[Ongoing] Maybe Forever - Ohmiya (Chapter 9)
Maybe Forever | Ongoing | Chapter 9 | Angst. Drama | PG-15 | beta by : asdfghjklalala (thank you ^.^)
Disclaimer: nope. I don't own Ohno or Nino or Jun or Arashi. they belongs to themselves. no profit taken from this, except for some stress reliever.
CHAPTER 9
The news Nino had been running away from came when he reached home six hours later. His mind quickly reminded him of Ohno, worried on how the man took the news while staying by her side. Was he fine? Was he strong enough to face his lost? Nino didn’t have the answer for that.
It was over, he thought. The moment he stormed out of the house hours ago, he had set his mind that it was their last meeting. He promised himself he won’t go to Miyuki’s funeral even if his aunt insisted, though Nino’s sure she won’t. He promised that this is the best time to move on and start a happy life with someone who truly deserved him and he truly deserved.
True enough, he wasn’t sure if he will be happy by his choice. But he knew quite well that choosing to stay in his past will only cause him further damage. No matter how convincing Ohno’s words sounded when he made the promise, he still couldn’t let his guard down that easy. Not when every single memory from his past haunted him, terrified him and prevented him from believing the man again.
His thoughts trailed off when he heard the sound of the door opening, revealing Jun behind it. His lips somehow formed a smile.
“Welcome home, J,” He greeted. Jun smirked.
“I believe it is me who should greet you. A week’s worth of time wasn’t short,” Jun said causing Nino to snort as a response.
“Believe me, I was counting down every minute to come home.”
“A bad holiday?”
“Horrible. I almost died,” Nino said, then shifted his position to sit on the bed.
Jun chuckled. “It’s not good to exaggerate, Nino.”
“I’m telling you the truth. He took me on a boat.”
“He did not!” Jun exclaimed. “Are you okay with it?”
“Well as you can see, I’m still alive. Although I fainted then fell right into the sea,”
Nino was sure that if Ohno was here, Jun would kill him by now. His face was red with anger, so mad that he couldn’t form any coherent word to say. Quickly, Nino tried to cool the man down.
“Your veins gonna explode, J.”
“Not only my veins, Nino. His head too. How much of an idiot can he be?”
“He didn’t know-“
“He stayed in the same room with you for three years, Nino? How couldn’t he not know? Or was it because he was too focused on your ass that he didn’t even bother to learn a single thing about you?”
Nino clicked his tongue after hearing Jun’s statement because his words stabbed him. Nonetheless, now wasn’t the time to argue, not when everything Jun said was true.
“Let’s not talk about it? I’m tired.” Nino said, pushing the man playfully. “I’m giving you permission to shoot his head, but not today. He had his lost today.”
Silence.
“Sorry.” Jun muttered, and Nino wasn’t really sure what his sorry was for.
“Don’t be. It’s over now, J. I can live my life perfectly now.”
Jun shrugged. From Jun’s expression, Nino could see how the man wasn’t convinced by his words. He couldn’t blamed the man though.
He wasn’t too.
****
A week passed without any unexpected occurrence.
Sometimes, Nino wondered if whatever happened between him, Miyuki and Ohno the past month was real or just some horrible dream. Often, he found himself waking up drenched in sweat and when he start remembering his dream, it was a memory of him, Ohno and Miyuki.
Forgive is a way to forget. It was a principle he’s been holding on. That’s why he did, he had forgiven both Miyuki and Ohno. Still, why does his memories keep on taunting him like a shadow that kept following him everywhere?
His aunt called him on the last day of the funeral procession. She didn’t ask him to come but deep inside, Nino knew she wanted him to. His aunt kept asking if he’s really fine and he insisted that he is and there’s nothing to worry about. He also told her that he refused to think of the past because he has his precious future to create. They ended the call with the promise that he’ll pay her a visit-a promise he was unsure if he could ever accomplish.
He was running out of time but for now, he just wanted to spend his life perfectly.
According to his plan.
He watched Jun as he prepares their dinner for the night. This is a perfect life, he thought when he saw Jun stop his movement all together and for a brief moment he looked at him, then he smiled his usual elegant smile.
