Free Willy?
The day finally came for me to leave the nicest hospital, so they tell me, in new york city, and transfer to the worst hospital in the country. So I said goodbye to my private room and got strapped into a wheelchair for the trip.
I cant say I always wondered what a frozen side of beef feels like when it is transported from spot a to spot b, but now I know and can check that off the list of things to experience anyway. They threw me into a van, locked my wheels into place and bolted off down 2nd ave like a gypsy cab trying to get out of Harlem on a Sunday night.
When I got to bellvue, my heart sank even further than I previously thought possible. What was apparent from the start was the difference in the staff. It was like taking my previous hospital and replacing all the somewhat interested staff with asshole DMV workers.
I was unceremoniously dumped out of my wheelchair onto a plastic bed, which was really just a big balloon air mattress, and told to wait. I dunno where they thought I was going, and since I couldn’t go anywhere on my own anyway, I decided to wait right there.
Two mooks with a clipboard came in wheeling a scale along with them and told me to stand up on the scale. When I told them I couldn’t stand up they just stared at me like I wasn’t making any sense. One of them looked like he was getting angry as he waited for me to stand up.
They told me again to stand up on the scale. I was really in no mood to deal with these fucknuts, so I said rather loudly, “I CANT STAND UP YOU MORON!” He took the subtle hint, and they both walked off sort of chuckling to each other. I saw that chuckle before and got pretty nervous.
About 20 minutes later 3 real worker drones came in with a lot of construction beam type things. I couldn’t figure out what it was but they started building something on my bed. This was the framework of a weighing system. If you can imagine flipper, stranded on the beach and a crane type thing with a tarp in the middle this is what they were bulding on my bed. They threw me around without asking rolling me into the conveyance system, and read my weight outloud as a satsfying 180 lbs.
Now I havent been 180lbs, like ever… so I told them it was wrong, and they got really mad, stormed out of the room and left me in the contraption.
For THIRTY MINUTES!
Until someone else came into the room and noticed me there and got them to come back and take me down. This was not a good introduction to a new place. It took my obviously sunny disposition and threw it right out the fucking window.
I cant say I always wondered what a frozen side of beef feels like when it is transported from spot a to spot b, but now I know and can check that off the list of things to experience anyway. They threw me into a van, locked my wheels into place and bolted off down 2nd ave like a gypsy cab trying to get out of Harlem on a Sunday night.
When I got to bellvue, my heart sank even further than I previously thought possible. What was apparent from the start was the difference in the staff. It was like taking my previous hospital and replacing all the somewhat interested staff with asshole DMV workers.
I was unceremoniously dumped out of my wheelchair onto a plastic bed, which was really just a big balloon air mattress, and told to wait. I dunno where they thought I was going, and since I couldn’t go anywhere on my own anyway, I decided to wait right there.
Two mooks with a clipboard came in wheeling a scale along with them and told me to stand up on the scale. When I told them I couldn’t stand up they just stared at me like I wasn’t making any sense. One of them looked like he was getting angry as he waited for me to stand up.
They told me again to stand up on the scale. I was really in no mood to deal with these fucknuts, so I said rather loudly, “I CANT STAND UP YOU MORON!” He took the subtle hint, and they both walked off sort of chuckling to each other. I saw that chuckle before and got pretty nervous.
About 20 minutes later 3 real worker drones came in with a lot of construction beam type things. I couldn’t figure out what it was but they started building something on my bed. This was the framework of a weighing system. If you can imagine flipper, stranded on the beach and a crane type thing with a tarp in the middle this is what they were bulding on my bed. They threw me around without asking rolling me into the conveyance system, and read my weight outloud as a satsfying 180 lbs.
Now I havent been 180lbs, like ever… so I told them it was wrong, and they got really mad, stormed out of the room and left me in the contraption.
For THIRTY MINUTES!
Until someone else came into the room and noticed me there and got them to come back and take me down. This was not a good introduction to a new place. It took my obviously sunny disposition and threw it right out the fucking window.