[story] warm where you are
author: gyoku
email: jadedapple [at] gmail.com
Shouhei sits at the kitchen table, textbooks laid out in a small pile. He twirls his pen absently between his fingers, the other hand drumming a beat on the worn wood as he watches his older brother. Shunya is hunched over a saucepan, stirring the curry with one hand. His long hair is tied back, their mother's apron barely covering his body and his feet are squeezed into a pair of old slippers.
"What are you laughing at?" Shunya asks, taking a small spoonful of the curry to taste.
"Nothing," Shouhei answers, and he tucks a hand under his chin. "I'm just thinking that your classmates wouldn't be so scared of you if they got to see you now."
Shunya doesn't say anything, but he sticks out his tongue. Shouhei chuckles.
"How was school?" Shunya asks Shouhei, mussing his hair.
Shouhei wriggles out from beneath his brother's grasp. "Boring. But we have a new principal now. He looks really strict. He transferred in from Tokyo. How was school today, 'nii-chan?"
Shunya smirks. "Well, I was late. Again."
Shouhei smothers a laugh - it's their own private joke after all, since Shunya is always late - and his brother continues, "Then I found out that the teacher placed the new boy next to me."
"You have a new classmate?"
"Yes," Shunya frowns. "What a coincidence. He's from Tokyo too."
"What's he like?"
"How am I supposed to know? I've known him only one day. But..."
"But what?"
Shunya leans back on the couch, thinking of the new boy - the one with the perfect posture, the well-groomed hair and the neatly pressed uniform. He of the excellent penmanship, kanji strokes written precisely with no mistakes. And that name. There was no mistaking that name.
"He's like a girl," Shunya sneers derisively.
That night, Kana sits at the dinner table alone. His cell phone lies opened next to him, the message from his father newly deleted: I have taken your mother and brothers out for dinner.
The soup is cold and the rice is dry and starchy in his mouth. Kana feels bitter resentment. She's not my mother.
It doesn't take long before Shunya is forced to revise his opinion of the new boy. He walks into class (late) one day, only to find it in uproar. The girls are huddled in a corner, talking uneasily amongst themselves, whilst the boys are gathered around Kana and Hajime at the back of the class. Kana has Hajime in a chokehold, one hand clutching Hajime's collar. Shunya is impressed in spite of himself; the fury in Kana's eyes is no empty threat.
"Dammit Mitsuyoshi, can't you take a joke?!"
Kana's only response is to shove Hajime against the wall, hard. There is a resounding 'thud' when Hajime's skull connects with the surface. Well, that's got to hurt, thinks Shunya.
"Satou-kun! Help me!" he cries out, spotting Shunya's entrance from the corner of his eye.
Heads turn to see what Shunya makes of Hajime's request. Shunya stares back at Hajime, then shifts his attention to Kana. Kana narrows his eyes, This is my fight, he tells Shunya silently, and Shunya inclines his head towards him in a sign of mutual respect.
"No, thank you. Finish what you started, Hajime," he says with a shit-eating grin and walks straight to his desk, ignoring Hajime's sputters.
Tanioka-sensei walks in after that. Appalled, he orders Kana to release Hajime, along with an order to stay behind and meet him after class. Disappointed at the anticlimax, the crowd disperses back to their seats. Hajime massages his throat as he inches back to his desk, sending furious looks at Kana and Shunya.
"What are you looking at?" Kana snaps, flipping open his textbook.
"Nothing," Shunya replies, tilting his chair back on two legs, "Nothing at all."
Later, halfway through the lesson, Shunya tosses a note over to Kana. What did you get mad at Hajime for, anyway?
Kana pauses for a long while, then scribbles. He made fun of my name.
Shunya grins at the reply, scribbles a short note and tosses it back at Kana. I don't blame him. It is a girly name.
Shut up Satou.
It's just a joke, Mitsuyoshi. Hajime's a jerk. He had that coming.
Kana gives him a small, reluctant smile in return and Shunya gives him a thumbs-up.