Jun deserved it, he told himself. Five years ago, when he decided to run away to New York, it wasn’t only to run away from Ohno. Despite how Jun was convincing him to stay, Nino told him that he didn’t deserve someone like Jun. Someone who was too good to be true. Someone who took care of him when he was broken. Someone who took care of him without a slightest hint of disgust when everyone else was looking at him as if he was the most awful person to exist on earth.
He didn’t blame those people though. Knowing the fact that he, a guy, let his pride be wasted by a man, it’s normal for people to see him that way.
But Jun was different.
In fact five years ago, he almost gave Jun a chance but he was still scared and unsure. The scars made by Ohno were too deep and weren’t healing that’s why he didn’t have the courage to risk his heart again. Thus, he left for New York and finished one year of study there without having any connection with Jun.
But Jun was stubborn, and on Nino’s graduation day, he came. He told Nino that he won’t force him to accept him into his life, but he’ll wait. He’ll wait until Nino was ready to accept him.
He was ready today. Except, it wasn’t easy as planned.
“Thanks for doing these for me, J,” Jun looked at him with a questioning look. “I mean, the meal. All these,” Nino explained, his hand gestured all the food.
He watched as Jun laughed then took all the plates to the kitchen. Nino decided to follow.
“You know well why I do this, Nino. So don’t thank me.” Jun said, as he washed the plates. He passed the washed plates to Nino who was standing next to him to arrange them on the rack next to the sink.
He liked the idea of them being together. Jun was a nice guy and judging from his experience and memories, he was sure he will be fine with Jun. Yet, he was in doubt. Not of Jun, but of himself.
Will it ever be fair if he chose Jun yet his heart, although broken, was still aching and had a reserved spot for Ohno?
“I’m not perfect, Jun,” Nino suddenly said, breaking the silence between them. Jun stopped for a while then looked at him with a frown. With one hard sigh Nino continued, “I’m not perfect for you.”
After Jun finished washing the plates, he wiped his hand with a towel before he followed Nino to the living room.
He looked at the man who was sitting comfortably on the couch. His head leaning on the couch head, eyes closed and perhaps thinking of something. Jun then made his way gently to the couch, sitting right next to Nino.
There wasn’t a slightest hint of hesitation when Nino leaned towards Jun, his head resting on Jun’s shoulder.
“How does it feels to fall in love and to be loved by someone? I kept wondering about it, Jun.”
“Then let me to show you, I’ll let you know how,” Jun replied, playing with Nino’s hair lovingly.
“But I’m not perfect. I’m not perfect for you.” Nino repeated what he said earlier. His hand playing with Jun’s other hand, admiring the beauty of the man’s hand.
“Well, I admit you’re not perfect,” Jun teased, earning himself a soft poke on his waist. He laughed once, before they turned silent again. After a while he continued, “no one is perfect, Nino. That’s the reason why we were created in pair. To complete each other.”
“Will I complete you then?” Nino asked. His head still on Jun’s shoulder when he turned to take a look at the man’s face. He could see the man smiling from his current view.
“We won’t know unless we try.” Jun said while looking at him.
Nino could see sincerity in Jun’s eyes. He had been waiting for too long, he thought. Jun needed it, Jun deserved his love. He knew he was comfortable in Jun’s embrace and he knew that he will be loved if it’s Jun. And without hesitation, he leaned in.
Their eyes met and they stared into each other’s eyes. This is what I deserve, Nino thought. This is what he deserves, he thought when they’re just an inch away. Their noses touched and any moment soon, they would kiss.
But that magical moment broke when Nino’s phone vibrated on the table in front of them.
Their focus stolen by the vibrating phone. Jun saw Ohno’s name on the screen, and he could also see hesitation on Nino’s face when he frowned after seeing who was calling.
He wished Nino would ignore it because he knew what the call was for. It all depended on Nino whether or not to answer the call. He knew it was hopeless to hope for the impossible, but he still did. He could hear the sound of his heart breaking as he watched Nino take the call and walk away from him.
He watched as the man conversed with the person at the other line, noticed how the man’s frown got deeper as the conversation go on. It wasn’t a long conversation but when he saw Nino ended the line then rushing to his bedroom, Jun knew. He can never have a spot in Nino’s heart.
Why? His mind was screaming for an answer. Why? After all the ideas and hopes they had just now. Why did a single phone call ruin it all? Why wasn’t he able to convince Nino that he’ll find happiness if it’s with him? Why wasn’t I enough?
