Catching my breath
So, SO much has happened in the last month and a half or so, and I don't have the words to properly articulate my feelings, but I'm trying anyway, because life is moving so very fast right now.
First things first: note the crossposting. I have a new journal on a different site. It was time to get a new one. Fresh starts and all that. My LJ will still be active, though. I'm just updating it from the new journal.
So. Reflections.
Saturday, May 21, 2011, at around 4 pm, I walked across the stage of the Greek Theater and collected the scroll that commemorated my participation in the UC Berkeley English Department commencement ceremony.
I am now officially an alumnus, and even a month and a half later, it leaves me reeling.
I'm not worrying about classes starting in August. I don't have to worry about grades or papers or exams until I go to grad school.
Instead, I'm getting ready to move halfway across the country to Chicago.
I found an apartment--one I'm looking forward to making mine in almost exactly two weeks. I'm looking for a roommate to share expenses.
Yesterday--June 25th--I vacated my apartment in Berkeley. Looking at it without all my stuff inside was surreal.
It really was--is?--the end of my life in the Bay Area.
For now, anyway. Who knows what the future holds, right?
But it was so strange, knowing that Tina and Cilla would still be up there after I was gone. Knowing that I will not have to hike the hills of Berkeley to get to a random class in Tolman Hall, or go for a burger at I.B.'s, or grab a late night dinner with friends.
I'm trying to figure out what workplace-related accommodations I need to ask for. Trying to get my paperwork in order for registration in July. Trying to figure out what to take with me, and what to leave behind here in storage.
I'm entering the real world. And while I'm definitely excited, I'm also realizing that I'm dreading it.
Part of me just wants to curl up, and hide, and be a little girl in my parents home forever.
There's a little voice in my head screaming, "You're not ready! You're going to fuck up! You're going to end up broke and hungry, with $2 in your bank account, and more money on your credit card than you can pay off!"
I'm not ready to be mature!
Or maybe, it's more apt to say I'm not ready to be financially mature.
And I need to be. Like...right now. Because before I can go to Chicago, I have to go head to head with Social Security and keep my SSI payments, because I sure as hell am not getting paid enough at my new place of work to live on.
And God, I HATE Social Security. i can't wait for the day when i can say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need it anymore."
Still...I'm definitely excited.
I've always had the desire to have an impact on the world. And now I've got the chance to do it.
I'm not trying to be vain, because I don't crave limelight. I don't want to be the center of attention or anything like that. But I want to help people. I want to help kids realize their potential. I want to make the world a better place.
And the work I'm going to be doing gives me the chance to do that.
And before all of that starts, I've had some amazing moments with my sister before she heads off around the world on her next adventure.
As a graduation gift, she took me to New York last weekend, where we spent our time watching Broadway shows, eating, enjoying our freaking AMAZING hotel room on the 40th floor, and sleeping in the very comfy bed, before we headed back to DC.
I finally, FINALLY saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Center orchestra, first row, right behind the conductor.
It was so beautiful and rich and enthralling. The Phantom learns that love also means letting Christine go. Needless to say, I cried.
I can't really say much else, because seriously? Phantom is in a class all its own. 'Nuff said.
And the next night, I saw a whole new side to Daniel Radcliffe's acting chops. As much as I like him as Harry Potter, he was FABULOUS as J. Pearpont Finch. How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying was hilarious and spirited, and he carried the show so well. He can sing too, which just makes me love him even more. I'm sure he's going to grow into an even better actor the more he does.
I could have met him after the show, but there were way too many people with the same idea, and we were getting late for our dinner reservation. Maybe next time, though...
It was a dream weekend for me, and it was even better, because it was with my sister, who loves Broadway as much as I do. Who was really just being my sister for once, instead of a third parent.
The sister from last weekend is who I'm going to miss when she's halfway around the world for two years.
She's the one that I can talk to about stuff like boys and our parents and my life and her life and blindness and everything else under the sun.
I'm glad I got that before she leaves next weekend.
That whole trip just feels so far away now, though.
I feel like there is still so much to say about where my life is going, but I can't seem to catch up, or find anymore words.
But there is definitely so much more to do before leaving next Friday, so that's what I'm going to focus on now.
