Martyrfic 4: Darkest before Dawn
So hello everyone and welcome to another Martyr!fic.
This is actually the completed version of my fourth part and compainionfic to this one written by northwind_gale. Anyway, I've decided to post the final version here, which includes everything I've written and published for this part before as well as many new stuff as well. This thing is 19 word pages long after all.
It took very long to finish; I've been writing around on it… since October, but I'm very pleased with what became of it.
Please enjoy.
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's
Characters: Kiryu, Rally, Nerve, Blitz, Taka, Crow, mentions of Yusei
Genre: Angst/Friendship
Rating: T
Warnings: AU, Martyr!verse equals tissue-warning
Summary: Drabble Series, Martyr!verse 04 - He had lost the one person that had given him a second chance… and yet… using it seemed like betrayal.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D’s. The italic text in the beginning and the end isn’t mine either, it’s borrowed from the song “Endless Night” from the Lion King Musical.
--- Darkest before Dawn ---
Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?
Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere
I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare
The first few weeks after Yusei’s death were nothing but a haze to Kiryu. He had barley registered Crow and Ushio finding him that day, leaning sobbing against Yuseis bed, starring up to that awful ceiling. He know that somehow they had gotten him out and back to the boat unnoticed and that Ushio had dropped them of at Martha’s at Crows insistence.
There he had laid waste to time, doing nothing but lying on the bed that Martha had provided him with, starring up to a dirty but not quite so bright ceiling, barely eating, barley drinking and barley sleeping.
If he slept, those hours were plagued with nightmares, with him reliving his last conversation with Yusei over and over again, torturing him with that one promise Yusei had made him make, the one he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold.
He was hardly aware of anything around him, he somewhat noticed those kids Martha took care of sneaking looks into his room and Martha herself had come more than once, to cheer him up he guessed (why she even bothered was beyond him and perhaps - he wasn’t quite sure - he had even told her so; he was after all the reason why Yusei was gone forever now, not just locked up but dead). She had tried everything, from simply talking to one of her no-nonsense-pep-talks, but he hadn’t cared, had let everything she had said wash over him, never considering if there might be something to her words.
Martha wasn’t the only one trying to talk him out of his lethargic state: Crow too, swung by whenever he could, most of the time shouting at him angrily about god knew what as it was his right (though even Kiryu noticed that sometimes anger slipped and plain despair tangled into the younger boys voice).
So often he wondered why they cared, really, why would anyone care!? To both of them Yusei had been as much family as one could get in Satellite. To Crow perhaps he, Kiryu, too had been once something like a brother, but that had changed years ago, when Crow had left, not once but twice! To Martha he was nothing more than a friend of her boys, one that had brought them nothing but trouble and had landed one of them first behind bars and consequently dead.
And knowing that it was his fault, knowing that if not for him Yusei would live, knowing that it all could have been prevented if he had acknowledged the insanity in his self-appointed mission, in his restless anger, hurt so terribly. And even more painful was the fact that he knew that it wasn’t over yet, that it would never be over as long as he lived. Because within him the anger burned, now even more powerful than ever before, for Yusei was death. Because of him. Killed by them!
And that was why he left in the end. He refused to by deadweight on Martha’s wallet if the food she indented for him could feed another kid or two and keep them off Satellite’s streets.
Because, so he swore to himself, he would never again let another person come to harm of any kind because of him.
So Kiryu left the House, without notice or warning, disappearing silently into the streets of Satellite.
------------
If Kiryu was to be honest, the weeks he spent on the street weren’t any better than the once he had spent at Martha’s (not that they had been supposed to be anyway). He had spent them miserably lurking the streets, keeping his head low, only getting around when he needed to get essentials.
He had become nothing more than a shell, empty and haunted by times long gone, by guilt and blame, by promises he would never be able to keep. Sure, some part of him loathed this existence, carved for action, carved to find some punk and punch or duel him into submission, anything that broke this monotony that had become his life. But a far larger part of him just didn’t care. Because what was the use?
Why should he go on?
Yusei was gone. It was his fault. There was no denying those facts. And by now even the thought of dueling left a bad taste in his mouth. Why should he duel? Why should he go on living? Yusei had been taken by death… Jack had found his own way out of this hellhole… and Crow… Crow was fine on his own, always had been.
He wasn’t needed. Had never been.
Kiryu Kyosuke had become what he had once loathed the most, had become what they would call an unnecessary existence. And when he noticed, he found that he couldn’t care less about it.
------------
Kiryu would never know why he had helped that kid.
He wasn’t sure if the core that was him still hadn’t learned, still carved for action and entertainment no matter the costs, or if that last part of him had simply gotten sick of his own attitude, because part of him loathed himself for this numbness, for falling apart, for doing everything but keeping that promise Yusei had extracted from him. But that part was small and shrinking with every day, would disappear with time (because how could he reconnect, how could he find friends when he always had to fear to betray them again? To let them down and rot and die, like he had done with Yusei?).
In the end it didn’t matter, he supposed. There was no changing the fact that he stepped into a fight that wasn’t his, had helped that kid out against a bully, as much as one could call a glare and a coldly hissed line (“Stop it.”) “helping out” anyway.
Of course it had done the job, the bullying brat had almost pissed himself in fear and run as fast as he could (because who wouldn’t fear those the eyes glare, cold and lifeless - speaking only of death and pain), while the kid had gasped and smiled in an admiring way.
And for a moment Kiryu had felt pleased with himself, with the fact that if only for a second, his existence had had a reason. But then the moment faded into nothingness and Kiryu had simply turned and left, leaving the kid behind as if nothing had happened.
Denying that for that one short moment, he had felt a piece of himself returning, wishing to live. Because life was not something he deserved. All he could do was to wait for death to claim him.
------------
He had to admit, the kid was persistent.
Rally - that was how the kid had introduced himself - had tracked him down in a matter of days, appearing before him, his face dirty but his smile wide, eyes gleaming determined, saying that he had wanted to thank him for helping him.
Kiryu had given him a blank stare, had told him it had been nothing, that he should forget about it and go home, ignoring the way the kids face fell, the disappointment in his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped when he left after being told of.
Yet, he didn’t give up - and even years later Kiryu would still wonder why that had been, why Rally had thought him worth the trouble. He had returned every day, pestering Kiryu about his name, about why he was always so damn alone, why he didn’t want company. And no matter how cold Kiryu had been, he hadn’t let up. Not until he had one day managed to drag Kiryu in his home, to meet his friends, his family.
Considering how stubborn the kid had proven himself to be, he could probably pride himself with refusing him as long as he had. But if the kid’s friends had any sense they would sent him away the moment they saw him, the moment they recognized him.
And it was better that way for everyone.
------------
The place Rally lived at turned out a former underground-station. At first Kiryu had hesitated to enter it, somewhere in the far back of his mind, survival instincts hissed at him that it would be so easy to trap him there, but he shrugged them off - he didn’t think that Rally would (intentionally) lead him on, and even if he did, it was not like Kiryu cared anyway.
The hideout was neat, far nicer than any place Kiryu had stayed, not that he’d ever say that out loud, it didn’t matter after all. Though he couldn’t deny feeling a certain warmth when Rally beamed up to him, happy and excited to have him there
Not knowing that it would only be a question of time until he was sent away.
------------
Rally’s friends were a strange lot, Kiryu decided. They were all around Kiryu’s age - perhaps a bit younger - working hard in the factory to make sure that all four of them were able to get dinner. Discovered him in their hideout, looking blank, perhaps vaguely uncomfortable and totally out of place while Rally cheerfully tried for the nth time to involve him into a conversation that didn’t die after the third sentence, most likely had been just as awkward for them as it had been for him (because he couldn’t help but keep wondering, why had he let the kid drag him there… why, he couldn’t be craving company, could he? No, he refused to acknowledge any need for friends, for comrades that he would only betray in the end…).
He had gotten up at that point, seeing discomfort in the other adults eyes, and their reluctance to voice that in front of the kid, knowing, like he had known from the start, that they wanted him to go.
“I shall take my leave then.” he had said, acknowledging that hide out as theirs, acknowledging whatever rules they would set. He had no reason to threat them. But before he had even fully passed them, Rally had ran up to him, tugging his wrist, making him stop. ”I think you should stay with us for dinner.”
