Fic: "It's so easy loving you", Jared/Jensen, R, PART II
The cat’s in bed with him, purring and hooking tiny spikes into his skin wherever it can reach his body. Jensen doesn’t mind. It’s not like it really hurts, it’s more ticklish than anything. And to think he’d never really been a cat person before he returned home.
His finger stroke through soft fur while he tries not to think too much and go back to sleep. Two hours aren’t nearly enough to fight the exhaustion lingering in his bones. He loves his job, seriously, and he loves the people he works with but lately it seems less and less like the thing he actually wants to do for the rest of his life.
Doing documentaries all over the world, for Discovery Channel or whoever else buys them, is great. It lets him see the world, experience how others live and appreciate that his own problems are nothing compared to most people’s. It’s a great job, but sometimes Jensen thinks he's seen enough.
The offer is burning holes into the side of his duffel. He hasn’t even looked at it, just took it from Danneel when he was on the way to the airport in Sydney. But he knows what it says, what it offers and he’s so very tempted.
Jensen grins suddenly, still seeing Jared’s face when Donna told him how it’s was Jensen documentary that Jared had been glued to the screen watching a few days ago'. That look of awe and adoration was enough to make Jensen forget about the three weeks he spent among wild moose in the coldness of Canada. When he told Jared as much, all he got was dimples and more dimples. Yeah, it was definitely worth it.
It has been a weird day.
Less stressed then he’s used to, but more emotionally confusing than he wants his days to be. The trip to the mall had been short and hectic but he'd managed to slip away for a while. And he thinks his present for Jared is really kind of awesome. It scares him a little how much he cares about that all of a sudden.
Then his sister had to go and shock him with actually announcing a wedding date - and really can you organize such thing in under a month? It all ended with her roping Jensen into playing groomsman because Zach apparently didn’t have that much family around, and Jared making himself scarce. Jensen still hasn’t figured out what’s up with that. There was simply no time. Not even when he was alone with Jared out on the deck.
The kitten sighs in its sleep, curls around Jensen’s arm a little more and makes it almost impossible for Jensen to roll into his favorite sleeping position. The shadows on the walls are unfamiliar, so are the smells and sounds of the new house, but Jensen feels content just where he is right now.
The creak of the door barely registers, it’s not as loud as the one from his old door but there still is one. Jensen blinks, realizing that he was about to fall asleep. He knows it’s Mac the second he hears the shuffling over the carpet.
“Jensen?”
“’M awake. What’s up, Mac?” He shifts, gets the kitten out of the way and pats the space next to him. Mac probably can’t see it but the sound is telling and a second later his sister is lying next to him. “Can’t sleep?”
“Not really. I dunno nervous I guess ... The first Christmas with Zach around and the wedding not far off. I guess I just need to talk to my big brother.” She sounds tired but excited at the same time. He can’t blame her for it.
“In the middle of the night? I’m not as young as I used to be. I do need my beauty sleep.”
“Naw, you're pretty enough.” There's an elbow in his side and he grunts just because it’s a surprise. Mac’s giggle makes his heart skip a little. This really is home right now.
“Thanks, Macsie. I appreciate that you think I’m still presentable despite my old age.” Jensen grins into the darkness, feels the last of the exhaustion fall away and real contentment set in. Mackenzie laughs, low and amused, moves onto her side and he can see her looking at him in the streetlight coming in through the open blinds.
“What is it, Mac?”
“Jared. You probably got that we aren’t exactly talking right now,” Mac answers, eyes drifting over to where the kitten tries to climb onto Jensen’s chest. She smiles and shakes her head. “Figures that Jared’s stray falls in love with you.”
He wants to ask what she means but Mac talks over his thoughts and Jensen saves it for later.
“There’s history between Jared and Zach. Serious history. I just found out. And I’m pissed. Pissed that none of them cared to tell me and that I had to find out while stumbling up on them arguing. Jensen, I was this close to calling everything off. And then Jared moves in here.”
She’s breathless by the time she stops talking, cling to Jensen’s arm and trying to not let the tears fall that are so clearly in her eyes, reflecting the bit of light coming from outside. He pulls her into a one-armed hug and kisses her forehead just like he did when they were kids and she was crawling into his bed after a nightmare.
