05182016
I think that I’m depressed.
Yes, I feel like I am depressed
It is actually hard to admit that you’re sad when you’re the type of person who’s really not good with feelings or emotions, specifically loneliness.
Who wants to feel sad anyway? Who wants to be lonely?
Yes, I think I am depressed but not the kind most people know.
I have to be clear though that I’m not into killing or hurting myself. I can’t even imagine drawing my own blood or anything. Although sometimes, I would appreciate something that would make my life go stand still. To stop, even for a while.
I can still go on with my daily stuff actually. I wake up every morning, do 10 minute stretching routine that I come up with lately, eat breakfast, watch regular tv programs, go online, casual talk with my friends, do chores, eat again, and so on until I finally get tired and sleep for the night. I still work like a normal person, only not as happy as a normal person would do.
Sometimes I feel happy though.
Sometimes I feel happy, I get so puffed up and enthusiastic.
Sometimes I feel happy I get overly ambitious.
Sometimes I feel happy like nothing could ever go wrong.
Sometimes I feel happy until something goes wrong.
And then I feel sad.
I feel sad. I feel sad all of a sudden.
I feel sad waking up later than my usual wake up time.
I feel sad when I’m too lazy to workout.
I feel sad when there’s not enough rice to eat, even though I can cook for myself if I want to.
I feel sad watching tv shows. I feel sad watching tv shows, alone.
I feel sad when no one’s online. I feel sad when I don’t get any reply.
I feel sad most specially at night. When I have no one else to talk to but myself. When I’m alone with my thoughts and my thoughts are all I have.
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I cry a lot.
Sometimes I cry over shitty things. Sometimes I cry for no reason at all.
Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I smile a lot.
Sometimes I smile in front of my family, of my friends.
Most often I smile so no one would know that I deep inside I cry.
I can still go on with my daily stuff though. I just hate a few stuff that goes with it.
I hate hearing other people talk about other people. Hell! I hate hearing other people talk about other people out loud. I hate noise. I hate when things get too loud. I hate when things get out of control. My control. I hate when can’t do anything about everything.
I hate hearing other people’s happy story.
I hate their happy story because why am I not happy?
Why am I sad? Why am I talking about being depressed?
Why do I have all these questions and not get any answer?
Why? Why does it hurt when I feel sad?
I think that I’m depressed.
Yes, I feel like I am depressed because sometimes, sadness gets a little too overwhelming.
It’s like swimming until I find myself drowning. Like an elephant standing over me while sleeping. Like a heavy punch without defense. Like a single person in a crowded room. Like getting wet by the rain inside your home. Like everyone’s watching you, watching you fall, including yourself.
I think that I’m depressed.
Yes, I think I am depressed but not the kind most people know.
I read somewhere that it is called Walking Depression or Smiling Depression maybe.
Whatever this is, I hope I can walk away soon.
Besides, who wants to feel sad anyway?
Yes, I feel like I am depressed
It is actually hard to admit that you’re sad when you’re the type of person who’s really not good with feelings or emotions, specifically loneliness.
Who wants to feel sad anyway? Who wants to be lonely?
Yes, I think I am depressed but not the kind most people know.
I have to be clear though that I’m not into killing or hurting myself. I can’t even imagine drawing my own blood or anything. Although sometimes, I would appreciate something that would make my life go stand still. To stop, even for a while.
I can still go on with my daily stuff actually. I wake up every morning, do 10 minute stretching routine that I come up with lately, eat breakfast, watch regular tv programs, go online, casual talk with my friends, do chores, eat again, and so on until I finally get tired and sleep for the night. I still work like a normal person, only not as happy as a normal person would do.
Sometimes I feel happy though.
Sometimes I feel happy, I get so puffed up and enthusiastic.
Sometimes I feel happy I get overly ambitious.
Sometimes I feel happy like nothing could ever go wrong.
Sometimes I feel happy until something goes wrong.
And then I feel sad.
I feel sad. I feel sad all of a sudden.
I feel sad waking up later than my usual wake up time.
I feel sad when I’m too lazy to workout.
I feel sad when there’s not enough rice to eat, even though I can cook for myself if I want to.
I feel sad watching tv shows. I feel sad watching tv shows, alone.
I feel sad when no one’s online. I feel sad when I don’t get any reply.
I feel sad most specially at night. When I have no one else to talk to but myself. When I’m alone with my thoughts and my thoughts are all I have.
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I cry a lot.
Sometimes I cry over shitty things. Sometimes I cry for no reason at all.
Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I smile a lot.
Sometimes I smile in front of my family, of my friends.
Most often I smile so no one would know that I deep inside I cry.
I can still go on with my daily stuff though. I just hate a few stuff that goes with it.
I hate hearing other people talk about other people. Hell! I hate hearing other people talk about other people out loud. I hate noise. I hate when things get too loud. I hate when things get out of control. My control. I hate when can’t do anything about everything.
I hate hearing other people’s happy story.
I hate their happy story because why am I not happy?
Why am I sad? Why am I talking about being depressed?
Why do I have all these questions and not get any answer?
Why? Why does it hurt when I feel sad?
I think that I’m depressed.
Yes, I feel like I am depressed because sometimes, sadness gets a little too overwhelming.
It’s like swimming until I find myself drowning. Like an elephant standing over me while sleeping. Like a heavy punch without defense. Like a single person in a crowded room. Like getting wet by the rain inside your home. Like everyone’s watching you, watching you fall, including yourself.
I think that I’m depressed.
Yes, I think I am depressed but not the kind most people know.
I read somewhere that it is called Walking Depression or Smiling Depression maybe.
Whatever this is, I hope I can walk away soon.
Besides, who wants to feel sad anyway?