Dec 20, 2010 20:58
❉ kurayami,
polar ice caps are cold,
words are inefficient,
❉ cloud,
i am a jedi like my mother before me,
pulled a lockon,
missing mom,
tree falls everyone dies,
handmaiden says hello,
❉ bell,
lightsaber nao plz,
exile says walk it off,
there is angst here,
❉ fred/romana,
❉ genius,
❉ youth / gai,
❉ stoneface,
oops,
not the last,
ow my eye,
❉ juliet,
giant family issues,
❉ sylvar / juhani,
❉ rauxes,
❉ will/simon tam,
i gots a name
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Nobody ever expects to die.
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I know. I feel as though I owe you an apology.
[...]
Where are you?
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I am at home.
It is a relief to see your writing again.
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I will be there as soon as I can.
[ooc: ql? set sometime after she gets the gunk outta her eye and has her chat with Stony, obvs XD]
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I will be waiting for you.
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She reaches out to knock on the door and bangs her knuckles rather sharply--ow. Grimacing, she tries again much more cautiously.]
Simon, it is [pause--it's ingrained to say Handmaiden] Brianna.
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He finally opens the door, gets a good look at her appearance, and finds that he can't speak anything more than her name.]
Brianna...
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She so, so did not mean for that to happen the way it did.]
I know that words are of little use, but... I am sorry. What happened... I expected that something might try to kill me, but I had thought it would be something I could fight.
Are you--no. I doubt you have been well.
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If the tree is determined to kill you, it will. I can't... I know that your intentions were noble. It's hypocritical of me to get angry with you, I suppose. Considering what I did.
[He sticks the index finger of his left hand into his mouth and bites down, as per his usual habit.]
I wouldn't say well, no. I have not been sleeping well, mostly. And whenever someone dies, there's always the possibility they won't remember anything... or won't come back at all.
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She certainly hadn't been expecting the ground itself to turn against her. But she won't speak of that here. It might be too dangerous... she didn't think the simple action of hiding a box would have triggered it, either. If anything, it should have been her journal entry.]
My own anger from that time is hypocritical itself. But I do not think our actions were wrong... we simply misjudged, to great cost.
[She lets out a deep breath. Not sleeping, not surprised.]
I feel very fortunate to have come back. I do not fear death, but... we are able to do so much more living than dead. And I would not have liked to leave everything here so abruptly. I hope you will be able to sleep better now.
[Her responsibilities to the Watch and her search for answers, yes--but Simon is included as well.]
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I do not think either of us were wrong, either. As I've told you before, my only regret for doing what I did is how it affected my sister. Sometimes misjudging, or knowing that you are taking a risk and doing so anyway, is what is needed.
[He then nods in agreement.]
It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't... I mean... It's been one thing after another lately for me. The memory I saw still haunts me.
[His voice drops, almost breaking.]
Dad hasn't come back. Every day makes the chance that he will as I knew him smaller. It felt like my whole world was starting to fall apart. Like my sister would be next. Or Inara. Or Serenity. It's irrational, and I can't let myself be constantly paralyzed by those kinds of fears, nor expect my loved ones to walk on eggshells because of them, but they are still there.
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[She sighs. She remembers what she thought when she died--if she had been thinking more, she'd have thought that he would have taken it particularly hard what with all that he's dealt with lately.
...what he's dealt with always. But particularly lately.]
That fear... I think it is common to everyone in Edensphere who holds people close. It is true that we must go on in spite of them, but I do not think there is shame in having those feelings in the first place. But if it helps, I remember you, and I remember your sister, and I remember Koi.
[It is not something she has to worry about very much--only for a few people, Simon among them. And that fear is why.]
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[He finally turns to meet Brianna's eyes- eye. He frowns, it finally hitting him fully that she has nothing there any longer- her eye simply vanished.]
It does. And even if you didn't remember me, I would make sure that our connection wasn't lost forever. No matter how hard it was to reforge it. I value our relationship too much.
[He raises one arm slightly, then hesitates.]
I lost a memory... and you lost an eye.
[Simon shakes his head.]
We've both suffered. It's a part of existence, especially in a place like this. Having feelings is definitely not something I find shameful... it reminds me that I am human and cannot do everything. As much as I wish I would like to.
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[She feels a rush of gratitude for that. It doesn't surprise her, but she's still touched to know that Simon would make that effort, even though it would be painful.]
I would do the same should you lose your memories.
[She nods. And frankly she thinks her loss is less than Simon's.]
We are fighting something with a power greater than any of us--perhaps power greater than all of us combined. Yet I do not think it is right that we should give up the struggle. Even if we can only change things in a small way, it is better than surrender.
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[He bites his lip, though knowing that she would return the favor buoys his mood slightly.]
Surrender means letting this place win, yes. Even if we don't actively pursue answers, it sees fit to try and kill us, anyway. We can't ignore that fact.
[Simon lets his arms cross again, almost hugging himself.]
I just feel so helpless sometimes. In my memory, I saved my sister from the people who were torturing her. I rather wish I could do something like that here and free us from this prison. We do what we can, though.
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[Even though, in her mind, it would be better to convey her opinion through fighting physically--it's hard to do that en masse.
She steps closer to him, setting a hand on his shoulder.]
It is a feeling I have often shared. Our enemies are unseen... [...] worse than that. And perhaps it will take more years before we find the key to leaving this place, or restoring our memories. It is... frustrating when we cannot see the results of our struggling.
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