“You think they went behind your back?” It hurts to say this, the words feel like ash in his mouth and Jensen really can’t believe Jared would ever do that.
“God no … I … just.. I’m pissed they didn’t think it would be important information for me to know. It’s over between them and has been for years. I believe them. It’s just so … so damn awkward and I don’t know what to do or how to react.”
Jensen knows he shouldn't feel as relieved as he does right now. Then something clicks. The looks Jared tried to hide, the way Zach never dared to even glance at Jared, the way Jared vanishes whenever it’s about the wedding.
“Are you sure? I mean, it’s over between them?”
“First thing I asked Jared. Jensen, you should have seen his eyes … he looked so hurt and I couldn’t apologize fast enough. He thinks I suspect something's still going on but seeing him this way I know there’s not. But … Jared, he always withdraws when things get complicated and he’s not really talking to me right now.” Mac sounds so defeated that Jensen pulls her even closer. He can’t imagine Mac and Jared not talking, that just can't be happening. It never has before.
“Is the Zach the one Jared lost because of his job?” It’s just a thing that popped into Jensen’s mind but thinking back to the way Jared looked when he spoke about it, well it makes sense to Jensen now.
Mac just nods, fiddles with the hem of the covers and then goes over to stroking the kitten’s head between the ears. The purrs vibrate into Jensen’s chest, soft and barely there but still a sign that he might have found a new friend.
“Zach was doing his internship at this hospital in Houston where Jared was doing research for one of his degrees. Knew each other from school already and I guess it got serious then… I don’t know the details but they were together for years,” Mac says, sounding a little distracted but then she looks at Jensen and he can see her eyes still shining brightly.
“But … Jared was already with the CSI and … then this case happened. Neither of them really told me but it was bad and in the end Jared walked away. Though, not before Zach accused him of being in love with someone else all this time. It was bad, Jensen. Jared was devastated when he came back here. Took me a year to get him out of it. Jensen, I can’t believe I’m marrying the man that did that to him. I never knew who it was, was off to college and never around.”
There’s such sadness in her voice that Jensen feels helpless, can only hug her close and offer the comfort she’s seeking. There isn’t really anything he can say to it.
“Zach told me his side and I get it. I really do. There are always two sides to a story. I just … I wish they’d told me. Zach should have at least. I love him and I can forgive him… both of them. But… Jared’s withdrawing… I want my best friend back, Jensen. My wedding is soon and I want him to be there. Plan with me, be happy with me. And not be and look completely miserable because he thinks he’s ruining everything.”
There’s really only one thing Jensen can offer and it’s not like it would be a hardship. “I can try and talk to him. If you want me to.”
She rolls into his side, kisses his cheek and settles down again. “Thanks, Jen.”
The nickname sounds strange coming from her, maybe because she almost never uses it. It’s Jared’s thing and Jensen wants to keep it that way.
“So tell me, big brother, will you even be present at my wedding or will you be off around gallivanting the world again? I’d like you to stay around a little longer and get to know my fiancé.”
Jensen smiles at the change of topic, at the way Mac’s voice suddenly sounds cheerful and happy when he knows what’s on her mind.
“I actually might be around.”
“Really? Do tell.” She snuggles closer, hand still on the kitten and head resting besides his on the pillow.
“Well ... there’s this job offer …”
***
Christmas Eve and the house finally is loud and chaotic.
Jensen loves it. He's been lounging around, watching the proceedings with an amused smile and actually managed to dodge every one of his momma’s attempts of roping him into helping. Claiming jet lag still works wonders in his family. Jared just rolled his eyes and went back to helping decorate the last free bits of tree.
Alan’s in the kitchen with Zach, preparing the evening dinner. And yes, it’s unconventional but Jensen loves that it’s his dad cooking and his mom doing the last minute shopping trips. Josh’s already there with his family, kids running around and dogs hiding in the corner. The kitten perches proud on the back of the couch, keeping watch and demanding strokes from time to time. Jensen thinks he’s getting attached.
The house is full, feels warm and lively. Jensen hasn’t stopped smiling the whole day. The sun’s actually shining today and the living room looks bright and almost palace-like. Jensen stretches a little, yawning and butting head with the kitten.
