Fic: "Somebody made you smile into their lens” Part 2 b

[icebear_cw]

***

Jared's been in the shower for ten minutes when Jensen decides that he can’t stand it anymore, just laying there and thinking.
Chris’ call has him back to square one. He's feeling incredibly guilty, even if Jared doesn’t seem to understand why.

He slowly gets out of bed and is kind of grateful for having used Jared’s t-shirt to clean up last night. He gets his boxers, his shirt, dresses and heads out of the room to find some coffee and maybe something to eat.
He just can’t deal with anything without having coffee first. His brain might come up with strange ideas, such as the one he just had for a second.

Leaving Jared and just taking off to Australia, forever. He knows he can’t do it. He's too far in love to actually consider doing it.

Jensen finds Danneel in the kitchen, occupied with something in a frying pan and the coffee maker at the same time. Jensen wishes he’d be able to multitask like this. But when the coffee sloshes over and the hot oil bubbles too far out of the pan, he thinks he lives healthier not being able to do it.

She smirks when she sees him looking and offers him bacon, eggs and toast along with the cup he has already snagged from the cupboard. And who is he to deny food? So he nods and laughs when Danneel just heaps almost all the food on his plate.

“Jared will steal most of it anyway. I know him,. He loves stealing food.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You do? Man, you're as gone as him if you know those details already.”

Jensen knows he's blushing and he hates himself for it. There's no real reason to do it or to feel embarrassed, because yes he knows how hung up on Jared he is.

Danneel looks at him, really watches him. There isn’t much left open to interpretation and Jensen just goes ahead and starts the inevitable conversation they will be having. It’s better with Jared not there anyway.

“Look… If this is going to be the ‘I’ll kill you if you break his heart’ speech I have to say that I know that and that I’ll never hurt him. Not on purpose. That much I can promise.”

Danneel just blinks and than goes back to just looking at him. It goes on for more than just a second. A second too long and Jensen feels suddenly cornered. Then there is a fresh cup of coffee in front of him and Danneel sits down at the table as well.

“I know that Jensen, I do. And it says at lot that Jared can’t shut up about you. You two are alike. Running from something and not stopping to think about it. He's been running since he could claim to be independent. He had a hard time in high school, always the geek with brains working over time. He gets so restless and it makes him run. He needs someone to ground him. No idea how long you've been doing it, the running, but I guess quite a while. But ... well I think you might be good for each other. Settling down maybe? I don’t know… I don’t know you, yet. But the way Jared talks about you? I am pretty sure he’d go anywhere with you.”

Something dislodges in his chest. Knowing it is one thing; being told in clear words is another.

Jensen doesn’t believe in fate. Never has.
But these days, he's started to wonder how it's possible that against all odds, despite being so totally opposite, he and Jared still always end up together. No matter what.

The thought of Chris sneaks in again. Jensen feels miserable, doesn’t want to think about it but he knows he has no other chance. Chris is his best friend, after all.

Jensen knows he has to talk to him as soon as possible. Jensen thinks about asking Jared to join him in Australia when Jared’s UT project is done. They both could use some down time.

Danneel’s snort brings him back and now he really is embarrassed, but he can’t help but laugh as well. It’s a bit too pathetic, even for him.

“I know he would. I would do the same for him. Follow him, stay here. Whatever. I just.. I want to be with him. Now that ... that I can.. that I actually am here. I don’t even know what I mean… God…” Jensen lets his head fall onto the top of the breakfast bar and just tries to stop making a fool out of himself.

“I know what you mean, Jensen.”

Jensen smiles against the granite of the counter, but doesn’t lift his head. Not just yet.

“Danni. Morning. Oh, Jensen. Good Morning.”

Jensen snaps back up and almost flings himself out of the chair and cringes at JD’s and Danneel’s laughter.

“Morning.”

“Didn’t know you slept here. It’s okay, though. Danni always ends up here after one of Jared’s parties.”

Danneel snickers, but doesn’t say anything and Jensen is very, very grateful for that. He might actually buy her something, like flowers or cookies or so. He just might.