"I heard you caused a small scene in class today," his father remarks, radiating disapproval.
"Nothing happened, Father," Kana answers smoothly. "It was just a misunderstanding. Nobody got hurt."
His stepmother looks at him and purses her lips. Kana resists the urge to throw the bowl of soup at her. But it will not do to give in to her jibes, so he continues to eat quietly. His father ignores the small exchange between his eldest son and wife.
"Don't do that again," his father. "Don't embarrass me, Kana."
"I won't," Kana murmurs politely; his promises as empty as his father's.
Kana is on the way out of the school when he notices Hajime and two of his friends surrounding a junior high student. They are passing a blue object between themselves. It's an inhaler and Kana narrows his eyest. Amazingly enough, the strange boy doesn't seem cowed at all. He stands his ground, one hand held out, palm up, as he requests the return of his inhaler politely.
Predictably, Hajime refuses, taunting the boy as he tosses the inhaler back and forth between his hands but the boy remains calm. Kana tenses, wondering if he should step in to remind Hajime of his manners until Shunya swaggers out into the courtyard.
"Hajime! You bastard!" he yells. Hajime and his cronies turn to see Shunya bearing down on them, a thunderous expression on his face. They drop the inhaler and scramble out of the way immediately, leaving the junior alone.
Kana stops walking, now curious as to the identity of the junior. Shunya hovers over the younger boy, heads tilted towards each. He cannot catch what they are saying, only an exasperated, "I was doing fine, 'nii-chan."
The students around Kana crane their necks around, trying to figure out whose phone is ringing. He narrows his eyes when he sees Shunya retrieve his phone from his bag, going so far as to answer the call. Somehow, he is not very surprised.
"Satou! How many times do I have to tell you, no cell phones allowed in class!" the teacher rages against Shunya but he's not listening.
Kana watches, bemused as Shunya gathers his books into his bag and gets up, sketching a hurrried bow to the teacher as he runs out of class, a worried look on his face.
"Satou! Come back here!" Nakamura-sensei yells, shaking with fury. "That boy!"
"That is so cool," a girl sighs, watching Shunya's retreating back in a besotted manner.
"Yes. Only Satou-kun would have the guts to do that," another boy echoes in a grudgingly admiring fashion.
Kana ignores their silly banter. He taps his pencil on the table.
"You're late today, dear. Was there a problem?" Kana's stepmother asks his father, as he steps through the front door.
His father sits down at the dinner table, looking somewhat harrassed. "A student suffered an asthma attack. I had to stay behind."
"Didn't somebody come to get him?"
"That was the problem. His mother wasn't there. His brother came instead. I didn't want to let the boy go home without an adult but he said his mother was not free." His father frowns. "I had to find a teacher to drive them home."
"What kind of mother is that?" his stepmother comments, placing the soba on the table and passing a sidelong glance at Kana. "I pity her children. It's really too bad they have such an irresponsible woman for their mother."
She does not continue, but Kana can already fill in the blanks for her. Just like you.
"What are you doing here?" Shunya asks Kana in a brusque manner.
"Good afternoon. You look perfectly healthy for somebody who's missed school for three days," Kana remarks, ignoring Shunya's rudeness. He holds up a folder containing some papers and books. "Your homework."
Shunya holds the door open, but does not invite Kana in. Kana pauses, waiting for Shunya to do the polite thing. The other boy stares at him, as if glaring at him would ensure his departure.
"I didn't realise you were this rude, Satou," Kana says testily.
"I didn't think you'd be stupid enough not to get the hint," Shunya shoots back.
They stand that way for a long moment, Kana refusing to be intimidated by Shunya's prickly demeanour but a loud, prolonged bout of coughing interrupts their silent duel. Shunya runs towards the bedroom, Kana following close behind him.
"Dammit it, Mitsuyoshi, you shouldn't be here," Shunya mutters, but he's not paying any attention to Kana at all.
"Are you all right, Shouhei?" he asks, brushing his hand over his brother's forehead. Shouhei nods from where he's hidden beneath the mound of blankets, barely registering Shunya's question as another coughing fit overtakes his small frame. His face is flushed and his eyes are bloodshot and watery.
