#Black Swan
Stuck at home with only schoolwork for company, I find solace in having music playing in the background if only to break up the silence and monotony of being isolated indoors for so long. It's no secret that my taste in music can be described as...eccentric if not downright poor. Forgive me, great classical composers, for I am shamefully enjoying the trashy pop music of modern times. Yes, this includes Kpop.
I've had 'Black Swan' by BTS on repeat for days now; this includes both the orchestral version used in the Art Film MV, as well as the original version. And though I never look up lyric translations (I'm just here for the rhythmic musical beats, I don't know what they are singing), I made an exception in this case. The title of the song refers to the film from 2010, which refers to the Tchaikovsky ballet, a story about a white swan and a black swan. The symbolism behind the white and black swans is what inspired BTS to write this song.
The art film starts off with a quote:
"A dancer dies twice - once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful." -Martha Graham-
A reflection on on the idea of an artist falling out of love with their craft, the equivalent to death. And that's the message being 'Black Swan', an artist's confession of the fear of losing touch with their music, coupled with the realization of what music means to them, that it is all they have:
'The heart no longer races / When hearing the music play / Seems like time has stopped / Oh that would be my first death / I been always afraid of,'
If this can no longer resonate, no longer make my heart vibrate, then like this may be how I die my first death. But what if that moment's right now?
...I picked up my violin again recently. After nearly three years. After graduating from university, faced with the grim reality of adulthood, job searches and unemployment, struggling financially and dealing with the stress of basically life, it was all too much. Going through the motions day to day, but not feeling anything. What am I doing? Why do I even bother? Everyone else is... and yet. Here. I. am. (not).
I stopped playing music. Listening to music. Even the trashy beats on the radio did little to my mood. Like a void in my thoracic cavity where my (figurative) heart once sat.
I began to miss it. Slowly at first, then more apparent- that twisting ache of longing for something that is no longer there. I recharged my iPod. Updated iTunes. Loaded up YouTube videos. A particular channel which is now one of my favorites, featuring two classical violinists, and their regular question of "Did you practice today?" "Go practice!" I could feel that familiar itch, the want to create once more. To make music, to sing the feelings of one's soul, expressed through an artistic medium.
I imagine it's like being in a suspended state for a prolonged period of time, muscles atrophied, the climb back to your previous state a slow and arduous task, but one that leaves you feeling satisfied when you eventually reclaim what you had lost.
Life is still not alright. But damn it if I'm going to let life once again take away what is mine, what is a part of, and will always be a part of me.
This doesn't apply only to musicians. Or artists.
Anyone with a passion for anything. When you eventually meet that black swan...
I've had 'Black Swan' by BTS on repeat for days now; this includes both the orchestral version used in the Art Film MV, as well as the original version. And though I never look up lyric translations (I'm just here for the rhythmic musical beats, I don't know what they are singing), I made an exception in this case. The title of the song refers to the film from 2010, which refers to the Tchaikovsky ballet, a story about a white swan and a black swan. The symbolism behind the white and black swans is what inspired BTS to write this song.
The art film starts off with a quote:
"A dancer dies twice - once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful." -Martha Graham-
A reflection on on the idea of an artist falling out of love with their craft, the equivalent to death. And that's the message being 'Black Swan', an artist's confession of the fear of losing touch with their music, coupled with the realization of what music means to them, that it is all they have:
'The heart no longer races / When hearing the music play / Seems like time has stopped / Oh that would be my first death / I been always afraid of,'
If this can no longer resonate, no longer make my heart vibrate, then like this may be how I die my first death. But what if that moment's right now?
...I picked up my violin again recently. After nearly three years. After graduating from university, faced with the grim reality of adulthood, job searches and unemployment, struggling financially and dealing with the stress of basically life, it was all too much. Going through the motions day to day, but not feeling anything. What am I doing? Why do I even bother? Everyone else is... and yet. Here. I. am. (not).
I stopped playing music. Listening to music. Even the trashy beats on the radio did little to my mood. Like a void in my thoracic cavity where my (figurative) heart once sat.
I began to miss it. Slowly at first, then more apparent- that twisting ache of longing for something that is no longer there. I recharged my iPod. Updated iTunes. Loaded up YouTube videos. A particular channel which is now one of my favorites, featuring two classical violinists, and their regular question of "Did you practice today?" "Go practice!" I could feel that familiar itch, the want to create once more. To make music, to sing the feelings of one's soul, expressed through an artistic medium.
I imagine it's like being in a suspended state for a prolonged period of time, muscles atrophied, the climb back to your previous state a slow and arduous task, but one that leaves you feeling satisfied when you eventually reclaim what you had lost.
Life is still not alright. But damn it if I'm going to let life once again take away what is mine, what is a part of, and will always be a part of me.
This doesn't apply only to musicians. Or artists.
Anyone with a passion for anything. When you eventually meet that black swan...