im fucking baffled
Seriously im baffled.
I'm home... on leave.. before i deploy for a year. Why am I not happier?
I"ve been home for 2 1/2 days now and I'm about miserable. Maybe it's because I've got my rag and I'm just emotional (typical excuse right?)... Maybe it's because Jakes company sucks balls and having the dissappointment of something you were excited for not happening. At least he'll be here for new years right? I feel like I'm wasting my time. I think about what I'd be doing if i was at Bragg and look at myself doing absoloutly nothing here... Don't get me wrong I've seen some of my friends and I'm completely stoked.. but something isn't right. Maybe I'm being fucking retarded again and letting my emotions get the best of me like they always do. I think im starting to like Jake a lot more than i want to. Maybe I'm feeling things I don't want to, or that I'm scared to. I just want this feeling of wasted time stop and be happy that I'm home. Maybe it's just today and getting bad news that puts a damper or the no worries good times.
I need to get out. I need to let out a scream. I need to stop overthinking shit and letting it get the best of me.
Tomorrow WILL be better!
I saw my ex ryan the other night for the first time i over a year. It was weird.
Please excuse the randomness