“Well, Jared hates to sleep alone anyway. I think Jensen made a good cuddle toy.”

So he might have been a bit fast with declaring Danneel holy, but he's only known her for a day and he thinks it’s a valid excuse to not know how evil she can be. No flowers and cookies then.

JD doesn’t say anything either, but his smirk is decidedly more evil than Danneel’s was, so Jensen doesn’t even try to hope and get out of this unscathed.

What follows isn’t what he expected. He expected a dad-like conversation, threats maybe or just some good advice at how to deal with Jared. He sips his coffee when JD sits down next to him and asks.

The coffee ends up on the counter top and Jensen is pretty sure that he has never been so red in his entire life. Not because of the question, he isn’t even processing that yet, but because of Danneel’s bemused look down her formerly white top and JD toppling over due to laughing tears.

“I… Oh God. I'm sorry. I really am. He just… it surprised me. Danneel, really. Oh God.”

“Not quite the wet shirt contest here. If I had know you just wanted to see my boobs… It’s okay, Jensen. Really. Now I know to stay away from you when you talk with JD or when someone makes you a job offer. If you excuse me, guys. I think Jared still might have some of my things in his closet.”

Jensen blinks, watches her go and turns back to JD.

“Her things in his closet?”

“Oh that’s what you react to? Oh boy, you have it bad. Yes, they have been friends for a good twenty years. She used to live right next to Jared’s house when they still lived in San Antonio. She went to college here and then we moved here as well. She ended up sleeping here a lot when they were out at parties or whatnot. Jared used to be a college kid through and through, even if he was inside his head more often then not.”

Jensen knows it’s a natural reaction to feel jealous, he's just surprised that he's that far already. Jared's his and he never thought he’d be so territorial. It’s new to him.

“So, what do you say, Jensen? The Australian job is already one of mine and I was actually thinking about sending someone else and letting you have some time off. I know about Africa and that you haven’t had time off in a while. Jared, either.”

“I have to think about it. Really. It’s huge and just… huge.”

JD smiles at him, not in a patronizing way and Jensen feels less nervous now. He hasn’t thought about it yet, but the offer sounds way too good to actually say no. Still, he needs time. Needs to think about it. Talk to Jared.

Talk to Jared. Jensen thinks it says a lot about him that talking to Jared about a decision is now a priority for him. He likes it.

He has to talk to his boss about Australia, though, and he thinks he should use the drive down to think about JD’s offer and what to say to Jared. Jensen can’t believe that he's actually thinking about settling down, job-wise and life-wise.

It’s new. And it’s exciting. He doesn’t mind feeling like a teenager, at least not all that much. Dallas isn’t that far away. He’ll be back this evening even if he stops by to talk to his mom. He might actually be able to see Chris and Steve.



***

Jared doesn’t even think about questioning why Jensen has to go to Dallas. He also doesn’t question why JD is grinning like mad, but won’t tell him anything. Both things seen separately happen regularly, JD not telling and Jensen taking off at least. Jared doesn’t think that both instances are connected.

Jensen had promised to try and make it back in time for Chris and Steve’s gig. Jared's actually proud of himself at having convinced Jensen to come, even if Chris didn’t call or invite him.

Jared doesn’t know what that's all about, but when he sees Chris in the club, he thinks he knows what’s up and it makes him incredibly sad. Chris is all dressed up, and Jared just knows he normally wouldn’t do it for a bar gig like this one.

Jared also knows that Chris and Jensen don’t talk about him, but that Chris thinks he has no chance when Jensen's close, thanks to some drunken telephone conversation with Steve when Jared was worried out of his mind over Jensen being stuck in Africa.

For a second, he's tempted to just turn on his heel and head out again, call Jensen and just spend the evening with him. But then Steve spots him and his chance is gone.

Steve is the first to reach him, with him is a cute little brunette smiling sweetly and she seems nice. She doesn’t cling to his arm and actually hits him when he says something inappropriate about the hickey Jared's sporting. Jared instantly likes her.

