[Oneshot] Love Potion - Sakuraiba
Title: Love Potion
Pairing: Sakuraiba, (very minor) Ohmiya, (friendship) Aimiya, (hint of) Sakumoto
Rating: PG-15
Genre: very light angst, fantasy, drama, fluff
Summary: Forcing a confession in a way that someone shouldn't do, Aiba is trapped with his own feeling.
Disclaimer: i own only 4 cats... never owning a human.
beta by: jessa (thank you very much)
Originally posted in sa-exchange in 2014.
“I love you,”
Of course he’s been waiting for the man to say those three magic words. He’d been waiting for years and Sho said it today. But, shouldn’t he be delighted? Why wasn’t he?
It’s funny to see how Sho was running towards him in his News Zero suit, calling his name, trying to gain his attention before he could hop into their manager's car heading home. Sho’s grip on his wrist makes him felt hot and chuckles by himself. It’s a familiar feeling every time Sho had a contact with him, and for all this time, Aiba has tried his very best to control how happy he was every time Sho did that.
The man stared directly into his eyes, and while Aiba tried to find sincerity in his words earlier, Sho repeated the three words, this time even more romantic than the earlier.
“I love you,” he whispered to Aiba’s ears, taking his hand in his. “I love you so much,”
Three times, and Aiba sure it wasn’t a dream. He could feel Sho’s breath on his ears as Sho whispered the words, but not a slightest of his feelings can be described as a happiness even though he was waiting for this moment for so long. Slowly Sho pushed himself to have a proper look on the man’s face, slightly panicked when he saw the stiff face of Aiba.
“You’re not rejecting me right?” Sho asked, slightly worried when the man said nothing. Slowly Aiba’s lips curls, forming his usual bright smile.
“Of course not, Sho-chan,” he replied, faking a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for so long, why should I reject you?”
Sho smiled genuinely, but Aiba couldn’t do the same. Not when he isn’t sure if Sho really meant his words. Again, Sho took Aiba’s hand in his, closing their distance before dropping a kiss on Aiba’s lips. A soft, passionate kiss that Aiba has been longing for years and finally had one today. Unfortunately, it hurts.
And when they part, Sho smiles at him before taking him in his arms.
“Thank you, Masaki. I promise I won’t hurt you,”
But Aiba knew, the promise won’t last long.
***
It annoys Nino so much watching how spoiled Aiba has been since that confession. It’s none of his business actually, but watching how hard Sho tried to win the man’s heart or at least makes him happy, it does. But Aiba was being a brat, showing not even a little appreciation to whatever the man does for him, but instead wanting for more that Nino started comparing Aiba to one crazy obsessive woman once exist in his life.
By the end of the day, Nino left the green room with Aiba along and a big invisible question mark on his head.
“You’re being a brat, don’t you think?” He can’t help himself to voice it out that night. “I never influenced you to be one right?”
“Huh?
“You can’t compare your life with me, Aiba-chan. Between me and Oh-chan, it won’t work if I am not being one. He’s quiet, minds his own business. Unless I am one, we’re as silent as the dead in the house. But between you and Sho-chan, it’s different. He loves you, and I’m sure you love him too. Just, I don’t understand why do you have to show nothing that tells you appreciate whatever he has done for you?”
Aiba falls silent. He took his sight away from the man who was sitting next to him at the bar. He takes his time to think, drinking silently from his glass before sighing.
“You don’t understand,” he mumbled, clear enough to be heard by Nino. For once, Nino chose to listen instead of retorting at the man. And he knows he made his decision right when Aiba continued later.
“I don’t feel that Sho-chan really loves me, though,”
“Huh?”
But Aiba leaved Nino curious, refused to elaborate more on what he has told earlier. In the end, all they did was drinking in silent before leaving the bar with Nino worrying over his best friend.
Maybe he is dumb. Maybe he is selfish. But he wasn’t ready to let go of the man who has been his lover for more than three months already. Aiba knew he’d been living in lies when he kept their relationship this way. Sho pampered him too much already, but none of the acts managed to make Aiba feel happy. Not when he thought the only reason for Sho to have such passionate love for him is because of the love potion.
He remembered feeling heartbroken that one night, when he decided to hang out in the city before going to the dark alley in Tokyo. There were rumors on how people are using dark magic there, but his broken heart makes his steps strong as he went there. He barely remembered the face of the woman who he bought the potion from, but he remembered the next day, taking every single effort he could just to put the potion in Sho’s drink. He remembered well of how Sho was so happy as he took the cup from him and drank it without having a second thoughts. And two weeks later, Aiba knows his efforts were paid back when Sho finally confessed to him.
But Aiba doesn’t feel the slightest happiness from the confession. Not when he knew that they won’t last long. And he knew, once he stopped giving Sho that, their relationship will be over.
He walks towards his apartment to see the light coming through the lower part of the door. Sighing, he pulls the door knob, revealing a sleeping Sho with his News Zero suit in the living room. Again, he sighed. He tried not to make any sound as he walks into the house, closing the door behind him silently but he failed when Sho’s eyes snapped open before he jumped onto his feet, almost running towards his lover.
“You’re late. It’s not good for your health. What if you fall sick like before?” Sho asked, taking the man into an embrace. For a while, he didn’t want to let go, but when Aiba pushed him softly, Sho knows he should.
“I’m fine. Me and Nino was just having a drink at the bar we usually go…” He couldn’t finish his words when Sho leaned in to kiss him all of sudden. His eyes widen in shock that when they part, nothing left his mouth.
“I’m sorry. Just… I miss you,” Sho begins when he realized he just created an awkward situation between them. Aiba chuckles, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry too… for making you miss me,” shaking his head, his thumbs caress the man’s cheek as he replies to the man’s words.
“I don’t mean to control… but…” This time, it is Sho who didn’t get the chance to finish his words, when Aiba leaned in, pressing their lips together, slipping his tongue through Sho’s lips. He couldn’t help smiling when he heard the man groan as their tongues try to dominate each other. Aiba could see disappointment on Sho’s face as they part but Aiba just smiles at him, a sincere one indeed.
“Sorry… but I just can’t resist your kissable lips,”
Aiba smiled even wider when he saw Sho’s embarrassed look.
***
Five months pass without anything particularly bad happening. But Nino was right about one thing. About how he took Sho for granted. But he couldn’t help it.