So this, Kana thinks, is why Shunya has been skipping school.
"Don't you have work today, 'nii-chan?" Shouhei asks sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. Shunya draws the blanket up to cover his brother better and pats him on the shoulder.
"Go to sleep. My job can wait," Shunya reassures him. He glares at Kana and jerks his chin towards the door.
"See why I can't go to school?" Shunya explains, running a hand through his hair.
"I don't understand. Where's your mother?"
Shunya shakes his head, "She's got work, and she's run out of leave."
Kana looks confused and Shunya explains, "Shouhei's got really bad asthma."
"Oh."
"We're lucky he didn't have to go to the hospital this time." Shunya frowns.
"His asthma is that bad?"
Shunya nods, speaking almost to himself. "It's hard on my mother. Shouhei's medicines can be expensive."
"Is that why you have that job? Because of the money?"
"Aaa," Shunya agrees, a distracted look in his eyes as he stares in the direction of the younger boy's room.
"Where is it?"
Shunya shrugs, "It's just at the convenience store down the street," he says, "I can't leave Shouhei alone."
"I can take care of your brother," Kana offers. Shunya stares at him, and something in that stare raises his hackles, "It's just for a few hours, right?"
"But don't you have club after school?"
"S'not like I do anything important."
"The doctor says Shouhei will take at least a week to get better," Shunya warns.
"Then I'll drop by everyday."
"I might be back late some nights," Shunya adds, clearly stalling.
"Then I'll go home late. Look, do you want help or not?" Kana finally asks, exasperated with Shunya's excuses.
Shunya scowls, looking reluctant. "Fine. Don't blame me if you fall sick yourself."
"I'll survive."
"I'll kill you if anything happens to Shouhei."
"Nice to know you're grateful, Satou."
"Shunya," Shunya corrects him, "Just call me Shunya."
Kana grins, pleased with the permitted familiarity. "Call me Kana, then."
Shunya laughs, "Just so you know, I still think it's a girly name."
"Shut up and go to work."
"Is Shunya your only sibling?" Kana asks. They're watching some anime he cannot recognise. Shouhei still looks pale but the colour has returned to his cheeks and and he is happily chewing on a stick of Pocky. He nods.
"It's just the three of us after Father died. What about you, Kana-sempai?"
"There's five of us."
"That's a big family," Shouhei remarks, impressed. "So you're the oldest too, like 'nii-chan. How old are your brothers?"
"Five and three. But they're half-brothers," Kana replies.
Shouhei furrows his brows, trying to frame his next question in a tactful way and Kana decides to spare him the awkwardness. "My father remarried."
"Oh. I see. And your real mother?"
Kana remembers an empty hallway, a note left behind on the coffee table and he takes a big swallow of the green tea, and burns his tongue. "She's not in Japan anymore."
"Oh." Shouhei does not ask any more questions after that.
"Hey, 'nii-chan."
"Hnn?"
"Do you get angry?"
"Angry about what?"
"With me."
"What?"
"Do you get angry with me for being so sick?"
"That's a stupid question, Shouhei."
"But if I wasn't sick, you and Mother wouldn't need to work so hard. And you could go back and play baseball with the school team again," Shunya says as he picks at his food.
Shunya places his hands on his hips, a frown on his face. "Who's been telling you these weird things? Kana? I'll fucking beat him up."
"You're too fond of fighting, 'nii-chan," Shouhei says, pursing his lips in annoyance. "And no, it wasn't Kana-sempai."
"Then what brought this on?"
"Nothing," Shouhei mutters into his stew, trying to hide his face, as he recalls Kana's melancholy expression whenever he talks about his family. "I was just thinking, that's all."
"You think too much," Shunya rebukes gruffly, going over to his brother to smack him lightly across the shoulders. "Don't do that, or you'll fall ill."
"Your teachers have informed me that you've been missing your club activities," Mr Mitsuyoshi tells him. "Where have you been?"