He likes her even more when he realises that she's Steve’s girlfriend. He really has to talk to Jensen about his character judging skills. Or at least his gaydar.

Chris joins them with a huge smile and a hug for Jared that is a little longer than the friendly ones they used in London. Jared hates feeling responsible for the inevitable heartbreak, he has no other chance.

“Hey, Jared. Man, it’s good to see you. It’s been a while.”

“Hi, Chris. Yeah. Sorry, I couldn’t make it to the New York show. I was in town, but way too busy. I'm really sorry. For bailing on you and dinner as well.”

“It’s okay, man. We’ll find another opportunity. Just sit tight and enjoy the show now. I’ll just go and get some water.”

Jared nods, swipes his hair out of his eyes and wonders what he's doing here. He sees Chris flash him an odd look when he moves his hand back down, but Chris is already too far away to ask what’s up.

Steve is not.

“What was that look?”

“The bracelet. Chris was there when Jensen got it from his brother. Was there when he swore he’d never go without it. Not even his ex, Tommy, got to wear it. And now you're here, wearing it. I know it’s not my place to say anything, but you guys should talk to him.”

Jared nods, frowns after Chris and about the information he just got.

“I know. I keeping on telling Jen we should. The bracelet? He left it with me in Thailand when he had to go and I wasn’t awake.”

Steve smiles slightly, nods and pats Jared on the shoulder.

“God, why do you have to be so freaking tall? I just dislocated my shoulder.”

“Ass.”

“Yep. Will Jensen show up?”

“I hope so. He was in Dallas all day but promised to try. Chris wants to go out later, right? With me?”

“Yeah. I think that was the plan. I'm not so sure about it now. I told him to invite Jensen, too. I think Chris called him like 10 minutes before we got here. At least he still sees Jensen as his best friend." He pauses, then shrugs apologetically. "Enjoy the show, Jared.”

Steve is gone before Jared can say anything. He knows it’s partly his fault that Chris still thinks he might have a chance. He hates to think that they're about to hurt Chris just by being happy together.

Life is unfair. Jared 's experienced that. He just wishes he could avoid subjecting Chris to it as well.

The band is halfway through the set when someone sits really close to Jared. He's about to tell said someone off when hot breath hits his ear.

“Missed me?”

“Jen.”

“Hey. Sorry, tried to be faster. Chris called and said I should show my ugly face here. So I guess I really have a reason to be here.”

“Dude, I'm not reason enough?”

Jensen just grins all wide and joyful, Jared shoves him anyway. It gets a laugh out of Jared and a missed note out of Chris. Jared frowns and Jensen locks down.

They spend the rest of the gig in a tense silence and trying not to be too close together. Jared thinks it’s ridiculous, and tells Jensen that. The murderous glare he gets is unfair and hurts a little. Jared just lets the music wash over him and doesn’t look anywhere close to either Chris or Jensen. He hates it. He loves looking at Jensen.

It’s with the last song that Jensen actually moves closer again, lets his hand hang from the top of the bar and slight brushes his fingers against Jared’s bare arm. It sends shivers and shocks through Jared’s body and he takes it as a silent apology, shifts closer and accepts it.

Chris doesn’t look too happy to see them together, actually comments on them seeming inseparable all of a sudden. Steve is the one clearing the situation with an invitation to join him, Sandy and Chris at the ranch for a late night cookout. Jared hadn’t even known that Steve had relatives in Texas, not to mention that they had a ranch and were on vacation somewhere close to Brazil.

Jared laughs out loud at Jensen’s face when Steve introduces Sandy as his girlfriend. Steve does as well. They leave and Jensen pouts all the way to Steve’s grandparent’s ranch. Jared itches to kiss it away, but knows that Jensen will likely freak out if he does. So he just sits plastered against the door, next to Sandy in the back seat and stares out into the dark Texas night, while Steve and Jensen chatter about meaningless things and Chris drives.

It's rather uncomfortable.