“I’m sorry, J.” Nino said as he stuffed clothes into his bags.
Jun wanted to say, it’s okay. He wanted to support Nino for his decision, but he can’t. He was going to lose him again, and he couldn’t let that happen again without doing something. He was frustrated, he was hurt and most of all he was hopeless. He didn’t want to lose Nino again.
"Don't go," he pleaded, gripping Nino by his arms as he made Nino face him.
He didn't want Nino to hurt again. Maybe Ohno really needed support from Nino-someone who had and still love him. Maybe Ohno just need a shoulder to lean on. But what will happen once it’s over? Will Ohno hurt Nino again? He saw Nino’s hurt once and he definitely didn’t want to see it again.
"Kazu, please. Don't go," he repeated. Nino looked at him, confused with a hint of sadness and guilt mixed altogether in that gaze.
"He needs me, Jun."
"What about me?" Jun said, pulling the man closer towards him. "What about all the hope you had? We had? You were about to give up on him completely and start anew with me, why you are backing out now?”
“Jun-”
“God, Nino. I love you. So much. Why can’t you see it?”
Nino just smiled, a sad smile.
"I always see it, Jun. And I’m grateful to you for that. It’s just that you loved someone who follows their heart instead of their brain. I'm sure I will be happy with you if I never fell in love with him."
Nino was still smiling, then his eyes soften as their eyes met. Jun’s eyes said it all, in his eyes were a mix of love, hope, and pain.
"Took you forever to say it directly to me, Matsumoto," he said, his lips forming into a genuine smile. It was a very beautiful smile. "But he needs me now. I'm sorry,"
Nino’s words. It broke him more than he could imagine.
It wasn’t enough, Jun thought. I wasn’t enough to make him stay.
The last thing he heard was the sound of a closing door followed by his muffled cry.
***
“Why did you leave me too, Kazu?”
“Ohno-san-“
“My wife left me. She’s gone. Forever. And now, you’re doing the same to me. Why?”
Nino fell silent.
“Why can’t you stay? I know I don’t deserved your love, but can’t you stay as my best friend? Kazu? Please-“
Nino can’t help but wonder how much of an idiot he was for choosing Ohno over Jun. He was sure there’s happiness if it’s with Jun, but why did a simple plea made him easily choose Ohno?
He drove to Ohno’s house, feeling guilt towards what he did to Jun. He shouldn’t have gave the man hope. At this point, he was even worse than Ohno for he crushed Jun’s hope for someone he loved.
Somehow, Nino chuckled at the fact. Despite all the hate he have in his heart toward Ohno, in the end, it was still Ohno who he loved the most.
The house was pitch black when he arrived. Ohno was nowhere to be found in the living room so Nino made his way to Ohno’s room.
He found the man there, drinking can after can of beer that’s why he didn’t notice his presence. The smell of alcohol filled the room, and Nino can’t stop thinking that maybe he was one of the reasons why Ohno is like this.
This is the reason why Miyuki wanted him to stay by Ohno side. It was a selfish request, but perhaps, she already knew this. She knew that Ohno couldn’t handle everything alone and things like this will happen. All of sudden, Nino was guilty for the hate he had towards the man.
Ohno turned to look at him when he heard footsteps approaching him. Nino could see how red, swollen Ohno’s eyes were from crying. He could see how Ohno’s lips were trembling as he tried to speak. But before he could, Nino started.
“You can’t fall in love with me.” he said.
“Please stay with me.” Ohno said, stumbling when he tried to approach Nino. Quickly, Nino rushed to his side and supported him so he could stand on his own.
And it happened.
Despite being drunk, Ohno was still strong and Nino wasn’t able to do anything when Ohno pushed him down on the bed with him.
“Stop it!” He struggled to break free when Ohno pinned him to the bed. But not for long, as soon as Ohno started kissing him, he started melting under his touch.
“Stay, Kazu. Don’t leave me,” Ohno’s words echoed inside his mind.The news Nino had been running away from came when he reached home six hours later. His mind quickly reminded him of Ohno, worried on how the man took the news while staying by her side. Was he fine? Was he strong enough to face his lost? Nino didn’t have the answer for that.
