[Ongoing] Losing Him - Chapter 5 [Ohmiya]
Title : Losing Him - Chapter 5
Lenght : Chapter
Author : ica_90
beta by : jtaytt (Thanks girl!!)
Pairing : Ohmiya (for 85% of the fic), Matsumiya (Friendship,in the next few chapters), Aimiya (Friendship, in the next few chapters), mostly friendship in this one for every other pair
Genre : Angst, Friendship, AU (because Nino quits Arashi, please advice if it’s not)
Rating : NC-17
Summary : Few weeks after Ohno rejected Nino’s confession, Nino decided to quit Arashi, making Ohno wonder if his rejection was the reason. But he has his own suspicions, and he wanted to know.
No one spoke a word as Jun drove them home. Everyone in Arashi experienced how bad it could be when Jun was mad, but this time, his wrath was different. Forgetting the fact that he was an idol, Jun took it harshly, punching the old man before they left the club. Jun didn’t say a word, but Ohno saw how hard he was gripping on the steering wheel. Ohno took it as a sign that the man was trying to control his anger.
Looking at Nino, how skinny the man had become since the last time they met. And later that night when he saw the bruises all over the man’s body, something struck his heart. How much had the man endure since he disappeared from their lives.
“I love you, Oh-chan,” replaying his memories of Nino’s fragile side when he confessed his feelings that faithful day. Truth to be told, at first, he thought that Nino was joking. But when he saw the man’s desperateness as he stressed on the word love for the second time, he knew Nino wasn’t joking. Yet he said no.
Nino was still alive that day. But when he saw the guy again today, Ohno could only see the emptiness in the man’s eyes. Suddenly, he felt the urge to protect the man, to kept the man safe in his arms. Years of knowing Nino, he knew how the man never truly believed in love. His family didn’t gave the man a great example. And now, Ohno felt guilty for turning the man down, especially after believing how Nino had gathered so much courage to confessed his feelings.
He watched Nino who was now sound asleep on his bed. Something strange tug his heart, making him wanted to stay by the guy’s side. He was sleepy, but he was just afraid to fall asleep, afraid that Nino might leave him again if he did.
Slowly, he caressed the man’s hair, moving strands of hairs that were covering the man’s temple just to take a proper look at the man.
His feelings were messed up. He wanted to cry but he didn’t know why. At the same time, he needed to know if his wild assumptions on why Nino left him, why Nino left Arashi, were true; that it had something to do with Sugimoto-san. Or maybe even with himself.
The sound of the door creak opened behind him, startling him. He was so deeply in his thoughts that he had forgotten that Jun was still there.
“I’m sorry. I just-“
“It’s ok-“ Jun cut him. “I’m giving you both some space,”
Ohno chuckled. “He’s dead asleep right now and I didn’t even have the chance to ask,” Ohno said before they fell silent for a brief moment. He saw Jun’s intense look on Nino. Something was bothering the man, but before he could ask, Jun spoke.
“I see you changed his clothes,”
“Yeah,” Ohno shrugged. “He threw up just before I could put him in bed. You saw how that crazy old guy was pouring the alcohol into his glass.”
“It could also be the drugs too-“
“Yeah. Possible.”
Silence.
“He owes us a damn lot of explanations, Riida,”
Ohno nodded. “He does. But tonight-“
“I’m going to give you a No if you are asking me to leave now.. I am going to stay and we’ll talk tomorrow,”
“Matsujun, I-“
“You’re welcome,” Jun cut him off again. “And believe me, Ohno-kun, you will need to sleep too.”
“But-“
“I’ll be in the living room. In case he tries to run away, I’ll stop him. Fast.”
Jun didn’t even let him to say anything before he turned and left, closing the door behind him, leaving the two of them in the room.
It took Ohno hours, before he finally fell asleep on the floor next to his bed with his hand holding onto Nino’s.
***
“Did he say no to you?” Nino saw Sugimoto mockingly smiled at him. He couldn’t even shook his head in response to the man. Ohno’s rejection was a hard slap to him, for all of this time, he thought Ohno could see how desperate he was, how much he was hoping for Ohno to save him from this mess.
He flinched a little as he saw Sugimoto made his way towards him before he pulled him into a hug.