Kana picks at his steak, and resists the urge to roll his eyes. "I've just been going out with my friends."
"What kind of friends are these," his father grumbles, "I don't want you seeing them anymore."
But he does not ask for their names, what Kana does with them, and not even how he met them.
Kana stabs viciously at the meat. Don't ask if you're only pretending to care.
"Oy. You all right?"
Kana looks at Shunya. He's freshly showered, water trickling down his chest, a towel draped around his shoulders and track pants slung low on his hips.
"Of course I'm all right," he laughs, even as it sounds hollow to his ears. "What kind of question is that?"
"You didn't look so good today. And normally you don't stay for dinner," Shunya comments bluntly, "What's up?"
Kana shrugs his shoulders, dismayed that Shunya is sharp enough to notice the change in his mood and habits. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Riiiight."
"..."
"What's wrong?" Shunya asks again, tone a lot more somber, the expression on his face serious as he opens a can of lemon tea and takes a sip.
Kana leans against railing of the balcony, staring into the night sky and shrugs again. "It's my brother's birthday today. Half-brother. The older one."
"Well, that's good, isn't it? Shouldn't you be celebrating?"
Kana exhales once and flips his cell phone open, and scrolls to the relevant message. "I got this from my father," he says, trying to sound nonchalant.
We're out to celebrate Hiroshi's birthday today. Your stepmother prefers not to have you around. I hope you understand.
"Son of a b-," Shunya hisses and resists the urge to throw the phone against a wall. "That's cold."
Kana hears the pejorative, and there is a voice somewhere in the back of his mind telling him to disagree, that to do anything less would be unfilial of him but he cannot bring himself to care.
"It's all right, I'm used to it."
"You mean, he's done this before?" Shunya asks, aghast and Kana shrugs once more. It's the third time, Shunya notices, like how he notices the way the fabric of the white shirt of their school uniform ripples over over Kana's shoulders.
"Why? You're his oldest-" Shunya protests,but Kana cuts him off sharply.
"My stepmother doesn't like me," he replies with an overly bright smile on his face. "And Father doesn't like making her upset."
He can almost see the questions swimming in Shunya's head, but there is only blessed silence and they stand there in the balcony together, side by side.
"It's getting late," Kana says abruptly, pushing himself off the railing and brushing imaginary lint from off his pants. "I better go."
He turns to leave when Shunya grabs his wrist. "Wait. Don't leave."
Kana tries to shake Shunya off. "Don't be stupid. I can't not go home."
"Why not? It's not like your father will miss you, right?" Shunya asks shrewdly.
Kana wants to deny those words but it's the ugly truth, and so he snaps, "You're a real fucker, Shunya."
"Shouhei likes having you around," Shunya says, after a heartbeat.
For some inexplicable reason, Kana finds that explanation disappointing.
"Then it looks like I'm going to have to start charging a babysitting fee," Kana drawls.
"I like having you around," Shunya continues in a quiet voice. "It's different when you're here."
Shunya tugs Kana closer so they're standing toe to toe, their bodies aligned. Kana knows he's tall but Shunya's even taller and he can feel Shunya's warm breath on his ear, his body warm and inviting.
"Don't go home," Shunya says again, brushing the side of his knuckle against Kana's face and this time round, Kana nods his assent.
Kana was expecting a lot of things, but not this; Shunya's arms coming around to circle him, easy and firm. "I wasn't joking, by the way. Shouhei really likes having that girly face of yours around."
"You really are a fucker," Kana retorts, slapping Shunya on the side of his head, his words muffled against Shunya's neck.
Shouhei wakes up early the next morning, feeling better than he has in a long while.
He opens his mouth to wake his older brother up, wanting to ask him what is for breakfast when he notices the other figure crammed in the same bed next to Shunya. They are facing the same direction, his brother's arm draped over Kana's body in a casually possessive manner and it's obvious that something has changed between his brother and Kana-sempai. He grins to himself as he huddles back beneath his blankets and tries to mask his coughs under the covers.
