(no subject)
we hung out last night and you were all chatty on the computer and in the text messages and now you won't even respond to me at all. like I did something, but it's not me who did something wrong it's you. don't punish me tell me the truth I already know it. and you won't eve nbe man enough to tell me it. what the fuck. I can handle it trust me I can handle it. I know what you are gonna say and it's not half as bad as finding out the love of your life was dating someone else the whole time he was with you. so if your gonna be that person then fuck off. just tell me and atlest we can be friends. but if your gonna be allgay and a pussy about it, stop wasting my time. I could have made out with hot adam tonight but I didn't. why because for some stupid reason I thought about you and how you would think about it. but I guess I'm just one of those over exaggerators, so what ever. I over exagerated last night and your conversations and everything you've said to our friend. if you weren't ready to move on you wouldnt have made all those comments to me and him, but you did and your scared of your decsion. well you've made up your mind somewhere along the way and now you can't deal with it. sad huh? it's always sad. the story of my fucking life. a sad sad story with a sad sad ending. like in enternal sunshine, or life as a house. more life as a house sad ending. you don't realize how much you care till it's too late. so what ever. it's going to be too late soon and that will be that. I'm going on with things soon and you will be just another one of those thoughts that crossed my mind. I'm listening to ani and feeling vengful. I want to hurt people. I want to hurt paul all over again. I want to hurt @!#$ and #($ and *^% and make them understand what they did to me. they all helped in the changing of me. do they want to see the monster they created? I'm sure they don't atleast maybe they will realize you don't fuck with peoples heads and hearts and let them believe one thing but do another.
I know dude I really fuckin know and I wish you would just ell me your " bad news" and if you do it soon enough we can still be friends but if you hold off.............well than you wasted one of hte best oppertunities you have been given. I know it's not right to talk about yourself like that, but I really believe that I am something else something different. if you don't see it, well it's not my problem anymore. you have a weeek to be truthful. we'll see how it goes. maybe your just another Phase........... ani knows all about that. " cause I will make your body grow wings and take flight. I will erase sound I will erase light"
but you'll never know huh? sad. isn't it.
" wish I didn't have this nervous laugh, wish I didn't say half the stuff I said"
so I can't wait for guard this weekend. atleast I have guard and megan and rory as stabliity. I know that I will see megan and rory once a week and I know that I have guard every weekend. I know I'll have kasey and tracey and ani and tori and depeche mode and mogwai and peggy.no bullshit with them and no nonsence. they tell me how it is. and others well other don't . why? becasue they suck at life. so now I forced to come home from the bar and to drink wine all alone.
I'll listen to the cure and I'll fix myself soon. I think I need to smoke and paint soon. alot of painting and smoking.I need to find kristen a whole lot more than normal. time to get some cough drops and some more wine. maybe an exsess amout of advil to go with it.
I'm not totally serious. I think I need to go now. peace out, cowboy
I know dude I really fuckin know and I wish you would just ell me your " bad news" and if you do it soon enough we can still be friends but if you hold off.............well than you wasted one of hte best oppertunities you have been given. I know it's not right to talk about yourself like that, but I really believe that I am something else something different. if you don't see it, well it's not my problem anymore. you have a weeek to be truthful. we'll see how it goes. maybe your just another Phase........... ani knows all about that. " cause I will make your body grow wings and take flight. I will erase sound I will erase light"
but you'll never know huh? sad. isn't it.
" wish I didn't have this nervous laugh, wish I didn't say half the stuff I said"
so I can't wait for guard this weekend. atleast I have guard and megan and rory as stabliity. I know that I will see megan and rory once a week and I know that I have guard every weekend. I know I'll have kasey and tracey and ani and tori and depeche mode and mogwai and peggy.no bullshit with them and no nonsence. they tell me how it is. and others well other don't . why? becasue they suck at life. so now I forced to come home from the bar and to drink wine all alone.
I'll listen to the cure and I'll fix myself soon. I think I need to smoke and paint soon. alot of painting and smoking.I need to find kristen a whole lot more than normal. time to get some cough drops and some more wine. maybe an exsess amout of advil to go with it.
I'm not totally serious. I think I need to go now. peace out, cowboy