“My poor boy,” he said, tighting his hug on Nino’s slender body. “I will never say no to you, Nino. Yet, you’re greedy for someone who will never love you the way I do.”
He pushed Nino away to look at him, before he leaned in, kissing him hard on his lips. His hand slipped under Nino’s shirt, playing with his nipple as they kissed, ignoring Nino’s effort to break free, gasping for air. He pushed the young man to the sofa in the living room before he moved on top of the man who was struggling to get away from him.
“Prepare the room,” he ordered his maids. “It’s our wedding night.”
The dream woke him up. It wasn’t a dream. It was his memories, a memory he’s been trying to delete from his mind.
It was three months ago when he started to live in hell, and ever since that night, it had always the same dream. He barely remembered any others.
He scanned the room, finding himself in an unfamiliar room. It wasn’t the place he was used to returning to every night for the past three months ago. The room was clean, much tidier. No sight of ropes, handcuffs or butt plug anywhere, things that he used to see in the room he lived for the last three months. And it made him calm.
But then, he caught the familiar smell of a perfume. He was stunted, trying to remember what happened last night that brought him here.
Slowly, he moved out of the bed, walking to the table inside the room.
“Shit,” he cursed inside his head. Now he noticed that he wasn’t even in his clothes from last night. Bit by bit, everything that happened last night appeared in his mind.
He didn’t see the face of his saviour last night. He thought his mind was tricking him when he heard Ohno’s voice. But now that he’s here, inside of Ohno’s room, he knew his mind wasn’t tricking him. Yet, this didn’t please him at all. Especially when he noticed that he wasn’t in his own clothes.
He was about to start looking for him when he heard the sound of the door creak ing opened, revealing a surprised Ohno behind it.
“You woke up,” Ohno said. Nino didn’t respond.
“Where’re my clothes?” he asked after a while.
“I washed it,” Ohno said, trying to act calmly. He saw how restless Nino was. Not even once their eyes met. “You can wear mine after you take your-“
“What the hell are you thinking? You rejected me months ago and now you act like I’m your wife! I don’t want your clothes!”
He was enraged. Watching Ohno acting so calmly despite his remarks angered him even more. For god’s sake, he didn’t want to see Ohno now. Or forever. His ego has battered. His heart was bleeding even if it wasn’t Ohno’s fault in the first place. The damage was far too great that there’s no point of turning back. He had lost his life, and it would stay that way until he died.
But looking at Ohno now, his heart ached. God, his love for the man wasn’t simply because he wanted to escape. He loved Ohno. He loved Ohno so much that thinking he would never be able to be in the guy’s life again was killing him again and again. It’s torturing him.
But Sugimoto was right. Ohno never loved him. Ohno never needed him like he did. They’re just friends. And now when he was sure that Ohno had caught a glimpse of his current life, he knew that the friendship was ruined and it could never be repaired.
Let alone hoping that Ohno would open his heart to him.
“Nino, I-“
“I need to leave. Now,”
“Where?”
“It’s none of your business,” Nino replied, leaving the room. But as he stepped into the living room, Jun’s angry face was the first thing he saw.
“Sit,” Jun said. One word, but his anger was delivered perfectly through the tone of his voice.
“You’re not my mother, Matsumoto! Get lost!”
Before Nino could reach the door, Jun grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving.
“What the hell!” he yanked his hand from Jun’s grips.
“You’re not going anywhere until you explain to us Nino! You left us in the dark. Don’t you have a heart? All of us were searching for you-“
“I didn’t ask you to search for me!”
“Why? Because you have someone supporting your life now? What did you give him in return? Your ass? “
Jun knew he was stepping over the boundaries. When he felt the pain on his face, and as he fell hard onto the floor, when he looked up at Nino’s raging face as he struggled to break free from Ohno’s hold, he knew he had gone too far.
For god’s sake, he was frustrated. Ohno wasn’t the only person who wanted to know the truth. He too. But when Nino refused to talk, and tried to leave again, he knew he just couldn’t risk letting the man leave without knowing the reason behind his sudden disappearance.
“Don’t talk to me as if you know everything about me, Matsumoto! I don’t want this life either!” Nino raged on. His breath uneven. Despite the guilt he felt for punching the man, Jun’s accusation was too much.
