First Blood
Title: First Blood
Author: iantojjackh
Summary: Gwen had been warned about careful handling of alien tech countless times and the lesson never seemed to sink in and this time Jack was the one to pay the price for her carelessness
Rating: R
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Warnings: This was written for genderbend day at comment_fic. There is also some crackiness in this story. Read at your own risk. This is why I should not be allowed four day weekends, my brain does funny stuff. Fills surprise sexswap (wild card) prompt for hC-bingo
First Blood
It had been five weeks since the accident that changed Jack's existence as he knew it. Gwen had been warned about careful handling of alien tech countless times and the lesson never seemed to sink in and this time Jack was the one to pay the price for her carelessness.
At first Jack was okay with the change. Maybe more than okay. This was Jack after all. It was something new. Something fun. Not to mention Ianto really knew how to pleasure a woman. The Welshman's talents knew no bounds. Jack was tempted to write a book on the things the man could do with his tongue.
After a particularly wild night, Jack woke up in agony. The pain. Oh lords, the pain was nothing like Jack had ever experienced. It was like someone stabbed his lower abdomen with a million hot knifes. He whimpered and curled into a tight ball.
"Ianto!" He cried out, hearing noises from the kitchen. When the man didn't come running immediately, Jack cried out pitifully again. Still his cries were met with no attention paid to them. "I think I'm dying in here and my breasts really hurt." So says the man who cannot die.
Jack suddenly felt between his legs get slick and wondered why his mind let him get turned on when he was in so much pain. Jack knew what it was to be horny from his many years alive, but he had never been so much so as he had been the last few days. The boardroom table had seen more action in the last three days than in the whole time it had been in the hub and no one seemed to notice the broken leg yet. Jack thought if he could only make it to the bathroom that a hot bath would help with the pain.
"IANTOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Jack yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw blood on the sheets.
"What is it, Jackie?" Ianto finally appeared in the door away, huffing with annoyance and the front of his shirt soaked. "I was doing the dishes."
"It hurts. Never had pain like this. I think you broke something last night." Jack pointed out the blood on the sheet. He was back into a tight ball, rocking back and forth. "Could something have ripped with your pounding?"
"Come, let's get you to the bathroom," Ianto tried not to laugh. The situation was not funny, but it was. Owen had mentioned that this was a possibility and no one but Ianto took notice because at the time Jack was too interested in playing with his new sizable breasts to pay attention to the medic's explanation of the changes to his body.
"What's so funny? You did this to me and you're laughing? This is not funny! What did I ever do to you?" Hormones took over and the captain was borderline hysterical. "I hate you! Don't touch me. And don't call me Jackie!" Jack slapped Ianto's hand away.
"This is why I don't miss living with a woman." Ianto deadpanned and rolled his eyes. "Owen said this could happen, but did you listen? No, you were having fun with the Meloni sisters there." He motioned to the large mounds hanging from Jack's chest.
"What are you talking about?"
Ianto put on a fake sweet voice, "There comes a time in every girl's life when she becomes a woman."
"You mean when you popped my cherry a month ago?" Jack's mind was clearly still on sex.
Ianto slapped his hand to his forehead. "No. Not that. Have you heard of menstruation?" He felt stupid now as well, knowing if all Jack's internal plumbing was now female that their sexcapdes could have easily resulted in pregnancy. Luckily, the fact that Jack was bleeding that the chances of that were low.
"Menstruation? What? No way. This is what Tosh and Gwen complain about when I think I'm not listening. I thought it wasn't so bad. How do they deal with this?" Jack acted as if the world would end as long as he was in pain. "How many more hours must I suffer in this incredible agony?"
"Why don't you ask Gwen that?" Ianto slowly backed out of the room. He was not going to be the one to tell him that it could be up to a week. The situation was Gwen's fault, so explaining this to Jack could be her punishment. "I'll get you some chocolate. That will help. Here I'll even dial Gwen's number for you." Ianto tossed the ringing mobile to Jack and made a break for the front door before the fireworks began.
