Dedicated to my best friends
This is too memorable to let without record. I feel the warmth of every drop of tear on my cheeks as I write this. I need prove, I need reminders.
I was a little more tipsy than usual last nite. Early part of the evening was fun, fellow piano players and music lovers share the art of good music and Chau sings along to my songs. (thank god one person knows my songs lol) Jace hands me some shots of Bacardi and Corona and everyone is starting to lighten up. Just as I began to have fun and do the party thing, something hit me. This was not an ordinary party, it was a Going-Away party, mahn how I despise the sound of that, the thot of that, and the reality of "going away". How oblivious of me to not realize that until I saw tears on Tia's face. I must have seen her cry a thousand times, but it never hurt as much as this time. I was never the reason she cried. I always knew wise words to say to comfort her, but this time is different. I lent her my shoulder and I cried with her. At this moment, I realized that I was more than a friend, I loved her and I guided her. A rushing blizzard of emotions overwhelmed me, too mixed up to discern, love? possibly frustration, anger, helplessness, or maybe confusion? it's overpowering. What have I done when I decided to leave? I cannot forgive myself if she doesn't turn out alrite, I feel like I am leaving with much behind to look after, my job is undone. Not even I, myself, could understand why I never invited her to parties with me. Tonite I finally know the answer. No matter how much older she seems, subconsciously I felt the need to protect her like my little sister. I rather that I get into trouble myself and I never want to be a bad influence, esp not to someone I hold so dear. Sometimes I really hate her. I hate how much influence she has on me. I hate the fact that I feel how she feels. I hate that I share all her emotions, whether it's joy, sorrow, frustration, or anger. I hate how I can never let myself to have fun when she's upset. Above all, I hate how much I love her no matter what she does, whether it's right or wrong, and I will always love her despite all her flaws.
To the rest of my friends that I only seem to begin resuming touch with recently due to someone's misfortune...
Jace and Norman, I can't believe that even today, I'm 18, and after a few years of lost touch, you're still watching out for me without any intentions at all, and guard me against the evil world. Jace, you're like my back eye, keeping an eye on the ppl that i cannot see. I'm sorry to have made you guys worried and talk to me at 3am or call me early morning to make sure I dont have a hang over. I owe you guys so much I can never repay.
Chooie: Thank you for throwing the party for me. In the past 2 weeks, helping you helped me and your presence was important. I hope you learned as much as I did from you... something that all girls should keep in mind: Who's there when a guy lets you down? not the guy, its the girls that tirelessly listen and comfort until you fall asleep crying. Don't ever let your girls down!
" Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)"
I was a little more tipsy than usual last nite. Early part of the evening was fun, fellow piano players and music lovers share the art of good music and Chau sings along to my songs. (thank god one person knows my songs lol) Jace hands me some shots of Bacardi and Corona and everyone is starting to lighten up. Just as I began to have fun and do the party thing, something hit me. This was not an ordinary party, it was a Going-Away party, mahn how I despise the sound of that, the thot of that, and the reality of "going away". How oblivious of me to not realize that until I saw tears on Tia's face. I must have seen her cry a thousand times, but it never hurt as much as this time. I was never the reason she cried. I always knew wise words to say to comfort her, but this time is different. I lent her my shoulder and I cried with her. At this moment, I realized that I was more than a friend, I loved her and I guided her. A rushing blizzard of emotions overwhelmed me, too mixed up to discern, love? possibly frustration, anger, helplessness, or maybe confusion? it's overpowering. What have I done when I decided to leave? I cannot forgive myself if she doesn't turn out alrite, I feel like I am leaving with much behind to look after, my job is undone. Not even I, myself, could understand why I never invited her to parties with me. Tonite I finally know the answer. No matter how much older she seems, subconsciously I felt the need to protect her like my little sister. I rather that I get into trouble myself and I never want to be a bad influence, esp not to someone I hold so dear. Sometimes I really hate her. I hate how much influence she has on me. I hate the fact that I feel how she feels. I hate that I share all her emotions, whether it's joy, sorrow, frustration, or anger. I hate how I can never let myself to have fun when she's upset. Above all, I hate how much I love her no matter what she does, whether it's right or wrong, and I will always love her despite all her flaws.
To the rest of my friends that I only seem to begin resuming touch with recently due to someone's misfortune...
Jace and Norman, I can't believe that even today, I'm 18, and after a few years of lost touch, you're still watching out for me without any intentions at all, and guard me against the evil world. Jace, you're like my back eye, keeping an eye on the ppl that i cannot see. I'm sorry to have made you guys worried and talk to me at 3am or call me early morning to make sure I dont have a hang over. I owe you guys so much I can never repay.
Chooie: Thank you for throwing the party for me. In the past 2 weeks, helping you helped me and your presence was important. I hope you learned as much as I did from you... something that all girls should keep in mind: Who's there when a guy lets you down? not the guy, its the girls that tirelessly listen and comfort until you fall asleep crying. Don't ever let your girls down!
" Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)"