(no subject)
I wish I had the patience to write a book. I am thankful to have a math brain, not that I ever struggled in my english/lit classes, but I just don't have the focus to write anything substantial. Not many people are exceptionally equipped in both sides of the brain (and most of those wind up bat-shit insane or depressed or both). Not saying that I am but I'm certainly smarter than I act, which is definitely worse than acting smarter than I am. I grew up being in the 99th percentile of everything and over the last several years I've completely let myself go. Being in school and making good grades isn't everything (or I'd be screwed) but outside of that some mental stimulation wouldn't hurt. Life gets to be too easy sometimes. My issues are pretty much always physical, tangible things (aside from the insomnia). I've had problems in my life but I've never truly struggled. Nothing I've messed up has ever been irreparable. Nothing I've achieved has ever been so difficult that I almost gave up. In those situations I typically did just give up and then picked a new goal. I tell myself that its not really what I wanted. Maybe it wasn't. I could go on but I don't want to be so repetitive as I was when the bank had me hanging onto my sanity by a thread. Those are just some of the thoughts that float through my head when I'm not sleeping.