correct me if im wrong.
but i do believe i had a bit of a breakdown tonight.
yeah, breakdown.
it wasnt terrible.
just unexpected.
i havent been able to cry for a while.
dont ask me why.
its not like i didnt want to a few times.
i just couldnt.
but i fell asleep while reading my book.
unexpected again.
in the middle of my chapter.
it was so weird.
i had a dream.
and in my dream:
(it was mother effing weird.)
i was at some place having dinner with my mom.
and there werent a lot of people.
there was a bonzai tree like prominent.
then there were a lot of people around.
because someone was going to get their head chopped off.
(weird right)
so i realize its my bestest friend in the whole entire world.
whos been there for me through thick and thin.
and everyone is cheering for her death.
so i get up screaming NO NO NO.
then its done.
and i COLLAPSE to the floor.
heavy and hysterical.
like its the feeling you get after getting out of the denial stage and you actually realize someone is dead.
you just feel heavy and crazy and its probably one of the worst feelings in the world.
thats how i felt.
and my mom in the dream says as i collpase, "now you're attached to it."
then i woke up feeling heavy like i almost couldnt get out of bed.
i was crying and felt like crying and continued to cry for a few minutes.
my mom says its a reflection of how im feeling in my life.
i think its me trying desperately to get myself back into school.
away from my dead end job and get out there.
because i certainly do not like my job anymore.
AT ALL.
in fact, i might even hate it a little bit.
perhaps that was my bodies way of telling me to stop moping and do something about it.
because i have not felt like that in ages.
terrible feeling.
kind of like an impending doom.
i dont want to work at loehmanns the rest of the my life.
at least not as a DM going nowhere....
i need to get back into school.
the end///
yeah, breakdown.
it wasnt terrible.
just unexpected.
i havent been able to cry for a while.
dont ask me why.
its not like i didnt want to a few times.
i just couldnt.
but i fell asleep while reading my book.
unexpected again.
in the middle of my chapter.
it was so weird.
i had a dream.
and in my dream:
(it was mother effing weird.)
i was at some place having dinner with my mom.
and there werent a lot of people.
there was a bonzai tree like prominent.
then there were a lot of people around.
because someone was going to get their head chopped off.
(weird right)
so i realize its my bestest friend in the whole entire world.
whos been there for me through thick and thin.
and everyone is cheering for her death.
so i get up screaming NO NO NO.
then its done.
and i COLLAPSE to the floor.
heavy and hysterical.
like its the feeling you get after getting out of the denial stage and you actually realize someone is dead.
you just feel heavy and crazy and its probably one of the worst feelings in the world.
thats how i felt.
and my mom in the dream says as i collpase, "now you're attached to it."
then i woke up feeling heavy like i almost couldnt get out of bed.
i was crying and felt like crying and continued to cry for a few minutes.
my mom says its a reflection of how im feeling in my life.
i think its me trying desperately to get myself back into school.
away from my dead end job and get out there.
because i certainly do not like my job anymore.
AT ALL.
in fact, i might even hate it a little bit.
perhaps that was my bodies way of telling me to stop moping and do something about it.
because i have not felt like that in ages.
terrible feeling.
kind of like an impending doom.
i dont want to work at loehmanns the rest of the my life.
at least not as a DM going nowhere....
i need to get back into school.
the end///