What am I doing?!?
Today was just one of those days where when I left work and drove home, all I could think to myself was, "WHAT are you doing?!?" I don't hate my job. I have times where I like my job. That's not great, but it could be worse. But the point is, I want better than what I've been living.
I know that I'm fully, 100% responsible for where I am in my life. I am not in denial of that. I know that if I want my life to improve, I need to start making better decisions than the ones I've been making for the last ten years. I have habits to break, including making those same bad choices. As they say, old habits die hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to make different choices.
But that is a cop out. The truth is, I'm only 29. Realistically, I'm still young. Very young. I still have the future laid out before me and it's still mine to decide what to do with it. But I'm not young enough to delay that question anymore. And I have spent way too long not actively working towards something. I'm wise enough now to know things won't just fall into place on their own. If I want the good things, I have to work for them. I have to go out and grab them. I have to know what they are, or at least enough of what they look like to recognize them when they are in front of me.
And I also have to accept that I have flaws, and that I will still probably be the biggest thing standing in my way. I have to learn how to get around myself as I craft myself into someone who WON'T stand in my way. Self-confidence is no longer out of my reach. I have no reason not to believe in myself, and therefore I DO believe in myself. Flaws and self-made obstacles included.
I know that I'm fully, 100% responsible for where I am in my life. I am not in denial of that. I know that if I want my life to improve, I need to start making better decisions than the ones I've been making for the last ten years. I have habits to break, including making those same bad choices. As they say, old habits die hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to make different choices.
But that is a cop out. The truth is, I'm only 29. Realistically, I'm still young. Very young. I still have the future laid out before me and it's still mine to decide what to do with it. But I'm not young enough to delay that question anymore. And I have spent way too long not actively working towards something. I'm wise enough now to know things won't just fall into place on their own. If I want the good things, I have to work for them. I have to go out and grab them. I have to know what they are, or at least enough of what they look like to recognize them when they are in front of me.
And I also have to accept that I have flaws, and that I will still probably be the biggest thing standing in my way. I have to learn how to get around myself as I craft myself into someone who WON'T stand in my way. Self-confidence is no longer out of my reach. I have no reason not to believe in myself, and therefore I DO believe in myself. Flaws and self-made obstacles included.