The thought that one day, Sho will leave him heartbroken if he ever put his uttermost effort in the relationship stopped him from hoping for anything more than that. And while the thoughts linger in his head, Sho's efforts on the relationship doubled, and it makes him feel worst.
Aiba can’t deny how good Sho is as his lover. He remembered once when he was on a late shooting one night and Sho decided to wait for him so that they can go home together even though the newscaster had something to do early morning the next day, just to make sure that Aiba wouldn’t be alone by the time he went home. Unreasonable is what Aiba thought but Sho did stay that night, which ended up with the man having slept only for an hour in their greenroom alone waiting for the next day while Aiba headed back to their house, alone.
Or when one day he fell sick and Sho took care of him, including his laundry, cooking; it tasted bad as hell, make him puke it all out from his stomach once he finished the whole bowl just because Sho was worried that he didn’t take any food that day, or when he stayed up for the whole night to take care of him.
But none of the effort manages to convince Aiba of how much Sho loves him. And day by day, he regretted his action the most. Never had he thought that his selfish act will only bring him more pain rather than happiness that he’s been dreamt of. True, he loves Sho. He wanted to own the man and to love the man in return. True, both he and Sho now are lovebirds, but he knows once all of these ends, he will never have a chance on the man again.
A breath on his neck stops his trail of thoughts. He smiles when he feels the man wrap his arms on his waist, hugging him from behind. He giggles when Sho buried his face on his neck, breathing in the scent of his perfume, nibbling it softly only to be stopped by Aiba later.
“Don’t. You don’t want to leave a mark there, Sho. You know how bad it is when that witch yells at us later,” he said, referring to their manager. Sho chuckled, as he buried his face again on Aiba’s neck, repeating his action earlier. But after a while, he turned Aiba around, makes the man face him before he pinning him to the wall of the apartment.
“You look troubled. Are you hiding something?”
For once, Aiba bitted his lips. He avoided his gaze from meeting Sho, but Sho never lets his gaze away from Aiba. For a while, he kept observing the man’s reaction. Indeed, Aiba was hiding something, it was shown in his reaction. But then he sighed, refuses to pressure the man more. Slowly, he moved away from the man, creating some space between them. He lifted Aiba’s face to meet his, dropping a soft kiss on Aiba’s lips. He takes Aiba’s hand into his, not letting their gaze away from each other as Sho utters his words.
“I know maybe this thing is just a beginning for the two of us. But I hope you can trust me, believe me that I love you. It may sound lame if you hear what I’m going to say next. But... I don’t think I can live without you,”
It’s touching indeed. But at the same time, it’s painful to him. He nods hesitantly. And when Sho takes him in his arms, all he could do is just let him do it, trying so hard to control his emotions so that the man will never notice how guilty he feels at the moment.
“You’re gonna leave me one day, when you know the truth behind this relationship, Sho-chan. But for now, let me be a selfish jerk to have you next to me,” he said under his thought.
***
The loud sound in the ballroom annoys him as much as he saw how Sho is flirting with the girls or even with his own bandmates. It wasn’t actually flirting, it was merely a normal conversation. But Aiba couldn’t help but feel jealous whenever he saw Sho laughing along with the girls who were wearing inappropriate skin-exposing clothes, acting all giddy and flirty whenever they had a conversation with Sho.
“You look tensed,” Nino said as he slurred down his drink. Next to the man was a drunk Ohno Satoshi who’s giggling of an unknown reason and Nino pats his head lightly. “Trust me, Aiba-chan. There are some people saying that you look older than your age. Better stop doing that now.”
Aiba rolled his eyes. He watches in amusement how drunk Ohno is, and Nino just lets him be. He barely heard what the older man was mumbling on Nino’s ears, but Aiba is sure it's something disgusting that he sees how Nino's cheeks blushing afterwards. No one could notice what the brat did afterwards. He leaned in, kissing the older man for a few seconds before parting away the next. Aiba’s eyes widen
“We're in public, Nino. What if the paparazzi saw what you did?” he asked, obviously shocked by what he saw. In front of his eyes flash the image of ‘Ohmiya is real afterall’ in big, bold letters as headline of every tabloid existing in Japan. He pushed the thought away when he heard Nino’s laugh.
“And because we're in public, you should stop frowning too, when you see him interact with the girls. It’s his job to entertain them,”
Aiba snorted annoyingly.
“Given that fact, I still can't stop him from doing so,”
Nino who was about to take another sip from his glass stopped. His attention turns fully to the man next to him.
“Use what?”
“Love potion,” he finally blurted out the secret. “I told you right, Sho-chan doesn’t really have any feelings towards me. Something else made the decision for him to confess to me. And it is the love potion which keeps us together,”
Nino’s mouth hung open before closing it, avoiding any other fuss. He kept staring his best friend's face for a brief moment, trying to find a hint of joke in the man's earlier words. And when he couldn’t find any, he shook his head, unable to comprehend the truth.
“Wait, you’re being ridiculous!” Nino responded finally, speaks in a very low tone to avoid any attraction.
“I know I am. I can’t help it. God, you won’t understand!”
“Of course I don’t understand,” Nino snapped, but careful not to make any movement as Ohno now was leaning towards him while dozing off. “Aiba-chan, this isn’t right. You can’t force someone to love you especially not with that thing! It’s the power of evil. It will only lead you to destruction rather than happiness!”
“But I love him! You don’t understand. Every single day I wake up hoping to see him next to me. I went to work because it’s the only time for us to be together always. I wave him goodbye in hopes that he will never drink out alone or be caught in a scandal. You won’t understand because what's between you and Oh-chan is never one-sided. But ours is!”
No one could explain how grateful he was of the fact that they’re now in a room with a loud music playing that unless it is directed to the person, no one else can hear the conversation.
It takes him a few minutes of silence before he spoke again.
“This isn’t the way, Aiba-chan. You should do something to win his heart. a confession won’t hurt that much. But the good will always win. You maybe happy now, but sooner or later, you won’t be, when one day, the effect no longer takes place,” Nino pauses, shifting Ohno’s head onto his shoulder. “Think wisely."
Aiba fell silent, refusing to come out with anything as a response. Nino was right. There’s nothing wrong with the man’s words. It was just him being selfish. Wanting Sho for himself, he was so desperate that he ended up doing it. It’s a lie if people say he never regretted it. But, he just can’t say it now. He was still finding the right time to say it, though he isn't sure when the right time will be.