Off to catch some shut-eye before heading out in the morning for errands!
First things first: note the crossposting. I have a new journal on a different site. It was time to get a new one. Fresh starts and all that. My LJ will still be active, though. I'm just updating it from the new journal.
So. Reflections.
Saturday, May 21, 2011, at around 4 pm, I walked across the stage of the Greek Theater and collected the scroll that commemorated my participation in the UC Berkeley English Department commencement ceremony.
I am now officially an alumnus, and even a month and a half later, it leaves me reeling.
I'm not worrying about classes starting in August. I don't have to worry about grades or papers or exams until I go to grad school.
Instead, I'm getting ready to move halfway across the country to Chicago.
I found an apartment--one I'm looking forward to making mine in almost exactly two weeks. I'm looking for a roommate to share expenses.
Yesterday--June 25th--I vacated my apartment in Berkeley. Looking at it without all my stuff inside was surreal.
It really was--is?--the end of my life in the Bay Area.
For now, anyway. Who knows what the future holds, right?
But it was so strange, knowing that Tina and Cilla would still be up there after I was gone. Knowing that I will not have to hike the hills of Berkeley to get to a random class in Tolman Hall, or go for a burger at I.B.'s, or grab a late night dinner with friends.
I'm trying to figure out what workplace-related accommodations I need to ask for. Trying to get my paperwork in order for registration in July. Trying to figure out what to take with me, and what to leave behind here in storage.
I'm entering the real world. And while I'm definitely excited, I'm also realizing that I'm dreading it.
Part of me just wants to curl up, and hide, and be a little girl in my parents home forever.
There's a little voice in my head screaming, "You're not ready! You're going to fuck up! You're going to end up broke and hungry, with $2 in your bank account, and more money on your credit card than you can pay off!"
I'm not ready to be mature!
Or maybe, it's more apt to say I'm not ready to be financially mature.
And I need to be. Like...right now. Because before I can go to Chicago, I have to go head to head with Social Security and keep my SSI payments, because I sure as hell am not getting paid enough at my new place of work to live on.
And God, I HATE Social Security. i can't wait for the day when i can say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need it anymore."
Still...I'm definitely excited.
I've always had the desire to have an impact on the world. And now I've got the chance to do it.
I'm not trying to be vain, because I don't crave limelight. I don't want to be the center of attention or anything like that. But I want to help people. I want to help kids realize their potential. I want to make the world a better place.
And the work I'm going to be doing gives me the chance to do that.
And before all of that starts, I've had some amazing moments with my sister before she heads off around the world on her next adventure.
As a graduation gift, she took me to New York last weekend, where we spent our time watching Broadway shows, eating, enjoying our freaking AMAZING hotel room on the 40th floor, and sleeping in the very comfy bed, before we headed back to DC.
I finally, FINALLY saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Center orchestra, first row, right behind the conductor.
It was so beautiful and rich and enthralling. The Phantom learns that love also means letting Christine go. Needless to say, I cried.
I can't really say much else, because seriously? Phantom is in a class all its own. 'Nuff said.
And the next night, I saw a whole new side to Daniel Radcliffe's acting chops. As much as I like him as Harry Potter, he was FABULOUS as J. Pearpont Finch. How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying was hilarious and spirited, and he carried the show so well. He can sing too, which just makes me love him even more. I'm sure he's going to grow into an even better actor the more he does.
I could have met him after the show, but there were way too many people with the same idea, and we were getting late for our dinner reservation. Maybe next time, though...
It was a dream weekend for me, and it was even better, because it was with my sister, who loves Broadway as much as I do. Who was really just being my sister for once, instead of a third parent.
The sister from last weekend is who I'm going to miss when she's halfway around the world for two years.
She's the one that I can talk to about stuff like boys and our parents and my life and her life and blindness and everything else under the sun.
I'm glad I got that before she leaves next weekend.
That whole trip just feels so far away now, though.
I feel like there is still so much to say about where my life is going, but I can't seem to catch up, or find anymore words.
But there is definitely so much more to do before leaving next Friday, so that's what I'm going to focus on now.
Off to catch some shut-eye before heading out in the morning for errands!