A moratorium on "Don't blame yourself."
Regarding my cousin Savion, who committed suicide March 1st:
I'm declaring a moratorium on the phrase "don't blame yourself" (oft repeated to family members who've had a relative commit suicide). That phrase is now being shipped to all people going through divorces instead: they could use it. In a divorce everyone one's blaming everyone else.
But fantasizing about what you could've done differently I find is inherent to the grieving process in the case of suicide. It's natural. It's normal. It's to be expected. It's not something you can prevent or, I think, should prevent. And it feels terrible to be told that I shouldn't do this.
So. Good intentions accepted. Phrase "don't blame yourself" for future reference: delete it. Stick with the time-honored "I'm sorry for your loss." It's a good phrase, none the worse for having been used before.
Unrelated: In Keystone XL pipeline news ... I'm putting this link here, where I can find it later: http://www.ilr.cornell.edu/globallaborinstitute/research/upload/GLI_KeystoneXL_012312_FIN.pdf
Now if the purring cute kitty would just let me get dressed so I can go out to my prayer shift, that would be good. (Ooooh, but he's so sweet. Maybe another minute or two. Who needs a shower?)
I'm declaring a moratorium on the phrase "don't blame yourself" (oft repeated to family members who've had a relative commit suicide). That phrase is now being shipped to all people going through divorces instead: they could use it. In a divorce everyone one's blaming everyone else.
But fantasizing about what you could've done differently I find is inherent to the grieving process in the case of suicide. It's natural. It's normal. It's to be expected. It's not something you can prevent or, I think, should prevent. And it feels terrible to be told that I shouldn't do this.
So. Good intentions accepted. Phrase "don't blame yourself" for future reference: delete it. Stick with the time-honored "I'm sorry for your loss." It's a good phrase, none the worse for having been used before.
Unrelated: In Keystone XL pipeline news ... I'm putting this link here, where I can find it later: http://www.ilr.cornell.edu/globallaborinstitute/research/upload/GLI_KeystoneXL_012312_FIN.pdf
Now if the purring cute kitty would just let me get dressed so I can go out to my prayer shift, that would be good. (Ooooh, but he's so sweet. Maybe another minute or two. Who needs a shower?)