Stranger in the Night 5/5
Title: Stranger in the Night 5/5 + Epilogue
Author: Iantojjackh
Spoilers: Everything up to Exit Wounds. Set several years post s2 where CoE and MD don't exist.
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Past Ianto/Lisa, Gwen
Warnings: Some darkish themes in later chapters
Beta: czarina-kitty
Rating: PG
Summary: Someone shows up suddenly and unexpectedly in Cardiff one rainy night. Why has she shown up now, after all this time? Most importantly what does Ianto know about the reappearance?
Notes: It's been almost a year since I last posted to this story, but I've reworked what I had posted and now the story is complete and I will be posting a chapter a day. Please leave feedback so I know what you think. I decided to treat everyone and post this chapter tonight.
Chapter 5: Is Home Where the Heart is?
Ianto's heart stopped as Lisa vanished and the rift claimed her once more, so that she could return to her time. Her final words caught Ianto off guard and caused him to regret sending Lisa back, he had just condemned two people to die at Canary Wharf. Ianto never knew Lisa had been pregnant and knew he would not have sent her back had he had any idea she was carrying his child. It was not as if he could follow her through the rift and protect his unborn child. There would be no way for him to return back to this time. The most damming was Retcon's effect on a foetus. Given in the first trimester it almost always resulted in a miscarriage and if it did not, then there would certainly be birth defects. Either way Ianto knew he had sentenced his unborn child to death. The guilt of that act was staggering.
As soon as the last residual image of Lisa faded away, the sky opened up and torrential rain poured forth as if the heavens were weeping with Ianto. The salty tears mixed with the fresh water of the rain and no one could tell where one ended and the other began. Ianto did not want to return home and deal with the inevitable questions, so he wandered aimlessly for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was close to two hours. In that time the rain had not let up and it soaked Ianto until his clothes were plastered to his body. He was not sure how he got home, but Ianto found himself standing at the door, staring blankly as fresh tears began to spill forth. He reached up to put the key in the lock without a key in hand. Ianto stood in that position, sobbing and shivering, losing all track of time. It did not even register when a set of strong arms pulled him in close.
After several hours of waiting for Ianto to come, Jack had gone out in search of his husband, but he found the hub empty and his mobile pinged back to the SUV, left there earlier in the evening. The only option was to wait a little longer before making a full sweep of the city for Ianto, but he did not expect to see the other man standing in front of the door, trying to unlock the door with no key. It crushed Jack to see Ianto so broken and saturated from the rain. Once he realized Ianto was sobbing uncontrollably but quietly, Jack was by his other half's side and pulling him into his arms.
It reminded him of the first time he had lost Lisa, but that time Ianto had his hatred of Jack and the world to keep him fighting. Hatred is a strong motivator. Sometimes stronger than love. Now love was all Jack had to offer and it just had to be enough. "You're freezing. Let’s get you inside."
The hour that followed was more of a blur than the last couple of hours. The last thing he remembered was getting off the lift in soaking wet clothes and now he was in front of the fire in dry clothes with a blanket wrapped around him.
Then Ianto saw Jack's worried face and he reached out and took his partner's hand in his and squeezed softly.
The hand squeeze was not much, but it at least showed Ianto had not completely checked out of reality. Jack wanted to ask the obvious questions and with Ianto's current mental state he was not sure if the Welshman had followed through. Though the fact that they were still in this time line was a pretty clear signal that Lisa was sent back to her own time, but whatever happened in between had broken something in a normally unflappable man. "Did you sleep with her?" The question was so inappropriate Jack was even ashamed that it came out of his mouth. He trusted Ianto to never cheat on him, but the whole situation made the Captain very nervous.
"What?" Ianto recoiled in disbelief. "How could you even ask that?" He pulled his hand away and stood up quickly, almost knocking back the chair he had been in.
"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Jack reached a retreating Ianto but only came up with the blanket that had been on his shoulders. As quickly as Ianto had come back he was gone and Jack jumped when the ensuite door slammed. Jack was torn if he should follow or give his husband some space, especially with his insensitive comment. It was a double edged sword, where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. This was a time where doing was the lesser of two evils.
First he tired the door, which was locked. "Ianto, let me in." He knocked on the door. After several moments of no response, Jack knocked again. "I'm worried about you." There was almost complete silence except the sounds of some movement from the other side.
Ianto did what he did best when he was upset and that was clean. It did not matter that the room had been cleaned top to bottom the day before. First, Ianto picked up the wet clothes on the floor...his wet clothes. Clothes he did not remember taking off, much less leave on the floor. It only made sense that Jack must have helped him change, as everything since Lisa went back into the rift was a blur.