I am still contemplating on the ending. not. i have the epilogue written, but a chapter before that, i'm sure enough all of you will scream at me. let me take my time on that chapter, ne
thank you for reading :)
Disclaimer: nope. I don't own Ohno or Nino or Jun or Arashi. they belongs to themselves. no profit taken from this, except for some stress reliever.
CHAPTER 9
The news Nino had been running away from came when he reached home six hours later. His mind quickly reminded him of Ohno, worried on how the man took the news while staying by her side. Was he fine? Was he strong enough to face his lost? Nino didn’t have the answer for that.
It was over, he thought. The moment he stormed out of the house hours ago, he had set his mind that it was their last meeting. He promised himself he won’t go to Miyuki’s funeral even if his aunt insisted, though Nino’s sure she won’t. He promised that this is the best time to move on and start a happy life with someone who truly deserved him and he truly deserved.
True enough, he wasn’t sure if he will be happy by his choice. But he knew quite well that choosing to stay in his past will only cause him further damage. No matter how convincing Ohno’s words sounded when he made the promise, he still couldn’t let his guard down that easy. Not when every single memory from his past haunted him, terrified him and prevented him from believing the man again.
His thoughts trailed off when he heard the sound of the door opening, revealing Jun behind it. His lips somehow formed a smile.
“Welcome home, J,” He greeted. Jun smirked.
“I believe it is me who should greet you. A week’s worth of time wasn’t short,” Jun said causing Nino to snort as a response.
“Believe me, I was counting down every minute to come home.”
“A bad holiday?”
“Horrible. I almost died,” Nino said, then shifted his position to sit on the bed.
Jun chuckled. “It’s not good to exaggerate, Nino.”
“I’m telling you the truth. He took me on a boat.”
“He did not!” Jun exclaimed. “Are you okay with it?”
“Well as you can see, I’m still alive. Although I fainted then fell right into the sea,”
Nino was sure that if Ohno was here, Jun would kill him by now. His face was red with anger, so mad that he couldn’t form any coherent word to say. Quickly, Nino tried to cool the man down.
“Your veins gonna explode, J.”
“Not only my veins, Nino. His head too. How much of an idiot can he be?”
“He didn’t know-“
“He stayed in the same room with you for three years, Nino? How couldn’t he not know? Or was it because he was too focused on your ass that he didn’t even bother to learn a single thing about you?”
Nino clicked his tongue after hearing Jun’s statement because his words stabbed him. Nonetheless, now wasn’t the time to argue, not when everything Jun said was true.
“Let’s not talk about it? I’m tired.” Nino said, pushing the man playfully. “I’m giving you permission to shoot his head, but not today. He had his lost today.”
Silence.
“Sorry.” Jun muttered, and Nino wasn’t really sure what his sorry was for.
“Don’t be. It’s over now, J. I can live my life perfectly now.”
Jun shrugged. From Jun’s expression, Nino could see how the man wasn’t convinced by his words. He couldn’t blamed the man though.
He wasn’t too.
****
A week passed without any unexpected occurrence.
Sometimes, Nino wondered if whatever happened between him, Miyuki and Ohno the past month was real or just some horrible dream. Often, he found himself waking up drenched in sweat and when he start remembering his dream, it was a memory of him, Ohno and Miyuki.
Forgive is a way to forget. It was a principle he’s been holding on. That’s why he did, he had forgiven both Miyuki and Ohno. Still, why does his memories keep on taunting him like a shadow that kept following him everywhere?
His aunt called him on the last day of the funeral procession. She didn’t ask him to come but deep inside, Nino knew she wanted him to. His aunt kept asking if he’s really fine and he insisted that he is and there’s nothing to worry about. He also told her that he refused to think of the past because he has his precious future to create. They ended the call with the promise that he’ll pay her a visit-a promise he was unsure if he could ever accomplish.
He was running out of time but for now, he just wanted to spend his life perfectly.
According to his plan.
He watched Jun as he prepares their dinner for the night. This is a perfect life, he thought when he saw Jun stop his movement all together and for a brief moment he looked at him, then he smiled his usual elegant smile.
Jun deserved it, he told himself. Five years ago, when he decided to run away to New York, it wasn’t only to run away from Ohno. Despite how Jun was convincing him to stay, Nino told him that he didn’t deserve someone like Jun. Someone who was too good to be true. Someone who took care of him when he was broken. Someone who took care of him without a slightest hint of disgust when everyone else was looking at him as if he was the most awful person to exist on earth.
