS DOORSTEP?
Chalk it up to bad acting or what-have-you, but Pete. Dude. That is a severed hand on your doorstep. Moreover, it’s a severed hand you recognize because your band’s logo is on it. Does this happen to you frequently?
WHY THE TORTURE?
Okay, crazy ladies. You have the briefcase. Why are you going Hostel on Patrick? Is that necessary?
IS THAT A MESSENGER FALCON?
In the time you were out summoning your avian super-companion, you could have called up your dudes and warned them what was afoot, like, 30 times. Hey, young blood. I don’t know if you know this, but your time definitely is running out.
AND IS A MESSENGER FALCON REALLY THAT DISTRACTING?
Come on, Andy and Joe: You really didn’t notice that van approaching and those scary ladies creeping up behind you? You were really that focused on the damn bird? So, distracted, in fact, that it makes one wonder if you’re even familiar with the bird anyway or if the distraction was Pete’s goal all along. Between that and the calm reaction to that hand…
WHY IS THIS EVOKING CONSPIRACY THEORIES?
What rhymes with “hug me?” If your answer is “That bitch just drugged Pete,” you are correct. The bird distracted him, too (we suspect the messenger falcon was working for the enemy, not our fearless bassist.)
“YOUNG VOLCANOES”
HOW IS PATRICK STILL ALIVE?
We are led to believe that the evil henchwomen have very slowly and with rudimentary tools, harvested many of his organs, but Pat’s still kicking-or snapping, rather, the fingers of his remaining hand. How?
WHAT’S IN THAT I.V. DRIP?
At first glance, one might think it’s morphine or another everyday analgesic, but things have already proven themselves crazy enough. Why would that be simple? And would any mere muscle relaxer really make these guys forget they were just kidnapped, and oh, what’s this now?
CANNIBALISM, REALLY?!
Oh, boy, Charlie. They took your frickin’ kidney, and it looks like you’re not getting it back, because it’s in your bandmates’ mouths.
ARE BREASTS REALLY THAT DISTRACTING?
I get it. You’re all hopped up on some mystery I.V.-administered medication and colorful booger sugar at this point, and there’s a nice half-naked body in front of you, but really? That horrifying bloody pig mask doesn’t scream “RUN!” to you. On any level?
"Alone Together"
IS COURTNEY LOVE THE LEADER OF THIS PACK?
Some mysterious HBIC makes off with our mystery briefcase in a car with a license plate reading “RATATAT,” the title of the song in which Courtney Love makes a guest appearance. Hmm… Could she be the evil mastermind behind this whole thing?
WHAT IS THIS WEIRD EXPERIMENTATION?
Okay, we know from “Young Volcanoes” that Patrick seemingly couldn’t help himself from singing along to the music. In “Alone Together,” when the track begins to play, all the members of FOB start singing along-painfully it seems. (It appears they may be suffering repeated electric shocks from various machines.) Have the guys been reprogrammed/brainwashed to react to music automatically?
WHAT?!
Okay, now is not the time, master of seduction. Can’t you see she’s one swipe away from hook-handing your throat out? Oh. Right. Good move, then.
The ol’ hook-hand reverse and smash. Well done.
WHAT THE-?
Okay, Patrick McNoHand, let’s… just relax, okay?
WHAT’S AN EVIL-METER?
Oh, so they’re not administering electric shocks, they’re administering... evil? This could answer several questions. (Why continue the torture? How is Patrick still alive?) Are they erasing their former identities and forcing FOB to join their ranks through an evil-izing process? Maybe, maybe.
"My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark"
WHY IS 2 CHAINZ SO ANGRY AT FALL OUT BOY?
Quick. Count his chains. Is one missing and draped around the neck of Andy Hurley? If not, I don’t see any other way FOB could have wronged this guy. So, we have a rap artist burning the music of our heroes who have come to “save rock and roll,” while they are held at bay, out of sight and silenced. It’s all very symbolic, but has 2 Chainz listened to Save Rock And Roll? I think he could find their R&B-infused method of rock-saving to his liking…
WHY NOT DONATE TO CHARITY OR GIVE THAT TO A FAN?
Oh, that’s right. We’re dealing with a flock of raging psychopaths. Moving on...
DOES LIGHTING FIRE ON FIRE DO ANYTHING?
Does it? I don’t know.
"The Mighty Fall"
SHOULDN’T YOU BE IN SCHOOL?
Evil bike-riding children minions of doom everywhere. Where are their parents? And I know it’s night, but shouldn’t they be in school? Where do we hide the children when they’re not in school? Shouldn’t they be there, at least?
WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?
And why does it take them so long to think about it? There is a gang of murderous, sociopathic children waving weapons at you. Now is not the time to have the internal “Is it okay to hit a kid?” debate. Yes, hit those kids. Or at least run. Hell.
WHAT IS THIS MAGIC BOOMBOX?
These guys sprinted away faster from this wee boombox than from the weapons in the hands of the kid-gang. What’s up with that?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS PATRICK STUMP?
Part nod to "Thriller," part just plain scary. After nomming his own innards, our sweet Patrick appears to have gone slightly monster and the only thing that soothes his soul (punk) is turning off that damn boombox.
WILL ELTON JOHN MAKE AN APPEARANCE IN THE CHRONICLES?
I mean, Big Sean did, after all. It didn’t turn out very well for him, though. Are you allowed to cinematically kill off someone who has been knighted? Seems wrong. Maybe he’ll show up and save everyone. Maybe Elton John is the glowy thing in the briefcase. Yeah, that’s definitely it.
WHAT NOW?
There’s no discernable release pattern for these videos to predict when we will find out if the guys ever reunite or if they die in the woods or if the messenger falcon is super-evil or if Elton John is in the briefcase.So, now… I guess, we wait.
And, last but not least... Why?!
Source