Beer: Because Bad Ideas Seem Like Good Ideas the More You Drink
Title:Beer: Because Bad Ideas Seem Like Good Ideas the More You Drink
Author:Iantojjackh
Summary: Continuation of the escapades of a drunk Ianto. Things go from bad to worse for the dynamic duo.
Characters: Ianto/Jack and a surprise visitor at the end.
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Drunk shenanigans.
Notes: A follow-up to Beer: The Cure All. Please forgive any craziness as a good bit of this was written when I had a fever and the boys tend to do funny things as a result. Any mistakes are my own.
Beer: Because Bad Ideas Seem Like Good Ideas the More You Drink
Why don't I save us the trip and I suck you off right here?
Jack never knew what it felt like to be embarrassed until this moment. Forty or so sets of eyes were all upon him and Ianto, waiting for either man to make the next move. He knew he had to chose his next words carefully because he did not want to further set off Ianto as he had no idea why his Welshman was mad at him. Any other day he would have been up for a public show, but the fury in Ianto's eye said that if he suggested it that Owen would be reattaching his manhood by morning. "What did I do? Why are you so mad?" Jack was really clueless and if he had an inkling what was wrong he would try to fix it.
Ianto laughed in manner so menacing that it made Jack's blood run cold. "How many times did you fuck the bride while the groom watched?"
"This is about Gwen? It was her wedding day," Jack pointed out the obvious.
"If you don't get it then you never will or you don't want to." Ianto rolled his eyes. What he had meant was in his last statement and if Jack could did not see it then he was a bigger fool than Ianto gave him credit for. "Goodbye Jack," the fuming Welshman removed his tie and tossed it around the Captain's neck. With a wink and a sneer Ianto stumbled out of the bar, never feeling more free than this moment.
Ianto fumbled with his keys when he got to his car, unable to put the key in the lock. It took a minute for him to complete the simple task and another minute to turn the key and open the door. It did not matter that he was in no state to drive anywhere. Ianto needed to put as much distance between him and Jack as possible.
"Are you crazy or just stupid?" An arm reached around Ianto and slammed the car door shut.
"Right now, probably a bit of both," Ianto turned and scowled at Jack who was trying to be intimidating, but Ianto was immune to the Harkness scowl for a while. "I don't want to see you right now. So I suggest you go brood on a roof, sir. It's what you are good at."
"And let you wrap your car around a tree? I don't think so," Jack grabbed the keys that dangled from the door. All the times he had seen Ianto drunk in the past he was never a nasty belligerent drunk, but most of those times they had gone out as a group or had been playing naked hide and seek and those times Ianto usually got very frisky. The use of the word sir showcased how angry Ianto really was and Jack was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Give those back," Ianto growled. "What's it to you if I die? That way you only have Rhys standing between you and the one your loins weep for."
"I'm not having this discussion with you while you are drunk." Jack snapped, hurt that this is what Ianto really thought of him.
"Why? Because we would never have it if I was sober? Does the truth hurt your wittle feelings?" Ianto said condescendingly.
"You're an arse!" Jack pointed his finger right in Ianto's face, wondering if he had been taken lessons on being a prat from Owen.
"And you are the king of arses," Ianto took the finger as an invitation for trouble as his immaturity level was less than half his age and he bit down hard on the finger that was in his face.
If Ianto was going to act like a child then Jack was going to treat him as such and before the drunk Welshman could react, Jack had the younger man pressed up against his car, Ianto's chest pressed into the cold dark metal and gave him several hard smacks to the buttocks.
"What the hell? Why did you spank me?" Ianto asked, eyes wide with shock as he held his sore backside.
"Because you bit me." Jack could do immature with the best of them.
"So you spanked me? Is thinking of sex as natural as breathing for you?" Ianto already knew the answer to the second question and he regretted it the moment the words left his lips. "Which goes back to my original question, how many times did you fuck Gwen while Rhys watched?"
Jack was quickly losing what was left of his self-control. He tried to be patient knowing Ianto was drunk and not thinking at all, but in a surprising turn of events, Jack found himself hurt that this is what Ianto really thought so little of their relationship, how ever odd and twisted it was. "I have no interest Gwen like that. What would make you think something crazy like that?"
"Don't treat me like an idiot, Jack." Ianto shook his head in disbelief. Either Jack was the most arrogant person to ever walk the Earth or just the stupidest. "I don't even know why I'm upset over this. It's stupid. It was fun while it lasted, but I think it's time we moved on. Stop with all the sex and all the flirting. You should never sleep around with someone you work with. Let alone your boss. So this is really for the best. See you in the morning, sir," he stuffed hands into his pockets and began to walk away. The speech had been cathartic and Ianto felt like things were starting to look up or it could be the false euphoria from the alcohol.
"It wasn't just about the sex with you. Not anymore. Not for a while," Jack's mouth moved before his brain processed what it was saying. His arm shot out and grabbed Ianto before he could walk away. Jack was not going to give up without a fight and he hoped that everything Ianto had said was only because of the alcohol.