Slowly his gaze went to Sho's direction. Once again, his jealousy arises when he sees someone putting his hand around Sho’s shoulder. It isn’t a girl who he is jealous of this time. It's Sho’s ex-number one fan, Matsumoto Jun. At that moment, he didn't bother to stay.
“I’m going home!” he said hard, making Nino turned to him.
“The party hasn’t-“
“You enjoy. I don’t want to anymore. Goodnight,” he said shortly, leaving the ballroom in merely a minute.
Hailing a cab, he heads home alone and Sho arrived their home 15 minutes later.
He refused to even looked at Sho when he heard footsteps approaching him from behind. But when he felt the man embrace him, he quickly stands up, knocking the man’s chin with his head by accident. Sho whimpered painfully, rubbing his chin as he threw a question to the man.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong? You’re flirting. In front of me. And then you let Matsujun hang around you like that.”
“Wait. He’s drunk, and what’s the problem with that?” Sho asked back, frowning.
And Aiba couldn’t find an answer to that.
But Sho was intelligent enough to figure out the answer to his own question. Sighing, he make his way towards his partner, holding his arms firmly. His gaze softened as he spoke his words carefully, hoping that he won’t stumble or say unnecessary things.
“Why are you afraid of the past, when you’re my present Aiba-chan?” Aiba pouted.
“I’m not convinced,” Sho sighed again.
“I think I’ve done everything for you, Masaki. What else should I do, to make you believe that the only way my love will go is to you?” Sho asked, pleading in his voice. Here, Aiba smirked, closing their distance together.
“One thing, Sho. just one thing. Make love to me,” he wrapped his hand around the man's shoulder. His lips wear a seductive smile as he leans close enough to the man’s lips, not breaking their eye contact, muttering his next words. “Convince me that it is me in your heart, not Jun, not anyone else. Just me.”
Aiba didn’t wait for the man to answer him. His lips meet Sho’s then they kiss sloppily. From mouth to tongues trying to dominate each other. Sho trailed butterfly kisses along Aiba’s jawline, licking, nibbling it soft all the way to Aiba’s ears. He pushed the man to the wall, pinning him as he makes his way to the man’s neck, marking the first hickey on the man.
His hand slips under Aiba’s shirt, caressing the man abs as he keeps trailing his kiss to the man’s collar bone, sucking it hard. He could hear Aiba's groans as he moves away from the man, trying to remove his and Aiba’s shirts but Aiba stops him.
“You’re having second thoughts?” Sho asks, a little mocking in his voice. Aiba smirks.
“No… but I think we should move to the bed. There's no way I can stand for the whole night while you in me,”
Sho laughed before he smugly observes the blushing face of the man.
“Well if that is what you want,” Sho took him in his arms before he carries the man towards their bedroom
“Ugh- anything for you my dear,” he carried the man half way before he lets the man go, whining about how heavy the man is, and Aiba just giggled hearing that.
***
If Aiba could describe the night, he is gonna say it was wonderful. It is enough with one word rather than explaining what happened for the whole night.
And to wake up having a sleeping face of Sho Sakurai just like what he always dreams of, Aiba couldn’t help but feel grateful after what he had done. Whatever that’s going to happen after this, he will never regret it.
Or so he thought.
He thought of making breakfast while the man was still in bed. He still need to put the potion as well. Trying not to make a lot of movement, he shifted slowly from the bed, heading to the kitchen.
It’s his daily routine to wake up, prepare breakfast for the man while having another purpose -- to insert the potion inside the man’s drink. But it wasn’t his lucky day that day. As he was about to pour a few drops of the potion into Sho’s drink, a hand stops him.
“What are you doing?”
Sho’s voice is stern. There’s frown on his face, rather than curious, Aiba could see fury on the man’s face.
“No-nothing” he stammered, while Sho’s grip on his hand tightens.
“What a liar,” his tone was low, making it even scarier when Sho said it with a glare. Slowly Sho’s hand finds the bottle, reading the label on it. “Love potion huh?”
Aiba fell silent. For a while, no one said anything. The surrounding was so quiet that they could hear the sounds of the breeze coming through the windows. Sho kept on staring at him with one deathful glare that Aiba's sure he would be killed by that if possible. Maybe dying was much better. The secret is exposed and Aiba knows Sho’s going to explode any moment soon.
Yet, he keeps standing alive.
Aiba doesn’t remember it, when he sees there are some fluid on his kitchen’s wall, and the shattered glasses on the floor. When he turned back to look at Sho, he could see how furious the man is. Face reddened and his breathing uneven.
“What else should I do to you, Masaki? To prove to you that it’s only you who I love?”
Silence.
“I should have guessed that this relationship isn’t built on trust. You and your fucking selfish attitude dominated this and all I received this past few months, all my efforts only received a cold reaction from you!”
“Sho-chan let me explain, please,”
“What? There’s nothing to explain Aiba. You were caught red handed, and I don’t need any explanation after what i saw!"
Again the man falls silent.
“You’re unbelievable!” Sho says, a little frustrated. “How could you be so stupid to use these useless things? Our relationship didn't start because of this stupid thing,”
“How would you know?” Aiba mutters his words at first, slowly facing his ‘victim of idiocy’ directly into his eyes. For once, he chuckles. “Of course you don’t know. I’m stupid. That’s true. For being insecure about falling in love with someone who I know will never be mine. Someone who made me a mess that night when I saw him went out with a girl. Someone who I know will never look at a man who loves him with his whole life. Or finally coming up with a stupid idea of using a love potion when that someone's news was printed all over the tabloid about the rumors he had with an actress. Of course you will never notice that. Because you never look at me the way I look at you, Sho-chan.”
Silence.
“And then you confessed. For god sake, I thought it works. I thought that whatever confession you said to me was under the influence of that. That’s why I never believed everything you said. of course because of my stupid act,”
He’s selfish. He knows it. He isn’t sure if he is ready for this, but while the pain is unbearable in his heart, not a single tear flowed out. In that brief moment of silence, the two keep staring at each other.
Sho was speechless. Aiba was the one who is wrong here, but he has said unnecessary things. For god's sake, he loves the man. Took him so long, with so many thoughts of confessing. And when he thought it was the right time, it is actually a little bit late, a wrong moment after all.
