"how could you do nothing and say I'm doing my best"
" how many times will they do it, takin' what's mine and tell me that I blew it. what can you do? catchin my breath is the term I use when the world gives up on me. I don't mind takin' lives I find. they all shine in my pocket. You wonder why your always alone, you never fit in you never could find a home, well I don't need to second guess why your eaten by the anger and it makes it so hard to love, to love, to love ya...................." pepper
umm... so metuchen went alright tonight. we got stuff done but not as much as I would like. we are getting there. if only they would leave the petty b.s. behind so that we could get shit done and finish our show. I guess I'll write a but load tomorrow for them and pray that things work out.
as far as other things go......I'm having the best convo with rory right now. he really is fucking awesome and I'm so glad we will always be friends. how do you know we will always be friends you might ask. well after about 6 years of on again off again talking with out animosity ever...you know that you will always be friends........ that's how i know
we are talking about using the barter system for the he gets a massage and I get a custom white lotus long skate board. fucking sweet.
" tearing in my soul but you help make me whole"
I want to see you again and talk to you again................but sometimes that feels hopeless and like one big helpless situation.
"I want somebody who can hold my interest and never let it fall"
hmmmmmmmm...........how do I approach you............do I even say anything are you just another hopeless thought on my wish list........ will I be let down by you the same way everyone else lets me down? maybe.........but should I take that risk?.... is it worth another round of bone breaking, heart crushing, soul tearing agony? maybe. but I didn't think the last round was worth it as I look at it now.the last 3 months he held onto me tight enough to know that I wouldnt wonder yet loose enough to try and show that he didn't care. I wouldn't do it again. I've been asked that a few times that if I knew the way things would turn out if I would do it again and no............no I wouldn't. it hurt to much........no one should ever be able to hurt me like that. I should be bigger than that. but I'm not and it hurt and I don't want pain like the way he gave it it me ever again. I don't want to be controlled like that ever again.
I wish you would give me a chance. ok so I'm not the typical girl for you. but sometimes the one to bring new meaning to our lives at the time isn't the inside the box kinda person we though me needed. your not my typical kinda person. it's funny you don't even know that I think about you, write about you. but I do. in the short time we knew each other I found something very intriguing about you,I'm fascinated by you. I want to know so much more and I think the part that scares me the most is that I may never know any of it about you.
do I take to chance or do I forget that I ever wanted to know it...........you might see this and i wish you would let me know if I should even bother or if I should try and see if you are worth the fight.i want you to be worth the fight..but who knows.......... you might not even ever think of me as anything but that girl you slept next to if you even remember that. I don't understand or try to understand my fascination with you...........
goodness.........ani's on and she keeps my female rage going...........
" I want a light of some kind"
oh yea!! now for some depeche mode............ I want you now. Kasey did you listen to it. do you understand by what I ment when I said that the longing was in his voice.
" we've waited for to long enough is enough, I want you know"
"we've got nothing to loose"
god that's so true. what do you have to loose by giving me a chance? I didn't want to try anything before because I'm just that type of girl that doesn't interfere, but now that all has been abandoned, if you could let go maybe we could hang out and see where things go, but than again I doubt you'll even let it. you are so tied up with out me, maybe you couldn't handle me and what I'm about and where I've been, maybe you can't handle where I am going. so what if we are going in two different directions ..........does that matter?? I don't think it should. sometimes........two wrongs do make a right....maybe now is the time to prove it.
i wonder if I should write anymore. I think that maybe sometimes I'm just hurting myself in the long run. but hey atleast I know whos doing the hurting in this round.
" well that is that and this is this, you tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get...........you get away from me, you get away from me."
" maybe we'll get lucky and we'll bot h grow old, well I don't know, I hope so"
" tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed, when the ocean met the sky"
I guess I'll just go instead of writing all this nonsense. I just want to know I guess.
