[poem] hel loves balder
author: usagi anami (pukingtoreador)
email: pukingtoreador [at] hotmail.com
Hel loves Balder, but
so does everyone else.
Hel makes Balder a
mixtape for his birthday.
(They're step-cousins,
she has an excuse.)
Balder's impressed by her
knowledge of underground music
They go see an indie band.
It's not a date, but Hel wears three
pairs of pants to flesh out her legs.
Hel listens to Balder's troubles:
Everyone likes him for his looks,
Nobody takes him seriously, and
How every night, without fail, he dreams of his
death.
Hel thinks about telling Balder
All the troubles with her father.
Her brother Fenris in prison,
Her mother.
But Balder's pain is too pretty to be uglyfied by hers.
They see more indie bands.
It's not a date.
Balder lies to his girlfriend about where he is
His girlfriend's the jealous type -
there's no reason to make her paranoid.
Hel understands.
They stay up late at her place
watching The Man That Laughs, and
It's not a date.
It's never a date.
On the bus ride home
they share her iPod,
the wires and whispers
tangling them together
and for the first time
she feels half-alive,
instead of half-dead.
Balder says he's so happy to have Hel in his life.
She's such a good listener, unlike his girlfriend.
Hel murmurs something; the noise could
be mistaken for agreement. And it is.
Over the summer Nanna and Balder break up
Temporarily. Sort of. They're sorting things out.
Balder says he just wants to forget Nanna.
But even when Balder isn't talking about Nanna
Hel can tell that Balder would rather be talking about Nanna.
Balder says Hel scares him - ever since they were kids,
he's been scared of her. They're adults now,
mostly, and she's not scary. But he's still scared.
He asks Hel what he's so scared of.
Hel tells him maybe he's afraid of love,
and cringes when she says it. It's stupid,
and cliché -
Then it doesn't matter
because he's kissing her.
Hel feels things in places
that she doesn't have.
They make out on her bed, the lights off.
His hands stay north the entire time.
Replay the next night:
While trying to loosen her pants
his hand hits a too-naked hipbone.
He freezes. He says he's sorry.
She says it's okay. He says he forgot.
She says it's okay. He says he forgot,
she was just so hot that he completely forgot that-
she says I told you it's okay.
We can do other things, she says.
But they can't because he has to leave.
He stops coming around.
He wasn't thinking straight.
He was on the rebound.
And it was too weird, anyway
with them being cousins and all.
We're step-cousins, Hel says
but he doesn't hear her.
Nanna and Balder are back together.
Temporarily. Sort of. They're sorting things out.
Hel watches Nosferatu alone
wonders how you can kill
yourself when you're half-dead
Her father's finally bored enough
that he decides to come home
What's wrong, sweetie? Loki asks. Like he cares.
He doesn't even remember her birthday.
In spite of herself she tells him everything.
Except for the hipbone. He'd laugh at that.
He holds her and listens and smiles
like an actual father. She accidentally
mentions the hipbone. He laughs,
like her actual father.
I think that pretty boy could use
a little humbling, don't you?
Dad, don't. Whatever you're thinking-
Loki's smile is scarred -
the holes from where
his lips were sewn shut
never really healed.
Don't worry sweetie,
I'm just going to spook him a little.
email: pukingtoreador [at] hotmail.com
Hel loves Balder, but
so does everyone else.
Hel makes Balder a
mixtape for his birthday.
(They're step-cousins,
she has an excuse.)
Balder's impressed by her
knowledge of underground music
They go see an indie band.
It's not a date, but Hel wears three
pairs of pants to flesh out her legs.
Hel listens to Balder's troubles:
Everyone likes him for his looks,
Nobody takes him seriously, and
How every night, without fail, he dreams of his
death.
Hel thinks about telling Balder
All the troubles with her father.
Her brother Fenris in prison,
Her mother.
But Balder's pain is too pretty to be uglyfied by hers.
They see more indie bands.
It's not a date.
Balder lies to his girlfriend about where he is
His girlfriend's the jealous type -
there's no reason to make her paranoid.
Hel understands.
They stay up late at her place
watching The Man That Laughs, and
It's not a date.
It's never a date.
On the bus ride home
they share her iPod,
the wires and whispers
tangling them together
and for the first time
she feels half-alive,
instead of half-dead.
Balder says he's so happy to have Hel in his life.
She's such a good listener, unlike his girlfriend.
Hel murmurs something; the noise could
be mistaken for agreement. And it is.
Over the summer Nanna and Balder break up
Temporarily. Sort of. They're sorting things out.
Balder says he just wants to forget Nanna.
But even when Balder isn't talking about Nanna
Hel can tell that Balder would rather be talking about Nanna.
Balder says Hel scares him - ever since they were kids,
he's been scared of her. They're adults now,
mostly, and she's not scary. But he's still scared.
He asks Hel what he's so scared of.
Hel tells him maybe he's afraid of love,
and cringes when she says it. It's stupid,
and cliché -
Then it doesn't matter
because he's kissing her.
Hel feels things in places
that she doesn't have.
They make out on her bed, the lights off.
His hands stay north the entire time.
Replay the next night:
While trying to loosen her pants
his hand hits a too-naked hipbone.
He freezes. He says he's sorry.
She says it's okay. He says he forgot.
She says it's okay. He says he forgot,
she was just so hot that he completely forgot that-
she says I told you it's okay.
We can do other things, she says.
But they can't because he has to leave.
He stops coming around.
He wasn't thinking straight.
He was on the rebound.
And it was too weird, anyway
with them being cousins and all.
We're step-cousins, Hel says
but he doesn't hear her.
Nanna and Balder are back together.
Temporarily. Sort of. They're sorting things out.
Hel watches Nosferatu alone
wonders how you can kill
yourself when you're half-dead
Her father's finally bored enough
that he decides to come home
What's wrong, sweetie? Loki asks. Like he cares.
He doesn't even remember her birthday.
In spite of herself she tells him everything.
Except for the hipbone. He'd laugh at that.
He holds her and listens and smiles
like an actual father. She accidentally
mentions the hipbone. He laughs,
like her actual father.
I think that pretty boy could use
a little humbling, don't you?
Dad, don't. Whatever you're thinking-
Loki's smile is scarred -
the holes from where
his lips were sewn shut
never really healed.
Don't worry sweetie,
I'm just going to spook him a little.