He and Mac talked until it was way too late - or way too early - and Jensen feels like he’s getting closer to his sister again. He regrets not being around during the last couple of years, regrets being such a coward that he couldn’t face coming home.
The couch actually trembles a little when Jared flops down next to Jensen. He looks flushed and happy, less subdued and it looks good on him. Mac had tried to talk to Jared earlier but Jensen doubts it went all that well.
“You know, you and Mac should really make up.”
Jared starts, barely managing to keep the tea cup upright in his hands when he snaps to the side to look at Jensen. His eyes are wide and something like hurt evident.
“Why?”
“Dude, she really needs someone on her planning committee and I only can stand to look at different shades of crème for so long.” It’s not what Jared expects to hear and Jensen has to suppress the smile threatening to escape.
“Uh … it’s … It’s not that easy, Jen,” Jared says, looking down and then anywhere but Jensen. “I ... I lied to her.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Okay. I didn’t. But I didn’t tell here something very important and that’s just as bad. Should’ve said something the first time she introduced him.”
“Probably… He could have said something as well, you know. It’s not just you.”
“I know. But I’m her best friend. She never knew the guy’s name and I feel like I hid an important fact from her. And it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. Not telling is as bad as lying.”
The kitten precariously balances on the back of the couch making its way towards Jared and then just flops down to curl around his neck. The smile on Jared’s face is soft, gentle, and Jensen wants it to be directed at himself. He blinks, it’s not the time for that.
Mac’s hovering close to the stairs, Jensen can see her out of the corner of his eye and he knows she’s waiting for some clue about what to do, what to say to Jared.
“You know, she doesn’t think that. Mac needs you to be there and I know it will be hard ... seeing him and her …”
“No," Jared interrupts, finally looking at Jensen and shaking his head. ”That’s not it. I ... okay, so it took me a while to get over him. To realize that he might have been right. But ... I want to see Mac happy and she is with him. I just I feel so damn bad for not telling her.”
Jensen doesn’t even have the chance to say anything, because suddenly something comes flying through the room and Jared’s got a lap full of a crying Mackenzie. Jensen just barely manages to save the kitten from being smothered into the couch cushions. It meows gratefully and settles against his chest.
The tangle of Jared and Mac on the couch, the sobs, laughs, and whispers, are the sign Jensen takes that it’s time to leave them to it. This talk seems long overdue and he needs to call Danneel anyway.
***
Christmas has just begun and the house is already busier than the previous day. It’s barely six a.m. and Jensen is awake. The kids are running through the house, excited for their presents, Josh’s exasperated voice follows only to be shushed by his wife’s.
Jensen smiles.
The kitten's purring right into his ear, the sun’s actually shining through the window and Jensen feels pretty damn good. He doesn’t mind being awake already, feels himself relax back into the pillow, thoughts slowing and eyes dropping.
Then there’s an elephant dropping from the sky right onto him. Jensen doesn’t even have the breath left to squeak in surprise, which is the good thing about this ambush. The kitten’s protesting meow only makes the giggles shaking the body on top of him even more forceful.
“Jay …” Jensen wheezes or tries to.
“Morning, Jen. Tradition. You didn’t forget, right?” Jared sounds way too cheerful for Jensen’s liking, wiggles some more and then flops down next to Jensen on the bed. He is smiling, wide and happy, in a way Jensen hasn’t since he came home. It only takes a second to realize how much Jensen has missed this carefree side of Jared.
“Awww ... guess you did. Sorry.” Jared doesn’t sound sorry at all and Jensen’s not really mad anyway. So he shrugs and smiles back.
“Dude …” Jensen cringes at how breathy he still sounds, coughs and is really grateful for the kitten to choose this moment to try and climb over his chest to see who the intruder is. “The last time you did that, you didn’t weigh as much as moose.”
Jared laughs. “Do I want to even know how you came to the knowledge about a moose’s weight?”
“Lets just say that they are very interested in sugary things. A lot of sugary things. Not unlike you,” Jensen says with a grin that turns into a laugh when Jared elbows him.
“Ready for the chaos downstairs?”
