The Legend of Longhollow, Chapter 3
For casual nekkidness
"So...Run that by me again?" Jill was saying the next morning, as she and Ben were snuggling in bed. Winter had arrived overnight, and it was damned cold in the house and since they were both starkers, neither of them was in much of a hurry to get out of their nice warm bed.
"She talks to me," Ben answered.
Oh, they're having that conversation...
"Honey," Jill was saying, frowning, "I love you, but I really think you should see someone about that..."
"No," Ben answered. "You don't understand. She's--STOP SNICKERING!"
"But...I'm not snickering," Jill said, more confused than hurt.
"Sorry, darling," Ben said to her. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to her!" he explained, emphatically pointing at the ceiling. "And I wouldn't believe it myself, except that she made this whole house and everything in it appear out of nowhere. Just...Boom."
"Boom?" Jill echoed, skeptically.
"Boom," Ben confirmed. "Saw it with my own eyes, I swear. I mean, haven't you wondered how there could be this perfectly beautiful little house here in this perfectly beautiful and isolated little valley with absolutely nothing else and no one else around?"
"I admit I had wondered, yes..."
"Well. There you are."
"So why doesn't she talk to me?"Jill wanted to know, and she almost sounded jealous or something.
"I don't know," Ben answered with a shrug.
So I explained, "I wish I could talk to her, beloved, but only you can hear me. Well, you and those who will follow you and share your genes."
"Oh," Ben said.
"Oh?" Jill echoed.
"She was explaining," Ben told her. "She says she can only talk to me and...uh, my future descendants. People who share my genes."
"Ohhhh," Jill said, eyes sparkling. "Descendants."
"Mmmmm," Ben answered with a nod. "I think you might have something to do with that part, darling."
"Yeah, I think I can maybe swing that," Jill replied with a suggestive wink. "But first, breakfast."
"Anything you want, darling," Ben said, giving her a snuggle and a kiss on the forehead.
"Mmmmm, I want pancakes," Jill announced.
"Oh, Goddess," Ben responded, and at Jill's confused look, he added, "It's a long story."
But still, Ben gamely got out of bed and bravely made his wife pancakes. Without starting a fire this time. Jill, meanwhile, figured out the new washer/dryer and did laundry. It's a day late, but since they were kinda busy yesterday, I'll cut' em a break. This time. Plus, she gets props just for doing laundry naked:
She put her clothes on after they were clean, though. Coward.
After pancakes... The weed was ready to harvest. Ben does so. In his underwear. In the dead of winter:
He keeps one plant's yield for he and Jill to use and then sells the rest over the internet, his only outlet until there's a smoke shop in town. He sells the lot for the tidy sum of...$220. Because unfortunately, it's not very good weed. It was planted too late in the season and Ben fought bugs all growing cycle and the pesticide really does a number on the quality of the yield. So, he's still learning how to do it right, but he'll get the hang of it. Hopefully next time he can afford to buy a ladybug house, but at least he's got plenty of compost ready.
But all in all, it's a good thing Jill brought some money with her to get them through the winter until he can plant again. (Because, Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt not sow seed in the autumn nor in the winter, unless thou canst easily afford and hath space for a greenhouse. Ben fails on both counts, unfortunately.)
But speaking of money, Jill's decided what she's going to do to make some!
In fact, she's already wanting a badge so that she can make more and better things...but she'll have to wait because...
The Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt not engage in thy trade on weekends. Since it's Sunday, she's outta luck. Instead, Ben's got another hankering for a hike and he's determined to drag Jill with him, so...Off they go. Here's hoping that Ben has finally figured out what poison ivy looks like...
Well, that's different, at least...
"You know, Ben..."
"SHUT UP AND GET THEM AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE!"
Eventually, they went away on their own, so Ben and Jill decided to...Head for the couch again?
"It's closer!" Jill sings out, even though I know she can't hear me. Funny gal...
And...Still no baby chimes!
