Mockingjay.
As I sit here, trying form words on how I feel about Mockingjay. Just a mere hour before this, I sat on my couch clutching the book trying to understand it was over. I guess I should have known better. But again, I am no good with death. ANY type of death. Heck, let me add some personal info here. I still haven't dealt with my Aunt's death. and its been almost been 4 years. And while I was close to her, I wasn't completely close. I can't handle it. I'm one of those people who is overly emotional. Anxiety high, stressing over anything and everything. So you can understand why during the book I had to put it down countless of times. This book didn't have the same feeling as the other two did. The romance, the suspense. This one was down right depressing. But it showed you exactly how war is. How and who it hurts. How destructive it is. No matter how necessary it is. How..maybe it could happen to our world. Maybe not even in our time. Maybe years and eons from now- to me that scares me the most. I have NEVER felt like this before with a book. I tend to shy away from these things. Which is why I didn't expect this. Even with the Hunger Games, while the killing..shocked me I still enjoyed the romance and the idea of it. Catching Fire had the suspense, the building up to this point.
Even then I had NO idea how it would go. In a way, I feel like apart of me is Katniss. She's always trying to do the right thing. She just gets caught up in it all. I would have done the same thing. So when this character died, Prim I didn't even realize it. It took me a few pages to realize she was gone. Katniss's little sister. The one she stepped in for during the games. The one she wanted to protect the most. The reason for all of this. DEAD. GONE. LOST in this shitty situation. I have a little sister. and I cannot imagine or even want to fathom it. So yeah. The deaths shocked me Finnick shocked me, but I was kind of spoiled so I knew it was going to happen. But not in that quick way. I thought to myself "is anyone in this damn story going to get a happy ending"? Sue me. I like someone in my story to be HAPPY. But no. Not even he could be. He finally gets Anna. The get married and for what? So he can die? We find out later she has his newborn son. Great. Another child without a father.
I don't like seeing death. And when I read. I have actors in place for the characters. So I am seeing them while I read. Or I see faces that make up the characters. I've done this for as long as I can remember reading. Even when I was little, I could see the story in my head as I was reading. I can't explain it. Maybe I just have a good imagination. I don't know. So it's hard seeing the capitol, the district, the death, the sadness, the blood. the dead children, toddlers in the pen. I couldn't handle that shit. Everyone on here knows how much I look after my 2 year old niece. So anything with kids is hard. Peeta's mental destruction, the fact him and Katniss were now fire mutts. I cannot get the image out of my head of what they look like. .
Here I go again with the imagery I do. Suzanne Collins took this book and flipped everything. Showed how the destruction is. I hated Coin. I hated Snow. But in the end, who was on who's side? What was the point of it all. I know that it had to happen, but it still hurts. Having a complete 180 in a book series is clever. Shocking. But I feel numb. I'll be thinking of this book for as long as I live. Like I did with The Lovely Bones (which I STILL have not have seen the movie), Dreamland, Cut and Harry Potter.
Did I like this book? Yes. Did I love it? No. Do I want to read it again? HELL NO. Are you satisfied with the ending? I don't know. I guess you could read and see how they all find solace with each other, how they pick up and realize after all of this, life can move on.
But I can't help thinking about Katniss. How must this girl tries not to go mad after seeing,dealing and living all of this madness. I just never experienced a character like her. I am just in awe of it all. I can't wait until the movie comes out. But I hope they never make Mockingjay. Maybe they can change the ending. I don't know. But I know I couldn't watch it. Which goes to say, how can you watch the Hunger Games, with that death? Well, I don't know. I'll close my eyes. But those deaths don't prepare you for this last book. Its more than death. Its the reality of the situation that I couldn't handle. I enjoyed the book for what it is. To believe it was the end..kills me. It brings me back into the first book, at the end...with Peeta, Katniss and the berries. What if she just ate it? Would all of this gone put into motion? She was the catalyst to the uprising. She was just a pawn. Without her, district 13 would have never gone through it all. I guess as a reader, thats the point. I would have killed myself and be put out of my misery. Each character has a tragic ending. Whether you think about it or not. Katniss mom..breaks my heart. She sees loss everywhere.
I don't know what the point of me writing about this here is going to do. But I hope it gets me to stop thinking about the atrocities I read in this book. Because in reality, OUR reality, this is happening in OUR would. Death. War. Killing. So what does this leave us? Jesus, first BSG (Battlestar Gallatica) makes me think, now this. Quick! Someone get me the gif of the rainbows girl in Mean Girls, because I have a lot of feelings. Like Natalie Imbruglia- I'm torn. Maybe its my own paranoia of this world and things in it that really makes me freak out over this book. Ask me anytime about what my anexity or fear is, and I'll tell you the same thing always. Death. War. Space(even though I think its beautiful) Zombies..anything with losing my family..etc etc.
