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Comments 11

aefallen July 30 2007, 12:45:16 UTC
I really enjoyed this story! *beams* I loved the dialogue and the character interaction and the plot you set up. I was very fond of the lines that involved chickens. *grin*

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aefallen August 2 2007, 09:21:17 UTC
(Oh drat. I was supposed to be anon.)

Thanks! I wanted to include a scene with a headless chicken, but it didn't fit.

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tarigwaemir July 30 2007, 13:52:09 UTC
What an interesting story! I really liked the relationship between Edwin and Yolan.

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tarigwaemir August 2 2007, 09:22:38 UTC
Thank you. ^^

-Hacy

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wordsofastory August 1 2007, 20:08:55 UTC
Oh, wow. This story is really lovely. I adore how much of the world you managed to convey in this story, for all that it's fairly short. The images of it are so excellent- the heat of the beginning, and then the rain at the end. I really liked the characters- Yolan and Edwin seemed like such a cool contrast to each other- and the opening scene, with the neighbors watching the dead chicken, was entirely awesome. In general, just a great story.

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wordsofastory August 2 2007, 09:25:31 UTC
Thank you. The shortness was caused by my lack of time--that's also why the first scene is more substantial than the last. But it was fun writing this story--especially the chicken. ^^

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wordsofastory August 2 2007, 09:26:33 UTC
Um, yeah. That was me, Hacy.

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hazard_us August 10 2007, 00:22:14 UTC
I really liked your story! I especially liked the disapproving neighbors. I've had neighbors like that. ^_^

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mythicbeast August 15 2007, 18:00:28 UTC
I really loved this. Sparse enough not to be heavy, but detailed enough to be rich and lively.

Favorite throwaway detail: tribe leaders being reduced to a bridge club. That's priceless.

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