He approached the man. his hand holding Aiba’s arms, trying to console, but before he could, Aiba speaks first.
“I think, this is the end of us right?”
Sho wants to say no. but nothing left his mouth. The man slowly pushed his hand from his arms, deviates away from him. Sho fell speechless for quite a moment, and when his mind works again, all he heard was the sound of the door closing.
****
The next few days are a whole mess for Sho. He was unfocused, stumbling upon his words when he did Zero and MC-ing their program. And the fact that Aiba didn’t even look at him, let alone speak to him, was driving him mad. Why is it him who received the punishment when it was Aiba who began all this mess?
“fuck him for making my life upside down,” he mumbled his curse and luckily it’s only the two of them; him and Nino inside the greenroom at the moment. Hearing that, Nino chuckles.
“That’s so unusual of you to lose focus because of him,” Sho glared at him hearing that. “Oh come on, Sho-chan. You know you are not really mad at him for using that on you, aren’t you? Maybe at first you are, but now that you thought about it, I’m sure you’re mad now because you hate the fact that you’re the reason behind all this mess,”
“What do you mean” Sho shooteds back.
“Oh, I’m wrong? Isn’t it better to tell him? That he’s being unreasonable for not telling you his feeling, or for not coming clear between the two of you? Come on. Unless you really hate the relationship you have with him, you won’t be bothered by these silly things. He made a mistake. He’s stupid, no one can deny that. But why don’t you just give the two of you a chance?”
Nino stands from his place, putting all his stuff inside his bag. Heading to door, he stops halfway to look at the man again.
“Think wisely again, Sho-san. You’ve been waiting for the right time, and he was making an assumption that you’ll never love him in retun. This mess wasn’t started by him alone. And I’m sure you don’t want another 'too late' to say you forgive him after what he has done,”
Nino gives him one wink, throwing him a key which he recognizes well as Aiba's house key, before turning back, and heading out of the room. Thinking of Nino’s words, Sho sighed. For a moment, he stared at the key in his hand.
***
It has been a week since he last talked to Sho.
He never went back to Sho’s house to take his stuff from there. Five months, he hasn't really brought so many stuff into the man’s house, but indeed it brought the biggest damage to his heart.
For once, he couldn’t believe his stupidity last time. Making a decision based on his own lust rather than rationale. In the end, it wasn’t only his pain. It is Sho’s too.
He really wanted to talk to the man again. This whole mess isn’t only damaging their relationship, instead they’ve created an awkward situation between the members as well. Aiba remembers how Sho stumbled upon his words last time they had a recording together. And for whatever reason it is, he feels guilty for disturbing whatever is inside the man's head now.
It has been the 4th can of beer when he hears the sound of the door being unlocked yet he ignored it. It might be Nino so he doesn’t bother to check whoever it is. Instead he kept on drinking his beer until the man takes his seat next to him. He is a little tipsy, but the moment his visitor spoke, his eyes widen with surprise.
“You look miserable… when it was you who began this,”
Aiba chuckled.
“You look fine, I guess you’re fine with how the mess I’ve created ended,” Sho shakes his head. He pulls the small bottle from his pocket. Written on the label is the word ‘love potion’.
“Stop mocking me, Sho-chan. Haven’t you had it enough that this relationship didn’t work anymore?”
“But I want it to work,” he retorted. Hearing this, Aiba looked at him. His face is wearing a confused expression, his eyes wide despite how drunk he was at the moment. Sho’s hand rubbing his cheeks feels like burning on his skin and he couldn’t help feeling happy by the touch and at the same moment curious of what the man going to say next.
“I love you, Masaki. I really do. That confession last time wasn’t an effect of the fake potion you gave me. It never worked on me in the first place. And the confession wasn’t forced by anyone or anything. I love you and I want this relationship to work,”
Aiba smirks as he looks back toward his earlier direction, taking another can, opened it and drink it.
“You’re a liar,”
“I’m not. Look at me, Masaki,” he forces the man to look at him. “I know how hurt it is being lied to. Why should I do it to the person I love,”
He pauses, eyeing for a reaction from the man, continues again when he's sure he won’t receive any words as a response.
“Let’s work it out again. Whatever we had between us before. Let’s give it another chance?”
“Why would we? Why should we?” Aiba asks.
“Because we know we love each other. Isn’t that enough?” Aiba chuckled. His drunken state was good enough to at least let him have a conversation with the man, but at the same time, he lost his balanced that he has to lean to Sho, giggling when he heard the man laughing as he pats his head softly.
Slowly, Sho takes two cans, opens both of it, but yet to give Aiba one. Instead, he opens the small bottle containing the ‘love potion’ before trying to pour a few drops into one of the bottle.
Aiba stops him.
“Why?”
“Just to make it fair between us. You've done it once to me and it didn’t work. Well this thing never works after all, why are you scared by it?"
“It’s not that I’m scared. But- nevermind. Do it, if that satisfies you,” Sho smiled at him, caressing his cheek, and he kisses the man tenderly.
“I love you, with my whole heart Masaki. Remember that,” he said as they part. Pouring few drops into the can, he gave it to Aiba.
“For a happy beginning of this new relationship,” Sho declared, and they cheered before the two of them drank it, not even hesitating on doing it. It’s in one shot that they finished the whole drink, and Aiba giggled afterwards.
Putting down his can, Sho pulled the man harshly towards him, kissing him on the lips. His tongue licks Aiba’s lower lips, forcing it to slip into his mouth. The kiss lasted for quite some time and when they part, he chuckled watching the man panting breathless.
He holds the man’s face, forcing Aiba to look at him. He smiles at him lovingly and Aiba replies him by doing the same, though he could see how Aiba’s eyes started to stay unfocused.
“Promise me, Masaki,” he begins, staring deeply into the man’s eyes. “That you will never do silly things towards us. You’ll make everything work between us. Promise me that?”
Aiba nods.
“I promise. I’ll do everything for you, Sho-chan,” he says, with a little hiccup. Slowly, Sho took him into his embraces, rubbing his lover's back a few times to calm him down. But at the same moment, his lips can’t help but form a mischievous smile.
“This should work with a kiss after he drinks it. If you don’t do that, then it’ll be meaningless. And make sure you say your wish,” The shaman's words echoed in his mind.
Again, he smirked, caressing Aiba lovingly.