“Then tell us! If you don’t want this life of yours, why did you choose it? Why did you choose to abandon your, our dream and live your life with that pathetic old man who sexualize you in public?”
Nino remained silent, still refusing to answer. He calmed down, and broke away from Ohno’s hold, but still refused to talk.
How could he? These two people weren’t nobody in his life. One was his best friend, another one was someone who he deeply loved with his heart. But he wasn’t ready to tell them. He wasn’t ready to face the reactions they could possibly have once they knew the truth.
Sadness and fear rushed in. You needed to leave, his mind was screaming at him. But just before he could reach the door, Ohno’s voice stopped him in his steps.
“It was because of me, right?” Ohno asked. “You left because of me-“
Nino sighed. It took him a moment of silence before he gathered enough courage to reply the man.
“Yes.”
One word. One word that he had been waiting to hear from Nino’s mouth.
“Why? You should know better Nino. I can’t accept your feelings when I don’t have any love to offer you,”
“Well, thank you then. It’s over,”
“Nino!”
“What do you want to hear from me, Ohno -san? You don’t love me. I get it! I made a mistake by hoping that you would be my saviour!”
“I don’t understand-“
“Of course, you don’t. Here’s the truth. I was enslaved to that old man ever since before we debut. Even before I fell in love with you. Years of pain, humiliation because running away would ruined us all. He invested heavily in us under one condition; I have to let him use me anytime, anywhere and however he needs me. And then I fall in love with you. I endured it because I knew you would never love me in return. But I want to be free.”
He paused. One deep breath, bearing in mind that he had to face the truth and its consequences, he continued.
“He came up with a condition. He will let me go if you will take me into your life. We’re close, and I was stupid enough to hope that you would say yes if I confess my feelings. But you said no. And that ruined my chance to be free. And now you’re just as equally useless to me as it is for me to think about living as free man,”
“Nino, you could have told us-“
“And let you throw at me the same filthy look you gave at me just now?” Nino snickered, mimicking Jun’s earlier words. “What did you give him in return? Your ass? Yes Matsumoto. For our sake, I let him use my ass. You should know he was laughing every time I shit on his bed after he roughly fuck me.”
He looked at Ohno.
“You know the truth now, Ohno-san,” he said, trying so hard not to breakdown in front of the two men he loved so much throughout his whole life. “Will you please let me go?”
For a while no one said a word . And in that brief moment, he stared at the two men, trying to find the reaction that he had been waiting for. Nothing. All he could see was Jun’s guilty look and with that a sense of pity from the man’s eyes.
And Ohno, nothing.
He did not want to go back to Sugimoto. He had been thinking about running away even though he knew certain death would be waiting for him if he did. But compared to being used by Sugimoto, he very much preferred death now. He had enough.
He threw Ohno one last glance. He needed to move on. Ohno had confirmed it. Ohno wasn’t the guy he could hope to be loved by. He needed to leave, to be far away from Ohno, from Arashi so that they could move on and live their lives properly. He would never know how his life would continue. All he could see right now was darkness surrounding his path to the future.
Slowly, he made his way to the door. His footsteps felt heavy, as heavy as the feelings he had in his chest. But just when his mind was thinking that no one was going to stop him, Ohno’s hand grabbed his, stopping him.
“Nino, I’m sorry,” Ohno said. The tears that was swelling his eyes, broke, yet he didn’t even bother to wipe it. He stare deep into the beautiful brown eyes, noticing how tired his eyes was. He could see sadness in it that he couldn’t help to beg the man. “Don’t leave,”
He didn’t want Nino to leave. But he didn’t know how to make the other man stay either. He was desperate as he leaned forward, pulling Nino towards him. But before his lips could reached Nino, the man pushed him away.
“Please Ohno-san. That old guy used me. I don’t need you too. This isn’t the time to know if you actually love me. I’ve hurt enough. Stop hurting me, please,” Nino said. He took a look at Jun. “Don’t try to find me again, J. It’s best this way,”
He pushed Ohno away softly.
He rushed out the house, ignoring Jun’s and Ohno’s calls. This time, he refused to hesitate again.
______________________________________________________________
2 more? 3 more chapter maybe. and an epilogue, for the sake of justice to Nino and Ohno. lol.
