(no subject)
Right now I am not in the best of moods. What am I to say other
than I have not been feeling very good to begin with then who do I see
at work? Guess. Just fucking guess. I see my ex boyfriend's
wife. Yes I did say wife. At work. She was there, was
very polite. She was so pretty. She smiled and waved to me
too. Why? I dont get it. Yeah I was nice and I waved back
at her. But still. She was willowy and thin and her skin wa
fucking perfect. She had pretty lips and everything, pretty
hair. I can see why he dumped me for her. I can see why he
was doing her while dating me. I guess i would do the same
thing. I wasnt pretty enough. I know I wasnt. Who cares
now? I do. I hate myself today. I hate myself everyday but
today for some reason I feel the most unattractive. I feel more
unattractive than any othet time I can think of. My skin is slick
with oil, my hair dry like straw and the colour of it as well, my skin
not fair enough. I'm scarred and bruised, my nails chipped and
broken. I only grew them out because I thought it was
attractive. I cant ever have clear beautiful skin like his
wife. I cant ever have that asian appeal that every man
desires. I wont ever have it. I wont ever be that girl that
all the guys want no matter what anyone says. I cant get whatever
or whoever I want even though I want to believe it, and everything
people say. I need bigger boobs, at 5 feet 2 inches, I feel as if
I have B-cup breasts, and a wide, thick middle. If I were a
twiggy girl at 5 feet 2 inches I'd be happier with my size, but Im not.
I once was a solid size 5/6 and now I'm afraid I've gone up to a 7 or
even an 8. God help me, I understand that different brands and
stores and such have different sizes, but having to buy a size larger,
just kills me. How am I going to change that? I work so hard and
it never seems to work. Nothing ever works as good as old
techniques.