“Good, everything for me,”
It works.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pairing: Sakuraiba, (very minor) Ohmiya, (friendship) Aimiya, (hint of) Sakumoto
Rating: PG-15
Genre: very light angst, fantasy, drama, fluff
Summary: Forcing a confession in a way that someone shouldn't do, Aiba is trapped with his own feeling.
Disclaimer: i own only 4 cats... never owning a human.
beta by: jessa (thank you very much)
Originally posted in sa-exchange in 2014.
“I love you,”
Of course he’s been waiting for the man to say those three magic words. He’d been waiting for years and Sho said it today. But, shouldn’t he be delighted? Why wasn’t he?
It’s funny to see how Sho was running towards him in his News Zero suit, calling his name, trying to gain his attention before he could hop into their manager's car heading home. Sho’s grip on his wrist makes him felt hot and chuckles by himself. It’s a familiar feeling every time Sho had a contact with him, and for all this time, Aiba has tried his very best to control how happy he was every time Sho did that.
The man stared directly into his eyes, and while Aiba tried to find sincerity in his words earlier, Sho repeated the three words, this time even more romantic than the earlier.
“I love you,” he whispered to Aiba’s ears, taking his hand in his. “I love you so much,”
Three times, and Aiba sure it wasn’t a dream. He could feel Sho’s breath on his ears as Sho whispered the words, but not a slightest of his feelings can be described as a happiness even though he was waiting for this moment for so long. Slowly Sho pushed himself to have a proper look on the man’s face, slightly panicked when he saw the stiff face of Aiba.
“You’re not rejecting me right?” Sho asked, slightly worried when the man said nothing. Slowly Aiba’s lips curls, forming his usual bright smile.
“Of course not, Sho-chan,” he replied, faking a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for so long, why should I reject you?”
Sho smiled genuinely, but Aiba couldn’t do the same. Not when he isn’t sure if Sho really meant his words. Again, Sho took Aiba’s hand in his, closing their distance before dropping a kiss on Aiba’s lips. A soft, passionate kiss that Aiba has been longing for years and finally had one today. Unfortunately, it hurts.
And when they part, Sho smiles at him before taking him in his arms.
“Thank you, Masaki. I promise I won’t hurt you,”
But Aiba knew, the promise won’t last long.
***
It annoys Nino so much watching how spoiled Aiba has been since that confession. It’s none of his business actually, but watching how hard Sho tried to win the man’s heart or at least makes him happy, it does. But Aiba was being a brat, showing not even a little appreciation to whatever the man does for him, but instead wanting for more that Nino started comparing Aiba to one crazy obsessive woman once exist in his life.
By the end of the day, Nino left the green room with Aiba along and a big invisible question mark on his head.
“You’re being a brat, don’t you think?” He can’t help himself to voice it out that night. “I never influenced you to be one right?”
“Huh?
“You can’t compare your life with me, Aiba-chan. Between me and Oh-chan, it won’t work if I am not being one. He’s quiet, minds his own business. Unless I am one, we’re as silent as the dead in the house. But between you and Sho-chan, it’s different. He loves you, and I’m sure you love him too. Just, I don’t understand why do you have to show nothing that tells you appreciate whatever he has done for you?”
Aiba falls silent. He took his sight away from the man who was sitting next to him at the bar. He takes his time to think, drinking silently from his glass before sighing.
“You don’t understand,” he mumbled, clear enough to be heard by Nino. For once, Nino chose to listen instead of retorting at the man. And he knows he made his decision right when Aiba continued later.
“I don’t feel that Sho-chan really loves me, though,”
“Huh?”
But Aiba leaved Nino curious, refused to elaborate more on what he has told earlier. In the end, all they did was drinking in silent before leaving the bar with Nino worrying over his best friend.
Maybe he is dumb. Maybe he is selfish. But he wasn’t ready to let go of the man who has been his lover for more than three months already. Aiba knew he’d been living in lies when he kept their relationship this way. Sho pampered him too much already, but none of the acts managed to make Aiba feel happy. Not when he thought the only reason for Sho to have such passionate love for him is because of the love potion.
He remembered feeling heartbroken that one night, when he decided to hang out in the city before going to the dark alley in Tokyo. There were rumors on how people are using dark magic there, but his broken heart makes his steps strong as he went there. He barely remembered the face of the woman who he bought the potion from, but he remembered the next day, taking every single effort he could just to put the potion in Sho’s drink. He remembered well of how Sho was so happy as he took the cup from him and drank it without having a second thoughts. And two weeks later, Aiba knows his efforts were paid back when Sho finally confessed to him.
But Aiba doesn’t feel the slightest happiness from the confession. Not when he knew that they won’t last long. And he knew, once he stopped giving Sho that, their relationship will be over.
He walks towards his apartment to see the light coming through the lower part of the door. Sighing, he pulls the door knob, revealing a sleeping Sho with his News Zero suit in the living room. Again, he sighed. He tried not to make any sound as he walks into the house, closing the door behind him silently but he failed when Sho’s eyes snapped open before he jumped onto his feet, almost running towards his lover.
“You’re late. It’s not good for your health. What if you fall sick like before?” Sho asked, taking the man into an embrace. For a while, he didn’t want to let go, but when Aiba pushed him softly, Sho knows he should.
“I’m fine. Me and Nino was just having a drink at the bar we usually go…” He couldn’t finish his words when Sho leaned in to kiss him all of sudden. His eyes widen in shock that when they part, nothing left his mouth.
“I’m sorry. Just… I miss you,” Sho begins when he realized he just created an awkward situation between them. Aiba chuckles, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry too… for making you miss me,” shaking his head, his thumbs caress the man’s cheek as he replies to the man’s words.
“I don’t mean to control… but…” This time, it is Sho who didn’t get the chance to finish his words, when Aiba leaned in, pressing their lips together, slipping his tongue through Sho’s lips. He couldn’t help smiling when he heard the man groan as their tongues try to dominate each other. Aiba could see disappointment on Sho’s face as they part but Aiba just smiles at him, a sincere one indeed.
“Sorry… but I just can’t resist your kissable lips,”
Aiba smiled even wider when he saw Sho’s embarrassed look.
***
Five months pass without anything particularly bad happening. But Nino was right about one thing. About how he took Sho for granted. But he couldn’t help it.