"Hey, way to go with the multiplying, guys!"
"Hey yourself!" Ben indignantly retorts while Jill gets up to answer the ringing phone. "It's not like we're not trying, you know!"
"I know, beloved, I know," I answer. "Go study something. You'll feel better."
"'K. I'm gonna go read cookbooks, find something different to make for dinner."
"That's the spirit," I soothe as he stomps off, still muttering under his breath.
So Ben studies while Jill yaks with Sandy Bruty, whom she'd met online when she couldn't sleep after moving in. And since she's wanting a friend, I let them yak for a long time. They still don't manage to be friends even after three consecutive phone chats, because Jill's one of those outgoing-but-sort-of-snarky-and-grouchy people, but they're about halfway there. Jill's got other things to take care of, though. Namely, bathroom things.
Once Ben's found and memorized a new recipe, he gets a hankering for logic, so...Off to the telescope with him! Should we be worried? Of course not! Whyever should we be worried?
Once Jill's done with her bath, she has no wants or needs that require immediate attention, so she's left to her own devices, and she ends up...shoving Ben away from the telescope? And then...
Well then. Guess she wants to be best friends with the aliens. And then, not to be outdone...
Well, this could get interesting in the "May you live in interesting times" sense of interesting...
Hours later, Jill came back with this:
Plus a want for a baby but not an actual impending baby. And Ben...
Well, let's just say that Ben came back a new man because the aliens reversed his personality. Now his points are:
Neat: 8
Outgoing: 7
Active: 1
Playful: 3
Nice: 6
At least he won't be such a frickin' slob anymore. Unfortunately, he also lost skill points, so bye-bye to that nice pork chop dinner he was planning. And, uh...
"Psst! Ben?"
"Yes?" Ben responded suspiciously.
"You know what happened the last time you went up?"
"Yes?" Still suspicious.
"Well...um....They maybe kinda sorta possibly did the same thing to Jill. I just wanted you to know because...you know."
"Fabulous," Ben responded sourly before turning to Jill. "Um, honey? There's something I need to tell you. About me, too, actually..."
Jill's response to all of it?
Yeah, that went well.
The rest of the evening was filled with mundane, including a very mundane (And very late and very burned) spaghetti dinner. There was need-fulfilling, and Jill doing lots of bawling and random flamingo-kicking, plus Jill using the computer and then breaking it with no repair person in sight. So, all sorts of "fun." There was also another "try for baby" on the couch, but it, too, failed to actually make a baby.
So: Bad weed. Bees. A broken computer that one of them is going to have to try to fix. A double alien abduction resulting in lycanthropy, lost skills, and reversed personalities but no babies. In fact, no baby formation at all, even though Jill really wants a kid now. Oh, and it rained a nasty cold winter rain. And then it snowed.
Yup, as Day Seven endeths, I'm calling it a bad one. But hey, at least the house is kind of pretty with a bit of snow on it:
And what a first week, eh? Let's recap, shall we?
In his first week as Lord and Master of All He Surveys, Ben Long:
- Founded a nation
- Had a couple of dates
- Studied stuff
- Found his Twu Wuv
- Planted his first crop of weed
- Got abducted by aliens
- Became a werewolf, courtesy of said aliens
- Woohoo'ed his Twu Wuv and then whacked her with pillows and did other odd things
- Narrowly avoided burning down the house
- Discovered poison ivy
- Had his first Werewolf Transformation Experience(TM)
- Fell in love with his Twu Wuv
- Got engaged to his Twu Wuv
- Cleaned his whole damn house
- Got married to his Twu Wuv
- Had to explain to his brand-new wife that he's really not insane even though he talks to people who aren't there
- Harvested and sold his first (crappy) weed crop
- Discovered bees
- Got abducted by, zapped by, and had his personality reversed by aliens
- And had to tell his wife that she'd been turned into a werewolf, too.
Geez, no wonder he's exhausted...