“Rally…” the bespectacled one moaned, shaking his head. This was most likely not the first time the kid had brought in a stray, Kiryu thought slightly amused.
“Why not?” the kid demanded. “Kyosuke’s a good guy!”
Kiryu almost flinched at that, unused to anyone using his first name and though he had tried to discourage Rally from that, he kept using it for god knew what reasons. And when he saw the other three looking slightly despairs, shooting him nervous looks (as he had thought they surely had recognized him, and though he didn’t quite know (and never had cared) what rumours of Kiryu Kyosuke and Team Satisfaction were circling through the Satellite, it seemed that many of them were accurate to his nature. A madman. A traitor. A monster.).
“Leave it be, kid” he had murmured, carefully twisting his hand out of Rally’s grip. “It’s better for everyone, if I leave now.”
“But, you are a good guy…” the kid had pleaded, not understanding the problem, most likely not knowing all of his history. “You were Team Satisfactions…”
But before the kid could end that sentence, Kiryu fixated him with a cold glare. Remembering on his own was already painful enough. He didn’t need to be reminded of his failure as leader, as a friend, by some idealistic brat, who thought he knew anything about everything.
“You don’t know anything.” he had whispered. “Not about me. And not about Team Satisfaction. Never mention it again.”
With those words he had left, ignoring the heartbroken voice Rally whispered his name with, but well aware of the troubled and nervous glares in his neck, telling him that he wasn’t welcome here. That he would never be. Not that Kiryu had expected otherwise.
------------
The weeks after that incident were mostly quiet and monotone, and just a few months before Kiryu would have hated everything about the way he spent his day now, the way he had turned into a ghost of his former self, nothing but a breathing shell with dead eyes, that scared away anyone who entertained foolish thoughts of challenging him, defeated by the strength, that last little bit of his pride that had remained with him.
Yet even Kiryu knew, his dueling was dead, without spirit, as if he didn’t really care about winning or losing. And he didn’t. The thrill he had felt so long ago when it came to duelling, when it came to seeing through a plan, a strategy, now left nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth. All things considered, he mused shortly at one point, he had become truly pathetic. And the most pathetic thing of all was that he just didn’t care anymore.
However, it seemed somebody else DID care. Because, what other reason could Rally have had to appear before him again, after Kiryu had told him off so rudely. Rally, who didn’t seem to care that he sought solitude, who was cheerful and energetic and alive in a way that even Kiryu couldn’t suppress the urge to smile.
And somehow as time passed the kid managed to make him come to their hide out again. And again and again. Until one day, Kiryu woke up and found it nothing strange about skulking around in the area, until he noticed how far more relaxed Blitz, Taka and Nerve were in his presence. Until it seemed his duty to step up and defend them and their hide out through duel and how impossible it seemed not to care abut the outcome.
And that was when he stopped; having realized all of this, he couldn’t help but ask: “Why?”
“You are like us… from Satellite. We gotta stick together a bit. And Rally was right. You are an alright guy.”
And though Kiryu wasn’t quite sure whether that reply really answered his question (if there was even a right answer… he didn’t deserve, he would only bring them harm…), he didn’t voice any of his doubts aloud.
He only nodded, smiling sadly, but for the first time in so long that smile reached his eyes.
And even though it would still take much time until he’d notice, until he’d truly acknowledge these new bonds he had gained, from that day on life didn’t seem quite as bland, quite as meaningless.
Even though it would take time, even though there was still much darkness on his in his soul and on his mind, a tiny spark of hope had started to burn within his heart again.
Even though he wasn’t truly aware of it yet, Kiryu Kyosuke had started to heal.
------------
He didn’t know anymore exactly when he had picked up the harmonica. If he had to guess, he’d say that he had found it in the junk, a few weeks before his initial meeting with Rally, before the kid had brought a bit of sunlight into his grief clouded world.
Not that it was all too important, he had picked the thing up and something had driven him to clean it, to inspect it. And over the months he had learned how to play. Not that it was all to difficult, and at another time he would have smirked and said that he just was talented like that, if asked.
But now he didn’t care and was just glad that nobody complained about his playing (or at least that nobody dared to) - it wouldn’t have stopped him, but it would have been a hassle to deal with them. And after a while he go hang of a certain melody, slow and sad and mourning and absolutely mirroring his state of mind.
And one night, when he sat on the top of the building next to the Underground hide out, playing under the moonlight, not caring about Security or curfew (because seriously, few persons did), Rally came up and settled next to him, listening to the tune.
Once Kiryu had finished he asked: “Why do you always play that song?”
Kiryu opened his eyes, leaning back, looking up to the moon as he answered. “To remember…”
Rally frowned confused, and somewhere in the back of his head Kiryu acknowledged the expression as cute. “To remember what?”
“A friend.” He answered; vague answers would satisfy the kid’s curiosity a bit at least and keep him from bugging Kiryu too much.
The kid kept frowning. “The song sounds kinda too sad for that… So why don’t ‘cha just go and visit your friend?”
Kiryu closed his eyes again, to keep his grief invisible. “Can’t, kid. He’s dead.”
“Oh.” Rally looked away, “’m sorry.”
Kiryu didn’t reply to that. Instead he lifted the harmonica and once again started to play his song.
------
After a while, Kiryu discovered that somewhere along the road he had picked up the nickname “Shinigami Kiryu”.
Had become reputed to be a man between the worlds of life and death, who had the ability to decide, to judge whether his opponents deserved former or later…
Kiryu wasn’t quite sure, who had coined the nickname or when - though he suspected that it might stem from his time in the B.A.D.s, when he had turned predator into prey so easily, perhaps also from the way he was now. By now the sound of the harmonica, a sure sign of his arrival, was feared by the thugs in his turf. Because despite the fact that he didn’t care (or so he told himself), they could be sure that he wouldn’t tolerate when they messed with the wrong people.
(Perhaps it was because of his soulless duel that lacked the spark that he had been so known for before…)
Of course Rally had been offended on his behalf, when he had first heard the nickname. It was not fitting for Kiryu, he had ranted, couldn’t they see that Kiryu was the best hope the Satellite had.
Kiryu hadn’t cared, though he had shot Rally a very blank look when he had overheard the rant, wondering why the kid thought that he of all people could bring hope to anyone.
Though, so he thought slightly bitter later on, it was certainly a fitting nickname.
------
He really should have known. He should have known that Crow would track him down, especially after the Shinigami-rumours had begun to spread around a little more. And yet, he hadn’t quite expected the red head to bother (why should Crow, why should anyone care about his fate. All he could do was mess up after all…).
And those he was rather surprised when he saw Crow walking up o him one day, eyes narrowed, but the sparks of anger behind them only all to visible. He put away the harmonica looking up to his former friend, waiting for the other to start talking. Surely he had a reason to seek him out. Though Kiryu certainly wondered what anyone might want from him.
“Hey…” the other sounded hesitant. Strange, Crow usually wasn’t one to beat around the bush.
Neither was Kiryu. “You are sure far out of your territory. Too far for a chance meeting, I’d say.”
And when Crow didn’t answer. “What do you want?”
Crow snort, narrowing his eyes a little. “Martha was rather worried when you left so out of sudden. I heard some rumours about you being here, so I thought I’d check up on you. For Martha.”
Kiryu looked right back, expression void. “I see. And as you see, I’m fine. Tell Martha that she should be concerned about more important things than my well being.”
And so should you, went unspoken.
He had expected the other to leave, like he had always done. However it appeared that Crow wasn’t quite finished yet. “You know, there some strange rumours going around about you. And if half of them are to be believed then the ‘Shinigami of Satellite’ has more of a haunting spirit than of a man.”
And when Kiryu didn’t reply, he continued quietly, eyes narrowed in tightly controlled anger: ”What the hell do you think you are doing, Kiryu?”
He just starred back blankly, what did Crow think it looked like he was doing here?!
(What, beside giving up? What, beside waiting for death to claim him as well? Perhaps for some young hot shot, who wanted to prove himself by slaying the Shinigami, who’d finally release him… Except that just perhaps a tiny of him wasn’t so sure anymore if he really wanted to do either, but like hell he’d admit that out loud and in front of Crow.)