“I guess. Been a while that I had a loud Christmas at home. I don’t even know why I stayed away for so long.” And it’s true, Jensen doesn’t. Not anymore. There were reasons and they must've been valid to him for a long time, but being here now makes them seem silly.
Jared pats his hand on the top of the cover and rolls to sit up. “We missed you here, Jen. But you had your reasons and that’s okay.”
Jensen's not used to Jared sounding so mature, so wise. Jared’s all grown up now and Jensen’s brain seems to be very keen on reminding him of the fact. His eyes stray over the muscled back hiding under Jared’s plain grey sleeping t-shirt, and it would be so ridiculously easy to reach out and touch. Something's holding him back, though.
It’s not only the fact that Jared’s Mac’s best friend or that they grew up together. What it is, Jensen isn’t sure, but when Jared looks back at him from over his shoulder, he thinks he isn’t alone in this. Whatever this is. And that’s kind of shocking.
Jensen coughs, places the kitten on the pillow and sits up as well, stretches and grins when he catches Jared looking. Suddenly Jensen wants to ask about the things with Zach, about the other one Jared had been in love with.
And then he realizes that just the thought of Jared looking at anybody else suddenly feels wrong. Again, Jensen feels overwhelmed by his own reaction toward this man. It’s so out of the blue; the thoughts, the way his heart jumps in his chest, that Jensen is a little clueless as what to do.
“So ... things with Mac okay again?”
The grin is enormous, more dimples than anything. “Yeah. We talked and I ... maybe I overreacted a little. But she said things are okay … and I even talked to Zach. Which, man… so weird.” Jared sounds wistful but not sad.
“Good. Was totally weird with you guys not talking.” Jensen scoots over the covers so that he doesn’t disturb the kitten and flips Jared off when he snorts at the sight. “Fuck off, Padalecki. It’s your fault the monster is around anyway.”
“You love it, Jen, You're so gone over it. It’s so adorably cute,” Jared’s tone is mocking but the grin says he really think Jensen might be the most adorable thing around. Jensen tries not to blush … and fails.
“Leave me alone. Go on and rip presents apart. I know you wanna. I’ll be down in a sec.”
Jared’s laughter follows him out of the room and Jensen can hear his momma squeaking in surprise. He just knows Jared lifted her off her feet. When a tiny, furry head butts against his fingers Jensen pets the kitten and then gets ready for the day. It’s been a long time since he felt both, this relaxed and so on the edge at the same time. He can admit, at least to himself, that it’s not a bad feeling.
The envelope still lies unopened on his bedside table. Maybe he’ll look at it tonight.
***
“No momma, no more. I’m about to burst.” It’s not exactly an unpleasant feeling but if there's one more piece of food being handed his way, Jensen thinks he’ll flee.
Donna just grins at him and passes the plate to Jared, who of course doesn’t even hesitate.
“You really are a moose in disguise, aren’t you?” It has Mac sputtering, Donna laughing out loud and Alan blinking in confusion. Josh just grins knowingly and his wife is too busy with the kids to hear anything else going on at the table.
Zach looks clueless, but Jensen's only seeing Jared anyway. The blush is cute, to say the least. He’s never seen Jared blush before.
“Uhm … food’s good?”
“It’s okay, Jay. I like moose,” Jensen can’t help but wink. He has really no idea where this is suddenly coming from.
“I could say something nasty about your preferences now, but I won’t,” Mac cackles and Jared ducks his head, hiding his snort with a cough but failing to actually achieve anything with it.
“Thanks, sis. I’m so glad you can hold back. So, traditional walk still on or has that changed?”
Ten minutes after Jensen’s questions everyone’s bundled up and ready to head out. He’s missed this and thinking about what’s in the envelope in his room makes it even clearer how much he wants to let all of this back into his life.
Jared jingles with every move. It makes Jensen smile whenever he hears it, which is often since Jared can’t hold his hands still. That Jared’s actually wearing the gift makes Jensen smile even more, almost to the point where he’s unable to stop it.
“He loves it.” Mac appears next to him when they're on the way to a nearby park. It’s a family tradition to have a little walk after Christmas dinner and Jensen’s glad that the weather's holding up. It wouldn't be much fun doing it in the rain.
“You think?”
