so long...
i haven't posted in here in so long. as like before, when I can't take it anymore this seems to be the place i feel I can vent it all out. why not write something to myself on paper, or on document on my computer? like everyone I feel that by someone, anyone hearing me, i might be able to feel a little better. maybe because of the small chance that someone i love will read it and one day know my pain I might feel a little relief. maybe because i feel i can't just flip out on the source of my frustrations because I am already openly frustrated with them enough and openly spazing on them more is too much and I have to let it out in some other way.
why do i always feel i can't find someone who will love me as much as I love them? i spill my heart endlessly for the ones i love, always with the eventual situation where they don't return my love back. this has happened so many times that one, (me), eventually must ask themselves if it is them that is disfunctional. is it me that has the problem? why do i hit this point in time with every relationship where i feel so worthless, so unspecial. where I once was a beautiful object of affection I am no longer shiny anymore. i've lost my attractiveness. my heart bleeds each day for another who will return my love in the same way. i once thought i had finally found the person that would love me back like i needed. it didn't last though, not for life. i thought i was lucky enough, and blessed enough, to find that again. like all situations in the past though, it has worn out.
i thought i had the passion and fire for love that every girl wanted and never got. unfortunately like most things i was raised to believe, this situation isn't reality. perhapse when i was growing up it was the case. perhaps that is what girls wanted then, and now the time is long and gone, making me just another outdated relic of the past. it seems anymore that i'm the only one who still loves like that.
I saw my aunt over christmas. she said to me, "don't worry J! your uncle is 36 and he still hasn't found that girl." that's suppose to make me not worry?! i don't want to be 36 and alone! my entire life and porpose for existance is to find someone to drown in my love and to be drowned back in their affection. *sigh*
i'm nothing but a hopeless romantic, left to fend for themselves in an age where romance is dead. an age where no amount of poems, love notes, or paper flowers can save me.
i'm always doing the rescuing... i wish someone would just rescue me...
i know somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me.
i just wish i didn't have to look anymore. i just want to be happy, and if I had love, it would be enough...
why do i always feel i can't find someone who will love me as much as I love them? i spill my heart endlessly for the ones i love, always with the eventual situation where they don't return my love back. this has happened so many times that one, (me), eventually must ask themselves if it is them that is disfunctional. is it me that has the problem? why do i hit this point in time with every relationship where i feel so worthless, so unspecial. where I once was a beautiful object of affection I am no longer shiny anymore. i've lost my attractiveness. my heart bleeds each day for another who will return my love in the same way. i once thought i had finally found the person that would love me back like i needed. it didn't last though, not for life. i thought i was lucky enough, and blessed enough, to find that again. like all situations in the past though, it has worn out.
i thought i had the passion and fire for love that every girl wanted and never got. unfortunately like most things i was raised to believe, this situation isn't reality. perhapse when i was growing up it was the case. perhaps that is what girls wanted then, and now the time is long and gone, making me just another outdated relic of the past. it seems anymore that i'm the only one who still loves like that.
I saw my aunt over christmas. she said to me, "don't worry J! your uncle is 36 and he still hasn't found that girl." that's suppose to make me not worry?! i don't want to be 36 and alone! my entire life and porpose for existance is to find someone to drown in my love and to be drowned back in their affection. *sigh*
i'm nothing but a hopeless romantic, left to fend for themselves in an age where romance is dead. an age where no amount of poems, love notes, or paper flowers can save me.
i'm always doing the rescuing... i wish someone would just rescue me...
i know somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me.
i just wish i didn't have to look anymore. i just want to be happy, and if I had love, it would be enough...