He opened his mouth to make some sort of semi-smart remark, but Crow had already read the truth in his eyes before he was able to speak up. Which was most likely the reason why he suddenly found himself on the on the ground, his cheekbone hurting like hell - damn, Crow certainly knew how to throw out a mean right hook - and the red head leaning over him, grabbing him by his coat.
“Why do you go around looking like this? WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP LOOKING LIKE THERE’S NOTHING YOU’D RATHER DO THAN DIE?!”
It took Kiryu a moment to work himself into a reply, starting out slow but growing more heated as he kept going. “That is not your concern Crow. Really, what would you know anyway? There is nothing left here. And I don’t expect you to care.”
He heard a small gasp and in the corner of his eyes he saw Rally, young eyes widened in fear and disbelieve; perhaps because of his words, perhaps because of how he let himself be manhandled by Crow - had it been anyone else he wouldn’t have allowed that, he had that much pride, but this was Crow and that made all the difference. And then Crow punched him again - on the same spot as before too - pressing him into the ground with all his weight (which was surprisingly much give his height and stature), hands shaking as they still kept their iron grip at his coat collar.
“You still don’t get it… YOU STILL DON’T GODDAMNED GET IT, DO YOU KIRYU?” he shouted, face twisted in rage and distress and… were those tears in his eyes?
(Why… why… whywhywhy…?)
Then Crow let go, bowing his head, shaking his head, slowly releasing his grip and backing of.
“It’s useless, isn’t it? Whatever I say… it’s not gonna reach you, is it?” he murmured bitterly, not looking at Kiryu, not meeting his eyes. “You ain’t going to listen. Not to me.
“You still believe that we abandoned you, don’t you? That we left back then because we didn’t care… But, you know, you’ve got it all wrong…”
Finally he released his grip, getting up, face shadowed by grief and regret as he turned away. “We did care, that’s we left and that’s also why we returned, dammit. We never wanted to see you hurt. You were a friend. You still are.”
Kiryu said nothing. But in his mind he heard another painfully familiar voice say similar words.
Kiryuu...we would have...stayed. You're...our...na...ka...ma...
Finally Crow released him, getting up, turning away. “Never mind… it doesn’t matter, right? I was a fool to believe…”
At last Kiryu worked himself into a reply. “To believe what?”
Crow looked over to him, grey eyes hardening as he lifted his chin a little.
“That something might have changed. That Yusei’s sacrifice was worth something. But by the look of things, I’d say he died in vain.”
With that the red head turned abruptly and disappeared to whether he had come from without looking back even once.
And Kiryu kept lying at the same spot that he had been dropped at, his mind so terrible void and filled with endlessly circling thoughts at the same time.
They had cared. Yusei had told him and now Crow had confirmed it.
They had cared and he…
“Kyosuke…?“
…he had just gone ahead, doubting them, had destroyed everything. Had led the team right into its own destruction. And even so, they…
“Hey… Kyosuke!”
Startled he looked up to Rally, who was kneeing beside him, looking concerned.
“You… you alright?” the kid asked nervously, sitting down beside him, drawing his knees to his chest.
“I think so…” he said, even though he didn’t really know. There was too much that he needed to think about. Too much he needed to consider, to reconsider. Even though Yusei had told him that they wouldn’t have left, even though months had passed since that, he had never really stopped to think about it. Perhaps… had never really wanted to think about what it meant.
Because ultimately… when it came down to it, it hadn’t been them who had betrayed him, it had been him. With every action he had betrayed his team, the very people he had cared for. And until now at least a part of him had clung to the thought that it had been the other way around that he had been the betrayed one. It had made justifying his actions so much easier, even now.
Crow had been right, he really hadn’t learned anything at all, he realised bitterly.
“Kyosuke?” Again, Rally’s small voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He didn’t bother looking over to him, instead acknowledging him with a slight nod.
“That Yusei-person, that the other guy spoke of… is he the friend that died?” he asked, his voice sounding hesitating, nervous, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask or not. Of course, Kiryu would have preferred to stay away from the topic yet… he supposed, after everything the kid had just heard, he kind of owed him a few answers at least.
“Yeah…” he finally confirmed, still not looking at the kid. Better for him to draw his own conclusions.
Rally bit his lip as he mulled over the fight he had overheard, over what he knew of Kiryu, over what he had seen himself. Then he spoke up again, starting out slowly and unsure, but quickly growing more confident in his words. “You know… I don’ really know a lot ‘bout what that was all about, but… if that Yusei died to safe, you should try to be a little less… gloomy. I mean, he wouldn’t have saved ya, if he wanted you to be unhappy… right?”
He said nothing at that. There was nothing to say. Yet… a part of him replayed his conversation with Crow and thought back to that day in the Detention Centre’s sick bay, at Yusei’s whispers, the promise that he had made. And about what a shitty job he had been doing in his tries (or rather not-tries) to fulfil it.
Then he felt a slight tug at his cloak sleeve and when he looked up he saw Rally, who had gotten up again, frowning down at him, his face showing just how worried he was. “Ne, Kyosuke… let’s go home, ‘kay?”
Kiryu took another moment, looking at that slight hand that firmly gripping to him and after a while he finally got up. But instead of perhaps taking the kids hand and reassuring him, he made sure to disentangle that hand, purposefully not looking at Rally as he did so. “Go ahead. I’ll catch you later.”
Rally just starred up to him as he fully straightened, looking incredible torn between hurt and worry. “Kyosuke? Where are you going?”
He didn’t answer.
“Oi… Kyosuke!”
Instead he walked away and disappeared into the shadows. Pretending that it didn’t bother him the slightest to hear Rally so worked up, to hear him call out his name as if he was needed.
Because he wasn’t. And he couldn’t be.
(Not until after he had gotten his head straightened out again.)
------
Thinking takes time. And Kiryu needed to think desperately.
Not just about his fight with Crow, not just about Crow’s and Yusei’s and Rally’s words, about the truth in them, about all the lies he had told himself over the years.
He needed to figure out where he stood. What he should do now.
He needed time for himself.
Walking as he thought, he wound up on the top of some building near the cliffs, very close to their - Team Satisfaction’s - old hide out. Sitting, waiting, thinking, he kept looking over the Satellite and towards the far lights of the City, drawing in the cold autumn night air. Night had fallen long ago already and somewhere afar he could hear the Security siren howl. He didn’t quite care, even though it was past curfew, he was already somewhat past their territory. They wouldn’t bother to come here, unless they had to.
Instead he looked up, starring to the heavily clouded sky, searching if perhaps he could find a start or two twinkling through. There were none.
For a moment he considered pulling out his harmonica, the music had become his means to just shut down and express his grief. However that wasn’t what he needed at the moment.
It was, perhaps, what he wanted to do, to escape, to shut down, to think of nothing at all.
But he couldn’t run away any longer. Not after all the things Crow had thrown at his head. He refused to.
So instead he sat, starring up to the sky thinking about everything that had happened. About how he had first met the other three…
You… who are you?
Me? The name’s Kiryu Kyosuke. You better don’t forget that.
About how they had become Team Satisfaction, forged together by adventure and battle, by the thirst to be more than society told them to be.
We can’t escape the Satellite anyhow. In which case, we have to make ourselves satisfied here. So, let’s satisfy ourselves by pulling off something big here in the Satellite.
How are we gonna do that?
We are going to take over it all. Let’s fill this map until it is black. Let’s take over every territory until it all belongs to us, without slowing down, with out hesitating. Let’s make them fear our name.
Our name?
Yep, our name. From today on, we’ll be Satisfaction. The best duel gang there has ever been.
About how they had gone through with it. About the laughter of that one day when they had succeded, to beautiful taste of satisfaction, of freedom on his tongue. About how it had all fallen apart.
Count me out.
Hmpf.
Kiryu, I can’t be with you anymore. You’ll have to do this on your own. I’m leaving the team - you.
About how he had still gone through with his mad plans, believing himself to be in the right. About how things had gotten only worse, with Yusei arrested and Crow and Jack leaving him - again (or so he had thought. But now he couldn’t help but wonder if it hadn’t been him who had left.). About everything he had done in the aftermath, his bout in the B.A.D. and how even the criminals there, the worst of the worst, had started to fear him and his madness. About that one day when he had met Crow again…
Yusei’s dieing. He’s dieing and he wants to see us… Will you come?
