Words words words.

[ibeseechthee]

Ahhh words words words.
A couple scrambled thoughts...
My hats off to you if you can even follow it..

I've become so terribly selfish in the past year or so.
Yet I've improved so many things at the same time.

I'm leaving for Senegal, Africa next Thursday.
I don't know if I'm ready for this?
Am I ready for this?
Oh goodness.

It's dangerously easy to sit and not have any sort of growth what-so-ever.
I'm comfortable Beth.
Running from real life in country to country, person to person, escape to escape.

I just ruin things for myself I suppose.
With Boys.
I always do the same thing. But I only do it when I'm not doing well.
Like the psychological cry out to the absence of a father.
Maybe its all crap. Or maybe there is a point.

I suppose the first step would be to stop thinking I need things.
I suppose the first step is to find God.
I suppose the first step is not to escape.
I suppose the first step is be forgiven.
I suppose the first step is to take a step.

I just put people in place and leave.
I can't stay put. I can't stay connected. To people, to places.
Why why why. I don't know.
I need to stop hurting people. It happens to much.

Tonight, I decided something.
I haven't made a decision for a while.

And I'm gonna walk in the right direction again.
So, help me God.