Author: iantojjackh
Summary: Gwen had been warned about careful handling of alien tech countless times and the lesson never seemed to sink in and this time Jack was the one to pay the price for her carelessness
Rating: R
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Warnings: This was written for genderbend day at comment_fic. There is also some crackiness in this story. Read at your own risk. This is why I should not be allowed four day weekends, my brain does funny stuff. Fills surprise sexswap (wild card) prompt for hC-bingo
First Blood
It had been five weeks since the accident that changed Jack's existence as he knew it. Gwen had been warned about careful handling of alien tech countless times and the lesson never seemed to sink in and this time Jack was the one to pay the price for her carelessness.
At first Jack was okay with the change. Maybe more than okay. This was Jack after all. It was something new. Something fun. Not to mention Ianto really knew how to pleasure a woman. The Welshman's talents knew no bounds. Jack was tempted to write a book on the things the man could do with his tongue.
After a particularly wild night, Jack woke up in agony. The pain. Oh lords, the pain was nothing like Jack had ever experienced. It was like someone stabbed his lower abdomen with a million hot knifes. He whimpered and curled into a tight ball.
"Ianto!" He cried out, hearing noises from the kitchen. When the man didn't come running immediately, Jack cried out pitifully again. Still his cries were met with no attention paid to them. "I think I'm dying in here and my breasts really hurt." So says the man who cannot die.
Jack suddenly felt between his legs get slick and wondered why his mind let him get turned on when he was in so much pain. Jack knew what it was to be horny from his many years alive, but he had never been so much so as he had been the last few days. The boardroom table had seen more action in the last three days than in the whole time it had been in the hub and no one seemed to notice the broken leg yet. Jack thought if he could only make it to the bathroom that a hot bath would help with the pain.
"IANTOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Jack yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw blood on the sheets.
"What is it, Jackie?" Ianto finally appeared in the door away, huffing with annoyance and the front of his shirt soaked. "I was doing the dishes."
"It hurts. Never had pain like this. I think you broke something last night." Jack pointed out the blood on the sheet. He was back into a tight ball, rocking back and forth. "Could something have ripped with your pounding?"
"Come, let's get you to the bathroom," Ianto tried not to laugh. The situation was not funny, but it was. Owen had mentioned that this was a possibility and no one but Ianto took notice because at the time Jack was too interested in playing with his new sizable breasts to pay attention to the medic's explanation of the changes to his body.
"What's so funny? You did this to me and you're laughing? This is not funny! What did I ever do to you?" Hormones took over and the captain was borderline hysterical. "I hate you! Don't touch me. And don't call me Jackie!" Jack slapped Ianto's hand away.
"This is why I don't miss living with a woman." Ianto deadpanned and rolled his eyes. "Owen said this could happen, but did you listen? No, you were having fun with the Meloni sisters there." He motioned to the large mounds hanging from Jack's chest.
"What are you talking about?"
Ianto put on a fake sweet voice, "There comes a time in every girl's life when she becomes a woman."
"You mean when you popped my cherry a month ago?" Jack's mind was clearly still on sex.
Ianto slapped his hand to his forehead. "No. Not that. Have you heard of menstruation?" He felt stupid now as well, knowing if all Jack's internal plumbing was now female that their sexcapdes could have easily resulted in pregnancy. Luckily, the fact that Jack was bleeding that the chances of that were low.
"Menstruation? What? No way. This is what Tosh and Gwen complain about when I think I'm not listening. I thought it wasn't so bad. How do they deal with this?" Jack acted as if the world would end as long as he was in pain. "How many more hours must I suffer in this incredible agony?"
"Why don't you ask Gwen that?" Ianto slowly backed out of the room. He was not going to be the one to tell him that it could be up to a week. The situation was Gwen's fault, so explaining this to Jack could be her punishment. "I'll get you some chocolate. That will help. Here I'll even dial Gwen's number for you." Ianto tossed the ringing mobile to Jack and made a break for the front door before the fireworks began.