About everything that had happened at that sick bay, every single word of Yusei, who had seen righ down to the bottom of his soul and still had deemed him worth saving. About what he had made him promise…
You didn't...believe in...changing Satellite, did you...? You didn't...believe in...the good you said we were doing...
You...only said this to draw people in...didn't you...? To fuflil your selfish desires...you didn't want to be lonely anymore...isn't that...right...
...you...didn't...need to do that...Kiryuu...we would have...stayed. You're...our...na...ka...ma...
Please...build your bonds again...please...try to...understand...please...
Don't...don't leave yourself....alone...again...pro...mise...me...
He hadn’t doing much good about that promise, had he?
Sure, he had become acquaintances with Rally, Blitz, Taka and Nerve… but that certainly hadn’t been due his own effort had it? That had just sort of… happened.
Yes, Crow was right… as things stood now, Yusei’s death had really been for nothing. And that thought was one that he could not stand. That made everything within him revolt. Because if as of now, Yusei had died for nothing then it was his duty to make it count for something. And the only way to do that was to finally honour that one last promise.
No matter how hard that may be.
------
He wasn’t quite sure how he had wound up there, but sometimes just before dawn he found himself at the dock, where he knew Crow’s hide out to be. But the how didn’t matter, the why did.
This is where he needed to start.
Crow was the only one left now. Sure, there was Jack, but Kiryu had no idea what the blond had been up to, though he recalled Crow saying something about him having gone to the city. Not that that mattered right now. All that mattered now was reconnecting with Crow.
This would be his first step towards redemption.
And after what seemed eternity, the hut that he knew to be Crow’s finally came into view. Kiryu stopped a few steps in front of it - knowing what he needed to do, yet unsure on how to approach his old team mate. And in the end, that matter was taken out of his hands when Crow stepped out, yawning and stretching, getting ready to tackle the new day… and utterly surprised to see him standing outside his home.
“Uhm, can I help you with something?” He asked, still absolutely perplexed and apparently as uncertain as Kiryu about their situation and somehow that comfort him a little, even though he knew exactly what he wanted - needed - to say.
“I’m sorry.”
And from the look of Crow’s face, the other certainly hadn’t expected that. But Kiryu was far from finished yet.
“You were right… with everything. I was a fool… an idiot… and a terrible friend.
“And I’m sorry.”
Crow just kept starring at him, eyes wide open as if he didn’t believe what he just heard and part of Kiryu cringed and wondered if that apology, so long owned to all of them, would reach the other. And the longer Crow took to react, the more he couldn’t help but wonder if-
“Get inside, you idiot.”
Kiryu blinked, starring. Why would Crow…
But the red-head just frowned and pointed at his home with his thumb, sounding almost annoyed as he spoke again. “You deaf? I said get inside; we can talk there. Even if it’s way too early for that.”
Kiryu took another moment to shoot him a thankful smile, small but genuine and it reached his eyes for the first time in so long, before he stepped forward, feeling the first rays of sunlight against his skin just before entering the hut.
It wasn’t perfect and their friendship was still far from mended, it would take a lot of time and work for it to become what it once had been… but it was a start.
And that was enough for now.
------
As he had thought, it had taken a lot of work and time to reconnect with Crow.
Yet, once past the initial awkwardness and after many hour-long talks, sometimes just trips down the memory lane, sometimes actual fights that needed to happen to dissolve the anger, the hurt that was between them, things started to look up. To become better.
And soon the awkwardness between them started to disappear, Crow started to laugh, to smile and act like his old self and Kiryu himself, too, started to rediscover what it felt to be content, happy, anything other than miserable again.
He had started to live at the subway station now, acknowledging it as home in his thoughts, though he still refused to call it that out loud. Crow came by every once in a while; he had quickly become friends with the other four and Kiryu had quickly come to regret introducing him to Rally - the two of hem had hit off immediately and seemed to bond further by conspiring against him to make him smile.
And every other week they would return the favour and visit Crow and the orphans he had taken in down at the docks and spent the evening sitting around the fire, eating, chatting and listening to Crow telling the kids about the Legend of Daedalus Bridge over and over again.
It was such a day, that Kiryu first found out what had actually happened to Jack since the beak up of the team. It had run the big screen Crow had installed in his personal hut, a Riding Duel in the Stadium of Neo Domino City and Kiryu had only caught it per accident when he had been sent to fetch the children for dinner. A challenge for the crown of the King and the King had turned out to be… Jack.
Kiryu had certainly been surprised and had watched the duel intently, not letting himself be distracted from it, even when Crow himself came to look for him and the kids, slightly annoyed but understanding when he noted what had kept them.
“You’ve never seen the King duel, right?” He had commentated, when the duel as well as the interview following had ended. Kiryu shook his head, silent and troubled about Jack’s display.
It kept occupying him through dinner and he ignored the frowns the others shot him, far too absorbed by his thoughts.
There had been something about Jack’s duel, something in Jack’s eyes that struck him as strange, as wrong. Something had been lacking in both and the longer Kiryu thought about it the more certain he grew that he knew what was bothering so much. It was the fight, the hard edge gained from so many duels in the Satellite, sharpened by the strength of the bonds and the purpose they shared. If he was right then Jack had made the same mistake as him. Jack had forsaken the bonds he had held for the title of the strongest. And now that was slowly but surly killing him.
And that he couldn’t let happen. He abruptly set down his bowl, startling the others from their conversation, and kept ignoring the questioning looks he received.
But Crow was able to guess the thought on his mind and he certainly wasn’t afraid to call him on that. “You want to go after him…after Jack. Don’t you?”
Kiryu took a moment to consider before answering. “Yes.”
“Eh!?” Taka and Nerve exclaimed, starring at him as if he was from another planet and Blitz shook his head frantically, saying: “Hey, hey Kiryu… going to the City? You can’t be possibly serious about this.”
Kiryu coolly raised eyebrow, saying nothing more about how serious he was about going after Jack.
Blitz shook his head again. “You should really, really keep away from that. Security would be all over you just for even considering. Whatever you do, there won’t be any good coming from it.”
Rally, who had been grinning widely and excited up to then, frowned and shot the lanky Satellite an annoyed look. “Oh yeah? Well, I bet that Kyosuke can make it.”
He turned to Kiryu, grinning widely again. “I’’ll back you up, no matter what!”
“Oi, Rally…”
Crow shook his head as he watched the other two banter about how good of an idea it was to go to the City and Taka and Nerve involving themselves in order to break up their argument (and failing spectacularly at that). It wasn’t like any of that mattered anyway. Kiryu had already decided to go after all. There would be no stopping him.
He turned to Kiryu. “You’ll need a D-Wheel to get there. That and a lot of luck.”
Kiryu nodded. “I figured as much. Still… this is something I need to do.”
Crow just smiled, in that almost irritating way that seemed to say that he knew exactly what Kiryu had been thinking. “I’m not going to try to stop you. It’s not like you’d listen anyway. Instead I’m going to make sure that you’ll actually end up there. Can’t have you wind up in a detention cell before you even catch a glimpse at Jack.”
As soft smile touched Kiryu’s lips. “Thank you, Crow.”
And with that he got up and walked away from to fire to the shore, to where he could see the faraway lights of the City. His hands clenched into fists as his eyes narrowed in determination.
“Just wait. I’ll be coming for you, Jack.”
------
Life is a strange thing.
Men are born and die the same - and yet the things that differ them are the experiences made between those events. They find joy and pain, experience hardship and happiness - some more, some less.
But as different as they may be, as much as they might fight - either each other or side by side - they are all connected.
That connection, invisible to the eye and yet strong and ever present, is called Bond.
The Crimson Star, immortal and always watchful of the mortal world, sees it all. And sometimes, it just might take note a tiny spark of life that glows particularly bright. That shows signs of fate.
Tonight is such as a night.
Tonight it has taken notice of a young man’s burning spark brushing, tracing the rails of fate that once had been laid out for another, for the tail of its dragon.
Tonight the Wheel of Destiny has begun a new circle.
And the stars have started to move.
