(no subject)
I'm angry today.
I've been stressed out a lot recently, with trying to graduate, starting to wrestle law school applications, classes starting up soon, a move. The Olympics are on, and there's so much that disgusts me re: treatment and attitudes toward women athletes, not to mention racism.
A few friends of mine seem to be in bad situations lately, too, which frustrates me to no end, and makes me want to scream on the inside and cry on the outside.
And then something comes up that offends me, or more specifically my feminist sensibilities. (In this case, Rush Limbaugh. See: Echidne of the Snakes, which is where I first saw this lovely bit of sexism.) So I get offended, and complain to anyone around me and what I get is "he was probably being sarcastic. Rush Limbaugh does sarcastic things!" Well, yes. And there is a sarcastic element to his comment, but that's also the offensive part. It's not like Limbaugh was saying sarcastically that Edwards liked a woman who (ugh) did something with her mouth other than talk, so it means that Edwards wouldn't possibly like a woman who gives blowjobs rather than talks. There is absolutely no way it can be taken like that.
And it just gets me so angry. I know not everyone gets it. I'm glad in a lot of ways that guys don't, because they aren't told by culture day in and day out that they should shut up and put out. But you know what? It makes me so sick. Because women are told that nothing is as valued as their beauty/sexual prowess/virginity, not always overtly (though I bet fashion and teen magazines still give out advice saying, "If a woman talks to much she's unattractive.") and so it's not really funny when someone points this out. It's just plain offensive. And it offends me that other people defend vile things like that. It pulls the rug out from under my feet and makes me feel vulnerable, makes me feel that my being offended doesn't matter, that me feeling sick to my stomach when I read that quote is just me being hysterical.
But I'm not hysterical. I have a right to be offended when people say offensive things. And I promise I won't condemn you as a horrible person for one or two offensive things you say. We all grew up in a culture that trains us to have certain values and see women and people of color and homosexuals and transsexuals and basically everyone Other than white middle-class men in a certain light. I say offensive stuff myself despite my best efforts. And I need to be called out on it when I do, and so do other people.
What people that say offensive things don't need is for what they said or did to be defended. Otherwise it keeps going, more people get offended. More people feel silenced because complaining about this thing that creates not only an emotional but a physical reaction is treated as hysterical. Defending someone that did something sexist just makes it worse. It might seem to smooth out feathers, but it's just crushing dissent, which only perpetuates a culture where it's okay to say that a woman should put her mouth to good use, not by talking, but by pleasing men.
Note: This was going to be a rant on the much broader, related topic of men that don't get it and how that hurts women, best intentions be damned. I decided that I could not make that post right now for a number of reasons. On the other hand this post is meant a bit broadly, and the fact that I focused on one particular event is just because that's what was in my head, so that's what y'all get.
I've been stressed out a lot recently, with trying to graduate, starting to wrestle law school applications, classes starting up soon, a move. The Olympics are on, and there's so much that disgusts me re: treatment and attitudes toward women athletes, not to mention racism.
A few friends of mine seem to be in bad situations lately, too, which frustrates me to no end, and makes me want to scream on the inside and cry on the outside.
And then something comes up that offends me, or more specifically my feminist sensibilities. (In this case, Rush Limbaugh. See: Echidne of the Snakes, which is where I first saw this lovely bit of sexism.) So I get offended, and complain to anyone around me and what I get is "he was probably being sarcastic. Rush Limbaugh does sarcastic things!" Well, yes. And there is a sarcastic element to his comment, but that's also the offensive part. It's not like Limbaugh was saying sarcastically that Edwards liked a woman who (ugh) did something with her mouth other than talk, so it means that Edwards wouldn't possibly like a woman who gives blowjobs rather than talks. There is absolutely no way it can be taken like that.
And it just gets me so angry. I know not everyone gets it. I'm glad in a lot of ways that guys don't, because they aren't told by culture day in and day out that they should shut up and put out. But you know what? It makes me so sick. Because women are told that nothing is as valued as their beauty/sexual prowess/virginity, not always overtly (though I bet fashion and teen magazines still give out advice saying, "If a woman talks to much she's unattractive.") and so it's not really funny when someone points this out. It's just plain offensive. And it offends me that other people defend vile things like that. It pulls the rug out from under my feet and makes me feel vulnerable, makes me feel that my being offended doesn't matter, that me feeling sick to my stomach when I read that quote is just me being hysterical.
But I'm not hysterical. I have a right to be offended when people say offensive things. And I promise I won't condemn you as a horrible person for one or two offensive things you say. We all grew up in a culture that trains us to have certain values and see women and people of color and homosexuals and transsexuals and basically everyone Other than white middle-class men in a certain light. I say offensive stuff myself despite my best efforts. And I need to be called out on it when I do, and so do other people.
What people that say offensive things don't need is for what they said or did to be defended. Otherwise it keeps going, more people get offended. More people feel silenced because complaining about this thing that creates not only an emotional but a physical reaction is treated as hysterical. Defending someone that did something sexist just makes it worse. It might seem to smooth out feathers, but it's just crushing dissent, which only perpetuates a culture where it's okay to say that a woman should put her mouth to good use, not by talking, but by pleasing men.
Note: This was going to be a rant on the much broader, related topic of men that don't get it and how that hurts women, best intentions be damned. I decided that I could not make that post right now for a number of reasons. On the other hand this post is meant a bit broadly, and the fact that I focused on one particular event is just because that's what was in my head, so that's what y'all get.