The thought that one day, Sho will leave him heartbroken if he ever put his uttermost effort in the relationship stopped him from hoping for anything more than that. And while the thoughts linger in his head, Sho's efforts on the relationship doubled, and it makes him feel worst.
Aiba can’t deny how good Sho is as his lover. He remembered once when he was on a late shooting one night and Sho decided to wait for him so that they can go home together even though the newscaster had something to do early morning the next day, just to make sure that Aiba wouldn’t be alone by the time he went home. Unreasonable is what Aiba thought but Sho did stay that night, which ended up with the man having slept only for an hour in their greenroom alone waiting for the next day while Aiba headed back to their house, alone.
Or when one day he fell sick and Sho took care of him, including his laundry, cooking; it tasted bad as hell, make him puke it all out from his stomach once he finished the whole bowl just because Sho was worried that he didn’t take any food that day, or when he stayed up for the whole night to take care of him.
But none of the effort manages to convince Aiba of how much Sho loves him. And day by day, he regretted his action the most. Never had he thought that his selfish act will only bring him more pain rather than happiness that he’s been dreamt of. True, he loves Sho. He wanted to own the man and to love the man in return. True, both he and Sho now are lovebirds, but he knows once all of these ends, he will never have a chance on the man again.
A breath on his neck stops his trail of thoughts. He smiles when he feels the man wrap his arms on his waist, hugging him from behind. He giggles when Sho buried his face on his neck, breathing in the scent of his perfume, nibbling it softly only to be stopped by Aiba later.
“Don’t. You don’t want to leave a mark there, Sho. You know how bad it is when that witch yells at us later,” he said, referring to their manager. Sho chuckled, as he buried his face again on Aiba’s neck, repeating his action earlier. But after a while, he turned Aiba around, makes the man face him before he pinning him to the wall of the apartment.
“You look troubled. Are you hiding something?”
For once, Aiba bitted his lips. He avoided his gaze from meeting Sho, but Sho never lets his gaze away from Aiba. For a while, he kept observing the man’s reaction. Indeed, Aiba was hiding something, it was shown in his reaction. But then he sighed, refuses to pressure the man more. Slowly, he moved away from the man, creating some space between them. He lifted Aiba’s face to meet his, dropping a soft kiss on Aiba’s lips. He takes Aiba’s hand into his, not letting their gaze away from each other as Sho utters his words.
“I know maybe this thing is just a beginning for the two of us. But I hope you can trust me, believe me that I love you. It may sound lame if you hear what I’m going to say next. But... I don’t think I can live without you,”
It’s touching indeed. But at the same time, it’s painful to him. He nods hesitantly. And when Sho takes him in his arms, all he could do is just let him do it, trying so hard to control his emotions so that the man will never notice how guilty he feels at the moment.
“You’re gonna leave me one day, when you know the truth behind this relationship, Sho-chan. But for now, let me be a selfish jerk to have you next to me,” he said under his thought.
***
The loud sound in the ballroom annoys him as much as he saw how Sho is flirting with the girls or even with his own bandmates. It wasn’t actually flirting, it was merely a normal conversation. But Aiba couldn’t help but feel jealous whenever he saw Sho laughing along with the girls who were wearing inappropriate skin-exposing clothes, acting all giddy and flirty whenever they had a conversation with Sho.
“You look tensed,” Nino said as he slurred down his drink. Next to the man was a drunk Ohno Satoshi who’s giggling of an unknown reason and Nino pats his head lightly. “Trust me, Aiba-chan. There are some people saying that you look older than your age. Better stop doing that now.”
Aiba rolled his eyes. He watches in amusement how drunk Ohno is, and Nino just lets him be. He barely heard what the older man was mumbling on Nino’s ears, but Aiba is sure it's something disgusting that he sees how Nino's cheeks blushing afterwards. No one could notice what the brat did afterwards. He leaned in, kissing the older man for a few seconds before parting away the next. Aiba’s eyes widen
“We're in public, Nino. What if the paparazzi saw what you did?” he asked, obviously shocked by what he saw. In front of his eyes flash the image of ‘Ohmiya is real afterall’ in big, bold letters as headline of every tabloid existing in Japan. He pushed the thought away when he heard Nino’s laugh.
“And because we're in public, you should stop frowning too, when you see him interact with the girls. It’s his job to entertain them,”
Aiba snorted annoyingly.
“Given that fact, I still can't stop him from doing so,”
Nino who was about to take another sip from his glass stopped. His attention turns fully to the man next to him.
“Use what?”
“Love potion,” he finally blurted out the secret. “I told you right, Sho-chan doesn’t really have any feelings towards me. Something else made the decision for him to confess to me. And it is the love potion which keeps us together,”
Nino’s mouth hung open before closing it, avoiding any other fuss. He kept staring his best friend's face for a brief moment, trying to find a hint of joke in the man's earlier words. And when he couldn’t find any, he shook his head, unable to comprehend the truth.
“Wait, you’re being ridiculous!” Nino responded finally, speaks in a very low tone to avoid any attraction.
“I know I am. I can’t help it. God, you won’t understand!”
“Of course I don’t understand,” Nino snapped, but careful not to make any movement as Ohno now was leaning towards him while dozing off. “Aiba-chan, this isn’t right. You can’t force someone to love you especially not with that thing! It’s the power of evil. It will only lead you to destruction rather than happiness!”
“But I love him! You don’t understand. Every single day I wake up hoping to see him next to me. I went to work because it’s the only time for us to be together always. I wave him goodbye in hopes that he will never drink out alone or be caught in a scandal. You won’t understand because what's between you and Oh-chan is never one-sided. But ours is!”
No one could explain how grateful he was of the fact that they’re now in a room with a loud music playing that unless it is directed to the person, no one else can hear the conversation.
It takes him a few minutes of silence before he spoke again.
“This isn’t the way, Aiba-chan. You should do something to win his heart. a confession won’t hurt that much. But the good will always win. You maybe happy now, but sooner or later, you won’t be, when one day, the effect no longer takes place,” Nino pauses, shifting Ohno’s head onto his shoulder. “Think wisely."
Aiba fell silent, refusing to come out with anything as a response. Nino was right. There’s nothing wrong with the man’s words. It was just him being selfish. Wanting Sho for himself, he was so desperate that he ended up doing it. It’s a lie if people say he never regretted it. But, he just can’t say it now. He was still finding the right time to say it, though he isn't sure when the right time will be.