------------
I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside
I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
The sun
The sun will rise
The sun
The sun will rise
--- FIN ---
This is actually the completed version of my fourth part and compainionfic to this one written by northwind_gale. Anyway, I've decided to post the final version here, which includes everything I've written and published for this part before as well as many new stuff as well. This thing is 19 word pages long after all.
It took very long to finish; I've been writing around on it… since October, but I'm very pleased with what became of it.
Please enjoy.
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's
Characters: Kiryu, Rally, Nerve, Blitz, Taka, Crow, mentions of Yusei
Genre: Angst/Friendship
Rating: T
Warnings: AU, Martyr!verse equals tissue-warning
Summary: Drabble Series, Martyr!verse 04 - He had lost the one person that had given him a second chance… and yet… using it seemed like betrayal.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D’s. The italic text in the beginning and the end isn’t mine either, it’s borrowed from the song “Endless Night” from the Lion King Musical.
--- Darkest before Dawn ---
Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?
Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere
I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare
The first few weeks after Yusei’s death were nothing but a haze to Kiryu. He had barley registered Crow and Ushio finding him that day, leaning sobbing against Yuseis bed, starring up to that awful ceiling. He know that somehow they had gotten him out and back to the boat unnoticed and that Ushio had dropped them of at Martha’s at Crows insistence.
There he had laid waste to time, doing nothing but lying on the bed that Martha had provided him with, starring up to a dirty but not quite so bright ceiling, barely eating, barley drinking and barley sleeping.
If he slept, those hours were plagued with nightmares, with him reliving his last conversation with Yusei over and over again, torturing him with that one promise Yusei had made him make, the one he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold.
He was hardly aware of anything around him, he somewhat noticed those kids Martha took care of sneaking looks into his room and Martha herself had come more than once, to cheer him up he guessed (why she even bothered was beyond him and perhaps - he wasn’t quite sure - he had even told her so; he was after all the reason why Yusei was gone forever now, not just locked up but dead). She had tried everything, from simply talking to one of her no-nonsense-pep-talks, but he hadn’t cared, had let everything she had said wash over him, never considering if there might be something to her words.
Martha wasn’t the only one trying to talk him out of his lethargic state: Crow too, swung by whenever he could, most of the time shouting at him angrily about god knew what as it was his right (though even Kiryu noticed that sometimes anger slipped and plain despair tangled into the younger boys voice).
So often he wondered why they cared, really, why would anyone care!? To both of them Yusei had been as much family as one could get in Satellite. To Crow perhaps he, Kiryu, too had been once something like a brother, but that had changed years ago, when Crow had left, not once but twice! To Martha he was nothing more than a friend of her boys, one that had brought them nothing but trouble and had landed one of them first behind bars and consequently dead.
And knowing that it was his fault, knowing that if not for him Yusei would live, knowing that it all could have been prevented if he had acknowledged the insanity in his self-appointed mission, in his restless anger, hurt so terribly. And even more painful was the fact that he knew that it wasn’t over yet, that it would never be over as long as he lived. Because within him the anger burned, now even more powerful than ever before, for Yusei was death. Because of him. Killed by them!
And that was why he left in the end. He refused to by deadweight on Martha’s wallet if the food she indented for him could feed another kid or two and keep them off Satellite’s streets.
Because, so he swore to himself, he would never again let another person come to harm of any kind because of him.
So Kiryu left the House, without notice or warning, disappearing silently into the streets of Satellite.
------------
If Kiryu was to be honest, the weeks he spent on the street weren’t any better than the once he had spent at Martha’s (not that they had been supposed to be anyway). He had spent them miserably lurking the streets, keeping his head low, only getting around when he needed to get essentials.
He had become nothing more than a shell, empty and haunted by times long gone, by guilt and blame, by promises he would never be able to keep. Sure, some part of him loathed this existence, carved for action, carved to find some punk and punch or duel him into submission, anything that broke this monotony that had become his life. But a far larger part of him just didn’t care. Because what was the use?
Why should he go on?
Yusei was gone. It was his fault. There was no denying those facts. And by now even the thought of dueling left a bad taste in his mouth. Why should he duel? Why should he go on living? Yusei had been taken by death… Jack had found his own way out of this hellhole… and Crow… Crow was fine on his own, always had been.
He wasn’t needed. Had never been.
Kiryu Kyosuke had become what he had once loathed the most, had become what they would call an unnecessary existence. And when he noticed, he found that he couldn’t care less about it.
------------
Kiryu would never know why he had helped that kid.
He wasn’t sure if the core that was him still hadn’t learned, still carved for action and entertainment no matter the costs, or if that last part of him had simply gotten sick of his own attitude, because part of him loathed himself for this numbness, for falling apart, for doing everything but keeping that promise Yusei had extracted from him. But that part was small and shrinking with every day, would disappear with time (because how could he reconnect, how could he find friends when he always had to fear to betray them again? To let them down and rot and die, like he had done with Yusei?).
In the end it didn’t matter, he supposed. There was no changing the fact that he stepped into a fight that wasn’t his, had helped that kid out against a bully, as much as one could call a glare and a coldly hissed line (“Stop it.”) “helping out” anyway.
Of course it had done the job, the bullying brat had almost pissed himself in fear and run as fast as he could (because who wouldn’t fear those the eyes glare, cold and lifeless - speaking only of death and pain), while the kid had gasped and smiled in an admiring way.
And for a moment Kiryu had felt pleased with himself, with the fact that if only for a second, his existence had had a reason. But then the moment faded into nothingness and Kiryu had simply turned and left, leaving the kid behind as if nothing had happened.
Denying that for that one short moment, he had felt a piece of himself returning, wishing to live. Because life was not something he deserved. All he could do was to wait for death to claim him.
------------
He had to admit, the kid was persistent.
Rally - that was how the kid had introduced himself - had tracked him down in a matter of days, appearing before him, his face dirty but his smile wide, eyes gleaming determined, saying that he had wanted to thank him for helping him.
Kiryu had given him a blank stare, had told him it had been nothing, that he should forget about it and go home, ignoring the way the kids face fell, the disappointment in his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped when he left after being told of.
Yet, he didn’t give up - and even years later Kiryu would still wonder why that had been, why Rally had thought him worth the trouble. He had returned every day, pestering Kiryu about his name, about why he was always so damn alone, why he didn’t want company. And no matter how cold Kiryu had been, he hadn’t let up. Not until he had one day managed to drag Kiryu in his home, to meet his friends, his family.
Considering how stubborn the kid had proven himself to be, he could probably pride himself with refusing him as long as he had. But if the kid’s friends had any sense they would sent him away the moment they saw him, the moment they recognized him.
And it was better that way for everyone.
------------
The place Rally lived at turned out a former underground-station. At first Kiryu had hesitated to enter it, somewhere in the far back of his mind, survival instincts hissed at him that it would be so easy to trap him there, but he shrugged them off - he didn’t think that Rally would (intentionally) lead him on, and even if he did, it was not like Kiryu cared anyway.
The hideout was neat, far nicer than any place Kiryu had stayed, not that he’d ever say that out loud, it didn’t matter after all. Though he couldn’t deny feeling a certain warmth when Rally beamed up to him, happy and excited to have him there
Not knowing that it would only be a question of time until he was sent away.
------------
Rally’s friends were a strange lot, Kiryu decided. They were all around Kiryu’s age - perhaps a bit younger - working hard in the factory to make sure that all four of them were able to get dinner. Discovered him in their hideout, looking blank, perhaps vaguely uncomfortable and totally out of place while Rally cheerfully tried for the nth time to involve him into a conversation that didn’t die after the third sentence, most likely had been just as awkward for them as it had been for him (because he couldn’t help but keep wondering, why had he let the kid drag him there… why, he couldn’t be craving company, could he? No, he refused to acknowledge any need for friends, for comrades that he would only betray in the end…).
He had gotten up at that point, seeing discomfort in the other adults eyes, and their reluctance to voice that in front of the kid, knowing, like he had known from the start, that they wanted him to go.
“I shall take my leave then.” he had said, acknowledging that hide out as theirs, acknowledging whatever rules they would set. He had no reason to threat them. But before he had even fully passed them, Rally had ran up to him, tugging his wrist, making him stop. ”I think you should stay with us for dinner.”
