story # 3
i'm killin' some time before i have to go to work so i thought i'd post up the last story i had to write for short story writing. i think i got like a B-/B on it. i knew he wasn't going to like it b/c it didn't follow his "template." i have the critique somewhere around here. oh well. at least the people who read it liked it even if i'm not entirely proud of it. oh darn, i ended up missing the class they dedicated to discussing my story. i am sooo torn up. haha.
enjoy
The Ring (for lack of a better title)
“How could you do this to me, DB,” Jocelyn screamed as she twisted and pulled, tugging against the engagement ring around her finger so much that it hurt.
“It kind of just…happened. I’m so sorry,” DB said, trying to console his hysterical fiancée. He watched as the tears fell, causing her mascara to run dark, black lines down her perfect face.
“Let’s go back to the apartment and talk this out,” he said reaching for Jocelyn’s elbow.
“Don’t you dare touch me,” Jocelyn said shrinking from his touch. “I can’t believe a word you say anymore. Stay the hell away from me. I’m getting out of here.” She turned and darted across the street. DB ran after her, but was too late.
In slow motion he saw the car turn the corner and hit her from the side. She collapsed to the ground and lay still. He saw the ring glinting, reflecting the sunlight, as he ran toward her still body. DB heard the blaring sound of the ambulance on its way.
“You’ll be okay honey, I promise,” DB said, stroking Jocelyn’s hair, as she still lay lifeless on the blacktop. The paramedics arrived, gingerly placing her on the stretcher, and then carried her to the awaiting ambulance. DB anxiously followed behind. Again, the siren was heard. This time it moved faster and faster away from the scene.
“What happened,” asked the concerned medic? “We had an argument and she bolted across the street…then the car…” DB hiccupped. The medic gave DB a knowing glance. “That’s a bad spot,” the medic finally replied. “Unfortunately, it happens a lot.”
Rushing into the emergency room the medics sprinted Jocelyn’s seemingly lifeless body to the operation room. DB was forced into the waiting room. Hours came and went as he paced the waiting room. Back and forth, back and forth. Every time a nurse came to collect a patient, he looked up expecting the worst.
Thoughts scurried in and out of his mind. He loved Jocelyn so much. Was it his fault this happened? Why did he allow his friends to talk him into staying at the bar longer than he had planned? He and Jocelyn had been through so much together over the years. They were finally planning the wedding. If he had gone home as he had intended, Jocelyn wouldn’t be here right now. They wouldn’t have had that damn argument. The thoughts kept coming. Over and over again, not even stopping for a breath.
Just as he thought he couldn’t wait a minute longer, a nurse came out from a room down the hall, carrying Jocelyn’s coat. He heard someone whisper his name, calling him toward that room. Without a second thought, he, as if in a trance, went into Jocelyn’s room.
Hesitantly opening the door to her room, he stepped in and took a seat in the chair next to the bed. DB placed her hand in his, caressing her arm. She stirred, tentatively opening her eyes.
“DB,” she murmured.
“It’s okay, I’m here.”
“What happened to me?”
“You had an accident baby. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, all my fault,” DB cried.
“It’s okay, we can work it out,” she said closing her eyes for a moment. “We’ll deal with it together.”
“You don’t have to say that,” DB said, hanging his head.
“I mean it,” Jocelyn said. She squeezed his hand with hers. “We’ll work it out when I get outta here.” She cracked a smile.
“You better rest now honey,” DB said, moving the hair from her eyes. He rubbed her hand, moving his fingers over the engagement ring.
“Sounds good,” Jocelyn said sighing deeply. Closing her eyes, she turned her head on the pillow, before quickly falling asleep.
“DB,” the doctor said quietly pushing the door open so as not to startle him. The doctor shook his head confused.
“Yes, doctor?”
“Oh, you are here. How did you get in? Well. You know then,” said the doctor gently. “Have you had enough time? We have to move her downstairs now,” the doctor continued.
DB squeezed Jocelyn’s hand again, causing it to slide off the side of the bed. From her cold limp finger fell the engagement ring, tinkling to the floor. “I…but..” DB stuttered. He slowly got up and picked the shiny metal up from the floor.
“I’m sorry, we did everything we could to save her. She got hit pretty bad,” said the doctor. He placed his hand on DB’s shoulder. DB looked at the doctor, tears starting to fall. He looked back at Jocelyn who was laying perfectly still, eyes closed, with a peaceful look on her face.