He didn’t blame those people though. Knowing the fact that he, a guy, let his pride be wasted by a man, it’s normal for people to see him that way.
But Jun was different.
In fact five years ago, he almost gave Jun a chance but he was still scared and unsure. The scars made by Ohno were too deep and weren’t healing that’s why he didn’t have the courage to risk his heart again. Thus, he left for New York and finished one year of study there without having any connection with Jun.
But Jun was stubborn, and on Nino’s graduation day, he came. He told Nino that he won’t force him to accept him into his life, but he’ll wait. He’ll wait until Nino was ready to accept him.
He was ready today. Except, it wasn’t easy as planned.
“Thanks for doing these for me, J,” Jun looked at him with a questioning look. “I mean, the meal. All these,” Nino explained, his hand gestured all the food.
He watched as Jun laughed then took all the plates to the kitchen. Nino decided to follow.
“You know well why I do this, Nino. So don’t thank me.” Jun said, as he washed the plates. He passed the washed plates to Nino who was standing next to him to arrange them on the rack next to the sink.
He liked the idea of them being together. Jun was a nice guy and judging from his experience and memories, he was sure he will be fine with Jun. Yet, he was in doubt. Not of Jun, but of himself.
Will it ever be fair if he chose Jun yet his heart, although broken, was still aching and had a reserved spot for Ohno?
“I’m not perfect, Jun,” Nino suddenly said, breaking the silence between them. Jun stopped for a while then looked at him with a frown. With one hard sigh Nino continued, “I’m not perfect for you.”
After Jun finished washing the plates, he wiped his hand with a towel before he followed Nino to the living room.
He looked at the man who was sitting comfortably on the couch. His head leaning on the couch head, eyes closed and perhaps thinking of something. Jun then made his way gently to the couch, sitting right next to Nino.
There wasn’t a slightest hint of hesitation when Nino leaned towards Jun, his head resting on Jun’s shoulder.
“How does it feels to fall in love and to be loved by someone? I kept wondering about it, Jun.”
“Then let me to show you, I’ll let you know how,” Jun replied, playing with Nino’s hair lovingly.
“But I’m not perfect. I’m not perfect for you.” Nino repeated what he said earlier. His hand playing with Jun’s other hand, admiring the beauty of the man’s hand.
“Well, I admit you’re not perfect,” Jun teased, earning himself a soft poke on his waist. He laughed once, before they turned silent again. After a while he continued, “no one is perfect, Nino. That’s the reason why we were created in pair. To complete each other.”
“Will I complete you then?” Nino asked. His head still on Jun’s shoulder when he turned to take a look at the man’s face. He could see the man smiling from his current view.
“We won’t know unless we try.” Jun said while looking at him.
Nino could see sincerity in Jun’s eyes. He had been waiting for too long, he thought. Jun needed it, Jun deserved his love. He knew he was comfortable in Jun’s embrace and he knew that he will be loved if it’s Jun. And without hesitation, he leaned in.
Their eyes met and they stared into each other’s eyes. This is what I deserve, Nino thought. This is what he deserves, he thought when they’re just an inch away. Their noses touched and any moment soon, they would kiss.
But that magical moment broke when Nino’s phone vibrated on the table in front of them.
Their focus stolen by the vibrating phone. Jun saw Ohno’s name on the screen, and he could also see hesitation on Nino’s face when he frowned after seeing who was calling.
He wished Nino would ignore it because he knew what the call was for. It all depended on Nino whether or not to answer the call. He knew it was hopeless to hope for the impossible, but he still did. He could hear the sound of his heart breaking as he watched Nino take the call and walk away from him.
He watched as the man conversed with the person at the other line, noticed how the man’s frown got deeper as the conversation go on. It wasn’t a long conversation but when he saw Nino ended the line then rushing to his bedroom, Jun knew. He can never have a spot in Nino’s heart.
Why? His mind was screaming for an answer. Why? After all the ideas and hopes they had just now. Why did a single phone call ruin it all? Why wasn’t he able to convince Nino that he’ll find happiness if it’s with him? Why wasn’t I enough?
“I’m sorry, J.” Nino said as he stuffed clothes into his bags.