“Rally…” the bespectacled one moaned, shaking his head. This was most likely not the first time the kid had brought in a stray, Kiryu thought slightly amused.
“Why not?” the kid demanded. “Kyosuke’s a good guy!”
Kiryu almost flinched at that, unused to anyone using his first name and though he had tried to discourage Rally from that, he kept using it for god knew what reasons. And when he saw the other three looking slightly despairs, shooting him nervous looks (as he had thought they surely had recognized him, and though he didn’t quite know (and never had cared) what rumours of Kiryu Kyosuke and Team Satisfaction were circling through the Satellite, it seemed that many of them were accurate to his nature. A madman. A traitor. A monster.).
“Leave it be, kid” he had murmured, carefully twisting his hand out of Rally’s grip. “It’s better for everyone, if I leave now.”
“But, you are a good guy…” the kid had pleaded, not understanding the problem, most likely not knowing all of his history. “You were Team Satisfactions…”
But before the kid could end that sentence, Kiryu fixated him with a cold glare. Remembering on his own was already painful enough. He didn’t need to be reminded of his failure as leader, as a friend, by some idealistic brat, who thought he knew anything about everything.
“You don’t know anything.” he had whispered. “Not about me. And not about Team Satisfaction. Never mention it again.”
With those words he had left, ignoring the heartbroken voice Rally whispered his name with, but well aware of the troubled and nervous glares in his neck, telling him that he wasn’t welcome here. That he would never be. Not that Kiryu had expected otherwise.
------------
The weeks after that incident were mostly quiet and monotone, and just a few months before Kiryu would have hated everything about the way he spent his day now, the way he had turned into a ghost of his former self, nothing but a breathing shell with dead eyes, that scared away anyone who entertained foolish thoughts of challenging him, defeated by the strength, that last little bit of his pride that had remained with him.
Yet even Kiryu knew, his dueling was dead, without spirit, as if he didn’t really care about winning or losing. And he didn’t. The thrill he had felt so long ago when it came to duelling, when it came to seeing through a plan, a strategy, now left nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth. All things considered, he mused shortly at one point, he had become truly pathetic. And the most pathetic thing of all was that he just didn’t care anymore.
However, it seemed somebody else DID care. Because, what other reason could Rally have had to appear before him again, after Kiryu had told him off so rudely. Rally, who didn’t seem to care that he sought solitude, who was cheerful and energetic and alive in a way that even Kiryu couldn’t suppress the urge to smile.
And somehow as time passed the kid managed to make him come to their hide out again. And again and again. Until one day, Kiryu woke up and found it nothing strange about skulking around in the area, until he noticed how far more relaxed Blitz, Taka and Nerve were in his presence. Until it seemed his duty to step up and defend them and their hide out through duel and how impossible it seemed not to care abut the outcome.
And that was when he stopped; having realized all of this, he couldn’t help but ask: “Why?”
“You are like us… from Satellite. We gotta stick together a bit. And Rally was right. You are an alright guy.”
And though Kiryu wasn’t quite sure whether that reply really answered his question (if there was even a right answer… he didn’t deserve, he would only bring them harm…), he didn’t voice any of his doubts aloud.
He only nodded, smiling sadly, but for the first time in so long that smile reached his eyes.
And even though it would still take much time until he’d notice, until he’d truly acknowledge these new bonds he had gained, from that day on life didn’t seem quite as bland, quite as meaningless.
Even though it would take time, even though there was still much darkness on his in his soul and on his mind, a tiny spark of hope had started to burn within his heart again.
Even though he wasn’t truly aware of it yet, Kiryu Kyosuke had started to heal.
------------
He didn’t know anymore exactly when he had picked up the harmonica. If he had to guess, he’d say that he had found it in the junk, a few weeks before his initial meeting with Rally, before the kid had brought a bit of sunlight into his grief clouded world.
Not that it was all too important, he had picked the thing up and something had driven him to clean it, to inspect it. And over the months he had learned how to play. Not that it was all to difficult, and at another time he would have smirked and said that he just was talented like that, if asked.
But now he didn’t care and was just glad that nobody complained about his playing (or at least that nobody dared to) - it wouldn’t have stopped him, but it would have been a hassle to deal with them. And after a while he go hang of a certain melody, slow and sad and mourning and absolutely mirroring his state of mind.
And one night, when he sat on the top of the building next to the Underground hide out, playing under the moonlight, not caring about Security or curfew (because seriously, few persons did), Rally came up and settled next to him, listening to the tune.
Once Kiryu had finished he asked: “Why do you always play that song?”
Kiryu opened his eyes, leaning back, looking up to the moon as he answered. “To remember…”
Rally frowned confused, and somewhere in the back of his head Kiryu acknowledged the expression as cute. “To remember what?”
“A friend.” He answered; vague answers would satisfy the kid’s curiosity a bit at least and keep him from bugging Kiryu too much.
The kid kept frowning. “The song sounds kinda too sad for that… So why don’t ‘cha just go and visit your friend?”
Kiryu closed his eyes again, to keep his grief invisible. “Can’t, kid. He’s dead.”
“Oh.” Rally looked away, “’m sorry.”
Kiryu didn’t reply to that. Instead he lifted the harmonica and once again started to play his song.
------
After a while, Kiryu discovered that somewhere along the road he had picked up the nickname “Shinigami Kiryu”.
Had become reputed to be a man between the worlds of life and death, who had the ability to decide, to judge whether his opponents deserved former or later…
Kiryu wasn’t quite sure, who had coined the nickname or when - though he suspected that it might stem from his time in the B.A.D.s, when he had turned predator into prey so easily, perhaps also from the way he was now. By now the sound of the harmonica, a sure sign of his arrival, was feared by the thugs in his turf. Because despite the fact that he didn’t care (or so he told himself), they could be sure that he wouldn’t tolerate when they messed with the wrong people.
(Perhaps it was because of his soulless duel that lacked the spark that he had been so known for before…)
Of course Rally had been offended on his behalf, when he had first heard the nickname. It was not fitting for Kiryu, he had ranted, couldn’t they see that Kiryu was the best hope the Satellite had.
Kiryu hadn’t cared, though he had shot Rally a very blank look when he had overheard the rant, wondering why the kid thought that he of all people could bring hope to anyone.
Though, so he thought slightly bitter later on, it was certainly a fitting nickname.
------
He really should have known. He should have known that Crow would track him down, especially after the Shinigami-rumours had begun to spread around a little more. And yet, he hadn’t quite expected the red head to bother (why should Crow, why should anyone care about his fate. All he could do was mess up after all…).
And those he was rather surprised when he saw Crow walking up o him one day, eyes narrowed, but the sparks of anger behind them only all to visible. He put away the harmonica looking up to his former friend, waiting for the other to start talking. Surely he had a reason to seek him out. Though Kiryu certainly wondered what anyone might want from him.
“Hey…” the other sounded hesitant. Strange, Crow usually wasn’t one to beat around the bush.
Neither was Kiryu. “You are sure far out of your territory. Too far for a chance meeting, I’d say.”
And when Crow didn’t answer. “What do you want?”
Crow snort, narrowing his eyes a little. “Martha was rather worried when you left so out of sudden. I heard some rumours about you being here, so I thought I’d check up on you. For Martha.”
Kiryu looked right back, expression void. “I see. And as you see, I’m fine. Tell Martha that she should be concerned about more important things than my well being.”
And so should you, went unspoken.
He had expected the other to leave, like he had always done. However it appeared that Crow wasn’t quite finished yet. “You know, there some strange rumours going around about you. And if half of them are to be believed then the ‘Shinigami of Satellite’ has more of a haunting spirit than of a man.”
And when Kiryu didn’t reply, he continued quietly, eyes narrowed in tightly controlled anger: ”What the hell do you think you are doing, Kiryu?”
He just starred back blankly, what did Crow think it looked like he was doing here?!
(What, beside giving up? What, beside waiting for death to claim him as well? Perhaps for some young hot shot, who wanted to prove himself by slaying the Shinigami, who’d finally release him… Except that just perhaps a tiny of him wasn’t so sure anymore if he really wanted to do either, but like hell he’d admit that out loud and in front of Crow.)
