Gauntlet
“…and welcome back to the 46th millennial Gauntlet, everybody! For those of you just tuning in, I’m your host, i͛̑͂́̽͛a̸͗ͩ ̈i̔̉̓ͯ̓̒̽͏a̵̓ ̃͘i͘a͘ ͥ̚t͑ͬh̴ͣ̆é̇̿̇͑̐ ͪ̌̊͒cͪ́ͩ͒e̡̓̑̓̐͒n̋̈́͒ͯ̓͗̈͘t̸͒̄̓̈́ėͥ͐͌rͧͧ ̃̔͘c̀âͤ̾̾͘n̍̊̅n̓͋o̐̎ͨͥṫ̢͗ͪ ͐ͦ͋h̴ͣ̿ͬȍ̉ͫ͐̇͂̔l̆̂̇̈ͮ̓d͒, and this is my good friend and cohost John[Marcosh]!”
“Hey yourself, ia! I’m super excited, just super excited to have been selected to commentate on such the Gauntlet! Do you know, when I was growing up in South Antarctica, I would stay up late every night just to catch the first supply cartons, so I could dig through and find all the Gauntlet holos first?”
“Haha, John, we’re super happy to have such a committed fan of the games with us as well! Now, as you may know, today’s Gauntlet started a year ago, at a starting line orbiting the vast neutron star Phi Bravo Kai! Ah, do you remember, John, the Kapperian delegation crashing into the face of the star before the games even began?”
“Absolutely, ia! I don’t think my jaw’s ever dropped further! The beautiful eccentric orbit, the glorious drama of the crew’s distress signals… why, they would have shot off to an early lead if the games had officially started!”
“Well, have I got good news for you, John, and anyone else who’s been wearing out their memory cells on that incident! We’ve had our top experts reconstructing the scene, and we can now bring you incredible slow-motion footage of the crash - including holos from inside the ship! Hyper us at gauntlet.games for purchasing instructions!”
“That’s fantastic news, ia! I can hardly wait to see it again in glorious ReLive immersion! It’s always great to see our contestants so fired up, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Right you are, John! Just be sure to turn off the sim, or we’ll have to get one of your clones to do your commentary!”
“Hahahahaha!”
“Hahahahaha!”
“Now, John, if you could, tell us about the state of the Gauntlet so far.”
“I’d be happy to, ia! Of the sixty four delegations selected for the games, thirty eight of them are about to make it to this sector, Sector Three! That’s a huge step up from previous Gauntlets, isn’t it, ia?”
“That it is, John! But don’t worry, Gauntlet fans, we have some extra special surprises waiting in store for them in this Sector! Don’t tell our contestants, but one of them rhymes with Black Hole!”
“Haha! And, to be fair, that number includes the Hathar delegation, all of which is left is one escape pod, still flying onward! It’s been keeping surprisingly competitive pace with the main pod of racers, actually!”
“The Hathars were known as a hardy species, John! Our lone pilot’s racking up style points from the judges every minute, as she keeps pace with fleets a billion times bigger than her!”
“We’ll check back with her later! But surely, ia, the Hathars can’t be in the lead…”
“The Xanthian delegation has almost finished Sector Three, John! We hear they’re planning on slingshotting by the galaxy we’re in any time now!”
“Wasn’t there some sort of controversy, ia, about the Xanth third eye…?”
“That there is, John! Xanths have a low-level psychic ability, and thus can sense and avoid danger pretty easily! They make excellent pilots! Not only are they in the lead, but over three-quarters of their delegation is still flying, which is a new record for the Gauntlet!”
“I suppose other species have been complaining about unfairness, then?”
“A few, yes! The judges seem to have not been awarding points for their escapes, though, so I personally think it works out!”
“Excellent, ia! Do you know if this is an official rule the judges have introduced for this Gauntlet?”
“Well, I’m certainly not going to go ask them, John!”
“Silly me, of course not! Hahahahhaha!”
“Hahahahahhaa!”
“So if the Xanths aren’t leading on points, who are?”
“The Galgatheans, actually!”
“But wait, ia, aren’t the Galgatheans one of the twenty six delegations who haven’t made it to the current sector?”
“Remember, John, the Gauntlet Motto - “You can die any time you like, but you can’t ever leave!'” It’s true that their delegation was utterly wiped out…”
“That’s right, ia! The Galgatheans discovered that their home planet, Galgax Two, was one of the scheduled planets on the Gauntlet track! They burnt all their fuel to reach the planet before the other delegations could, and set up a defensive perimeter!”
“Of course, John, they couldn’t defend it against the combined forces of all of the other delegations, but they died dramatically and heroically! Why, I almost started crying again, for the first time since my children died, when their Captain rammed his ship into a Polgarith planetary bombardment cruiser!”
“You should really get those tear ducts checked out, ia!”
“Hahaha! We’re selling Holos of the Galgathean Last Stand as well - a reminder, hyper us at gauntlet.games for purchasing instructions!”
“So the Galgatheans earned enough points to still be in the game, posthumously?”
“Perhaps not even posthumously! Our scientists are attempting to recover their minds, John! The goal is to run them in a simulated Gauntlet, on a custom-built compute cluster, with data fed from the real Gauntlet! We’ll have our judges looking over the simulations and giving their counterfactual scores yet!”
“And we’ll be able to create more footage for you the viewers, of course!”
“Of course! Now, tell me, John, does that look like the Xanthian delegation on the station’s external cameras?”
“It does indeed, ia! I’d recognise their secondary heads anywhere! Looks like they made it to Sector Three!”
“The Xanths appear to be attempting the tried-and-true attack-Gauntlet-HQ ploy for appealing to the judges! That’s a bold, bold move, John, very risky, but potentially very high reward!”
“Oh, and there’s the emergency sirens! Looks like our broadcast is going to have to be cut short very soon! Do you happen to have a backup of yourself, ia?”
“I do not, John! How about you?”
“Not at all, ia! What say we cut the bullsh-”