***

Jared sits at the window and thinks how it seems to be a repeating theme in his life. Sitting at a window watching the world go by while he can’t sleep. The day has been crazy and Jared’s thoughts haven’t settled down yet. No chance for him to sleep now.

Jared looks down and goes back to flipping pages. There is a photo book similar to the one Jensen gave him for his birthday open in his lap. It’s Kane’s and has most of the tour pictures, and CD and DVD covers in it. Jared loves a lot of those pictures and smiles at the private shots Jensen included.

The morning after Jared’s birthday, before Jensen took off to Dallas, they'd sat down and had gone through the picture in Jared’s book. He'll never stop being impressed by Jensen’s talent and he told him that much, causing a blush he'd never seen on Jensen before.

There were pictures of the landscape, the temples, the beaches, and random things in Thailand. There were also pictures of the team, at work, at a bar, in the hotel. And then there were pictures of Jared. Of Jared working, goofing around, reading, playing guitar, sketching Jensen, sleeping even.

Jared loves every single one of them. Loves how Jensen is able to capture the moment and actually take it into the photo. Jared loves how focused Jensen is when he works and how utterly random he is when he's taking pictures without a real purpose.

The differences between the professional work photos and random private ones are huge and obvious. But not in the way they're shot or the talent behind them. It is the way Jensen managed to transmit his own feelings through them. With every change in the light, in the settings, in the focus and the distance parameters, in the way he held the camera, Jensen not only took a simple photo, but also told a story.

Jared simply loves that he knows the story, that he's allowed to see the story. The photo book is one of the most precious gifts Jensen could have ever given. Jared knows Jensen doesn’t think so and it amazes him that Jensen knows he's very good at what he does, but doesn’t believe Jared when he says that he loves the photos.
Jared has already added some of his own sketches to the book, to compliment the photos and to complete the story behind them. He had to smile when he realized how well the sketches and the photos fit together.

The Kane book has similar differences in the pictures, just not as obvious. At least that’s how Jared sees it.

There's even one picture of him among the lot from London. He hasn’t seen this one before and realises that it must have been taken by Chris, since he and Jensen are both in it. Looking back now, Jared realises it all started in that hotel room, if not earlier.

They're just looking at each other.
Jared can’t remember the moment and thinks it might have been when they were already on their way to demolishing the rest of the mini-bar after Jensen’s and Steve’s supplies had run out.

Jensen’s eyes seem to be trained on Jared and on Jared only.
Jared shivers a little, knows that look, has seen it a lot lately. When he looks at himself, he sees the answering stare and can’t help but snort. He should have figured it out way earlier. The evidence is so obvious now.

“Can’t sleep?”

Jared doesn’t jump, but he starts a little. He smiles when he looks up from the photo book. He's surprised, and maybe a little relieved, to see Jensen here. He didn’t think Jensen would dare to come to him. But there he is, standing in the doorway to the room Chris gave Jared, smiling slightly.

Chris had actually insisted on them staying when it was too late to even think about driving home - especially with the fact that they were both kind of slightly drunk on beer. But Chris had given them separate rooms, which, considering how big the old farm house is, kind of makes it obvious what he’d wanted to achieve with that. The only thing he did achieve with keeping them apart was the return of Jared’s insomnia in full force.

It’s actually quite revealing to Jared. He can’t sleep when Jensen isn’t there. He can’t sleep when he doesn’t have his guitar with him. He can’t sleep when Jensen isn’t either singing or talking to him.

“No. Not really. Doesn’t seem to work too well without you here.”

“Jared.” Jared puts the book down on the windowsill, moves a little and flops down on his bed, all that without stopping to look at Jensen.

“I'm sorry. I know. Just what are you doing here if you don’t want to go against Chris’ wish? Which, by the way, I think is bullshit and I don’t know why you agreed to do it."

Jensen moves closer, out of the doorway so that he can close the door. Jared smiles because he knows that Jensen plans on staying. When Jensen reaches the bed, Jared doesn’t even hesitate and pulls him down.

