My husband also doesn't wantmore than one wife - which to a few brothers here baffles them... I actually have noticed alot of the American born and raised convert Muslims, have this wierd issue with polgyny and honestly I have never seen it done properly - they make them all live on assistance and seem to treat them like crap, not to mention they also tend to get divorced often and remarry often - it makes polgyny to look like a joke. Being the way we are raised it is hard to really truly accept it - granted I know there is nothing wrong with it and that it can be something positive, I just would die if my husband did it - astagfirullah. I want to tell those bro's who make it out like one HAS to marry more than one - that hey look Monogamy is Sunnah ( the Prophet's marraige to Khadijah RA) and Polgyny is also Sunnah. Also marraige is not fard, but treating them equal is. Some men here do not think about anything other than themselves when it comes to this. Anyways I am ranting but yea I would find it interesting to see what you say from a male perspective. I also wanted to add that I am not against it - some just assume all women are against it - well they are rather closeminded to, so we will not go there. Inshallah, brother I hope you find someone very pious and someone who matches you well and you both can help one another make this deen stronger.
May Allah make it soibn_mikalJune 2 2005, 15:21:12 UTC
personally your last line describes the only reason I would be inclined toward polgyny. I worry that I won't be able to find someone very pious that matches me well. I woudd like both:) Personally, I think if she were very pious that we could have a good marriage insha'allah and I would like her and love her but not adore her.
Adoration is big for me because I think that I can adore someone. I'm a romantic that way. But I don't think romance is unrealistic even though it is. Some unrealism is good, even in the sunnah one of the times a Muslim is allowed to lie is to make one's spouse feel good.
Clubbed feet ARE cute!
But eh...I feel so alienated most of the time that...eh...alienation doesn't really describe it and I don't mean that in a negative way. I feel like I'm close to a goodly number of people and that I'm a beloved portion of their lives if only we got to meet each other:/
Ha, I'm reminded of what I heard a rapper I used to listen to say years back "I know I'm loved by millions, they just don't know it yet" I think there were 4 times in which I was on the verge of having a deep relationship, two times I moved (one was to Islam wa lillaahil hamd:D and the other two they moved.
But I digress (a characteristic of mine that my counselor (a muslim thankfully) will work on next semester insha'allah but I'd rather just like to control it than eliminate my digressive tendencies. I like how my mind jumps from idea to idea, discovery to discovery)
Due to my narcissim (which I also need to control) I tend to view the world in relation to me and others but from that view I agree with your sentiments. A lot of brothers need to reevaluate their niyyah in approaching polygyny. I worry about the inclination in myself because I monitor that feeling of using it as an excuse to justify polyamorous relationships in a purely carnal way almost like a playalistic type way but thinking its okay cause God allowed it which is not right.
In general I think we're a generation caught in a conflict. We are Muslims but we have been raised like non muslims. In general we are struggling releasing the customs (negative, the positive ones are good) and perceptions we have been raised within. Too often we try to (Dang I need to delete some of this!) figure out how to justify our former lifestyle within Islam and polygyny seems to be a popular means from my view. Insightful, the divorce rate of Muslims in America coupled with polygyny is horrible and far too resembles one of the things that made me so contemptuous toward the dating and ugggh (my feelings toward it) in jahiliyyah.
But yeah, in I perceive too much narcissism as a weakness and you are right we brothers should think of sisters concerns more. I guess that most women dislike it even in cultures where it is the norm, as the Prophet's wives (sal Allahu alayhi wa alaa ahlihi wa salim) and their jealousy exemplifies, but since we have not been raised in that type of culture we are more sensitve to the issue so more sensitivity should be shown toward it.
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Adoration is big for me because I think that I can adore someone. I'm a romantic that way. But I don't think romance is unrealistic even though it is. Some unrealism is good, even in the sunnah one of the times a Muslim is allowed to lie is to make one's spouse feel good.
Clubbed feet ARE cute!
But eh...I feel so alienated most of the time that...eh...alienation doesn't really describe it and I don't mean that in a negative way. I feel like I'm close to a goodly number of people and that I'm a beloved portion of their lives if only we got to meet each other:/
Ha, I'm reminded of what I heard a rapper I used to listen to say years back "I know I'm loved by millions, they just don't know it yet" I think there were 4 times in which I was on the verge of having a deep relationship, two times I moved (one was to Islam wa lillaahil hamd:D and the other two they moved.
But I digress (a characteristic of mine that my counselor (a muslim thankfully) will work on next semester insha'allah but I'd rather just like to control it than eliminate my digressive tendencies. I like how my mind jumps from idea to idea, discovery to discovery)
Due to my narcissim (which I also need to control) I tend to view the world in relation to me and others but from that view I agree with your sentiments. A lot of brothers need to reevaluate their niyyah in approaching polygyny. I worry about the inclination in myself because I monitor that feeling of using it as an excuse to justify polyamorous relationships in a purely carnal way almost like a playalistic type way but thinking its okay cause God allowed it which is not right.
In general I think we're a generation caught in a conflict. We are Muslims but we have been raised like non muslims. In general we are struggling releasing the customs (negative, the positive ones are good) and perceptions we have been raised within. Too often we try to (Dang I need to delete some of this!) figure out how to justify our former lifestyle within Islam and polygyny seems to be a popular means from my view. Insightful, the divorce rate of Muslims in America coupled with polygyny is horrible and far too resembles one of the things that made me so contemptuous toward the dating and ugggh (my feelings toward it) in jahiliyyah.
But yeah, in I perceive too much narcissism as a weakness and you are right we brothers should think of sisters concerns more. I guess that most women dislike it even in cultures where it is the norm, as the Prophet's wives (sal Allahu alayhi wa alaa ahlihi wa salim) and their jealousy exemplifies, but since we have not been raised in that type of culture we are more sensitve to the issue so more sensitivity should be shown toward it.
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