Breakfast can wait.
the end
email: jadedapple [at] gmail.com
Shouhei sits at the kitchen table, textbooks laid out in a small pile. He twirls his pen absently between his fingers, the other hand drumming a beat on the worn wood as he watches his older brother. Shunya is hunched over a saucepan, stirring the curry with one hand. His long hair is tied back, their mother's apron barely covering his body and his feet are squeezed into a pair of old slippers.
"What are you laughing at?" Shunya asks, taking a small spoonful of the curry to taste.
"Nothing," Shouhei answers, and he tucks a hand under his chin. "I'm just thinking that your classmates wouldn't be so scared of you if they got to see you now."
Shunya doesn't say anything, but he sticks out his tongue. Shouhei chuckles.
"How was school?" Shunya asks Shouhei, mussing his hair.
Shouhei wriggles out from beneath his brother's grasp. "Boring. But we have a new principal now. He looks really strict. He transferred in from Tokyo. How was school today, 'nii-chan?"
Shunya smirks. "Well, I was late. Again."
Shouhei smothers a laugh - it's their own private joke after all, since Shunya is always late - and his brother continues, "Then I found out that the teacher placed the new boy next to me."
"You have a new classmate?"
"Yes," Shunya frowns. "What a coincidence. He's from Tokyo too."
"What's he like?"
"How am I supposed to know? I've known him only one day. But..."
"But what?"
Shunya leans back on the couch, thinking of the new boy - the one with the perfect posture, the well-groomed hair and the neatly pressed uniform. He of the excellent penmanship, kanji strokes written precisely with no mistakes. And that name. There was no mistaking that name.
"He's like a girl," Shunya sneers derisively.
That night, Kana sits at the dinner table alone. His cell phone lies opened next to him, the message from his father newly deleted: I have taken your mother and brothers out for dinner.
The soup is cold and the rice is dry and starchy in his mouth. Kana feels bitter resentment. She's not my mother.
It doesn't take long before Shunya is forced to revise his opinion of the new boy. He walks into class (late) one day, only to find it in uproar. The girls are huddled in a corner, talking uneasily amongst themselves, whilst the boys are gathered around Kana and Hajime at the back of the class. Kana has Hajime in a chokehold, one hand clutching Hajime's collar. Shunya is impressed in spite of himself; the fury in Kana's eyes is no empty threat.
"Dammit Mitsuyoshi, can't you take a joke?!"
Kana's only response is to shove Hajime against the wall, hard. There is a resounding 'thud' when Hajime's skull connects with the surface. Well, that's got to hurt, thinks Shunya.
"Satou-kun! Help me!" he cries out, spotting Shunya's entrance from the corner of his eye.
Heads turn to see what Shunya makes of Hajime's request. Shunya stares back at Hajime, then shifts his attention to Kana. Kana narrows his eyes, This is my fight, he tells Shunya silently, and Shunya inclines his head towards him in a sign of mutual respect.
"No, thank you. Finish what you started, Hajime," he says with a shit-eating grin and walks straight to his desk, ignoring Hajime's sputters.
Tanioka-sensei walks in after that. Appalled, he orders Kana to release Hajime, along with an order to stay behind and meet him after class. Disappointed at the anticlimax, the crowd disperses back to their seats. Hajime massages his throat as he inches back to his desk, sending furious looks at Kana and Shunya.
"What are you looking at?" Kana snaps, flipping open his textbook.
"Nothing," Shunya replies, tilting his chair back on two legs, "Nothing at all."
Later, halfway through the lesson, Shunya tosses a note over to Kana. What did you get mad at Hajime for, anyway?
Kana pauses for a long while, then scribbles. He made fun of my name.
Shunya grins at the reply, scribbles a short note and tosses it back at Kana. I don't blame him. It is a girly name.
Shut up Satou.
It's just a joke, Mitsuyoshi. Hajime's a jerk. He had that coming.
Kana gives him a small, reluctant smile in return and Shunya gives him a thumbs-up.
"I heard you caused a small scene in class today," his father remarks, radiating disapproval.
