How revelation works (at least for me)
I had a very simple experience the other night that I wanted to write up for no other reason than to explore/explain what it is like to be a believer. (I'll describe the experience first, then go into analysis afterwards.)
Today (Sunday, April 11th, that is) is my 36th birthday. On March 12th, my son Jackson Daniel Vassilaros was born. We were planning on having a home birth, but through a series of events, we ended up in a hospital having an emergency C-section. Baby and mom are great, but recovering from major surgery has given her a real case of cabin fever. She is just starting to get up and around, so on Friday night, when our friends invited us to join them for an outing at Texas Roadhouse (30 minutes away), we both jumped at the chance - a dual celebration for a major project finished at work for my friend, and my birthday dinner.
About 10 minutes before we left, Jenny looked at me with an odd expression on her face and said, "This is going to sound strange, but I'm feeling suddenly anxious about going - will you say a quick prayer to see if it's OK?"
I stopped short, thought about it for a second, and nodded in assent. I said a prayer in my mind that went something like this: Father in Heaven, Jenny is feeling uncomfortable about going tonight - is this just a feeling she is having on her own, or is this something from You? I waited for a sec, and got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
I turned to her and asked, "Is this feeling of anxiety about going tonight about anything in particular?" It wasn't - in fact, Jackson had been doing remarkably well all day, which was why we were even considering a late night outing with an infant who was still breastfeeding every 1 1/2 - 2 hours. There was nothing at all that she could think of that would give her cause for anxiety about going. She was excited about getting out of the house, I had a full docket of clients the next day, so I needed leftovers for lunch to take with me and this would fit the bill nicely, we were getting to go on a real date, etc, etc. There was no reason for it at all. But it came down to it that she had tried to push the feeling away multiple times, convinced it was just her being all weird after being stuck in the house for so long, but it came back insistently time and time again.
Being that I have learned through hard experience that when my wife says she has a gut feeling about something, she is usually right, I listen,which I did that night. I chose to trust her gut instinct, and we stayed.
We did takeout from Chili's (the only sitdown restaurant within 20 minutes of our house - one of the downsides of living in a small suburb), and within 15 minutes of our friends leaving, Jackson suddenly starting fussing something fierce. It lasted for almost 2 solid hours, after which he filled his diaper multiple times and calmed down. Satisfied that this alone was a good enough reason to be glad to have listened to Jenny's instinct, we spent time together and enjoyed our evening at home.
But our friends, when they returned home, told us it was a REALLY good thing we didn't come along - the music at Texas Roadhouse was so loud, it literally hurt their ears, and after asking the server to turn it down, were informed that the music had been turned down then up and then down then up again multiple times that night and it wasn't getting adjusted any more. If it hurt the ears of the adults, it would have definitely hurt the ears of an infant. They left before ordering and drove around for a while before finally settling on a Pei Wei.
All the driving plus the loud music plus Jackson's sudden fussiness would have equaled a miserable evening for all of us, but for Jenny's sudden bad feeling about going.
Let me spell out what I'm claiming exactly - based on absolutely no information whatsoever except a feeling, we made a decision that went against what we wanted to do, but at the end of the day, it was the best thing. In other words, Jenny's bad feeling predicted the future and guided us away from a bad situation that not one of the four of us could have foreseen. We four have been to that exact Texas Roadhouse before with no issues, and Jackson had been fabulous all day long.
This is what it means to be a believer. This kind of thing happens to us ALL THE TIME. We get good or bad feelings about something, we examine them to determine if we are generating the feeling or if it seems to be coming from a source outside of us. There are several tests we run to help winnow out the real from the manufactured, and when we figure out the real one and act on it, we are right every single time. (OK, this is turning into a much longer post than I had anticipated.)
Analysis:
Jenny gets a feeling. She tries to push it away multiple times - if it is a feeling that is coming from her and she legitimately pushes it away without some part of her trying to hang onto it for self-justification reasons, it will fade very quickly. Conclusion - not from God, feeling can be ignored safely.
But the feeling stays, and in fact grows despite repeated efforts to get rid of it. Conclusion - might be from God, might not. Time to check for external witnes to verify. She asks me to pray and see if I get anything.
I pray - in times past, I have felt a variety of feelings when I pray, which I have to winnow in the same way as above. One of my rules is: if this revelation is something I would agree with without getting a "feeling from God" about it, it is immediately suspect as being something I have manufactured. Sometimes, in a situation like this, I pray and get an immediate feeling of "Everything's fine, go ahead," and sometimes a "Be careful/don't do it." Previously, if I got a clear answer in my head and heart, then she was willing to accept my answer and do what I feel is correct. This requires me to have no ego tied up in the matter - I have to be willing to stay or go, whatever is right, no matter which I would prefer.