They both grunt with the force of which Jensen almost slams down on top of Jared and then giggle when they are nose to nose. Jared gets a little cross-eyed when he tries not to lose eye contact. Jensen just grins at him and kisses his nose.

“So, you think Chris is an ass?”

Jensen moves on the bed, settles down next to Jared and slings an arm over Jared’s chest, keeps him close but watching at him as well. Jared shrugs.

“No, not really. I get it. I get him. But you know; I'm just trying to live my life. Be happy. Be with you. Living mostly the way I want, even though people don’t get it. I'm not trying to change or be someone else just to have more people in my life. If they don’t want to know me, they don’t have to. Of course it hurts, but not as much as getting to know someone and then being told that you don’t count. Because I think I count and you do, too. And our feelings do as well. I get that Chris is hurt and that sucks. I really do hope we’ll stay friends. I like him.”

Jensen's just staring at him. Wide eyed and kind of astonished.

“How can you be so wise and still so young? How can you be so perfect?”

“I'm not perfect.”

“You are to me.”

It's way too cheesy and Jensen actually groans, burying his head in Jared’s neck. Jared, though, loves it and laughs.

“Your dad offered me a job in his agency. Wants me to work exclusively for him.”

“What?” Now it’s Jared who's stunned. This comes totally out of the blue and he doesn’t know what to say or what to think.

“Yeah… This Australia gig, it’s already one of his jobs and even before he offered the real deal, I was thinking you could maybe join me there when you are done at UT and we could maybe have some off time. I think we deserve it after everything.”

Jared sits up so that he can see Jensen better, see the look on his face. Jensen smiles, lies there on the bed all relaxed with his hands behind his head. But Jared can see the lines around his eyes and the way his shoulders don’t really touch the pillow behind them.
Jensen's tense, worried and Jared knows that his reaction is important. Not only to Jensen, but to them.

“My dad.. JD? He wants you to work for him?”

“Yes.” Jensen says quietly and nods.

“And?”

“I'm thinking about. That’s why I was in Dallas today, to talk to my agency and my boss to find out if it's even possible with all the contracts and stuff. Apparently it is. My mom is delighted.”

Jared blinks, because yeah, what has Jensen’s mother to do with it?

“Your mom?”

“Oh yeah, I couldn't be in Dallas without dropping by. She would have killed me if I'd dared to not show up. Yes, she loves the fact that I might be forced to settle down with such a job. Oh by the way, she wants to meet you.”

“You told your mom about me? Jensen!” Jared isn’t really all that shocked. It’s not like he'd kept Jensen a secret. Well, he did but when Jensen had shown up he hadn’t denied anything. He knows Jensen gets along well with his parents, so it's just a logical step.

“What? I already know your parents. And I was so not prepared for that.”

Jared smiles. Because, yeah, he kind of just threw Jensen in there without really telling him that his parents would be present. But he'd been so excited after Jensen had said he would come to the party it had slipped his mind to mention the fact. Maybe even out of fear that Jensen wouldn’t show up. He had just wanted to see him

“But we weren’t together then.”

“We are together now?”

“Uh.. I guess.” Jared feels his cheeks grow hot and hates his body for it. He's happy that the bedside lamp isn’t all that bright.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Uhuh.”

Jared thinks Jensen should be more talkative sometimes, but then he hates talking about feelings, too, so he gets it. Doesn’t mean he has to like it. Guessing the meaning of grunts is always kind of hard, even for a linguist.

“You're an ass. But that’s nothing new. So about the job? You're thinking about it?”

“Yeah. I am. I actually… I don’t know. It sounds good, you know? Not travelling all over the world, well I might miss that. But I'm a photographer, I have a name and I think it might help with things. I might actually be able to still do some side projects. And yeah… well, we would be.. together. I like that thought.”

Jared actually allows himself to feel happy. Truly happy at the thought of Jensen being close, being with him for longer than just the time their jobs take. He even likes the thought of Jensen and him being together without having to consider a future separation. He really likes that thought.