“Did you see his eyes when he opened it? Jensen, this might be the best gift he’s ever gotten. How'd you’d think of it? It’s cute.”
“Dammit Mac, it’s not cute. It just reminded me of something from when we were kids. Remember the summer when Jared was at camp and you were miserable all those weeks?” Jensen looks at his sister and wonders when exactly she grew up and how he could've missed it. Just thinking about their summers as kids makes him realize that he maybe missed too much of her life.
“Yeah. It was mean of the Padaleckis to send him away. Even meaner of mom to not let me go as well.”
Jensen laughs because that's been one of Mac’s laments throughout the years. “It was a soccer camp. You hated soccer.”
“That’s beside the point,” she huffs but grins anyway, following Zach with her eyes when he takes off, chasing one of the kids over the soggy grass around the playground they just reached. Love, he thinks. He can see it clearly and it settles something inside of him, knowing that Mac is happy.
“Anyway …” Jensen laughs. “He brought back those hand-made bracelets. Black rubber bands with little plastic pebbles and tiny dolphin bells. Remember?”
“God, yes. I loved those. Mine broke a few months after. I was so damn sad but he said it was okay and made me another one here at home. He brought you one, too, right?”
Jensen nods, watching Jared team up with the kids to play soccer against Jensen’s dad, Josh and Zach. There’s this tug at his heart again but Jensen ignores it for the time being.
“He did. Was all fumbling and blushing when he handed it over. Dunno what made me wear it. Tom was making fun of it for weeks. But I didn’t take them off. Found a stall in the mall yesterday where they were selling them, custom made. The Hello Kitty bells clinched the deal. It was last minute and I didn’t know Jared would be around at all. So … guess I’m glad he likes it.” There’s no response from Mac so Jensen looks at her and almost takes a step back at the knowing smile that greets him.
“You're so adorably oblivious. But no worries, you’ll get it. Soon, I hope.” With that she's gone, joining the game going on and leaving Jensen gaping.
***
The few days between Christmas and New Year’s fly by and before Jensen knows it he’s in the middle of a raging party and there’s only two minutes to go. Squeezing his way through the crowd, Jensen tries to get to the deck in the backyard before it’s too late. Jared’s waiting there for him with glasses of champagne.
His heart skips even more whenever he thinks about Jared. Jensen's gotten to know a side of Jared during these last few days that has him hot and bothered at some of the most inappropriate moments one can imagine. Just seeing Jared in his CSI gear does something to Jensen. Jared being all professional and nerdy has an even bigger impact on Jensen’s libido.
It’s not like Jared talks about his cases, he only ever says it was a cruel shift and smiles gratefully when Jensen hands over a beer or takes over dinner duties. But Jensen can see when Jared’s about to break or fall asleep on the spot. The sight of it tugs at something on the protective side of his mind. He’s never before just wanted to hug someone close and tell them things will be all right.
Most of the time, though, Jensen can see that Jared’s fine and loving his job. He even got Jensen to admit that he’d gotten the better deal out of the two of them. But when Jensen showed him the offer he'd finally dared to open the day after Christmas, Jared had shut up immediately. He’s still thinking about it, even now, and hasn't made a decision yet. But judging from the look on Jared’s face, Jensen thinks he might know what Jared would want him to do.
Jared’s still living in the room at Jensen’s parent’s house and by now Jensen knows it’s more than just Jared’s parents not being around for Christmas. That he had to sit Jared down after he came home from work one evening and ply him with beer, and steak, to get him to fess up says a lot about how private Jared can be despite his outgoing personality.
It’s actually Mac’s fault that Jared’s living with their parents. Being his roommate and all, and then taking off to move in with Zach in a rush, leaving Jared unable to pay full rent and having to move out. Of course, Donna being the loving, caring woman she is, had insisted on Jared moving in, making up a little for Mac’s lack of foresight.
Jensen’s glad that Mac actually apologized a hundred times according to Jared, but then realizes it must've been during the time the truth came out and suddenly understands why Jared isn’t more furious about it.
“Hey. Just in time,” Jared says right into his ear. Shivers run through his body and Jensen instinctively turns into the warm body behind him. They have some kind of routine going on now, Jensen teasing Jared with things from their past and Jared flirting back in very obvious ways. Jensen tries to ignore the knowing looks each member of his family is sending their way.