Slowly his gaze went to Sho's direction. Once again, his jealousy arises when he sees someone putting his hand around Sho’s shoulder. It isn’t a girl who he is jealous of this time. It's Sho’s ex-number one fan, Matsumoto Jun. At that moment, he didn't bother to stay.
“I’m going home!” he said hard, making Nino turned to him.
“The party hasn’t-“
“You enjoy. I don’t want to anymore. Goodnight,” he said shortly, leaving the ballroom in merely a minute.
Hailing a cab, he heads home alone and Sho arrived their home 15 minutes later.
He refused to even looked at Sho when he heard footsteps approaching him from behind. But when he felt the man embrace him, he quickly stands up, knocking the man’s chin with his head by accident. Sho whimpered painfully, rubbing his chin as he threw a question to the man.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong? You’re flirting. In front of me. And then you let Matsujun hang around you like that.”
“Wait. He’s drunk, and what’s the problem with that?” Sho asked back, frowning.
And Aiba couldn’t find an answer to that.
But Sho was intelligent enough to figure out the answer to his own question. Sighing, he make his way towards his partner, holding his arms firmly. His gaze softened as he spoke his words carefully, hoping that he won’t stumble or say unnecessary things.
“Why are you afraid of the past, when you’re my present Aiba-chan?” Aiba pouted.
“I’m not convinced,” Sho sighed again.
“I think I’ve done everything for you, Masaki. What else should I do, to make you believe that the only way my love will go is to you?” Sho asked, pleading in his voice. Here, Aiba smirked, closing their distance together.
“One thing, Sho. just one thing. Make love to me,” he wrapped his hand around the man's shoulder. His lips wear a seductive smile as he leans close enough to the man’s lips, not breaking their eye contact, muttering his next words. “Convince me that it is me in your heart, not Jun, not anyone else. Just me.”
Aiba didn’t wait for the man to answer him. His lips meet Sho’s then they kiss sloppily. From mouth to tongues trying to dominate each other. Sho trailed butterfly kisses along Aiba’s jawline, licking, nibbling it soft all the way to Aiba’s ears. He pushed the man to the wall, pinning him as he makes his way to the man’s neck, marking the first hickey on the man.
His hand slips under Aiba’s shirt, caressing the man abs as he keeps trailing his kiss to the man’s collar bone, sucking it hard. He could hear Aiba's groans as he moves away from the man, trying to remove his and Aiba’s shirts but Aiba stops him.
“You’re having second thoughts?” Sho asks, a little mocking in his voice. Aiba smirks.
“No… but I think we should move to the bed. There's no way I can stand for the whole night while you in me,”
Sho laughed before he smugly observes the blushing face of the man.
“Well if that is what you want,” Sho took him in his arms before he carries the man towards their bedroom
“Ugh- anything for you my dear,” he carried the man half way before he lets the man go, whining about how heavy the man is, and Aiba just giggled hearing that.
***
If Aiba could describe the night, he is gonna say it was wonderful. It is enough with one word rather than explaining what happened for the whole night.
And to wake up having a sleeping face of Sho Sakurai just like what he always dreams of, Aiba couldn’t help but feel grateful after what he had done. Whatever that’s going to happen after this, he will never regret it.
Or so he thought.
He thought of making breakfast while the man was still in bed. He still need to put the potion as well. Trying not to make a lot of movement, he shifted slowly from the bed, heading to the kitchen.
It’s his daily routine to wake up, prepare breakfast for the man while having another purpose -- to insert the potion inside the man’s drink. But it wasn’t his lucky day that day. As he was about to pour a few drops of the potion into Sho’s drink, a hand stops him.
“What are you doing?”
Sho’s voice is stern. There’s frown on his face, rather than curious, Aiba could see fury on the man’s face.
“No-nothing” he stammered, while Sho’s grip on his hand tightens.
“What a liar,” his tone was low, making it even scarier when Sho said it with a glare. Slowly Sho’s hand finds the bottle, reading the label on it. “Love potion huh?”
Aiba fell silent. For a while, no one said anything. The surrounding was so quiet that they could hear the sounds of the breeze coming through the windows. Sho kept on staring at him with one deathful glare that Aiba's sure he would be killed by that if possible. Maybe dying was much better. The secret is exposed and Aiba knows Sho’s going to explode any moment soon.
Yet, he keeps standing alive.
Aiba doesn’t remember it, when he sees there are some fluid on his kitchen’s wall, and the shattered glasses on the floor. When he turned back to look at Sho, he could see how furious the man is. Face reddened and his breathing uneven.
“What else should I do to you, Masaki? To prove to you that it’s only you who I love?”
Silence.
“I should have guessed that this relationship isn’t built on trust. You and your fucking selfish attitude dominated this and all I received this past few months, all my efforts only received a cold reaction from you!”
“Sho-chan let me explain, please,”
“What? There’s nothing to explain Aiba. You were caught red handed, and I don’t need any explanation after what i saw!"
Again the man falls silent.
“You’re unbelievable!” Sho says, a little frustrated. “How could you be so stupid to use these useless things? Our relationship didn't start because of this stupid thing,”
“How would you know?” Aiba mutters his words at first, slowly facing his ‘victim of idiocy’ directly into his eyes. For once, he chuckles. “Of course you don’t know. I’m stupid. That’s true. For being insecure about falling in love with someone who I know will never be mine. Someone who made me a mess that night when I saw him went out with a girl. Someone who I know will never look at a man who loves him with his whole life. Or finally coming up with a stupid idea of using a love potion when that someone's news was printed all over the tabloid about the rumors he had with an actress. Of course you will never notice that. Because you never look at me the way I look at you, Sho-chan.”
Silence.
“And then you confessed. For god sake, I thought it works. I thought that whatever confession you said to me was under the influence of that. That’s why I never believed everything you said. of course because of my stupid act,”
He’s selfish. He knows it. He isn’t sure if he is ready for this, but while the pain is unbearable in his heart, not a single tear flowed out. In that brief moment of silence, the two keep staring at each other.
Sho was speechless. Aiba was the one who is wrong here, but he has said unnecessary things. For god's sake, he loves the man. Took him so long, with so many thoughts of confessing. And when he thought it was the right time, it is actually a little bit late, a wrong moment after all.