"Nothing happened, Father," Kana answers smoothly. "It was just a misunderstanding. Nobody got hurt."
His stepmother looks at him and purses her lips. Kana resists the urge to throw the bowl of soup at her. But it will not do to give in to her jibes, so he continues to eat quietly. His father ignores the small exchange between his eldest son and wife.
"Don't do that again," his father. "Don't embarrass me, Kana."
"I won't," Kana murmurs politely; his promises as empty as his father's.
Kana is on the way out of the school when he notices Hajime and two of his friends surrounding a junior high student. They are passing a blue object between themselves. It's an inhaler and Kana narrows his eyest. Amazingly enough, the strange boy doesn't seem cowed at all. He stands his ground, one hand held out, palm up, as he requests the return of his inhaler politely.
Predictably, Hajime refuses, taunting the boy as he tosses the inhaler back and forth between his hands but the boy remains calm. Kana tenses, wondering if he should step in to remind Hajime of his manners until Shunya swaggers out into the courtyard.
"Hajime! You bastard!" he yells. Hajime and his cronies turn to see Shunya bearing down on them, a thunderous expression on his face. They drop the inhaler and scramble out of the way immediately, leaving the junior alone.
Kana stops walking, now curious as to the identity of the junior. Shunya hovers over the younger boy, heads tilted towards each. He cannot catch what they are saying, only an exasperated, "I was doing fine, 'nii-chan."
The students around Kana crane their necks around, trying to figure out whose phone is ringing. He narrows his eyes when he sees Shunya retrieve his phone from his bag, going so far as to answer the call. Somehow, he is not very surprised.
"Satou! How many times do I have to tell you, no cell phones allowed in class!" the teacher rages against Shunya but he's not listening.
Kana watches, bemused as Shunya gathers his books into his bag and gets up, sketching a hurrried bow to the teacher as he runs out of class, a worried look on his face.
"Satou! Come back here!" Nakamura-sensei yells, shaking with fury. "That boy!"
"That is so cool," a girl sighs, watching Shunya's retreating back in a besotted manner.
"Yes. Only Satou-kun would have the guts to do that," another boy echoes in a grudgingly admiring fashion.
Kana ignores their silly banter. He taps his pencil on the table.
"You're late today, dear. Was there a problem?" Kana's stepmother asks his father, as he steps through the front door.
His father sits down at the dinner table, looking somewhat harrassed. "A student suffered an asthma attack. I had to stay behind."
"Didn't somebody come to get him?"
"That was the problem. His mother wasn't there. His brother came instead. I didn't want to let the boy go home without an adult but he said his mother was not free." His father frowns. "I had to find a teacher to drive them home."
"What kind of mother is that?" his stepmother comments, placing the soba on the table and passing a sidelong glance at Kana. "I pity her children. It's really too bad they have such an irresponsible woman for their mother."
She does not continue, but Kana can already fill in the blanks for her. Just like you.
"What are you doing here?" Shunya asks Kana in a brusque manner.
"Good afternoon. You look perfectly healthy for somebody who's missed school for three days," Kana remarks, ignoring Shunya's rudeness. He holds up a folder containing some papers and books. "Your homework."
Shunya holds the door open, but does not invite Kana in. Kana pauses, waiting for Shunya to do the polite thing. The other boy stares at him, as if glaring at him would ensure his departure.
"I didn't realise you were this rude, Satou," Kana says testily.
"I didn't think you'd be stupid enough not to get the hint," Shunya shoots back.
They stand that way for a long moment, Kana refusing to be intimidated by Shunya's prickly demeanour but a loud, prolonged bout of coughing interrupts their silent duel. Shunya runs towards the bedroom, Kana following close behind him.
"Dammit it, Mitsuyoshi, you shouldn't be here," Shunya mutters, but he's not paying any attention to Kana at all.
"Are you all right, Shouhei?" he asks, brushing his hand over his brother's forehead. Shouhei nods from where he's hidden beneath the mound of blankets, barely registering Shunya's question as another coughing fit overtakes his small frame. His face is flushed and his eyes are bloodshot and watery.