The countdown is going and there’s a glass of something sparkling in his hand. The crowd is loud around them but he can only hear Jared’s breathing and the chuckle when Jensen shudders at the hand on the small of his back.
“Three … Two … One … Happy New Year!” Someone cheers next to them and Jensen knows they should toast, clink their glasses and join the masses. Only he’s kind of transfixed by the look in Jared’s eyes. Fierce, wanting, longing even. It throws Jensen a little but doesn’t stop him from moving forward when Jared does.
Jared’s lips feel surprisingly soft under his. He can’t hold back the moan that wants to escape and feels Jared’s answering one. This feels like it's been brewing for ages. There’s a hand in his hair, gently tugging him closer. They deepen the kiss into something they both want. Jensen’s unoccupied hand clenches on Jared’s hip and holds on. It’s such a sweet kiss that Jensen sinks further into it.
Tentative, calculating at first, and when it’s all said and done, deep and all-consuming. They kiss like it’s something they should've done before, like they've always known each other and in ways that are impossible. It feels fantastic. When they break apart they're alone on the deck, the party having migrated back inside and Jensen feels the grin splitting his face.
“Happy New Year, Jen,” Jared whispers against his mouth and it sends sparks down his spine, it also makes him pull Jared even closer. The soft laugh rumbles against Jensen chest and he really, really can’t stop the grin.
“Happy New Year." He pauses, and then, "this not what I expected when I decided to come home. But I don’t mind. At all.” The muscles where he’s clutching Jared’s body ripple with every movement and it’s distracting Jensen. So much so that the next kiss comes as another surprise. They stay outside for a while, tumbling down onto the swing from the first night and ignoring the party inside.
The champagne they've only sipped at, stands almost forgotten on the table. They kiss and fumble to find skin under clothes. Touching each other, gentle and sometime rough, with generosity but also curious to see what they find.
Jensen’s fingers slip beneath Jared's warm shirt, scratch along his hardened muscles and explore the skin he’s never touched like this before. Jared moans beneath him, writhes and clutches at Jensen’s back. It’s all hot and so damn surreal that Jensen tells his brain to shut up.
They kiss, hungrily and devouring now, rut against each other without regard of where they are. Jensen’s cock aches, longs to be free and touched by hands not his own. But he knows it won’t be here and it won’t happen now. Jared’s fingers in his hair, hand on Jensen’s back, drawing him in closer, making him moan at the contact when their hard-ons brush together in teasing ways. Jensen feels sixteen all over again and it’s exhilarating. It feels amazing.
They only break apart when a slight cough comes from the door to the den and Jensen doesn’t even try to hide his blush. His momma just laughs, delighted and happy, before she moves back inside. Jared’s face is hidden in his neck, laughing as well.
“This is definitely not embarrassing at all. I never managed to get caught as a teenager. Had to get to 32 to achieve that,” he says against Jared’s neck and drops a small kiss right there, grinning at the shudder that strums through the body beneath him.
“Not the right time now, huh?”
“Not for more, no. Later, though, we can talk about it. Come on, let’s get presentable and then head inside. Party’s still going.”
The bracelet around Jared’s wrist jingles when he cups Jensen’s cheek in his hand and moves in for another kiss. Chaste this time but not at all hesitant. Jensen smiles for the rest of the night.
***
Time at home seems to fly by faster than anywhere else. Jensen doesn’t know how and when it happens but suddenly he’s helping his sister with the final preparations for the wedding. It’s stressful, especially with his head being elsewhere and Mac freaking out over every little thing.
Jared’s busy with work, but with them every free second he can spare and it’s good to see him bantering with Mac again.
Things between him and Jared are sort of at a standstill, not bad or anything, just not moving fast. They kiss and make out, spend evenings or afternoons on the couch watching movies. Nothing more happens and Jensen thinks they are both okay with it.
As hot and heavy that night was, they’ve slowed down considerably. It’s a little like they both have to come to terms with everything and with the wedding taking up most of their time, there isn’t much spare for talking about themselves.