He opened his mouth to make some sort of semi-smart remark, but Crow had already read the truth in his eyes before he was able to speak up. Which was most likely the reason why he suddenly found himself on the on the ground, his cheekbone hurting like hell - damn, Crow certainly knew how to throw out a mean right hook - and the red head leaning over him, grabbing him by his coat.
“Why do you go around looking like this? WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP LOOKING LIKE THERE’S NOTHING YOU’D RATHER DO THAN DIE?!”
It took Kiryu a moment to work himself into a reply, starting out slow but growing more heated as he kept going. “That is not your concern Crow. Really, what would you know anyway? There is nothing left here. And I don’t expect you to care.”
He heard a small gasp and in the corner of his eyes he saw Rally, young eyes widened in fear and disbelieve; perhaps because of his words, perhaps because of how he let himself be manhandled by Crow - had it been anyone else he wouldn’t have allowed that, he had that much pride, but this was Crow and that made all the difference. And then Crow punched him again - on the same spot as before too - pressing him into the ground with all his weight (which was surprisingly much give his height and stature), hands shaking as they still kept their iron grip at his coat collar.
“You still don’t get it… YOU STILL DON’T GODDAMNED GET IT, DO YOU KIRYU?” he shouted, face twisted in rage and distress and… were those tears in his eyes?
(Why… why… whywhywhy…?)
Then Crow let go, bowing his head, shaking his head, slowly releasing his grip and backing of.
“It’s useless, isn’t it? Whatever I say… it’s not gonna reach you, is it?” he murmured bitterly, not looking at Kiryu, not meeting his eyes. “You ain’t going to listen. Not to me.
“You still believe that we abandoned you, don’t you? That we left back then because we didn’t care… But, you know, you’ve got it all wrong…”
Finally he released his grip, getting up, face shadowed by grief and regret as he turned away. “We did care, that’s we left and that’s also why we returned, dammit. We never wanted to see you hurt. You were a friend. You still are.”
Kiryu said nothing. But in his mind he heard another painfully familiar voice say similar words.
Kiryuu...we would have...stayed. You're...our...na...ka...ma...
Finally Crow released him, getting up, turning away. “Never mind… it doesn’t matter, right? I was a fool to believe…”
At last Kiryu worked himself into a reply. “To believe what?”
Crow looked over to him, grey eyes hardening as he lifted his chin a little.
“That something might have changed. That Yusei’s sacrifice was worth something. But by the look of things, I’d say he died in vain.”
With that the red head turned abruptly and disappeared to whether he had come from without looking back even once.
And Kiryu kept lying at the same spot that he had been dropped at, his mind so terrible void and filled with endlessly circling thoughts at the same time.
They had cared. Yusei had told him and now Crow had confirmed it.
They had cared and he…
“Kyosuke…?“
…he had just gone ahead, doubting them, had destroyed everything. Had led the team right into its own destruction. And even so, they…
“Hey… Kyosuke!”
Startled he looked up to Rally, who was kneeing beside him, looking concerned.
“You… you alright?” the kid asked nervously, sitting down beside him, drawing his knees to his chest.
“I think so…” he said, even though he didn’t really know. There was too much that he needed to think about. Too much he needed to consider, to reconsider. Even though Yusei had told him that they wouldn’t have left, even though months had passed since that, he had never really stopped to think about it. Perhaps… had never really wanted to think about what it meant.
Because ultimately… when it came down to it, it hadn’t been them who had betrayed him, it had been him. With every action he had betrayed his team, the very people he had cared for. And until now at least a part of him had clung to the thought that it had been the other way around that he had been the betrayed one. It had made justifying his actions so much easier, even now.
Crow had been right, he really hadn’t learned anything at all, he realised bitterly.
“Kyosuke?” Again, Rally’s small voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He didn’t bother looking over to him, instead acknowledging him with a slight nod.
“That Yusei-person, that the other guy spoke of… is he the friend that died?” he asked, his voice sounding hesitating, nervous, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask or not. Of course, Kiryu would have preferred to stay away from the topic yet… he supposed, after everything the kid had just heard, he kind of owed him a few answers at least.
“Yeah…” he finally confirmed, still not looking at the kid. Better for him to draw his own conclusions.
Rally bit his lip as he mulled over the fight he had overheard, over what he knew of Kiryu, over what he had seen himself. Then he spoke up again, starting out slowly and unsure, but quickly growing more confident in his words. “You know… I don’ really know a lot ‘bout what that was all about, but… if that Yusei died to safe, you should try to be a little less… gloomy. I mean, he wouldn’t have saved ya, if he wanted you to be unhappy… right?”
He said nothing at that. There was nothing to say. Yet… a part of him replayed his conversation with Crow and thought back to that day in the Detention Centre’s sick bay, at Yusei’s whispers, the promise that he had made. And about what a shitty job he had been doing in his tries (or rather not-tries) to fulfil it.
Then he felt a slight tug at his cloak sleeve and when he looked up he saw Rally, who had gotten up again, frowning down at him, his face showing just how worried he was. “Ne, Kyosuke… let’s go home, ‘kay?”
Kiryu took another moment, looking at that slight hand that firmly gripping to him and after a while he finally got up. But instead of perhaps taking the kids hand and reassuring him, he made sure to disentangle that hand, purposefully not looking at Rally as he did so. “Go ahead. I’ll catch you later.”
Rally just starred up to him as he fully straightened, looking incredible torn between hurt and worry. “Kyosuke? Where are you going?”
He didn’t answer.
“Oi… Kyosuke!”
Instead he walked away and disappeared into the shadows. Pretending that it didn’t bother him the slightest to hear Rally so worked up, to hear him call out his name as if he was needed.
Because he wasn’t. And he couldn’t be.
(Not until after he had gotten his head straightened out again.)
------
Thinking takes time. And Kiryu needed to think desperately.
Not just about his fight with Crow, not just about Crow’s and Yusei’s and Rally’s words, about the truth in them, about all the lies he had told himself over the years.
He needed to figure out where he stood. What he should do now.
He needed time for himself.
Walking as he thought, he wound up on the top of some building near the cliffs, very close to their - Team Satisfaction’s - old hide out. Sitting, waiting, thinking, he kept looking over the Satellite and towards the far lights of the City, drawing in the cold autumn night air. Night had fallen long ago already and somewhere afar he could hear the Security siren howl. He didn’t quite care, even though it was past curfew, he was already somewhat past their territory. They wouldn’t bother to come here, unless they had to.
Instead he looked up, starring to the heavily clouded sky, searching if perhaps he could find a start or two twinkling through. There were none.
For a moment he considered pulling out his harmonica, the music had become his means to just shut down and express his grief. However that wasn’t what he needed at the moment.
It was, perhaps, what he wanted to do, to escape, to shut down, to think of nothing at all.
But he couldn’t run away any longer. Not after all the things Crow had thrown at his head. He refused to.
So instead he sat, starring up to the sky thinking about everything that had happened. About how he had first met the other three…
You… who are you?
Me? The name’s Kiryu Kyosuke. You better don’t forget that.
About how they had become Team Satisfaction, forged together by adventure and battle, by the thirst to be more than society told them to be.
We can’t escape the Satellite anyhow. In which case, we have to make ourselves satisfied here. So, let’s satisfy ourselves by pulling off something big here in the Satellite.
How are we gonna do that?
We are going to take over it all. Let’s fill this map until it is black. Let’s take over every territory until it all belongs to us, without slowing down, with out hesitating. Let’s make them fear our name.
Our name?
Yep, our name. From today on, we’ll be Satisfaction. The best duel gang there has ever been.
About how they had gone through with it. About the laughter of that one day when they had succeded, to beautiful taste of satisfaction, of freedom on his tongue. About how it had all fallen apart.
Count me out.
Hmpf.
Kiryu, I can’t be with you anymore. You’ll have to do this on your own. I’m leaving the team - you.
About how he had still gone through with his mad plans, believing himself to be in the right. About how things had gotten only worse, with Yusei arrested and Crow and Jack leaving him - again (or so he had thought. But now he couldn’t help but wonder if it hadn’t been him who had left.). About everything he had done in the aftermath, his bout in the B.A.D. and how even the criminals there, the worst of the worst, had started to fear him and his madness. About that one day when he had met Crow again…
Yusei’s dieing. He’s dieing and he wants to see us… Will you come?