“I like that as well.”

“Me too, actually. Jared, I'm tired of running away from something only I seem to think is bad enough to run from. I actually feel like I'm ready to be over it. I don’t want to be all over the world, get into things because of my name, get into dangerous situations because I can and am too stupid to not risk it. There hasn’t been anything in my life worth coming back for. Until now. I don’t want to go on living without you or going around fucking everyone I happen to be able to get. I just…. I want another life. A life I seem to be able to maybe have now.”

Jared’s brain is stuck on the part about him being what Jensen would up his current life for. It’s a lot to take in and Jensen’s insecure smile isn’t really helping clear his head. Jared just wants to hug him and tell him everything will be fine. The thing is he can’t, he has to know for sure what Jensen is saying.

“You're doing this for me?”

“Not primarily, no. I'm doing this for me. Because I know it will do me good. And because I know you will do me good. I haven’t even looked at anybody since Thailand. Before that even … I think.”

Jared smiles, kisses Jensen softly and nods. He doesn’t have to say anything because he knows that Jensen gets that he hasn’t either.

They lie there, curled around each other, holding on and not saying anything for a while. The moon isn’t full yet, but it casts a soft glow through the open window. Texas summer air breezes in and Jared doesn’t remember a hot night where he hasn’t minded being all sweaty and unable to sleep. Here with Jensen, it seems unimportant. Everything but the two of them is unimportant, so when he opens his mouths he isn’t all that surprised by what comes out.

“Would you.. would you go with me if I had another big project somewhere in the world?”

“Yes.” There is not a hint of hesitation. Jared's as sure as Jensen sounds that this is it.

“Then I guess I can stay here as well.”

“For a while, at least.”

“For a while.”

Then they just lie there, in Steve’s guestroom, looking out at the stars, just existing.
Until they aren’t anymore and Jared groans out loud when Jensen’s tongue meets his. For a split second he fears he's too loud. Then he isn’t thinking at all anymore.

He just feels.

***

Jensen doesn’t know what he is doing. Doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to think about anything else but Jared’s lips on his. There's nothing to think about but Jared’s mouth on his.

Jensen had no idea that he'd been craving it. That he'd been waiting for it to happen. And it’s all he's wanted, all he wants.
Slow, exploring.
Just trying to figure out what it is and where they stand. And it’s sweet. Jensen doesn’t do sweet. Jensen doesn’t like sweet. And yet, Jensen is pretty sure that he loves kissing Jared like this. As slow kisses go, this one isn’t perfect, but it’s exhilarating and exciting, which makes it good.

Jared moans, opens his mouth and lets Jensen take control. Jared lets Jensen guide him down onto the bed, lets him grab his hair gently and lets him explore.
Jensen loves it. Loves every second of it. He didn’t think it could be like this. Didn’t think Jared would be the one.
Now he knows how wrong he was. How much he had tried to not take this path. For Chris. For himself. And Jared had been oblivious to all of it.

Jared had just been there. A force of nature. Maybe even fate.

They roll around on the bed, end up with Jared on top, still kissing, grabbing onto each other. They kiss. Just kiss. Deep and forceful, slow and sweet, passionate and loving. All of it.

Jensen doesn’t know where it's coming from. Doesn’t recognize himself anymore. He doesn’t want to go back to the man he was before this. Before Jared. He can’t.

Jensen surges up, pushes against Jared and makes the other man moan even louder. Catches the sounds with his mouth, swallows them, takes them in. There are his. For him. His alone.

It's all his to take, his to keep.
And he'll take and keep and do it all over again. Jared moans deep again and arches off the bed. Just like the first time and Jensen wants to repeat it all. He sucks and licks and bites. He just is, just does.

And then…

Then Jared freezes and Jensen has only a second before he realises that they aren’t alone anymore. He doesn’t have to look around, doesn’t have turn to know who just entered the room.
The look on Jared’s face is all he needs. It’s telling him everything and he wishes it wasn't going to be like this.

