To Brian
Hung out with Derek Ferrel last night, thinking everything was going to be fun. Trying to find people to hang out with, not knowing who would want to or who would actually be home to hang with! So we went to Brian's, all the lights were off, no one was home! Mom said-NO one is home-how bout Phillips! So we headed over to Phil's house, and his mom said he was grounded! So we headed back to my house! I guess on the way home Phillip had some bad news! But I didnt know until I called his house trying to get Brian's house number-and right when I said something about Brian-Phillip said Brian had shot himself during the afternoon! I told him to not lie to me-I begged him to just tell me it wasn't true! :'( but it was-I ran out into the living room-screaming and crying like I havent ever before-I hit my mom in the back she turned off the vaccum-and I yelled to her-choking on my tears-that Brian had shot himself in the head! :'( I told Derek-and he began to cry-I didn't know what to do-I couldnt think of anything but WHY? Why would he do that? Not him-it doesnt seem like he would do such a thing! We headed over to Phillip's house-some of Brian's friends were there-we all talked-and had our crying moments-hugged-and didnt know what to think! Everyone would just shake their head-and say man I cant believe this! This isnt true! BUt it is! :'( Spent the night with Clayton-we called all of our friends-and told them-some didnt believe-some just began to feel tore up inside! It was very bad! Tried to sleep-had nightmares! Woke up sad again-crying none stop! I get moments where I believe it cant be true-but then I think of it again-and realize it has happened-and that was my good friend! We shouldnt of lost him-he was too good of a person! He was nice to everyone! I loved him! We talked about getting married-:) he told me we would! He told me he wanted me to run away with him to Cali-so me and him can become professional skaters! :) hehe! He would always hold my hand in english-and giggle about everything with me! He was always there for me-when I needed someone to talk to! I was always there when he wanted me to! He didnt share his feelings! LIke friday-at school-I knew something was wrong with him-he kept his head down the whole class period-I asked whats wrong-he looked at me for a second-and said Im just uhh tired-and layed his head back down! :( BUt then this-this had to happen! :( I cant say much more-bc I feel as if I will get sick thinking about this! But I love you Brian! And you will always be here in my heart-and my head! <3
Lindsay
Lindsay