Lenght : Chapter
Author : ica_90
beta by : jtaytt (Thanks girl!!)
Pairing : Ohmiya (for 85% of the fic), Matsumiya (Friendship,in the next few chapters), Aimiya (Friendship, in the next few chapters), mostly friendship in this one for every other pair
Genre : Angst, Friendship, AU (because Nino quits Arashi, please advice if it’s not)
Rating : NC-17
Summary : Few weeks after Ohno rejected Nino’s confession, Nino decided to quit Arashi, making Ohno wonder if his rejection was the reason. But he has his own suspicions, and he wanted to know.
No one spoke a word as Jun drove them home. Everyone in Arashi experienced how bad it could be when Jun was mad, but this time, his wrath was different. Forgetting the fact that he was an idol, Jun took it harshly, punching the old man before they left the club. Jun didn’t say a word, but Ohno saw how hard he was gripping on the steering wheel. Ohno took it as a sign that the man was trying to control his anger.
Looking at Nino, how skinny the man had become since the last time they met. And later that night when he saw the bruises all over the man’s body, something struck his heart. How much had the man endure since he disappeared from their lives.
“I love you, Oh-chan,” replaying his memories of Nino’s fragile side when he confessed his feelings that faithful day. Truth to be told, at first, he thought that Nino was joking. But when he saw the man’s desperateness as he stressed on the word love for the second time, he knew Nino wasn’t joking. Yet he said no.
Nino was still alive that day. But when he saw the guy again today, Ohno could only see the emptiness in the man’s eyes. Suddenly, he felt the urge to protect the man, to kept the man safe in his arms. Years of knowing Nino, he knew how the man never truly believed in love. His family didn’t gave the man a great example. And now, Ohno felt guilty for turning the man down, especially after believing how Nino had gathered so much courage to confessed his feelings.
He watched Nino who was now sound asleep on his bed. Something strange tug his heart, making him wanted to stay by the guy’s side. He was sleepy, but he was just afraid to fall asleep, afraid that Nino might leave him again if he did.
Slowly, he caressed the man’s hair, moving strands of hairs that were covering the man’s temple just to take a proper look at the man.
His feelings were messed up. He wanted to cry but he didn’t know why. At the same time, he needed to know if his wild assumptions on why Nino left him, why Nino left Arashi, were true; that it had something to do with Sugimoto-san. Or maybe even with himself.
The sound of the door creak opened behind him, startling him. He was so deeply in his thoughts that he had forgotten that Jun was still there.
“I’m sorry. I just-“
“It’s ok-“ Jun cut him. “I’m giving you both some space,”
Ohno chuckled. “He’s dead asleep right now and I didn’t even have the chance to ask,” Ohno said before they fell silent for a brief moment. He saw Jun’s intense look on Nino. Something was bothering the man, but before he could ask, Jun spoke.
“I see you changed his clothes,”
“Yeah,” Ohno shrugged. “He threw up just before I could put him in bed. You saw how that crazy old guy was pouring the alcohol into his glass.”
“It could also be the drugs too-“
“Yeah. Possible.”
Silence.
“He owes us a damn lot of explanations, Riida,”
Ohno nodded. “He does. But tonight-“
“I’m going to give you a No if you are asking me to leave now.. I am going to stay and we’ll talk tomorrow,”
“Matsujun, I-“
“You’re welcome,” Jun cut him off again. “And believe me, Ohno-kun, you will need to sleep too.”
“But-“
“I’ll be in the living room. In case he tries to run away, I’ll stop him. Fast.”
Jun didn’t even let him to say anything before he turned and left, closing the door behind him, leaving the two of them in the room.
It took Ohno hours, before he finally fell asleep on the floor next to his bed with his hand holding onto Nino’s.
***
“Did he say no to you?” Nino saw Sugimoto mockingly smiled at him. He couldn’t even shook his head in response to the man. Ohno’s rejection was a hard slap to him, for all of this time, he thought Ohno could see how desperate he was, how much he was hoping for Ohno to save him from this mess.
He flinched a little as he saw Sugimoto made his way towards him before he pulled him into a hug.