Jared blushes deep red and tries to move off of Jensen. Only Jensen doesn’t want him to. They do move, sit up, sit close and next to each other on the bed. Jensen needs Jared close now. Needs to know that he isn’t alone in this.
Jared doesn’t disappoint and even moves even closer.

Chris just stands at the door. Looks at them with a blank face and Jensen never thought that there would be a moment where he can’t read Chris’ face anymore. It hurts, makes him sad, makes him want to apologize even though he isn’t sure for what.

“Seems like I'm interrupting something. I just wanted to see if Jared could sleep. But I guess that question is moot now.”

The tone is not angry, not resigned, but void of every emotion and it scares Jensen.

Next to him, Jared shrugs his shoulders, sighs and rubs his face before looking back at Chris.

“But… but I told you that I... that I am good. I never said I’d… Chris… I.”

“No. It’s okay Jared. I was actually waiting for this to happen. Ever since London.” Chris smiles at them, not really friendly, but not cold either. It’s just a little sad. Jensen doesn’t know what to make of it. And apparently his brain has to make his confusion known.

“Huh?”

Jared clings to Jensen and Jensen can’t let go either. He just can’t.

“Well, you two certainly put on a show for two people who couldn’t stand each other. You started out insulting each other more and more with every drink and then ended up making out like mad. As I said, quite a show.”

And then Chris actually winks. Honest to God winks and Jensen wants to slug him. Badly. Everything will be okay. Jensen knows this much.

When Chris closes the door, neither of them says anything for a while. They just sit there and hold each other until Jared drops his head on Jensen’s shoulder and starts to laugh. Jared is shaking against Jensen, laughing, and doesn’t seem to be able to stop. Jensen can’t help but join in. It’s too much and laughing feels good. It’s freeing in a way.

“Oh God. That’s so… so typical.”

“For us, you mean?”

“Yes. God, love on first sight. That’s pathetic.”

“Love?”

“Uh.. yeah.”

“Me, too Jared.”

“You won’t run again?”

“No. Unless it's with you.”

***

Epilogue

They stay for a while on the ranch. Chris insists and Jensen isn’t one to deny his best friend. Both he and Jared actually have a few days off.

After Jensen called JD to accept the job and his agent to inform him about the deal, Jensen shut off his work cell phone. There isn’t really anybody important who would want to reach him, everyone else is either with him or has his private number.

Danneel had come up to the ranch as well and it was a little like summer camp. More and more friends showed up and Jensen actually realised how long it had been since he'd had that. Just lazy days in the sun with people he liked, and even loved, around.

Jensen is happy. Truly happy.

And he doesn’t know how many comments he'd heard about that in the last few days. Even Chris had started up with the ribbing again, said it was only fair since Jensen did and does the same every time Chris was being ridiculous.

It isn’t even awkward when Chris teases him and Jared about being too sweet and causing tooth aches every time they looked at each other. The first time Chris had mocked Jared, he'd flushed and said sorry, while looking rather put upon when Chris had roared with laughter.

But Jared's learning how to take Chris and his humour. Even mocks back without Chris being all bitter or sad about it. But Jensen can still see the sadness that sometimes flickers through Chris’ eyes when he isn’t fast enough to hide it. Jensen knows it'll take a while, especially since Chris is forced to watch them being all happy and planning a future together.

It’s in the middle of one big breakfast feast when Jensen looks at Chris and Jared horsing around that he has to take a step away. He isn’t prepared for the wave of jealousy that hits him and he leaves the backyard to sit on the front porch and drink his coffee.

He's confused and doesn’t know why or what it's about.

When Steve settles next to him the porch step, Jensen knows he wasn’t that stealthy trying to get away.

“What is it?”

“I.. don’t know.”

Steve nods, but doesn’t say anything further. They just sit there, drink their coffee and bask in the relative silence of the front porch. Only occasionally does Jensen hear a whoop of laughter or yelp and knows that it's Jared. It makes him smile and feel sappy at the same time.

“You're totally gone for him, aren’t you?”

