Offender ID: 51788
fucked up desires and feelings and fucked up impulses. they stroll through my head holding attention like a stuttering nightmare. i politely, patiently, stand by waiting for them to finish their thought all the while hoping that i am doing a good job at hiding my frantic looks around the room for a better conversationalist.
i was not ready for all of this. i am doing a good job at holding it together. i will until the crisis is over. fuck, im not entirely sure this can be classified as a crisis. why would it? when their is a death in the family(even a suicide) pain doesn't happen right away . Grief has a razors edge and thus nerves are severed. after time this blade dulls. the sharpness replaced by sudden awareness of the sting. the sort of thing where you go to call them like you've been able to your whole life however half way through looking up their number in your phone book the blade sings through the air..."fuck."
After a few more stages of grief pass you will find yourself dealing quite well. in fact you have no need to deal at all. sure, holidays come and youre just a little sad or lonely. book titles or old jokes trigger long gazes at nothing ending in a sigh-like punctuation. but your basically better. life went on.
what do you do when someone comes back to life? like a Lazarus come lately. youve got everything finely replaced. your life no matter how chaotic has moved on. even if you dont like it...its better than the alternative. what the fuck do you do when they arnt dead anymore?
i've got nothing...i ...well...yeah.
i've got nothing
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Offender Record
Last Name: DEER Custody Status: In Custody
First Name: RICHARD EDWARD Agency: Hamilton County Jail
Date of Birth: 01/13/1945 Race: White
Offender ID: 51788 Gender: Male
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is it wrong to let this fuck with me cuz i feel like im doing something wrong? maybe i consider it back-tracking after way to much work went into it.
i was not ready for all of this. i am doing a good job at holding it together. i will until the crisis is over. fuck, im not entirely sure this can be classified as a crisis. why would it? when their is a death in the family(even a suicide) pain doesn't happen right away . Grief has a razors edge and thus nerves are severed. after time this blade dulls. the sharpness replaced by sudden awareness of the sting. the sort of thing where you go to call them like you've been able to your whole life however half way through looking up their number in your phone book the blade sings through the air..."fuck."
After a few more stages of grief pass you will find yourself dealing quite well. in fact you have no need to deal at all. sure, holidays come and youre just a little sad or lonely. book titles or old jokes trigger long gazes at nothing ending in a sigh-like punctuation. but your basically better. life went on.
what do you do when someone comes back to life? like a Lazarus come lately. youve got everything finely replaced. your life no matter how chaotic has moved on. even if you dont like it...its better than the alternative. what the fuck do you do when they arnt dead anymore?
i've got nothing...i ...well...yeah.
i've got nothing
*****************************************************************************
Offender Record
Last Name: DEER Custody Status: In Custody
First Name: RICHARD EDWARD Agency: Hamilton County Jail
Date of Birth: 01/13/1945 Race: White
Offender ID: 51788 Gender: Male
*****************************************************************************
is it wrong to let this fuck with me cuz i feel like im doing something wrong? maybe i consider it back-tracking after way to much work went into it.