Placing his hand against her cheek, he leaned down and kissed her one last time. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I love you.” With that, he placed the ring in his pocket and step by step, gradually got to the other side of the room. He looked back one last time before closing the door behind him.
ice_princess5©2004
enjoy
The Ring (for lack of a better title)
“How could you do this to me, DB,” Jocelyn screamed as she twisted and pulled, tugging against the engagement ring around her finger so much that it hurt.
“It kind of just…happened. I’m so sorry,” DB said, trying to console his hysterical fiancée. He watched as the tears fell, causing her mascara to run dark, black lines down her perfect face.
“Let’s go back to the apartment and talk this out,” he said reaching for Jocelyn’s elbow.
“Don’t you dare touch me,” Jocelyn said shrinking from his touch. “I can’t believe a word you say anymore. Stay the hell away from me. I’m getting out of here.” She turned and darted across the street. DB ran after her, but was too late.
In slow motion he saw the car turn the corner and hit her from the side. She collapsed to the ground and lay still. He saw the ring glinting, reflecting the sunlight, as he ran toward her still body. DB heard the blaring sound of the ambulance on its way.
“You’ll be okay honey, I promise,” DB said, stroking Jocelyn’s hair, as she still lay lifeless on the blacktop. The paramedics arrived, gingerly placing her on the stretcher, and then carried her to the awaiting ambulance. DB anxiously followed behind. Again, the siren was heard. This time it moved faster and faster away from the scene.
“What happened,” asked the concerned medic? “We had an argument and she bolted across the street…then the car…” DB hiccupped. The medic gave DB a knowing glance. “That’s a bad spot,” the medic finally replied. “Unfortunately, it happens a lot.”
Rushing into the emergency room the medics sprinted Jocelyn’s seemingly lifeless body to the operation room. DB was forced into the waiting room. Hours came and went as he paced the waiting room. Back and forth, back and forth. Every time a nurse came to collect a patient, he looked up expecting the worst.
Thoughts scurried in and out of his mind. He loved Jocelyn so much. Was it his fault this happened? Why did he allow his friends to talk him into staying at the bar longer than he had planned? He and Jocelyn had been through so much together over the years. They were finally planning the wedding. If he had gone home as he had intended, Jocelyn wouldn’t be here right now. They wouldn’t have had that damn argument. The thoughts kept coming. Over and over again, not even stopping for a breath.
Just as he thought he couldn’t wait a minute longer, a nurse came out from a room down the hall, carrying Jocelyn’s coat. He heard someone whisper his name, calling him toward that room. Without a second thought, he, as if in a trance, went into Jocelyn’s room.
Hesitantly opening the door to her room, he stepped in and took a seat in the chair next to the bed. DB placed her hand in his, caressing her arm. She stirred, tentatively opening her eyes.
“DB,” she murmured.
“It’s okay, I’m here.”
“What happened to me?”
“You had an accident baby. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, all my fault,” DB cried.
“It’s okay, we can work it out,” she said closing her eyes for a moment. “We’ll deal with it together.”
“You don’t have to say that,” DB said, hanging his head.
“I mean it,” Jocelyn said. She squeezed his hand with hers. “We’ll work it out when I get outta here.” She cracked a smile.
“You better rest now honey,” DB said, moving the hair from her eyes. He rubbed her hand, moving his fingers over the engagement ring.
“Sounds good,” Jocelyn said sighing deeply. Closing her eyes, she turned her head on the pillow, before quickly falling asleep.
“DB,” the doctor said quietly pushing the door open so as not to startle him. The doctor shook his head confused.
“Yes, doctor?”
“Oh, you are here. How did you get in? Well. You know then,” said the doctor gently. “Have you had enough time? We have to move her downstairs now,” the doctor continued.
DB squeezed Jocelyn’s hand again, causing it to slide off the side of the bed. From her cold limp finger fell the engagement ring, tinkling to the floor. “I…but..” DB stuttered. He slowly got up and picked the shiny metal up from the floor.
“I’m sorry, we did everything we could to save her. She got hit pretty bad,” said the doctor. He placed his hand on DB’s shoulder. DB looked at the doctor, tears starting to fall. He looked back at Jocelyn who was laying perfectly still, eyes closed, with a peaceful look on her face.
Placing his hand against her cheek, he leaned down and kissed her one last time. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I love you.” With that, he placed the ring in his pocket and step by step, gradually got to the other side of the room. He looked back one last time before closing the door behind him.
ice_princess5©2004