(no subject)
I have so many thoughts running through my head...
I am a complete inconvenient mess right now, but it's okay because I know I am and maybe I always will be. It's not the being a mess part that I mind, it's the falling apart in front of you that I mind. Out of everyone in the entire world you are the last person I want to fall apart to right now. You can read me so well already and it scares me because I can't hide the things I want to hide from you. I want you to see me as put together, but maybe you're the one who has to put me back together. Actually, I'm scared to death of you because you make me think about all the things I push away. All these things I would normally brush off are slowly coming to the surface and you see it in my eyes every time. Every single time. You can see right through my smile. You can see right through my heart. I can feel the breaking point coming and I just hope it won't scare you away because I can be such a different person. I swear I can be the person you want to be with forever. There's so much compassion crawling through my body. Sometimes I get so caught up in your eyes when you look at me that words and thought become so distant and coherent sentences become a lost cause. I saw you in the mall today with Leslie and I actually started shaking. When was the last time that happened? Even when those big white sunglasses hide your eyes I can still see them in my head. Maybe all this is because of that book Messy Spirituality that you gave me or maybe it was when we danced in your room or maybe it has nothing to do with you. You showed up at the worst possible time and part of me wishes you would go away for a little while, but I need to feel this way. I had no idea feelings could be this intense.
My dad is a complete inconvenient mess right now also. The breaking point for him was my grandmother's death. He scares me with the things he says and I have no idea what to say back to him. I have no idea what to say to anyone. It probably doesn't help that my brother walked out on him last night. The place my brother is in right now is such a hard place to get out of and I pray someone helps him soon. My spiritual life is such a wreck and this book Bryan gave me is really hitting home. Bryan definitely walked into my life for a huge reason. Is there really more to this?
During this talent show I went to last night I couldn't help but start crying because so many people lack the courage for compassion. So many people run away with the status quo and lose themselves forever. No one notices when a girl in the back row is silently shedding tears of hope.
Love is such a mixed up word. I don't know if I've ever really experienced it even though I thought I did. I'm convinced there is either something more I'm missing or that it doesn't really exist.
So here's my mind, go ahead judge me, hate me, love me, forget me.
I am a complete inconvenient mess right now, but it's okay because I know I am and maybe I always will be. It's not the being a mess part that I mind, it's the falling apart in front of you that I mind. Out of everyone in the entire world you are the last person I want to fall apart to right now. You can read me so well already and it scares me because I can't hide the things I want to hide from you. I want you to see me as put together, but maybe you're the one who has to put me back together. Actually, I'm scared to death of you because you make me think about all the things I push away. All these things I would normally brush off are slowly coming to the surface and you see it in my eyes every time. Every single time. You can see right through my smile. You can see right through my heart. I can feel the breaking point coming and I just hope it won't scare you away because I can be such a different person. I swear I can be the person you want to be with forever. There's so much compassion crawling through my body. Sometimes I get so caught up in your eyes when you look at me that words and thought become so distant and coherent sentences become a lost cause. I saw you in the mall today with Leslie and I actually started shaking. When was the last time that happened? Even when those big white sunglasses hide your eyes I can still see them in my head. Maybe all this is because of that book Messy Spirituality that you gave me or maybe it was when we danced in your room or maybe it has nothing to do with you. You showed up at the worst possible time and part of me wishes you would go away for a little while, but I need to feel this way. I had no idea feelings could be this intense.
My dad is a complete inconvenient mess right now also. The breaking point for him was my grandmother's death. He scares me with the things he says and I have no idea what to say back to him. I have no idea what to say to anyone. It probably doesn't help that my brother walked out on him last night. The place my brother is in right now is such a hard place to get out of and I pray someone helps him soon. My spiritual life is such a wreck and this book Bryan gave me is really hitting home. Bryan definitely walked into my life for a huge reason. Is there really more to this?
During this talent show I went to last night I couldn't help but start crying because so many people lack the courage for compassion. So many people run away with the status quo and lose themselves forever. No one notices when a girl in the back row is silently shedding tears of hope.
Love is such a mixed up word. I don't know if I've ever really experienced it even though I thought I did. I'm convinced there is either something more I'm missing or that it doesn't really exist.
So here's my mind, go ahead judge me, hate me, love me, forget me.