Tramps for Tramps
...don't ask.
So I've been posting a lot of short blurbs about my life. It's better to take me in small doses I guess.
Lately I've really been active with my fraternity. Like, really active. Active to the point where if I get any closer with any of them, I'll end up drunk at barb frat revealing the deep, dark secrets that I hide so well. And while part of me is horrified of opening up my can of worms, my other half for the first time is relaxed, and happy. It's okay if I make mistakes and act like a doofus. I feel a sense of trust with them, even the newer, younger gents. That's an experience I have never felt with other guys. One year later...
That rejection I told y'all about has been festering in my mind for the past few days. So I contacted the person in charge, asking for some correspondence about how I can improve to be the best candidate, for future reference. And while I get this flowerly, consoling day-long email about my passion and charisma, it came down to the fact that I was too young, and as a result I haven't had enough experience. It's so frustrating to hear this same phrase regurgitated each and everytime I audition in this game of life. They tell me that as I get older and have more experience, I will be a solid candidate, but for now I should work on gaining experience. This is so frustrating. When is it my turn to shine? When am I noticed and appreciated for the things I do? I know I'm seeming a bit selfish, but I just want a little respect. And to not get it because of my age, something I cannot change, is a bit, well, ridiculous. If I keep getting rejected from all these opportunities, then when I am older, I won't have anything to put on my resume because of all the rejections. I could, you know, build a CV of all the leadership and coordinator applications that would be a mile long. Would they appreciate that? Basically, ugh.
Feelings of unadequacy. Due to so much rejection. Due to failure. Due to stupidity. As Pink eloquently and grammatically sang, "Can't do nothin' right."
But at the same time, I feel as I've been fooling EVERYONE. I'm not as quirky and "ditzy" as everyone makes me to be. I just exaggerate my mistakes. And for what? For attention? For respect? Is it ironic that I'm making a fool out of myself for respect?
I thought being a freshman was over. I guess I will always be that spoiled, younger, quirky boy who while being outgoing, is never qualified enough to be successful.
EDIT: Back to crew today. It was fun, sans the whole early morning wakeup. And all the creepy, old gay men are gone! Except for one, but he's actually nice. And then Thom, creepy gay coach, wasn't there today either.
So I've been posting a lot of short blurbs about my life. It's better to take me in small doses I guess.
Lately I've really been active with my fraternity. Like, really active. Active to the point where if I get any closer with any of them, I'll end up drunk at barb frat revealing the deep, dark secrets that I hide so well. And while part of me is horrified of opening up my can of worms, my other half for the first time is relaxed, and happy. It's okay if I make mistakes and act like a doofus. I feel a sense of trust with them, even the newer, younger gents. That's an experience I have never felt with other guys. One year later...
That rejection I told y'all about has been festering in my mind for the past few days. So I contacted the person in charge, asking for some correspondence about how I can improve to be the best candidate, for future reference. And while I get this flowerly, consoling day-long email about my passion and charisma, it came down to the fact that I was too young, and as a result I haven't had enough experience. It's so frustrating to hear this same phrase regurgitated each and everytime I audition in this game of life. They tell me that as I get older and have more experience, I will be a solid candidate, but for now I should work on gaining experience. This is so frustrating. When is it my turn to shine? When am I noticed and appreciated for the things I do? I know I'm seeming a bit selfish, but I just want a little respect. And to not get it because of my age, something I cannot change, is a bit, well, ridiculous. If I keep getting rejected from all these opportunities, then when I am older, I won't have anything to put on my resume because of all the rejections. I could, you know, build a CV of all the leadership and coordinator applications that would be a mile long. Would they appreciate that? Basically, ugh.
Feelings of unadequacy. Due to so much rejection. Due to failure. Due to stupidity. As Pink eloquently and grammatically sang, "Can't do nothin' right."
But at the same time, I feel as I've been fooling EVERYONE. I'm not as quirky and "ditzy" as everyone makes me to be. I just exaggerate my mistakes. And for what? For attention? For respect? Is it ironic that I'm making a fool out of myself for respect?
I thought being a freshman was over. I guess I will always be that spoiled, younger, quirky boy who while being outgoing, is never qualified enough to be successful.
EDIT: Back to crew today. It was fun, sans the whole early morning wakeup. And all the creepy, old gay men are gone! Except for one, but he's actually nice. And then Thom, creepy gay coach, wasn't there today either.