On top of all that, Jensen still has to tell his parents about the job offer and his decision about it. Danneel’s already asking if she should start packing up his stuff and sending it down to him, but he’s still not sure what he really wants. The thing with Jared is kind of really not helping at all. His mind’s all jumbled up and he has no time to sort it out.
His accumulated vacation days give him enough leeway to be able to decide and still help with the wedding. Jensen never thought he would actually enjoy being part of wedding preparations as much as he does.
Without him realizing it, they reach the big day and everyone’s close to panicking hyperventilating, digging a hole for themselves or all three. It’s amusing when you take time to look at it from the outside but then Jensen gets scolded for just standing around and that moment is gone as well.
The ceremony is over so fast that Jensen wonders if it really happened. But his momma is crying happy tears next to him and even his dad is dabbing away at the corner of his eyes. It was a good ceremony, short and to the point, and the vows went to everyone’s heart.
Jensen still can’t believe his little sister is married and that he’s the only one left of the three of them who’s not bound, even though Mac might argue that point. The reception is in full swing, speeches have been given, people have been embarrassed all around, the food has been awesome - Jensen’s still eating the delicious cake - and now there’s dancing and drinking.
He's been watching Jared all day and even more so now. There’s something off about him but Jensen can’t say what it is, because Jared’s as cheerful as everyone else, dancing around laughing, snatching the bride away from people.
Donna's been over already, telling Jensen to go and keep ‘his’ boy occupied so that she’ll get a chance to present the family’s present to the bride and groom, so Jensen knows that whatever is up with Jared isn’t visible to anyone else.
Only, he hasn’t had the chance yet to snatch Jared and occupy him, family has being doing that to him instead. Mindless chatter and questions about his life are keeping him away from Jared.
He jumps when Zach sits down next to him and hands him another glass of whatever fruity cocktail they're serving as a special during the reception. Everything around him is crème colored, even the umbrella in his glass.
Jensen has no idea how Mac pulled off that color scheme but it looks good. Jensen’s eyes are on Jared again the second he makes sure the glass is secure on the table and Zach’s not too drunk to slide off the chair. It’s easier to follow Jared with his eyes than try to follow him physically, and it’s also a lot less stressful.
“It’s been you,” Zach says, slurred a little but not much. Jensen actually looks away from Jared and feels himself raise an eyebrow, the question must be evident in his eyes. Zach just shrugs.
“What’s been me?”
“The reason why he couldn’t be with me. Not that I blame ya … all pretty and that. He’d talk about you ... a lot. ‘Specially after that one year he went home during holidays and you were there as well.” Zach’s looking at the dance floor now, smiling when he sees Mac fly around when Josh sort of twirls her, shrieking in the air with laughter following.
It’s not about Zach still mourning his relationship with Jared, Jensen knows that much, he's seen the way Zach looks at his sister. This is about closure and Jensen knows it’s important. The thing is, he can’t really remember the time Zach's talking about and it must show on his face.
“Oh right, you were with … Matt? Yeah, I think that was his name. Jared called you ‘sickenly sweet’ and I saw it in his eyes then. Jealousy. Loud and clear. I still stayed and tried. Then that case happened and as bad as it sounds, I had found another, a real reason, to go. Only he did it first. Said he couldn’t be with me if I supported murderers. Guess me accusing him of being in love with someone else didn’t help. Even if it was -- is -- true.”
The cocktail taste too sweet, too fruity, but Jensen needs something right now. Sounds swirl around him, light flashing and for a second Jensen thinks he’s going to hyperventilate. Then Jared’s in front of him, jingling bracelet against Jensen’s cheek, hand cupping his jaw.
“Jen?”
Jared's concerned eyes in front of his make Jensen blink and take a deep breath. He has no idea what just happened.
“I'm good. Just the alcohol.”
“You sure?”
Jensen nods, smiles when Jared’s off again and wonders what kind of instinct Jared possess that has him knowing that Jensen needed him. Zach’s still there, looking slightly guilty and a little more chagrined.
“Sorry. I … this probably isn't the right place to say things like this. Just thought I'd let it out there. I love Mac, I love her a whole lot. Jared’s my past but I do care … and I kind of want to see him happy. Just think, you're the one making him happy.” Zach shrugs, takes a huge gulp from the beer bottle that suddenly materialized from somewhere and doesn’t really look at Jensen anymore.