So this, Kana thinks, is why Shunya has been skipping school.
"Don't you have work today, 'nii-chan?" Shouhei asks sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. Shunya draws the blanket up to cover his brother better and pats him on the shoulder.
"Go to sleep. My job can wait," Shunya reassures him. He glares at Kana and jerks his chin towards the door.
"See why I can't go to school?" Shunya explains, running a hand through his hair.
"I don't understand. Where's your mother?"
Shunya shakes his head, "She's got work, and she's run out of leave."
Kana looks confused and Shunya explains, "Shouhei's got really bad asthma."
"Oh."
"We're lucky he didn't have to go to the hospital this time." Shunya frowns.
"His asthma is that bad?"
Shunya nods, speaking almost to himself. "It's hard on my mother. Shouhei's medicines can be expensive."
"Is that why you have that job? Because of the money?"
"Aaa," Shunya agrees, a distracted look in his eyes as he stares in the direction of the younger boy's room.
"Where is it?"
Shunya shrugs, "It's just at the convenience store down the street," he says, "I can't leave Shouhei alone."
"I can take care of your brother," Kana offers. Shunya stares at him, and something in that stare raises his hackles, "It's just for a few hours, right?"
"But don't you have club after school?"
"S'not like I do anything important."
"The doctor says Shouhei will take at least a week to get better," Shunya warns.
"Then I'll drop by everyday."
"I might be back late some nights," Shunya adds, clearly stalling.
"Then I'll go home late. Look, do you want help or not?" Kana finally asks, exasperated with Shunya's excuses.
Shunya scowls, looking reluctant. "Fine. Don't blame me if you fall sick yourself."
"I'll survive."
"I'll kill you if anything happens to Shouhei."
"Nice to know you're grateful, Satou."
"Shunya," Shunya corrects him, "Just call me Shunya."
Kana grins, pleased with the permitted familiarity. "Call me Kana, then."
Shunya laughs, "Just so you know, I still think it's a girly name."
"Shut up and go to work."
"Is Shunya your only sibling?" Kana asks. They're watching some anime he cannot recognise. Shouhei still looks pale but the colour has returned to his cheeks and and he is happily chewing on a stick of Pocky. He nods.
"It's just the three of us after Father died. What about you, Kana-sempai?"
"There's five of us."
"That's a big family," Shouhei remarks, impressed. "So you're the oldest too, like 'nii-chan. How old are your brothers?"
"Five and three. But they're half-brothers," Kana replies.
Shouhei furrows his brows, trying to frame his next question in a tactful way and Kana decides to spare him the awkwardness. "My father remarried."
"Oh. I see. And your real mother?"
Kana remembers an empty hallway, a note left behind on the coffee table and he takes a big swallow of the green tea, and burns his tongue. "She's not in Japan anymore."
"Oh." Shouhei does not ask any more questions after that.
"Hey, 'nii-chan."
"Hnn?"
"Do you get angry?"
"Angry about what?"
"With me."
"What?"
"Do you get angry with me for being so sick?"
"That's a stupid question, Shouhei."
"But if I wasn't sick, you and Mother wouldn't need to work so hard. And you could go back and play baseball with the school team again," Shunya says as he picks at his food.
Shunya places his hands on his hips, a frown on his face. "Who's been telling you these weird things? Kana? I'll fucking beat him up."
"You're too fond of fighting, 'nii-chan," Shouhei says, pursing his lips in annoyance. "And no, it wasn't Kana-sempai."
"Then what brought this on?"
"Nothing," Shouhei mutters into his stew, trying to hide his face, as he recalls Kana's melancholy expression whenever he talks about his family. "I was just thinking, that's all."
"You think too much," Shunya rebukes gruffly, going over to his brother to smack him lightly across the shoulders. "Don't do that, or you'll fall ill."
"Your teachers have informed me that you've been missing your club activities," Mr Mitsuyoshi tells him. "Where have you been?"