I get neither of these answers - I get no feeling at all, which is commonly interpreted to mean, "The answer's right in front of you, stupid. I gave you a brain, use it, and you'll be able to figure it out without needing anything more from Me." (There are other possibilities for silence, but in this situation, this seemed the best one.)
I turn to Jenny and ask about the anxiety - once I determine that there is no basis in her mind for this feeling, I recall in times past when she has had these types of anxieties. (I should note she is not an anxious person normally, aside from the normal human degree.) One in particular stands out - when we were newly married, we were preparing to move back to Utah so I could finish my undergrad. My family had an apartment they said they would let us have first crack at, so I decided to do it, even though it meant paying ahead, sight unseen. She said she had a bad feeling about it, but I blew her off since she had no basis for feeling uncomfortable about it. We prepaid a couple months of rent, moved out, and discovered the place was much tinier than we had imagined, and even worse, had mold everywhere. Jenny is *very* sensitive to mold. We moved out and promptly found another place the next day. Lesson learned: listen to my wife's instincts. Listening to her then would have saved us around $1000. (This is but one of many events just like it, where her instincts have been exactly correct.)
I decide to err on the side of caution - if she is wrong, then all we miss out on is a nice evening out, easily fixed at a future date. If she is right, then ignoring it would bring unknown consequences. Not to mention that letting my wife know that I trust her instincts builds trust in our relationships, which is a huge plus for both of us - that move means a lot to her, and even if none of the actual consequences I described had happened, this alone would have been worth staying home.
We both are sad about not going, but neither get resentful or bitter or depressed about it - we simply make other plans and enjoy our evening together.
These events are common to us. We have received direct revelation about having a baby, finding a school, where to move, when to move, where to look for a job, what job would be best, etc. None of those revelations were meant to make us jump or force our hand in a particular way - all of them, when we followed them, ended up being for our good and greater happiness. This is what it means to be a believer - actual guidance on future events that could not be figured out in advance from a loving God that wants the best for us. And it is on events large (like school, moving, etc) and small (like not going out to eat with friends when the experience would be hard on us and our new baby).
Yeah, I know - this post is a novella. :)
Today (Sunday, April 11th, that is) is my 36th birthday. On March 12th, my son Jackson Daniel Vassilaros was born. We were planning on having a home birth, but through a series of events, we ended up in a hospital having an emergency C-section. Baby and mom are great, but recovering from major surgery has given her a real case of cabin fever. She is just starting to get up and around, so on Friday night, when our friends invited us to join them for an outing at Texas Roadhouse (30 minutes away), we both jumped at the chance - a dual celebration for a major project finished at work for my friend, and my birthday dinner.
About 10 minutes before we left, Jenny looked at me with an odd expression on her face and said, "This is going to sound strange, but I'm feeling suddenly anxious about going - will you say a quick prayer to see if it's OK?"
I stopped short, thought about it for a second, and nodded in assent. I said a prayer in my mind that went something like this: Father in Heaven, Jenny is feeling uncomfortable about going tonight - is this just a feeling she is having on her own, or is this something from You? I waited for a sec, and got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
I turned to her and asked, "Is this feeling of anxiety about going tonight about anything in particular?" It wasn't - in fact, Jackson had been doing remarkably well all day, which was why we were even considering a late night outing with an infant who was still breastfeeding every 1 1/2 - 2 hours. There was nothing at all that she could think of that would give her cause for anxiety about going. She was excited about getting out of the house, I had a full docket of clients the next day, so I needed leftovers for lunch to take with me and this would fit the bill nicely, we were getting to go on a real date, etc, etc. There was no reason for it at all. But it came down to it that she had tried to push the feeling away multiple times, convinced it was just her being all weird after being stuck in the house for so long, but it came back insistently time and time again.
Being that I have learned through hard experience that when my wife says she has a gut feeling about something, she is usually right, I listen,which I did that night. I chose to trust her gut instinct, and we stayed.
We did takeout from Chili's (the only sitdown restaurant within 20 minutes of our house - one of the downsides of living in a small suburb), and within 15 minutes of our friends leaving, Jackson suddenly starting fussing something fierce. It lasted for almost 2 solid hours, after which he filled his diaper multiple times and calmed down. Satisfied that this alone was a good enough reason to be glad to have listened to Jenny's instinct, we spent time together and enjoyed our evening at home.