“You think ... this, this thing between you … it’s over? You're over it, right?” Jensen just has to ask, to make it clear. His heart thumps in his chest and he feels a little like he might get sick.
“Dude! I just married your sister. His best friend. Do you really think I’d be that kind of an asshole?” Zach sounds offended and Jensen thinks he has every right to. Zach really isn’t that kind of asshole
“No. Sorry.”
“And as I said, for Jared it’s been you … so yes, I think he’s over it,” Zach says smiling and shrugs again. Jensen thinks it’s probably the truth as well.
There are suddenly arms around him, strong and holding Jensen against a strong chest. His heart speeds up and he thinks he should've talked to Jared about that a long time ago.
“He’s right,” Jared whispers against his ear, licks a wet stripe behind it and makes Jensen jerk away.
“Jay!” Jensen tries to wiggle away but the arms are making it almost impossible to move more than an inch. There are giggles around them and it takes Jensen a second to realize it’s him making those unmanly sounds. Jared’s outright laughing. So maybe they’ve both had a little more to drink than Jensen thought. The kiss that follows is decidedly not child-friendly. No one seems to care, though.
***
The stars are bright and the air fresh, cold even, but Jensen doesn’t mind. He’s out here to clear his mind, to get away from the crowd, the party. He feels hot, head throbbing a little and lust coursing through his body. It’s all Jared’s fault, riling him up good and then dancing off with Mac. But it’s a beautiful night and the sounds from inside make him smile. He’s missed that.
His phone vibrates against his hip, announcing another message from Danneel. They’ve been texting all day, her witty replies keeping Jensen from freaking out. The phone in his hand glows brightly and he has to squint a little.
Glad u decided. Have to come and look at the man who snatched you away :)
Of course she focuses on the part that he only tacked on to the message as an afterthought. But that’s Danneel and he wouldn’t expect anything else from her. She's his best friend after all. Leaving her behind is one of the few things he’ll regret. Shooting of a short reply Jensen leans back against the wall and closes his eyes, breathing in deeply and letting the decision he just made settle in.
“You coming back inside soon?”
“Miss me already? Just been here for five minutes.”
Jared’s leaning against the same wall, so close to Jensen that they are aligned from shoulders to hips. Jensen likes the way it feels, the way Jared’s warmth seeps through him and makes him feel comfortable. He thinks he might even love the way Jared is always tactile and touching him, something he usually hates.
“Sure. Got ya now, not gonna let you out of my sight again.” It’s such a loaded thing to say that Jensen can feel Jared holding his breath, waiting. He’d feels sorry if his mind wasn’t so occupied with trying to figure out the right answer. He apparently shouldn’t have bothered to worry, his mouth is faster than is brain this time.
“Good.”
Just one word and it seems to settle everything between them.
“Zach was right, huh?” It’s not like he doesn’t know it but saying it out loud makes it real and he needs to hear it anyway.
Jared’s looking out into the night, somewhat unfocused, and by now Jensen knows it’s his tactic to deal with things that make him nervous.
“I thought he was the one. I loved him. A lot. But ... there was always you … ever since I was old enough to realize that this fluttery feeling in my stomach wasn’t because I was too shy or socially awkward … well, not completely all of it,” Jared says, to the stars but curling his hand around Jensen’s and linking their fingers.
The warmth between them is spreading, making Jensen smile softly and focusing on Jared next to him.
“Guess I had to go through that with Zach, grow up and wait until you finally realized what a catch I am.” The smirk’s sexy but there still some lingering insecurity in Jared’s eyes. So Jensen reaches out, drags him closer and fusses their lips together.
Standing there, under the stars during the wedding reception for his younger sister and kissing the man that seems to have wormed his way into Jensen’s heart in a matter of weeks - that's so worth giving up what he had in New York those last few years and coming home.
He kisses Jared with all his heart in it and thinks it’s the first time in years - maybe even since the being with Matt - that this is the case. Jensen knows he’s well on his way to falling in love, hard and fast, and finds he doesn't mind it one bit.
This is not just Jay anymore, not only his little sister’s best friend. This is Jared, the man Jensen thinks he might be falling hard for.
Epilogue