Kana picks at his steak, and resists the urge to roll his eyes. "I've just been going out with my friends."
"What kind of friends are these," his father grumbles, "I don't want you seeing them anymore."
But he does not ask for their names, what Kana does with them, and not even how he met them.
Kana stabs viciously at the meat. Don't ask if you're only pretending to care.
"Oy. You all right?"
Kana looks at Shunya. He's freshly showered, water trickling down his chest, a towel draped around his shoulders and track pants slung low on his hips.
"Of course I'm all right," he laughs, even as it sounds hollow to his ears. "What kind of question is that?"
"You didn't look so good today. And normally you don't stay for dinner," Shunya comments bluntly, "What's up?"
Kana shrugs his shoulders, dismayed that Shunya is sharp enough to notice the change in his mood and habits. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Riiiight."
"..."
"What's wrong?" Shunya asks again, tone a lot more somber, the expression on his face serious as he opens a can of lemon tea and takes a sip.
Kana leans against railing of the balcony, staring into the night sky and shrugs again. "It's my brother's birthday today. Half-brother. The older one."
"Well, that's good, isn't it? Shouldn't you be celebrating?"
Kana exhales once and flips his cell phone open, and scrolls to the relevant message. "I got this from my father," he says, trying to sound nonchalant.
We're out to celebrate Hiroshi's birthday today. Your stepmother prefers not to have you around. I hope you understand.
"Son of a b-," Shunya hisses and resists the urge to throw the phone against a wall. "That's cold."
Kana hears the pejorative, and there is a voice somewhere in the back of his mind telling him to disagree, that to do anything less would be unfilial of him but he cannot bring himself to care.
"It's all right, I'm used to it."
"You mean, he's done this before?" Shunya asks, aghast and Kana shrugs once more. It's the third time, Shunya notices, like how he notices the way the fabric of the white shirt of their school uniform ripples over over Kana's shoulders.
"Why? You're his oldest-" Shunya protests,but Kana cuts him off sharply.
"My stepmother doesn't like me," he replies with an overly bright smile on his face. "And Father doesn't like making her upset."
He can almost see the questions swimming in Shunya's head, but there is only blessed silence and they stand there in the balcony together, side by side.
"It's getting late," Kana says abruptly, pushing himself off the railing and brushing imaginary lint from off his pants. "I better go."
He turns to leave when Shunya grabs his wrist. "Wait. Don't leave."
Kana tries to shake Shunya off. "Don't be stupid. I can't not go home."
"Why not? It's not like your father will miss you, right?" Shunya asks shrewdly.
Kana wants to deny those words but it's the ugly truth, and so he snaps, "You're a real fucker, Shunya."
"Shouhei likes having you around," Shunya says, after a heartbeat.
For some inexplicable reason, Kana finds that explanation disappointing.
"Then it looks like I'm going to have to start charging a babysitting fee," Kana drawls.
"I like having you around," Shunya continues in a quiet voice. "It's different when you're here."
Shunya tugs Kana closer so they're standing toe to toe, their bodies aligned. Kana knows he's tall but Shunya's even taller and he can feel Shunya's warm breath on his ear, his body warm and inviting.
"Don't go home," Shunya says again, brushing the side of his knuckle against Kana's face and this time round, Kana nods his assent.
Kana was expecting a lot of things, but not this; Shunya's arms coming around to circle him, easy and firm. "I wasn't joking, by the way. Shouhei really likes having that girly face of yours around."
"You really are a fucker," Kana retorts, slapping Shunya on the side of his head, his words muffled against Shunya's neck.
Shouhei wakes up early the next morning, feeling better than he has in a long while.
He opens his mouth to wake his older brother up, wanting to ask him what is for breakfast when he notices the other figure crammed in the same bed next to Shunya. They are facing the same direction, his brother's arm draped over Kana's body in a casually possessive manner and it's obvious that something has changed between his brother and Kana-sempai. He grins to himself as he huddles back beneath his blankets and tries to mask his coughs under the covers.
Breakfast can wait.
the end