He approached the man. his hand holding Aiba’s arms, trying to console, but before he could, Aiba speaks first.
“I think, this is the end of us right?”
Sho wants to say no. but nothing left his mouth. The man slowly pushed his hand from his arms, deviates away from him. Sho fell speechless for quite a moment, and when his mind works again, all he heard was the sound of the door closing.
****
The next few days are a whole mess for Sho. He was unfocused, stumbling upon his words when he did Zero and MC-ing their program. And the fact that Aiba didn’t even look at him, let alone speak to him, was driving him mad. Why is it him who received the punishment when it was Aiba who began all this mess?
“fuck him for making my life upside down,” he mumbled his curse and luckily it’s only the two of them; him and Nino inside the greenroom at the moment. Hearing that, Nino chuckles.
“That’s so unusual of you to lose focus because of him,” Sho glared at him hearing that. “Oh come on, Sho-chan. You know you are not really mad at him for using that on you, aren’t you? Maybe at first you are, but now that you thought about it, I’m sure you’re mad now because you hate the fact that you’re the reason behind all this mess,”
“What do you mean” Sho shooteds back.
“Oh, I’m wrong? Isn’t it better to tell him? That he’s being unreasonable for not telling you his feeling, or for not coming clear between the two of you? Come on. Unless you really hate the relationship you have with him, you won’t be bothered by these silly things. He made a mistake. He’s stupid, no one can deny that. But why don’t you just give the two of you a chance?”
Nino stands from his place, putting all his stuff inside his bag. Heading to door, he stops halfway to look at the man again.
“Think wisely again, Sho-san. You’ve been waiting for the right time, and he was making an assumption that you’ll never love him in retun. This mess wasn’t started by him alone. And I’m sure you don’t want another 'too late' to say you forgive him after what he has done,”
Nino gives him one wink, throwing him a key which he recognizes well as Aiba's house key, before turning back, and heading out of the room. Thinking of Nino’s words, Sho sighed. For a moment, he stared at the key in his hand.
***
It has been a week since he last talked to Sho.
He never went back to Sho’s house to take his stuff from there. Five months, he hasn't really brought so many stuff into the man’s house, but indeed it brought the biggest damage to his heart.
For once, he couldn’t believe his stupidity last time. Making a decision based on his own lust rather than rationale. In the end, it wasn’t only his pain. It is Sho’s too.
He really wanted to talk to the man again. This whole mess isn’t only damaging their relationship, instead they’ve created an awkward situation between the members as well. Aiba remembers how Sho stumbled upon his words last time they had a recording together. And for whatever reason it is, he feels guilty for disturbing whatever is inside the man's head now.
It has been the 4th can of beer when he hears the sound of the door being unlocked yet he ignored it. It might be Nino so he doesn’t bother to check whoever it is. Instead he kept on drinking his beer until the man takes his seat next to him. He is a little tipsy, but the moment his visitor spoke, his eyes widen with surprise.
“You look miserable… when it was you who began this,”
Aiba chuckled.
“You look fine, I guess you’re fine with how the mess I’ve created ended,” Sho shakes his head. He pulls the small bottle from his pocket. Written on the label is the word ‘love potion’.
“Stop mocking me, Sho-chan. Haven’t you had it enough that this relationship didn’t work anymore?”
“But I want it to work,” he retorted. Hearing this, Aiba looked at him. His face is wearing a confused expression, his eyes wide despite how drunk he was at the moment. Sho’s hand rubbing his cheeks feels like burning on his skin and he couldn’t help feeling happy by the touch and at the same moment curious of what the man going to say next.
“I love you, Masaki. I really do. That confession last time wasn’t an effect of the fake potion you gave me. It never worked on me in the first place. And the confession wasn’t forced by anyone or anything. I love you and I want this relationship to work,”
Aiba smirks as he looks back toward his earlier direction, taking another can, opened it and drink it.
“You’re a liar,”
“I’m not. Look at me, Masaki,” he forces the man to look at him. “I know how hurt it is being lied to. Why should I do it to the person I love,”
He pauses, eyeing for a reaction from the man, continues again when he's sure he won’t receive any words as a response.
“Let’s work it out again. Whatever we had between us before. Let’s give it another chance?”
“Why would we? Why should we?” Aiba asks.
“Because we know we love each other. Isn’t that enough?” Aiba chuckled. His drunken state was good enough to at least let him have a conversation with the man, but at the same time, he lost his balanced that he has to lean to Sho, giggling when he heard the man laughing as he pats his head softly.
Slowly, Sho takes two cans, opens both of it, but yet to give Aiba one. Instead, he opens the small bottle containing the ‘love potion’ before trying to pour a few drops into one of the bottle.
Aiba stops him.
“Why?”
“Just to make it fair between us. You've done it once to me and it didn’t work. Well this thing never works after all, why are you scared by it?"
“It’s not that I’m scared. But- nevermind. Do it, if that satisfies you,” Sho smiled at him, caressing his cheek, and he kisses the man tenderly.
“I love you, with my whole heart Masaki. Remember that,” he said as they part. Pouring few drops into the can, he gave it to Aiba.
“For a happy beginning of this new relationship,” Sho declared, and they cheered before the two of them drank it, not even hesitating on doing it. It’s in one shot that they finished the whole drink, and Aiba giggled afterwards.
Putting down his can, Sho pulled the man harshly towards him, kissing him on the lips. His tongue licks Aiba’s lower lips, forcing it to slip into his mouth. The kiss lasted for quite some time and when they part, he chuckled watching the man panting breathless.
He holds the man’s face, forcing Aiba to look at him. He smiles at him lovingly and Aiba replies him by doing the same, though he could see how Aiba’s eyes started to stay unfocused.
“Promise me, Masaki,” he begins, staring deeply into the man’s eyes. “That you will never do silly things towards us. You’ll make everything work between us. Promise me that?”
Aiba nods.
“I promise. I’ll do everything for you, Sho-chan,” he says, with a little hiccup. Slowly, Sho took him into his embraces, rubbing his lover's back a few times to calm him down. But at the same moment, his lips can’t help but form a mischievous smile.
“This should work with a kiss after he drinks it. If you don’t do that, then it’ll be meaningless. And make sure you say your wish,” The shaman's words echoed in his mind.
Again, he smirked, caressing Aiba lovingly.
“Good, everything for me,”
It works.
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