I feel weak still. I keep hearing this "You love me, real or not real?" "real" in my head.
that killed me. oh shit, okay I'm crying right now. jeesh. It was a good book. But I didn't enjoy reading it. I think thats the point. Kudos to Miss Collins for not stripping it down for the age of her readers. She kept it adult. Which is good.
May the odds be ever in your favor, Katniss Everdeen.
I guess they never really were.
that's all I got peeps. Feel free to let me know how you feel about it. Or even about the series. If you haven't read it yet, let me know. I like comments. I'll keep this post public, just like my casting list just in case anyone who is not on LJ, want to read.
Even then I had NO idea how it would go. In a way, I feel like apart of me is Katniss. She's always trying to do the right thing. She just gets caught up in it all. I would have done the same thing. So when this character died, Prim I didn't even realize it. It took me a few pages to realize she was gone. Katniss's little sister. The one she stepped in for during the games. The one she wanted to protect the most. The reason for all of this. DEAD. GONE. LOST in this shitty situation. I have a little sister. and I cannot imagine or even want to fathom it. So yeah. The deaths shocked me Finnick shocked me, but I was kind of spoiled so I knew it was going to happen. But not in that quick way. I thought to myself "is anyone in this damn story going to get a happy ending"? Sue me. I like someone in my story to be HAPPY. But no. Not even he could be. He finally gets Anna. The get married and for what? So he can die? We find out later she has his newborn son. Great. Another child without a father.
I don't like seeing death. And when I read. I have actors in place for the characters. So I am seeing them while I read. Or I see faces that make up the characters. I've done this for as long as I can remember reading. Even when I was little, I could see the story in my head as I was reading. I can't explain it. Maybe I just have a good imagination. I don't know. So it's hard seeing the capitol, the district, the death, the sadness, the blood. the dead children, toddlers in the pen. I couldn't handle that shit. Everyone on here knows how much I look after my 2 year old niece. So anything with kids is hard. Peeta's mental destruction, the fact him and Katniss were now fire mutts. I cannot get the image out of my head of what they look like. .
Here I go again with the imagery I do. Suzanne Collins took this book and flipped everything. Showed how the destruction is. I hated Coin. I hated Snow. But in the end, who was on who's side? What was the point of it all. I know that it had to happen, but it still hurts. Having a complete 180 in a book series is clever. Shocking. But I feel numb. I'll be thinking of this book for as long as I live. Like I did with The Lovely Bones (which I STILL have not have seen the movie), Dreamland, Cut and Harry Potter.
Did I like this book? Yes. Did I love it? No. Do I want to read it again? HELL NO. Are you satisfied with the ending? I don't know. I guess you could read and see how they all find solace with each other, how they pick up and realize after all of this, life can move on.
But I can't help thinking about Katniss. How must this girl tries not to go mad after seeing,dealing and living all of this madness. I just never experienced a character like her. I am just in awe of it all. I can't wait until the movie comes out. But I hope they never make Mockingjay. Maybe they can change the ending. I don't know. But I know I couldn't watch it. Which goes to say, how can you watch the Hunger Games, with that death? Well, I don't know. I'll close my eyes. But those deaths don't prepare you for this last book. Its more than death. Its the reality of the situation that I couldn't handle. I enjoyed the book for what it is. To believe it was the end..kills me. It brings me back into the first book, at the end...with Peeta, Katniss and the berries. What if she just ate it? Would all of this gone put into motion? She was the catalyst to the uprising. She was just a pawn. Without her, district 13 would have never gone through it all. I guess as a reader, thats the point. I would have killed myself and be put out of my misery. Each character has a tragic ending. Whether you think about it or not. Katniss mom..breaks my heart. She sees loss everywhere.
I don't know what the point of me writing about this here is going to do. But I hope it gets me to stop thinking about the atrocities I read in this book. Because in reality, OUR reality, this is happening in OUR would. Death. War. Killing. So what does this leave us? Jesus, first BSG (Battlestar Gallatica) makes me think, now this. Quick! Someone get me the gif of the rainbows girl in Mean Girls, because I have a lot of feelings. Like Natalie Imbruglia- I'm torn. Maybe its my own paranoia of this world and things in it that really makes me freak out over this book. Ask me anytime about what my anexity or fear is, and I'll tell you the same thing always. Death. War. Space(even though I think its beautiful) Zombies..anything with losing my family..etc etc.
I feel weak still. I keep hearing this "You love me, real or not real?" "real" in my head.
that killed me. oh shit, okay I'm crying right now. jeesh. It was a good book. But I didn't enjoy reading it. I think thats the point. Kudos to Miss Collins for not stripping it down for the age of her readers. She kept it adult. Which is good.
May the odds be ever in your favor, Katniss Everdeen.
I guess they never really were.
that's all I got peeps. Feel free to let me know how you feel about it. Or even about the series. If you haven't read it yet, let me know. I like comments. I'll keep this post public, just like my casting list just in case anyone who is not on LJ, want to read.