About everything that had happened at that sick bay, every single word of Yusei, who had seen righ down to the bottom of his soul and still had deemed him worth saving. About what he had made him promise…
You didn't...believe in...changing Satellite, did you...? You didn't...believe in...the good you said we were doing...
You...only said this to draw people in...didn't you...? To fuflil your selfish desires...you didn't want to be lonely anymore...isn't that...right...
...you...didn't...need to do that...Kiryuu...we would have...stayed. You're...our...na...ka...ma...
Please...build your bonds again...please...try to...understand...please...
Don't...don't leave yourself....alone...again...pro...mise...me...
He hadn’t doing much good about that promise, had he?
Sure, he had become acquaintances with Rally, Blitz, Taka and Nerve… but that certainly hadn’t been due his own effort had it? That had just sort of… happened.
Yes, Crow was right… as things stood now, Yusei’s death had really been for nothing. And that thought was one that he could not stand. That made everything within him revolt. Because if as of now, Yusei had died for nothing then it was his duty to make it count for something. And the only way to do that was to finally honour that one last promise.
No matter how hard that may be.
------
He wasn’t quite sure how he had wound up there, but sometimes just before dawn he found himself at the dock, where he knew Crow’s hide out to be. But the how didn’t matter, the why did.
This is where he needed to start.
Crow was the only one left now. Sure, there was Jack, but Kiryu had no idea what the blond had been up to, though he recalled Crow saying something about him having gone to the city. Not that that mattered right now. All that mattered now was reconnecting with Crow.
This would be his first step towards redemption.
And after what seemed eternity, the hut that he knew to be Crow’s finally came into view. Kiryu stopped a few steps in front of it - knowing what he needed to do, yet unsure on how to approach his old team mate. And in the end, that matter was taken out of his hands when Crow stepped out, yawning and stretching, getting ready to tackle the new day… and utterly surprised to see him standing outside his home.
“Uhm, can I help you with something?” He asked, still absolutely perplexed and apparently as uncertain as Kiryu about their situation and somehow that comfort him a little, even though he knew exactly what he wanted - needed - to say.
“I’m sorry.”
And from the look of Crow’s face, the other certainly hadn’t expected that. But Kiryu was far from finished yet.
“You were right… with everything. I was a fool… an idiot… and a terrible friend.
“And I’m sorry.”
Crow just kept starring at him, eyes wide open as if he didn’t believe what he just heard and part of Kiryu cringed and wondered if that apology, so long owned to all of them, would reach the other. And the longer Crow took to react, the more he couldn’t help but wonder if-
“Get inside, you idiot.”
Kiryu blinked, starring. Why would Crow…
But the red-head just frowned and pointed at his home with his thumb, sounding almost annoyed as he spoke again. “You deaf? I said get inside; we can talk there. Even if it’s way too early for that.”
Kiryu took another moment to shoot him a thankful smile, small but genuine and it reached his eyes for the first time in so long, before he stepped forward, feeling the first rays of sunlight against his skin just before entering the hut.
It wasn’t perfect and their friendship was still far from mended, it would take a lot of time and work for it to become what it once had been… but it was a start.
And that was enough for now.
------
As he had thought, it had taken a lot of work and time to reconnect with Crow.
Yet, once past the initial awkwardness and after many hour-long talks, sometimes just trips down the memory lane, sometimes actual fights that needed to happen to dissolve the anger, the hurt that was between them, things started to look up. To become better.
And soon the awkwardness between them started to disappear, Crow started to laugh, to smile and act like his old self and Kiryu himself, too, started to rediscover what it felt to be content, happy, anything other than miserable again.
He had started to live at the subway station now, acknowledging it as home in his thoughts, though he still refused to call it that out loud. Crow came by every once in a while; he had quickly become friends with the other four and Kiryu had quickly come to regret introducing him to Rally - the two of hem had hit off immediately and seemed to bond further by conspiring against him to make him smile.
And every other week they would return the favour and visit Crow and the orphans he had taken in down at the docks and spent the evening sitting around the fire, eating, chatting and listening to Crow telling the kids about the Legend of Daedalus Bridge over and over again.
It was such a day, that Kiryu first found out what had actually happened to Jack since the beak up of the team. It had run the big screen Crow had installed in his personal hut, a Riding Duel in the Stadium of Neo Domino City and Kiryu had only caught it per accident when he had been sent to fetch the children for dinner. A challenge for the crown of the King and the King had turned out to be… Jack.
Kiryu had certainly been surprised and had watched the duel intently, not letting himself be distracted from it, even when Crow himself came to look for him and the kids, slightly annoyed but understanding when he noted what had kept them.
“You’ve never seen the King duel, right?” He had commentated, when the duel as well as the interview following had ended. Kiryu shook his head, silent and troubled about Jack’s display.
It kept occupying him through dinner and he ignored the frowns the others shot him, far too absorbed by his thoughts.
There had been something about Jack’s duel, something in Jack’s eyes that struck him as strange, as wrong. Something had been lacking in both and the longer Kiryu thought about it the more certain he grew that he knew what was bothering so much. It was the fight, the hard edge gained from so many duels in the Satellite, sharpened by the strength of the bonds and the purpose they shared. If he was right then Jack had made the same mistake as him. Jack had forsaken the bonds he had held for the title of the strongest. And now that was slowly but surly killing him.
And that he couldn’t let happen. He abruptly set down his bowl, startling the others from their conversation, and kept ignoring the questioning looks he received.
But Crow was able to guess the thought on his mind and he certainly wasn’t afraid to call him on that. “You want to go after him…after Jack. Don’t you?”
Kiryu took a moment to consider before answering. “Yes.”
“Eh!?” Taka and Nerve exclaimed, starring at him as if he was from another planet and Blitz shook his head frantically, saying: “Hey, hey Kiryu… going to the City? You can’t be possibly serious about this.”
Kiryu coolly raised eyebrow, saying nothing more about how serious he was about going after Jack.
Blitz shook his head again. “You should really, really keep away from that. Security would be all over you just for even considering. Whatever you do, there won’t be any good coming from it.”
Rally, who had been grinning widely and excited up to then, frowned and shot the lanky Satellite an annoyed look. “Oh yeah? Well, I bet that Kyosuke can make it.”
He turned to Kiryu, grinning widely again. “I’’ll back you up, no matter what!”
“Oi, Rally…”
Crow shook his head as he watched the other two banter about how good of an idea it was to go to the City and Taka and Nerve involving themselves in order to break up their argument (and failing spectacularly at that). It wasn’t like any of that mattered anyway. Kiryu had already decided to go after all. There would be no stopping him.
He turned to Kiryu. “You’ll need a D-Wheel to get there. That and a lot of luck.”
Kiryu nodded. “I figured as much. Still… this is something I need to do.”
Crow just smiled, in that almost irritating way that seemed to say that he knew exactly what Kiryu had been thinking. “I’m not going to try to stop you. It’s not like you’d listen anyway. Instead I’m going to make sure that you’ll actually end up there. Can’t have you wind up in a detention cell before you even catch a glimpse at Jack.”
As soft smile touched Kiryu’s lips. “Thank you, Crow.”
And with that he got up and walked away from to fire to the shore, to where he could see the faraway lights of the City. His hands clenched into fists as his eyes narrowed in determination.
“Just wait. I’ll be coming for you, Jack.”
------
Life is a strange thing.
Men are born and die the same - and yet the things that differ them are the experiences made between those events. They find joy and pain, experience hardship and happiness - some more, some less.
But as different as they may be, as much as they might fight - either each other or side by side - they are all connected.
That connection, invisible to the eye and yet strong and ever present, is called Bond.
The Crimson Star, immortal and always watchful of the mortal world, sees it all. And sometimes, it just might take note a tiny spark of life that glows particularly bright. That shows signs of fate.
Tonight is such as a night.
Tonight it has taken notice of a young man’s burning spark brushing, tracing the rails of fate that once had been laid out for another, for the tail of its dragon.
Tonight the Wheel of Destiny has begun a new circle.
And the stars have started to move.
------------
I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside
I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
The sun
The sun will rise
The sun
The sun will rise
--- FIN ---