“My poor boy,” he said, tighting his hug on Nino’s slender body. “I will never say no to you, Nino. Yet, you’re greedy for someone who will never love you the way I do.”
He pushed Nino away to look at him, before he leaned in, kissing him hard on his lips. His hand slipped under Nino’s shirt, playing with his nipple as they kissed, ignoring Nino’s effort to break free, gasping for air. He pushed the young man to the sofa in the living room before he moved on top of the man who was struggling to get away from him.
“Prepare the room,” he ordered his maids. “It’s our wedding night.”
The dream woke him up. It wasn’t a dream. It was his memories, a memory he’s been trying to delete from his mind.
It was three months ago when he started to live in hell, and ever since that night, it had always the same dream. He barely remembered any others.
He scanned the room, finding himself in an unfamiliar room. It wasn’t the place he was used to returning to every night for the past three months ago. The room was clean, much tidier. No sight of ropes, handcuffs or butt plug anywhere, things that he used to see in the room he lived for the last three months. And it made him calm.
But then, he caught the familiar smell of a perfume. He was stunted, trying to remember what happened last night that brought him here.
Slowly, he moved out of the bed, walking to the table inside the room.
“Shit,” he cursed inside his head. Now he noticed that he wasn’t even in his clothes from last night. Bit by bit, everything that happened last night appeared in his mind.
He didn’t see the face of his saviour last night. He thought his mind was tricking him when he heard Ohno’s voice. But now that he’s here, inside of Ohno’s room, he knew his mind wasn’t tricking him. Yet, this didn’t please him at all. Especially when he noticed that he wasn’t in his own clothes.
He was about to start looking for him when he heard the sound of the door creak ing opened, revealing a surprised Ohno behind it.
“You woke up,” Ohno said. Nino didn’t respond.
“Where’re my clothes?” he asked after a while.
“I washed it,” Ohno said, trying to act calmly. He saw how restless Nino was. Not even once their eyes met. “You can wear mine after you take your-“
“What the hell are you thinking? You rejected me months ago and now you act like I’m your wife! I don’t want your clothes!”
He was enraged. Watching Ohno acting so calmly despite his remarks angered him even more. For god’s sake, he didn’t want to see Ohno now. Or forever. His ego has battered. His heart was bleeding even if it wasn’t Ohno’s fault in the first place. The damage was far too great that there’s no point of turning back. He had lost his life, and it would stay that way until he died.
But looking at Ohno now, his heart ached. God, his love for the man wasn’t simply because he wanted to escape. He loved Ohno. He loved Ohno so much that thinking he would never be able to be in the guy’s life again was killing him again and again. It’s torturing him.
But Sugimoto was right. Ohno never loved him. Ohno never needed him like he did. They’re just friends. And now when he was sure that Ohno had caught a glimpse of his current life, he knew that the friendship was ruined and it could never be repaired.
Let alone hoping that Ohno would open his heart to him.
“Nino, I-“
“I need to leave. Now,”
“Where?”
“It’s none of your business,” Nino replied, leaving the room. But as he stepped into the living room, Jun’s angry face was the first thing he saw.
“Sit,” Jun said. One word, but his anger was delivered perfectly through the tone of his voice.
“You’re not my mother, Matsumoto! Get lost!”
Before Nino could reach the door, Jun grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving.
“What the hell!” he yanked his hand from Jun’s grips.
“You’re not going anywhere until you explain to us Nino! You left us in the dark. Don’t you have a heart? All of us were searching for you-“
“I didn’t ask you to search for me!”
“Why? Because you have someone supporting your life now? What did you give him in return? Your ass? “
Jun knew he was stepping over the boundaries. When he felt the pain on his face, and as he fell hard onto the floor, when he looked up at Nino’s raging face as he struggled to break free from Ohno’s hold, he knew he had gone too far.
For god’s sake, he was frustrated. Ohno wasn’t the only person who wanted to know the truth. He too. But when Nino refused to talk, and tried to leave again, he knew he just couldn’t risk letting the man leave without knowing the reason behind his sudden disappearance.
“Don’t talk to me as if you know everything about me, Matsumoto! I don’t want this life either!” Nino raged on. His breath uneven. Despite the guilt he felt for punching the man, Jun’s accusation was too much.
