I want to kiss you on the mouth and tell you I'm your biggest fan

[icebl1nkbabe]

I need some new excitement in my life. I'm not sure what yet, but I know that something needs to change soon so these months don't keep dragging by so slowly. Maybe I just need to get involved with something different. Maybe I need to figure out what I'll be doing this summer. Maybe I need to figure out what I'm doing now. It's hard because I am so busy and yet I feel like I need something more. Maybe I'll just get a tattoo and fake excitement. Is that a terrible idea? We'll see... anyways so Pete and I clarified that we won't see anyone else over these next couple months, but we won't be together. I guess you could call it exclusive friends. That makes no sense I know, but I don't know what else to do. Maybe we do need to date other people. I probably just feel that way because we got into a stupid fight last night, which is so not what we do. We're the people who make fun of the stupid fights other couples have. We pretend fight whenever we feel like it's been too long since we've disagreed. I always thought we were almost the same person. On the outside we are and on the inside we're so different and I'm not sure we'll ever get used to that. Ugh I need someone to tell me what to do, but whenever anyone does I don't like the answer no matter what they say. We're setting ourselves up for a big fall, but I can't imagine having anyone that's not him. Maybe that's not it at all. Maybe it's just that I hate having to start over. It's too hard. My audition for the french master classes is on Monday and it's going to be a killer. I need to let impressionism take over my body. I think it sounds nice, but I disagree with the ideas behind it. Just like with the music of Schoenberg. I love the ideas he had about direct expression. He thought music should be a direct expression of emotion. Not your background or something you like or anything like that. Just a pure expression of yourself. I'll just combine his ideas with the nice sounds of Debussy and maybe then we can actually have something. I'll call it eximpressionism to mix the two names...or maybe not...I'll work on the title. I'm going to get into one of those classes though. I have to. Now I feel motivated and I think I'll go practice again.

I'm your biggest fan.