I leave you with this:
"I'll be your biggest fan, I will be your fool
I'll be your exception to every rule
and I ain't the type to bitch
I ain't the type to cry
I'll sit at your red light
and wait for your ship to go by
and this vague little smile is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which I will leave to your discretion
yeah my distraction is my defense against this lack of inspiration
against this slowly deflation
yeah the further the horizon you know the more it warps my gaze
the foreground's out of focus but you know I kinda hope it's
just a phase
I've been through and through this, I know just how it goes
you'll have no idea, you'll have no need to know
I will make your body grow wings and take flight
I will erase sound, I will erase light"
hmmm......but you'll never know huh. probably not. such.......................... a..................... shame..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I've done wrong, kristen
how could you take almost everything and than come back for the rest
umm... so metuchen went alright tonight. we got stuff done but not as much as I would like. we are getting there. if only they would leave the petty b.s. behind so that we could get shit done and finish our show. I guess I'll write a but load tomorrow for them and pray that things work out.
as far as other things go......I'm having the best convo with rory right now. he really is fucking awesome and I'm so glad we will always be friends. how do you know we will always be friends you might ask. well after about 6 years of on again off again talking with out animosity ever...you know that you will always be friends........ that's how i know
we are talking about using the barter system for the he gets a massage and I get a custom white lotus long skate board. fucking sweet.
" tearing in my soul but you help make me whole"
I want to see you again and talk to you again................but sometimes that feels hopeless and like one big helpless situation.
"I want somebody who can hold my interest and never let it fall"
hmmmmmmmm...........how do I approach you............do I even say anything are you just another hopeless thought on my wish list........ will I be let down by you the same way everyone else lets me down? maybe.........but should I take that risk?.... is it worth another round of bone breaking, heart crushing, soul tearing agony? maybe. but I didn't think the last round was worth it as I look at it now.the last 3 months he held onto me tight enough to know that I wouldnt wonder yet loose enough to try and show that he didn't care. I wouldn't do it again. I've been asked that a few times that if I knew the way things would turn out if I would do it again and no............no I wouldn't. it hurt to much........no one should ever be able to hurt me like that. I should be bigger than that. but I'm not and it hurt and I don't want pain like the way he gave it it me ever again. I don't want to be controlled like that ever again.
I wish you would give me a chance. ok so I'm not the typical girl for you. but sometimes the one to bring new meaning to our lives at the time isn't the inside the box kinda person we though me needed. your not my typical kinda person. it's funny you don't even know that I think about you, write about you. but I do. in the short time we knew each other I found something very intriguing about you,I'm fascinated by you. I want to know so much more and I think the part that scares me the most is that I may never know any of it about you.
do I take to chance or do I forget that I ever wanted to know it...........you might see this and i wish you would let me know if I should even bother or if I should try and see if you are worth the fight.i want you to be worth the fight..but who knows.......... you might not even ever think of me as anything but that girl you slept next to if you even remember that. I don't understand or try to understand my fascination with you...........
goodness.........ani's on and she keeps my female rage going...........
" I want a light of some kind"
oh yea!! now for some depeche mode............ I want you now. Kasey did you listen to it. do you understand by what I ment when I said that the longing was in his voice.
" we've waited for to long enough is enough, I want you know"
"we've got nothing to loose"
god that's so true. what do you have to loose by giving me a chance? I didn't want to try anything before because I'm just that type of girl that doesn't interfere, but now that all has been abandoned, if you could let go maybe we could hang out and see where things go, but than again I doubt you'll even let it. you are so tied up with out me, maybe you couldn't handle me and what I'm about and where I've been, maybe you can't handle where I am going. so what if we are going in two different directions ..........does that matter?? I don't think it should. sometimes........two wrongs do make a right....maybe now is the time to prove it.
i wonder if I should write anymore. I think that maybe sometimes I'm just hurting myself in the long run. but hey atleast I know whos doing the hurting in this round.
" well that is that and this is this, you tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get...........you get away from me, you get away from me."
" maybe we'll get lucky and we'll bot h grow old, well I don't know, I hope so"
" tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed, when the ocean met the sky"
I guess I'll just go instead of writing all this nonsense. I just want to know I guess.
I leave you with this:
"I'll be your biggest fan, I will be your fool
I'll be your exception to every rule
and I ain't the type to bitch
I ain't the type to cry
I'll sit at your red light
and wait for your ship to go by
and this vague little smile is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which I will leave to your discretion
yeah my distraction is my defense against this lack of inspiration
against this slowly deflation
yeah the further the horizon you know the more it warps my gaze
the foreground's out of focus but you know I kinda hope it's
just a phase
I've been through and through this, I know just how it goes
you'll have no idea, you'll have no need to know
I will make your body grow wings and take flight
I will erase sound, I will erase light"
hmmm......but you'll never know huh. probably not. such.......................... a..................... shame..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I've done wrong, kristen
how could you take almost everything and than come back for the rest