Jun wanted to say, it’s okay. He wanted to support Nino for his decision, but he can’t. He was going to lose him again, and he couldn’t let that happen again without doing something. He was frustrated, he was hurt and most of all he was hopeless. He didn’t want to lose Nino again.
"Don't go," he pleaded, gripping Nino by his arms as he made Nino face him.
He didn't want Nino to hurt again. Maybe Ohno really needed support from Nino-someone who had and still love him. Maybe Ohno just need a shoulder to lean on. But what will happen once it’s over? Will Ohno hurt Nino again? He saw Nino’s hurt once and he definitely didn’t want to see it again.
"Kazu, please. Don't go," he repeated. Nino looked at him, confused with a hint of sadness and guilt mixed altogether in that gaze.
"He needs me, Jun."
"What about me?" Jun said, pulling the man closer towards him. "What about all the hope you had? We had? You were about to give up on him completely and start anew with me, why you are backing out now?”
“Jun-”
“God, Nino. I love you. So much. Why can’t you see it?”
Nino just smiled, a sad smile.
"I always see it, Jun. And I’m grateful to you for that. It’s just that you loved someone who follows their heart instead of their brain. I'm sure I will be happy with you if I never fell in love with him."
Nino was still smiling, then his eyes soften as their eyes met. Jun’s eyes said it all, in his eyes were a mix of love, hope, and pain.
"Took you forever to say it directly to me, Matsumoto," he said, his lips forming into a genuine smile. It was a very beautiful smile. "But he needs me now. I'm sorry,"
Nino’s words. It broke him more than he could imagine.
It wasn’t enough, Jun thought. I wasn’t enough to make him stay.
The last thing he heard was the sound of a closing door followed by his muffled cry.
***
“Why did you leave me too, Kazu?”
“Ohno-san-“
“My wife left me. She’s gone. Forever. And now, you’re doing the same to me. Why?”
Nino fell silent.
“Why can’t you stay? I know I don’t deserved your love, but can’t you stay as my best friend? Kazu? Please-“
Nino can’t help but wonder how much of an idiot he was for choosing Ohno over Jun. He was sure there’s happiness if it’s with Jun, but why did a simple plea made him easily choose Ohno?
He drove to Ohno’s house, feeling guilt towards what he did to Jun. He shouldn’t have gave the man hope. At this point, he was even worse than Ohno for he crushed Jun’s hope for someone he loved.
Somehow, Nino chuckled at the fact. Despite all the hate he have in his heart toward Ohno, in the end, it was still Ohno who he loved the most.
The house was pitch black when he arrived. Ohno was nowhere to be found in the living room so Nino made his way to Ohno’s room.
He found the man there, drinking can after can of beer that’s why he didn’t notice his presence. The smell of alcohol filled the room, and Nino can’t stop thinking that maybe he was one of the reasons why Ohno is like this.
This is the reason why Miyuki wanted him to stay by Ohno side. It was a selfish request, but perhaps, she already knew this. She knew that Ohno couldn’t handle everything alone and things like this will happen. All of sudden, Nino was guilty for the hate he had towards the man.
Ohno turned to look at him when he heard footsteps approaching him. Nino could see how red, swollen Ohno’s eyes were from crying. He could see how Ohno’s lips were trembling as he tried to speak. But before he could, Nino started.
“You can’t fall in love with me.” he said.
“Please stay with me.” Ohno said, stumbling when he tried to approach Nino. Quickly, Nino rushed to his side and supported him so he could stand on his own.
And it happened.
Despite being drunk, Ohno was still strong and Nino wasn’t able to do anything when Ohno pushed him down on the bed with him.
“Stop it!” He struggled to break free when Ohno pinned him to the bed. But not for long, as soon as Ohno started kissing him, he started melting under his touch.
“Stay, Kazu. Don’t leave me,” Ohno’s words echoed inside his mind.The news Nino had been running away from came when he reached home six hours later. His mind quickly reminded him of Ohno, worried on how the man took the news while staying by her side. Was he fine? Was he strong enough to face his lost? Nino didn’t have the answer for that.
I am still contemplating on the ending. not. i have the epilogue written, but a chapter before that, i'm sure enough all of you will scream at me. let me take my time on that chapter, ne
thank you for reading :)