"Let go." Ianto wretched his arm free and shoved Jack away, giving him time to make an exit. He did not and could not believe Jack's words to be true. "It's over." Ianto thought it always would be Jack to say those words, but here he was, Ianto Jones was finally saying no more to Jack Harkness.
"Ianto, I'm sorry for upsetting you. I don't want to end things with us." At this point Jack was above begging. Sometimes it took almost losing someone or something to realised how much they mean.
"Why? What's the point? I'm tired of the games and I don't want to play with you anymore." Ianto was not angry or upset anymore because the beers masked what his heart was really screaming for; to be loved by the impossible man in front of him.
"Because," Jack straighten up, a serious expression carved into his face. "Because there is one, as you so eloquently put it, that my loins weep for and the same can be said for my heart." The immortal captain was not sure where the oddly sappy sentiment came from. Weeping loins and weeping heart in one sentence was a unique combination to say the least.
In order to prove his point, Jack grabbed Ianto and kissed him senselessly, trying to make him see that their bond was not purely physical.
Ianto did not take kindly to the kiss and started to fight Jack off. He should have known Jack would have tried this.
First, Ianto tried to push Jack off him and when that did not work he kneed the other man square in the nuts.
The knee to the crotch felled Jack to his knees, taking Ianto with him. Next, the men rolled on the cold pavement, exchanging punches and alternating who was topping. Eventually the punches morphed into kisses.
A gentle kiss.
A punch to the jaw.
A nibble of the lip.
Roll over and pin the other down.
A bite to the neck, surely to leave a mark.
An elbow to the chest, stealing breath.
More kisses, hot and sloppy.
Hair pulling.
A bite of the tongue, drawing blood.
Finally hard cocks rubbed against each other through the layers of clothes and both refused to admit defeat. Each was determined to make the other come first as they held back their respective releases as long as possible. The only sound heard was the delectable moans the friction of their lower halves caused.
"Break it up, you two. You both are under arrest." The voice was a familiar one and one absent from the day's festivities. "And don't even think of pulling the Torchwood card. It's not going to get you out of this." There were quite a number of charges the men could be brought up on and Andy was not sure where to start.
"Ah, Andy so you really were working." Ianto tried to charm the PC, but it was clear it wouldn't work and the chances were high that he and Jack would be brought into the station.
'Perfect. Locked up with Jack for the night. Things couldn't get any better,' Ianto mused to himself and rolled his eyes. The only satisfaction he had was that he had won this battle of wills with Jack who had a very noticeable wet stain on the front of his trousers and it did not matter that there was a huge bulge in the front of his.
Author:Iantojjackh
Summary: Continuation of the escapades of a drunk Ianto. Things go from bad to worse for the dynamic duo.
Characters: Ianto/Jack and a surprise visitor at the end.
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Drunk shenanigans.
Notes: A follow-up to Beer: The Cure All. Please forgive any craziness as a good bit of this was written when I had a fever and the boys tend to do funny things as a result. Any mistakes are my own.
Beer: Because Bad Ideas Seem Like Good Ideas the More You Drink
Why don't I save us the trip and I suck you off right here?
Jack never knew what it felt like to be embarrassed until this moment. Forty or so sets of eyes were all upon him and Ianto, waiting for either man to make the next move. He knew he had to chose his next words carefully because he did not want to further set off Ianto as he had no idea why his Welshman was mad at him. Any other day he would have been up for a public show, but the fury in Ianto's eye said that if he suggested it that Owen would be reattaching his manhood by morning. "What did I do? Why are you so mad?" Jack was really clueless and if he had an inkling what was wrong he would try to fix it.
Ianto laughed in manner so menacing that it made Jack's blood run cold. "How many times did you fuck the bride while the groom watched?"
"This is about Gwen? It was her wedding day," Jack pointed out the obvious.
"If you don't get it then you never will or you don't want to." Ianto rolled his eyes. What he had meant was in his last statement and if Jack could did not see it then he was a bigger fool than Ianto gave him credit for. "Goodbye Jack," the fuming Welshman removed his tie and tossed it around the Captain's neck. With a wink and a sneer Ianto stumbled out of the bar, never feeling more free than this moment.
Ianto fumbled with his keys when he got to his car, unable to put the key in the lock. It took a minute for him to complete the simple task and another minute to turn the key and open the door. It did not matter that he was in no state to drive anywhere. Ianto needed to put as much distance between him and Jack as possible.
"Are you crazy or just stupid?" An arm reached around Ianto and slammed the car door shut.
"Right now, probably a bit of both," Ianto turned and scowled at Jack who was trying to be intimidating, but Ianto was immune to the Harkness scowl for a while. "I don't want to see you right now. So I suggest you go brood on a roof, sir. It's what you are good at."
"And let you wrap your car around a tree? I don't think so," Jack grabbed the keys that dangled from the door. All the times he had seen Ianto drunk in the past he was never a nasty belligerent drunk, but most of those times they had gone out as a group or had been playing naked hide and seek and those times Ianto usually got very frisky. The use of the word sir showcased how angry Ianto really was and Jack was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Give those back," Ianto growled. "What's it to you if I die? That way you only have Rhys standing between you and the one your loins weep for."