“Then tell us! If you don’t want this life of yours, why did you choose it? Why did you choose to abandon your, our dream and live your life with that pathetic old man who sexualize you in public?”
Nino remained silent, still refusing to answer. He calmed down, and broke away from Ohno’s hold, but still refused to talk.
How could he? These two people weren’t nobody in his life. One was his best friend, another one was someone who he deeply loved with his heart. But he wasn’t ready to tell them. He wasn’t ready to face the reactions they could possibly have once they knew the truth.
Sadness and fear rushed in. You needed to leave, his mind was screaming at him. But just before he could reach the door, Ohno’s voice stopped him in his steps.
“It was because of me, right?” Ohno asked. “You left because of me-“
Nino sighed. It took him a moment of silence before he gathered enough courage to reply the man.
“Yes.”
One word. One word that he had been waiting to hear from Nino’s mouth.
“Why? You should know better Nino. I can’t accept your feelings when I don’t have any love to offer you,”
“Well, thank you then. It’s over,”
“Nino!”
“What do you want to hear from me, Ohno -san? You don’t love me. I get it! I made a mistake by hoping that you would be my saviour!”
“I don’t understand-“
“Of course, you don’t. Here’s the truth. I was enslaved to that old man ever since before we debut. Even before I fell in love with you. Years of pain, humiliation because running away would ruined us all. He invested heavily in us under one condition; I have to let him use me anytime, anywhere and however he needs me. And then I fall in love with you. I endured it because I knew you would never love me in return. But I want to be free.”
He paused. One deep breath, bearing in mind that he had to face the truth and its consequences, he continued.
“He came up with a condition. He will let me go if you will take me into your life. We’re close, and I was stupid enough to hope that you would say yes if I confess my feelings. But you said no. And that ruined my chance to be free. And now you’re just as equally useless to me as it is for me to think about living as free man,”
“Nino, you could have told us-“
“And let you throw at me the same filthy look you gave at me just now?” Nino snickered, mimicking Jun’s earlier words. “What did you give him in return? Your ass? Yes Matsumoto. For our sake, I let him use my ass. You should know he was laughing every time I shit on his bed after he roughly fuck me.”
He looked at Ohno.
“You know the truth now, Ohno-san,” he said, trying so hard not to breakdown in front of the two men he loved so much throughout his whole life. “Will you please let me go?”
For a while no one said a word . And in that brief moment, he stared at the two men, trying to find the reaction that he had been waiting for. Nothing. All he could see was Jun’s guilty look and with that a sense of pity from the man’s eyes.
And Ohno, nothing.
He did not want to go back to Sugimoto. He had been thinking about running away even though he knew certain death would be waiting for him if he did. But compared to being used by Sugimoto, he very much preferred death now. He had enough.
He threw Ohno one last glance. He needed to move on. Ohno had confirmed it. Ohno wasn’t the guy he could hope to be loved by. He needed to leave, to be far away from Ohno, from Arashi so that they could move on and live their lives properly. He would never know how his life would continue. All he could see right now was darkness surrounding his path to the future.
Slowly, he made his way to the door. His footsteps felt heavy, as heavy as the feelings he had in his chest. But just when his mind was thinking that no one was going to stop him, Ohno’s hand grabbed his, stopping him.
“Nino, I’m sorry,” Ohno said. The tears that was swelling his eyes, broke, yet he didn’t even bother to wipe it. He stare deep into the beautiful brown eyes, noticing how tired his eyes was. He could see sadness in it that he couldn’t help to beg the man. “Don’t leave,”
He didn’t want Nino to leave. But he didn’t know how to make the other man stay either. He was desperate as he leaned forward, pulling Nino towards him. But before his lips could reached Nino, the man pushed him away.
“Please Ohno-san. That old guy used me. I don’t need you too. This isn’t the time to know if you actually love me. I’ve hurt enough. Stop hurting me, please,” Nino said. He took a look at Jun. “Don’t try to find me again, J. It’s best this way,”
He pushed Ohno away softly.
He rushed out the house, ignoring Jun’s and Ohno’s calls. This time, he refused to hesitate again.
______________________________________________________________
2 more? 3 more chapter maybe. and an epilogue, for the sake of justice to Nino and Ohno. lol.