Jensen answers without thinking and doesn’t even feel all too embarrassed about it. “Yes.”

“He's the same about you, you know. I watched you. And there's no reason to be jealous. I know you want to spend all your time with him right now and I get it. I'm happy for you Jensen, haven’t seen you like that in a really long time.”

Jensen can’t help but hug Steve. He knows he shows his appreciation for his friends way too little and he vows to change that. Because without Steve or Chris, Jensen wouldn’t be the man he is today.

“Thanks, Steve. I'm happy for you as well. I mean Sandy's awesome.”

“Oh come on, you thought I was pinning away over Chris and feeling miserable over my unrequited love.”

Jensen actually blushes because he'd been thinking exactly that and he has no idea how Steve could know this.

“But you've been miserable.”

“Yes man, my girlfriend was state-side while we were in Europe. I missed her, you douche. And really, Chris?”

Jensen laughs and then jumps when strong arms encircle him from behind, but relaxes when he hears Jared’s rumbled laughter against his back. He secretly loves how Jared manages to pull him in close and still be so much bigger than Jensen.

“You’ve never been that observant. For a photographer, that’s kind of a bad habit, you know.”

Jared is nuzzling his neck so Jensen just turns a little to give him better access. Steve smiles fondly but not without allowing a trace of amusement slip into the expression. Jensen just shrugs slightly. What can he do? He's addicted to Jared, after all.

Jared’s slow nibbles having Jensen forgetting any jealousy he felt. Jared is his and Jensen knows this. But it’s nice to feel it, too.

“Oh shut up, Sasquatch.”

“You're awfully fixated on Chris’ love life. Should I be worried? Are you sure that you're with the right man?”

It’s clearly a joke, but Jensen still doesn’t know how to answer that except by turning, pulling Jared close and kissing him. It’s slow but different then before. Something has settled within Jensen and he realises that Jared knows what Jensen felt earlier and left him to figure it out on his own.
Jensen loves him even more for not pushing.
Jensen loves him.

He feels Jared’s smile against his lips and answers it with his own. They both know what Jensen has just figured out.

“I love you. Probably have since the second you smacked into me.”

Jared nods, keeps him close and doesn’t move away.

“And still, you didn’t see me.”

“I did. Just didn’t recognize it. Too many things interfering, too many things around to take notice of first.”

“Yeah, I know. I love you, too.”

Jensen feels more than hears Steve get up and leave. They're alone on the porch, alone with each other and Jensen doesn’t think there's been a time where he was happier than he is now. He thinks it's obvious to everyone except him. Even his dad commented on it when Jensen had called to tell him about the job. His parents were both surprised and happy about him settling down, they hadn’t counted on it in a long time.

Jensen doesn’t know why he'd been on the run half his life. It couldn’t all be Tommy’s fault, he knows that much. But still, he'd always been moving, always looking for the perfect shot, the perfect picture.

Jensen thinks he's finally found it and it’s right there with him.

Steve once said that Jensen kept looking for himself in all the wrong places. The irony that he'd found what he was looking for in a man from home, in the place he'd first run to, isn't lost on him. He doesn’t know how Steve can be so smart. He also doesn’t know why Jared is chuckling.

“What?”

“Nothing, Jen.” Except now Jared's actually laughing.

“Jared. What?”

“Just. You always look so bitchy when you are deep in thought. All frowny and glaring. Makes me think I got the wrong idea the first time we met.”

“Why’s that?”

Jared laughs out loud, bends down and kisses Jensen deeply. Jensen is dazed when they break apart again.

“Well, you were a real bitch back then. But maybe you were just deep in thought and I interrupted your slow brain process.”

Jared is already halfway down the hall when Jensen’s brain catches up proving Jared’s point.
So not fair saying things like that after kissing the living daylights out of him. Jensen sprints after him.

“You … Oh wait till I get you.”

“I'm counting on it, Jensen. I'm really counting on it.”



The End.

***

PART TWO: B and Epilogue (previous) * Master Post