"I'm not having this discussion with you while you are drunk." Jack snapped, hurt that this is what Ianto really thought of him.
"Why? Because we would never have it if I was sober? Does the truth hurt your wittle feelings?" Ianto said condescendingly.
"You're an arse!" Jack pointed his finger right in Ianto's face, wondering if he had been taken lessons on being a prat from Owen.
"And you are the king of arses," Ianto took the finger as an invitation for trouble as his immaturity level was less than half his age and he bit down hard on the finger that was in his face.
If Ianto was going to act like a child then Jack was going to treat him as such and before the drunk Welshman could react, Jack had the younger man pressed up against his car, Ianto's chest pressed into the cold dark metal and gave him several hard smacks to the buttocks.
"What the hell? Why did you spank me?" Ianto asked, eyes wide with shock as he held his sore backside.
"Because you bit me." Jack could do immature with the best of them.
"So you spanked me? Is thinking of sex as natural as breathing for you?" Ianto already knew the answer to the second question and he regretted it the moment the words left his lips. "Which goes back to my original question, how many times did you fuck Gwen while Rhys watched?"
Jack was quickly losing what was left of his self-control. He tried to be patient knowing Ianto was drunk and not thinking at all, but in a surprising turn of events, Jack found himself hurt that this is what Ianto really thought so little of their relationship, how ever odd and twisted it was. "I have no interest Gwen like that. What would make you think something crazy like that?"
"Don't treat me like an idiot, Jack." Ianto shook his head in disbelief. Either Jack was the most arrogant person to ever walk the Earth or just the stupidest. "I don't even know why I'm upset over this. It's stupid. It was fun while it lasted, but I think it's time we moved on. Stop with all the sex and all the flirting. You should never sleep around with someone you work with. Let alone your boss. So this is really for the best. See you in the morning, sir," he stuffed hands into his pockets and began to walk away. The speech had been cathartic and Ianto felt like things were starting to look up or it could be the false euphoria from the alcohol.
"It wasn't just about the sex with you. Not anymore. Not for a while," Jack's mouth moved before his brain processed what it was saying. His arm shot out and grabbed Ianto before he could walk away. Jack was not going to give up without a fight and he hoped that everything Ianto had said was only because of the alcohol.
"Let go." Ianto wretched his arm free and shoved Jack away, giving him time to make an exit. He did not and could not believe Jack's words to be true. "It's over." Ianto thought it always would be Jack to say those words, but here he was, Ianto Jones was finally saying no more to Jack Harkness.
"Ianto, I'm sorry for upsetting you. I don't want to end things with us." At this point Jack was above begging. Sometimes it took almost losing someone or something to realised how much they mean.
"Why? What's the point? I'm tired of the games and I don't want to play with you anymore." Ianto was not angry or upset anymore because the beers masked what his heart was really screaming for; to be loved by the impossible man in front of him.
"Because," Jack straighten up, a serious expression carved into his face. "Because there is one, as you so eloquently put it, that my loins weep for and the same can be said for my heart." The immortal captain was not sure where the oddly sappy sentiment came from. Weeping loins and weeping heart in one sentence was a unique combination to say the least.
In order to prove his point, Jack grabbed Ianto and kissed him senselessly, trying to make him see that their bond was not purely physical.
Ianto did not take kindly to the kiss and started to fight Jack off. He should have known Jack would have tried this.
First, Ianto tried to push Jack off him and when that did not work he kneed the other man square in the nuts.
The knee to the crotch felled Jack to his knees, taking Ianto with him. Next, the men rolled on the cold pavement, exchanging punches and alternating who was topping. Eventually the punches morphed into kisses.
A gentle kiss.
A punch to the jaw.
A nibble of the lip.
Roll over and pin the other down.
A bite to the neck, surely to leave a mark.
An elbow to the chest, stealing breath.
More kisses, hot and sloppy.
Hair pulling.
A bite of the tongue, drawing blood.
Finally hard cocks rubbed against each other through the layers of clothes and both refused to admit defeat. Each was determined to make the other come first as they held back their respective releases as long as possible. The only sound heard was the delectable moans the friction of their lower halves caused.
"Break it up, you two. You both are under arrest." The voice was a familiar one and one absent from the day's festivities. "And don't even think of pulling the Torchwood card. It's not going to get you out of this." There were quite a number of charges the men could be brought up on and Andy was not sure where to start.
"Ah, Andy so you really were working." Ianto tried to charm the PC, but it was clear it wouldn't work and the chances were high that he and Jack would be brought into the station.
'Perfect. Locked up with Jack for the night. Things couldn't get any better,' Ianto mused to himself and rolled his eyes. The only satisfaction he had was that he had won this battle of wills with Jack who had a very noticeable wet stain on the front of his trousers and it did not matter that there was a huge bulge in the front of his.