Through the door Ianto heard Jack's mobile ring and pressed his ear to the door to listen to the conversation. Chances were excellent that it was Gwen and he wanted to hear what she wanted.
"Gwen, it's not really a good time...Yes, he came home... I don't know. Gwen, I've got to go... That doesn't matter now... I don't care what you think, my top priority is taking care of him." Jack sighed, annoyed at the Welshwoman. He powered down his mobile in case she was to call back. There was going to be no interruptions while he was taking care of his husband.
"Just so you know I'm going to stand outside this door until you come out or let me in." Jack knew this was going to be worse than the first time Ianto lost Lisa, since if he did send her home, it was by Ianto's own hand and that guilt had to be worse than when she was in the cyber unit.
Ianto waited almost an hour before he exited the ensuite, most of the time had been devoted to cleaning. "You will find two Retcon pills missing when you go in tomorrow," Ianto said in a monotone voice. There was no hint emotion to be found and that was what Ianto needed right now. His insides were twisted up in knots so tight that it felt as if they could be there forever.
Jack decided to not use any words, knowing nothing he could say would make the situation any better and instead he pulled Ianto into a tight, but comforting embrace.
Ianto stood unmoving for several minutes before finally accepting the offered comfort. His arms wrapped tightly around Jack's middle. "I did what needed to be done." His voice sounded like a robot, almost inhuman; a stark contrast to the trembling body in his arms.
For some reason, the quiet and supportive role Jack was playing angered Ianto more than it should have. Perhaps he was displacing the anger meant for himself onto someone who was trying to help. Angrily, Ianto pulled away and punched his husband in the shoulder with all his strength. "Aren't you going say I did the right thing. Keeping the precious timeline intact."
"That's not what you need to hear right now," Jack said stiffly, not showing how much the punch really hurt.
"What if it's what I want to hear?" Ianto challenged.
"That won't make you feel better."
"Aren't you going to ask me why two Retcon pills will be missing?" Ianto wanted Jack to be mad, but nothing seemed to work.
"I know what you are doing and just stop." Jack refused to take the bait and offered a comforting kiss on the tip of the nose and a reassuring hand grip. "You took the other pill just before you came out. Why do you want to forget after all this time? You got a chance to say goodbye this time. That shouldn't be something you make yourself forget."
"She was pregnant, Jack. I sent them both back to die. I never knew until tonight that Lisa had been pregnant. I killed my child and the guilt of that feels like its eating me alive. I'm a monster and I want to forget I'm a murderer." Ianto's voice finally showed emotion, but it was the heartbreaking kind. Cracking and on the verge of crying.
"You are no monster, Ianto and you never could be. Don't even think like that." The pregnancy news shocked Jack and it went a long way to explain Ianto's behaviour. He always knew the Welshman wanted kids and it was not a topic they had ever discussed together.
"We were on the verge of ending our relationship before Canary Wharf. Truthfully, Lisa and I did sort of break up the day before the attack. The day of the battle, I could only think about finding Lisa and getting her to safety. Then I thought if I could save her, we could go back to the way things used to be and then I met you and my plans went off track," Ianto said all in one breath. There was so much more he wanted to say before the Retcon took over and he fought the effects. "It just totally ruined tonight. I ruined our night. I ruined her night. I ruined everything. I ruin everything I love. I just want to forget tonight and wake up in the morning thinking I drank too much. Is that too much to ask for?"
Jack shook his head and let Ianto lean against him for support. "It's not too much to ask for. You don't ruin everything. Everyone's life you've touched is better because you’ve been there. Don't sell yourself short."
Ianto let out a short laugh as everything began to spin. "You have to say that because you love me. Now I'll never know what it is to have a child of my own. To have someone look up to me and call me Daddy. Guess it was not meant to be," his words slurred and became more like incoherent rambling. The deep hidden inner insecurities and desires rose to the top as Ianto mumbled what it would be like to have a child of his own.
"Is that something you want for us? Do you want us to try for a baby?" For Ianto, Jack would do the only thing he said he would never do again, get pregnant.
The response from Ianto was a change in breathing as the sedative in the Retcon worked it's magic and Ianto was asleep.
"We can start trying in the morning," Jack whispered and carried the sleeping man to bed.
"Happy anniversary, my dear husband. I love you." Ianto seemed to smile in his sleep as if to say yes to Jack's idea to start a family of their own. "We're going to make gorgeous babies," Jack continued to make plans for how many children they would have, what they would look like and which of them they would take after.
The curtain on the past fell, losing that chapter forever and a new curtain began to rise on the next generation for the Harkness-Jones family. Or did it?
The End!
Epilogue coming tomorrow.
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4