But our friends, when they returned home, told us it was a REALLY good thing we didn't come along - the music at Texas Roadhouse was so loud, it literally hurt their ears, and after asking the server to turn it down, were informed that the music had been turned down then up and then down then up again multiple times that night and it wasn't getting adjusted any more. If it hurt the ears of the adults, it would have definitely hurt the ears of an infant. They left before ordering and drove around for a while before finally settling on a Pei Wei.
All the driving plus the loud music plus Jackson's sudden fussiness would have equaled a miserable evening for all of us, but for Jenny's sudden bad feeling about going.
Let me spell out what I'm claiming exactly - based on absolutely no information whatsoever except a feeling, we made a decision that went against what we wanted to do, but at the end of the day, it was the best thing. In other words, Jenny's bad feeling predicted the future and guided us away from a bad situation that not one of the four of us could have foreseen. We four have been to that exact Texas Roadhouse before with no issues, and Jackson had been fabulous all day long.
This is what it means to be a believer. This kind of thing happens to us ALL THE TIME. We get good or bad feelings about something, we examine them to determine if we are generating the feeling or if it seems to be coming from a source outside of us. There are several tests we run to help winnow out the real from the manufactured, and when we figure out the real one and act on it, we are right every single time. (OK, this is turning into a much longer post than I had anticipated.)
Analysis:
Jenny gets a feeling. She tries to push it away multiple times - if it is a feeling that is coming from her and she legitimately pushes it away without some part of her trying to hang onto it for self-justification reasons, it will fade very quickly. Conclusion - not from God, feeling can be ignored safely.
But the feeling stays, and in fact grows despite repeated efforts to get rid of it. Conclusion - might be from God, might not. Time to check for external witnes to verify. She asks me to pray and see if I get anything.
I pray - in times past, I have felt a variety of feelings when I pray, which I have to winnow in the same way as above. One of my rules is: if this revelation is something I would agree with without getting a "feeling from God" about it, it is immediately suspect as being something I have manufactured. Sometimes, in a situation like this, I pray and get an immediate feeling of "Everything's fine, go ahead," and sometimes a "Be careful/don't do it." Previously, if I got a clear answer in my head and heart, then she was willing to accept my answer and do what I feel is correct. This requires me to have no ego tied up in the matter - I have to be willing to stay or go, whatever is right, no matter which I would prefer.
I get neither of these answers - I get no feeling at all, which is commonly interpreted to mean, "The answer's right in front of you, stupid. I gave you a brain, use it, and you'll be able to figure it out without needing anything more from Me." (There are other possibilities for silence, but in this situation, this seemed the best one.)
I turn to Jenny and ask about the anxiety - once I determine that there is no basis in her mind for this feeling, I recall in times past when she has had these types of anxieties. (I should note she is not an anxious person normally, aside from the normal human degree.) One in particular stands out - when we were newly married, we were preparing to move back to Utah so I could finish my undergrad. My family had an apartment they said they would let us have first crack at, so I decided to do it, even though it meant paying ahead, sight unseen. She said she had a bad feeling about it, but I blew her off since she had no basis for feeling uncomfortable about it. We prepaid a couple months of rent, moved out, and discovered the place was much tinier than we had imagined, and even worse, had mold everywhere. Jenny is *very* sensitive to mold. We moved out and promptly found another place the next day. Lesson learned: listen to my wife's instincts. Listening to her then would have saved us around $1000. (This is but one of many events just like it, where her instincts have been exactly correct.)
I decide to err on the side of caution - if she is wrong, then all we miss out on is a nice evening out, easily fixed at a future date. If she is right, then ignoring it would bring unknown consequences. Not to mention that letting my wife know that I trust her instincts builds trust in our relationships, which is a huge plus for both of us - that move means a lot to her, and even if none of the actual consequences I described had happened, this alone would have been worth staying home.
We both are sad about not going, but neither get resentful or bitter or depressed about it - we simply make other plans and enjoy our evening together.
These events are common to us. We have received direct revelation about having a baby, finding a school, where to move, when to move, where to look for a job, what job would be best, etc. None of those revelations were meant to make us jump or force our hand in a particular way - all of them, when we followed them, ended up being for our good and greater happiness. This is what it means to be a believer - actual guidance on future events that could not be figured out in advance from a loving God that wants the best for us. And it is on events large (like school, moving, etc) and small (like not going out to eat with friends when the experience would be hard on us and our new baby).
Yeah, I know - this post is a novella. :)